It?s been a long time coming but last weekend I decided to re explore the high dose ego death experience (600mic+ - can?t actually remember how much I took as time got a bit sqiffy). Suffice to say it felt life changing, like a reboot for the soul.
At the same time it was a seriously difficult experience, where I thought I had killed myself (and possibly the universal consciousness, as perhaps all experience is simultaneous and therefore death occurs at the same time for everything - at least that?s where my thoughts where at the time). I realise now I should have had a trip sitter as I could have seriously got into trouble.
Thankfully nothing too bad happened apart from getting locked out of my flat in my boxers and therefore having to make my way to my mums house to get a spare key. Some passing police men took pity on me and gave me a lift. (Actually I guess that?s pretty bad lol) I?m so thankful that they didn?t try and arrest me or anything! What lovely people!
Anyway, my mom being the lovley understanding person she is she knew exactly what to do, gave me some tea and some toast and her spare bed while I re intergrated with my ego. I now feel I can truly move on from my past (I?ve had some pretty bad years in my twenties - 33 now). Feeling like you are dying really puts things in perspective. And the thing I realised through all of it is, I?m ok with who I am, and life is pretty good.
I?ll write a proper trip report for once later on, with all necessary caveats about how I should have been more responsible and had someone looking out for me where I was (harm reduction being the name of the game and all). But for now I just wanted to get this off my chest. ACID IS SUCH AN AMAZING TOOL BUT MUST BE TREATED WITH RESPECT.
Haha, wow, that must have been concerning getting locked out of your flat.
Sounds like a great time though, I actually did the same dose, 600ug, in the first week of this year, it was kind of impromptu though so I pussied out after about an hour and dosed 20mg diazepam which probably muted the experience somewhat, but it was still one of the most powerful psychedelic experiences I've had to date, if not the most. I didn't really go outside as I dosed late in the evening, obviously a small flat some would say is not the ideal setting for a solo megadose but, I enjoyed myself. I really identified with what you said about realising you're OK with who you are and life is pretty good, I was going through some stuff at the time also (arguably I still am, if different stuff, but aren't we all
) and I remember one of the most profound realisations I had was that I could trust myself, and trust in my own ability to look after myself, and that really despite all the distractions of daily life that can make us forget these things, I already had everything I needed to be happy on my path through the incredible, fascinating journey of life.
Honestly for me LSD is one of the friendliest of the classical psychedelics I've done, even in fairly high doses, with probably the most lucid "lessons" and the smoothest reintegration process. Compared to, say, Psilocin, which can be friendly but equally can be far more alien in some ways. Even Metocin (which to me is like Psilocin without a lot of the deeper transcendent aspects) can be pretty lucid but is still just a lot weirder. They are all beautiful substances in their own right of course, but this is just my observation and personal experience.