The Joke Thread - Try and make it funny, eh?

[strungout2010]

What goes: Bang! Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack... Roar?Paralympic 110m hurdles.

 

[strungout2010]

what's pink and sits on the doormat? whitney houston's valentines cards.

 

[strungout2010]

A boy comes home from school at 7pm, his dad says "Where the fuck have you been?"

"I was with Mandy" he replies."

"What were you doing?"

"We were revising dad ok....." he says.

After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely".

Dad replies "Wash your hands son, they're fucking donuts."

 

[strungout2010]

What's whitney Houston and a spider got in common?
There both **have fuzzy hair** and neither can get out of the bath !

 

[swanhaggisman]

What's six inches long and doesn't get sucked any more?

Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

 

[strungout2010]

Valentines Day Meal: £70.00
Drinks : £50.00
Taxi : £20
Hotel : £200
The look on your face when she tells you she's on her period - PRICELESS
The look on her smug face when you say it's going up her arse - EPIC

 

[Shambles]

^ Bring a friend along and that's a potential peanut butter and jam sandwich, no?

 

[YellowPolkaDotHalo]

well jelly here

 

[Shambles]

Jam is one thing (yum ) but jelly is just fuckin' wrong

KY excepted, naturally.

 

[YellowPolkaDotHalo]

gob?

 

[Shambles]

Spit 'n' polish ftmfw

 

[YellowPolkaDotHalo]

try my ear wax

and thanks for all the hearts.

MINE

 

[Shambles]

Ear wax is a tad bitter, no? Meh. Not me tasting it during fag breaks I suppose.

PS:

 

[strungout2010]

@ Shambles

One in the pink
One in the stink

It's all good to me , you can choose first brother !

 

[thecamelduluxe]

Picked up a bag off my dealer earlier and said,"What's with the picture of Jeremy Clarkson on the packet?"

"It's top gear mate."

 

[maxalfie]

A woman goes to her Doctor with a golf ball stuck up her bum.
The doctor takes a look and says 'um,it's stuck up a fairway'.

 

[strungout2010]

BREAKING NEWS!!! Luis Suarez has been arrested for the murder of Whitney Houston in a racially motivated attack. Eye-witness Patrice Evra says he saw Suarez kill her at least 10 times. Sir Alex Ferguson has called for the death penalty. Kenny Dalglish says he has never heard of Whitney Houston and has questioned whether she ever actually existed. Howard Webb said he'd seen it and agrees with Ferguson its a definite a death penalty !

 

[strungout2010]

NEWSFLASH:
Bobby Brown has been found dead at his mansion in LA. Apparently suicide. Early reports indicate that the singer left a note saying "Two can play that game''!!!!!!

 

[strungout2010]

I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"

"Yesterday?" I replied.

 

[strungout2010]

Whats old, black, wrinkled and floats in the bath ?

No, you sick bastard. It's not Whitney Houston.

It's Trevor Mcdonald's ballbag.