-The- Heroin & Opioid Mega Discussion Thread (Volumes 1+2 Merged)

[maxalfie]

Use my methadone and wait till Friday when I get paid so I can go and score again

 

[yuhhhhh]

I doubt people will know the bruising is from iv use.

i started dating a girl recently and she called me out on the bruising, saying she was "checking out my track marks." if our relationship progresses i would like to be honest with her but being the second date i had been on with this girl i lied and said it was the result of a faulty IV i had received in the hospital. i don't believe that everyone deserves to know the full story since not everyone has my best intentions in mind but there's no doubt i am still dealing with the shame of addiction.

the bruising doesn't seem to be getting any better but it doesn't bother me quite as much as it did when i made the previous post. but obviously i would love for it to fade somewhat if not vanish completely.

 

[maxalfie]

^_^ I don't know how long you have been injecting for but I found that when I first started injecting I would bruise easily but the longer I carried on injecting my skin toughend up and I stopped bruising altogether.

 

[SciCo]

I wonder how many people try heroin more than a few times and don't regret it. If I get a steady supply I don't trust myself not to get carried away.

I wonder if the notion of a semi-regular and happy/successful heroin user is just a myth. Or do they exist, and we just don't hear about them because the trainwrecks are more visible?

I wonder this too. Not that I have that much experience, only used off and on in binges for about 3 months and haven't used for over a month. This has been pretty hard not having anything, even with such relatively minimal usage up to this point. This isn't a fun, recreational thing. Heroin is a job.

 

[SciCo]

I've only injected I think a total of four or five times; first few times nothing, but the last two times I bruised up bad.

 

[cire113]

Well I'm in sub.. Was hoping to get my last script of 3,000mg of oxy to last me on a nice 5-6 day binge; but it appears the pharmacy has taken my script and instead of filling it; destroyed it...

Honestly it's prob for the better; it's stupid anyways been there done that too many times; just gonna get me strung out feel like shit and come down hard...

And it's kinds sad how hard it is to quit sub I might just be on this shit forever pffttt

 

[deadphish91]

New guy here been on and off heroin for about 3 months now, before that I took Vicodins 3-4 times a week for about 6 months
I really want to quit because I have so much life ahead of me, I am only 20.
But everything seems so hopeless without drugs, and i suffer from chronic pain caused by ankylosing spondylitis
and severe anxiety so not having dope makes those so much worse

I am just so lost and have not clue what to do so any advice would be wonderful

 

[SciCo]

OMG dope.

Fuck this drug.

Talk about regret.

 

[Ego Death]

quitting is always an option...

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Have you tried quitting before?

There are a few good options out there.

 

[SececaRD]

In those 6 words that the poster wrote is a whole mouthful.

I needed to hear those words to remember how bad it really was.

Took me 7 years to quit, get the ball rolling now till its too late.

Sean

 

[spoodle]

I'm still a little high from mxe right now... that definately has some mu action. Been doing it every day for the past week along with the usual kratom moderate to heavy daily (going on a year) and 2mg cloneazepam daily also.

So to get to the point,
I was thinking if I should use my reciprocating-saw to cut off one of my toes in order to try to get a legitimate lifetime prescription for opiates. I'm serious. I am a really bad insomniac, (even sober, yes I've actually been sober for over a year before).

I've been a junkie going on 6 or 7 years & been on methadone and suboxone over a year each respectively and gone clean for periods countless times. I don't want suboxone, I don't want methadone, I want some goddamn morphine or oxy maintenence.

I've OD'd twice, the second time I was hit with narcan and flumazenil to be resuscitated I came REALLY close to dying because the hot-shot (yes $20 can buy enough dope to kill a person if you cop at the right/wrong corner) slowed my heart to the point of not pumping blood right ontop of barely breathing. I was found facedown by a loved one with labored shallow breathing, aspirating blood, in a shallow pool of blood and sputum. I coughed up blood for over a day in the ICU when they admitted me. That happened nearing a year ago, and I've been on kratom since... self-maintenance, tapered off, relapsed w h again then back on kratom maintenance with a stretch of pods somewhere in there.

I've been to multiple both in and outpatient rehab programs and more NA and AA meetings than I can fucking stand the thought of it makes me want to throw up right now... well over 6-700 12 steppers jeezus. I have a headache

This shit is so old hat, I've come to accept that I NEED maintenance to keep off the streets and keep out of jail.

I have a bad back too from being in 5 or 6 car accidents in my life, working data cabling construction (a lot more physically taxing than you'd think), computer chair sitting, etc, but apparently my primary care physican does not want me on opiates and tried to give me some shit called methylcarbamol or some shit to shoo me away without giving me the goods because he knows I'm an ex H addict and won't Rx me opes.

I can't stand this shit, continuous kratom kills the cravings but I'm still in pain w my back and I wake up dope sick after about 6 hrs like clockwork and its fucked my sleep schedule for the longest time, I run like clockwork when I have opiates to flip the "time for sleep" switch and am all good to go. I'm 27 but I look like I'm 20 b/c of lack of serious facial hair development. I dunno if me being young has shit to do with them not wanting to give me happy pills or what...

WTF do I have to do to get a fucking lifetime prescription to one of the stronger narcotics so I don't go straight back to heroin when I get my drivers license back in x months???? I'm seriously coming closer to the toe dismemberment thing

 

[effie]

Spoodle - I'm so sorry to hear how tough things are at the moment

I can't pretend I know exactly how you feel, but I do know what it feels like when everything is getting too much and you are exhausted and feel like there is no hope. It sounds like you really have had enough at the moment. Thank you for posting your story up here, I know it isn't easy saying these things out loud (or typing them!) but I hope it has helped you a little bit.

I'll tackle the issue that leaps out at me first - your thoughts of amputating a toe. This is a very extreme thing to be considering! I can't see it helping your situation at all. You might get a small script of opioids, but certainly nothing long term - it would only ever be a temporary solution, but having no toe is something that would be permanent! Also, as you'd be taking the opioids to treat the pain resulting from your amputation, you may well find that you don't notice any of the other opioid effects with them.. From a purely practical perspective I don't think it would work at all, I think it would just make matters worse. Plus something like that would ring huge alarm bells for any doctor treating you, and you would certainly be referred for a psychiatric evaluation, if not admitted to a psychiatric ward..

From a psychological perspective - it isn't a healthy thought process to be having. I'm not saying you are "abnormal" at all (hate that word) - but clearly you are completely exhausted and are reaching the limits of what you can cope with, and are searching for desperate solutions. I really think you need to get some help with this. You have so much to cope with at the moment - some professional psychological support sounds like it is needed. I would strongly advise you to seek some professional help, but as well as that, do you have any sort of support structure you can call on to help you at the moment? Friends, family, anyone you trust? If you do, please reach out. If not, please keep talking to us.. (keep talking to us anyway!)

Why was it that Suboxone and methadone didn't work for you? I know a lot of heroin addicts would much prefer morphine, oxycodone or diamorphine maintenance, but unfortunately it isn't something that is available.. what was it that didn't work with the regular maintenance for you? It definitely sounds like you need to be on something, as you've clearly given NA and abstenance your best possible shot, and it hasn't worked - which is fine, it definitely doesn't suit everyone..

Are there any other factors in your life that are keeping you tied to heroin? Social situation, psychological issues etc.. is there anything that could be tackled from a different angle, to help address any underlying factors in your addiction and make your life a little easier?

Having chronic pain as well must make things a lot harder. Have you seen a pain specialist? Unfortunately, doctors often are wary of prescribing opioids to heroin addicts/ex-addicts.. however, methadone/buprenorphine also act as pain killers, so a maintenance programme might help your back pain too. There are a lot of non-opioid options out there as well - have you tried those? Things like NSAID painkillers, gabapentin/pregabalin (Neurontin/Lyrica), physiotherapy, muscle relaxants, TENS, acupuncture.. a pain specialist would know more about your options than your primary care physician I think. Tackling your pain might make it easier to tackle your addiction, as it is very hard trying to fight two things at once.. and your physical and mental state interact and have such a huge effect on each other. Insomnia certainly doesnt help either! It makes even small difficulties insurmountable.. again, have you tried everything you can for this? Including sleep hygiene, relaxation techniques etc, as well as conventional medicine..

Please, reconsider your decision. I can see how much you are hurting and how desperate you are for some respite, but this isn't the answer.. if you get an urge to harm yourself in any way, please ring someone (friend/family member/ambulance/suicide or self harm hotline)..

Things will improve. Nothing lasts forever, everything changes, and I truly believe that your situation is not as hopeless as it feels to you at the moment

 

[batmanplaybaseball]

I wonder how many people try heroin more than a few times and don't regret it. If I get a steady supply I don't trust myself not to get carried away.

I wonder if the notion of a semi-regular and happy/successful heroin user is just a myth. Or do they exist, and we just don't hear about them because the trainwrecks are more visible?

There are people who get really sick from opiates and find them to be of no use.

Beyond that I will, at the cost of having no proof, i will wager that nobody, no one, uses opiates that way, at least once they have gone all the way to the hard, the raw, or whatever you choose to call heroin. Yes you might find one or two happy and proud to say thats how it works for them. But for each one you have at least one hundred more lurking and ashamed and damn sick addicted. Please someone try and give this a rebute, please. Note I am biased, I am clean, I was once an exception, and I remember justifying my own habit. If anyone can quit a decent heroin habit joyously then i welcome your response.

 

[OverDone]

I'm still a little high from mxe right now... that definately has some mu action. Been doing it every day for the past week along with the usual kratom moderate to heavy daily (going on a year) and 2mg cloneazepam daily also.

So to get to the point,
I was thinking if I should use my reciprocating-saw to cut off one of my toes in order to try to get a legitimate lifetime prescription for opiates. I'm serious. I am a really bad insomniac, (even sober, yes I've actually been sober for over a year before).

I've been a junkie going on 6 or 7 years & been on methadone and suboxone over a year each respectively and gone clean for periods countless times. I don't want suboxone, I don't want methadone, I want some goddamn morphine or oxy maintenence.

I've OD'd twice, the second time I was hit with narcan and flumazenil to be resuscitated I came REALLY close to dying because the hot-shot (yes $20 can buy enough dope to kill a person if you cop at the right/wrong corner) slowed my heart to the point of not pumping blood right ontop of barely breathing. I was found facedown by a loved one with labored shallow breathing, aspirating blood, in a shallow pool of blood and sputum. I coughed up blood for over a day in the ICU when they admitted me. That happened nearing a year ago, and I've been on kratom since... self-maintenance, tapered off, relapsed w h again then back on kratom maintenance with a stretch of pods somewhere in there.

I've been to multiple both in and outpatient rehab programs and more NA and AA meetings than I can fucking stand the thought of it makes me want to throw up right now... well over 6-700 12 steppers jeezus. I have a headache

This shit is so old hat, I've come to accept that I NEED maintenance to keep off the streets and keep out of jail.

I have a bad back too from being in 5 or 6 car accidents in my life, working data cabling construction (a lot more physically taxing than you'd think), computer chair sitting, etc, but apparently my primary care physican does not want me on opiates and tried to give me some shit called methylcarbamol or some shit to shoo me away without giving me the goods because he knows I'm an ex H addict and won't Rx me opes.

I can't stand this shit, continuous kratom kills the cravings but I'm still in pain w my back and I wake up dope sick after about 6 hrs like clockwork and its fucked my sleep schedule for the longest time, I run like clockwork when I have opiates to flip the "time for sleep" switch and am all good to go. I'm 27 but I look like I'm 20 b/c of lack of serious facial hair development. I dunno if me being young has shit to do with them not wanting to give me happy pills or what...

WTF do I have to do to get a fucking lifetime prescription to one of the stronger narcotics so I don't go straight back to heroin when I get my drivers license back in x months???? I'm seriously coming closer to the toe dismemberment thing

The toe thing isn't going to achieve the goals that you want and no other form of self injury/dismemberment will either. Tolerance builds quickly with opiates. You'll keep on chasing the concept of 'more' no matter what narcotics you would unrealistically be given.

Have you disqualified yourself from suboxone (or some other maintenance drug)? Or are you simply looking for the perfect solution to the answer all of us addicted folks ask: 'How can i make this last forever?'

Eventually, you're going to run out of toes

 

[paranoid android]

OD has a good point. I am legitimately given morphine for severe pain and after awile the shit's like nothing to you in terms of euphoria atleast. Hell after abit your lucky if it will even really kill pain. Your better off on the methadone since you don't build as quick of a tolerance to it. Also your bound to run out of toes then what are ya gonna do?

 

[nAON]

From a practical point of view - cutting off your toe isn't going to be diagnosed as a lifetime condition. You will have painkillers for the healing period (unlikely to be more than a week), but after that, you're just going to be stuck with a whole load of other issues - think not being able to run properly, phantom limb syndrome, etc. There really isn't anything you can do to yourself that is going to have you put on long-term painkillers, especially if your history is known, the first thing that's going to come to mind when you're being prescribed is if you're doing it to score.
And as others have said - you need to change perspective. 'I've come to accept that I NEED maintenance' isn't going to get you anywhere. Instead of thinking up extreme ways to get your fix, try thinking up extreme ways to help you get clean^

 

[WhiteLinesNcoffee]

Trapped within myself

dude i know the feeling. it erodes your soul

 

[WhiteLinesNcoffee]

Have you tried quitting before?

There are a few good options out there.

Methadone is a horrible option. especially if your like me and LOVE methadone
suboxone is an improvement to living on the needle. but its trading one dependency for another
its a battle that has to be fought at one point though. might as well get off.

i know this isnt a good thing. but i have found the <IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR FUCKING DOING> the easyiest most painless when to get through acute with drawls is, Meth, Ketamine, Imodium, plenty of gaterade and benzoes if u need them. and Seroquil to sleep at night.

Meth is digusting i am not a recreational user. but for me and alot of other people i have suggested this too it almost completely kills the wd's. combine that with the other substance i mentioned <in low doses> and never the k too soon before the serequil and if your taking benzoes dont take the seroquil. Also clonidine or however u spell it.

everything besides day 3 will be painless. and DONT Get tweaked just do enough to get out of bed and feel better.

thats how i got clean. and my friend who had amuch more serious habit <slammed 7 bags a day>. got off.

 

[SkagKush]

^ methadone is a bad idea?

but meth and ketamine is a good idea?

.....

right