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The Joke Thread

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Q: What do you call the following situation: a large number of rabbits all standing side by side, and they all simultaneously take a step backwards.

A: a receding hareline.

And those name jokes never get old. Spent some 6 hours one sunday morning coming up with the worst jokes ever about people's names. Here are some off the top of my head:

Drew was an artist in a past life.

Phil was never empty.

Rodney had a terrible accident as a child and needs crutches to get around. (rod knee)

Patrick's grandfather was a magician. ('pa trick)

Oliver has hepatitis and moans about it constantly. (O' liver)

Yes, they were very bad, and these are the better ones that I can remember. And to think it was endlessly hilarious at the time.
 
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^OOer you might get done under the trades descrition act if you keep on pushing those as jokes SN, I know I know I have posted fuckall but that's coz I have no sense of humour and no memory .









zophen
 
What's the difference between a rabbit and a hare?

I usually don't go to the barber shop to cut my rabbit!

I shall get my coat, thank you.
 
duck_racer said:
Two men strike up a conversation at a beekeeping convention.

"I've got 5000 bees and ten hives. How about you?"
"I've get 2 million bees and one hive.
"2million bees and only 1 hive!!!???!!!"
"Yeah, fuck 'em, they're only bees."
Click to expand...

legend of a joke
 
A man drove up to me yesterday, wound his window down and asked;

"Can you direct me to Capital building?"

To which I replied,

"Of course! Drive to the end of the road and turn left, at the end of that road turn left, at the end of the road turn left again and finaly take the next left of that road and your there."

The driver stared quizzically at me and said,

"But that would bring me back here."

And I replied,

"That's correct it's just across the road"
 
xtcxtc said:
If World War Two had been an online Real Ttime Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*
Click to expand...


Haha that's hilarious :D
 
Nowhere else on BL could I get away with such a bad joke, so I re-visit.

Person A,( casually walking up to make inane conversation by water dispenser in grey office):

You know on the anniversary of the attacks in New York, the terrorists have begun targeting Hollywood actresses? There's even been one confirmed fatality, it was Reese...... umm, you know, that chick, Reese......????

person B: Witherspoon.

Person A: No, with a bomb.
 
This is a really bad joke ..


Why do monkeys get lost...

* rasta accent * Jungle is Massive!
 
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did you hear about the dutchman with inflatable shoes?

he popped his cloggs.


why did the man sleep under the oil drum?

because he wanted to get up oily.


What happened to the guy that fell down the well?

He kicked the bucket.


I was going hunting with my dad the other day, on the way we saw a sign that said 'bear left' so we went home.
 
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