Social The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

[n3ophy7e]

Hey, thanks. It happens more often than I care to admit but do. For decades. I think they tried to fix me but maybe I find some form of comfort in this. Maybe I hold shit to remind me of what kind of monster I can be. I don't know but not sure I wanna let that go. It's like my closest and most reliable friend as sick as that may seem. After the tears dry the world always seems a little brighter.
Checkin out that video that dalpat posted. See if I can glean a little more insight into this crazy talk.

Yep that makes sense, and is actually not that uncommon. People who suffer with chronic depression sometimes come to feel like it's a security blanket, the darkness is comforting because it becomes so familiar. I've definitely felt that way when I had major depression. It was like an indulgence to nestle down in to the darkness, rather than to pull myself out of it. If that makes sense?

 

[deficiT]

Maybe you just need a bit more time. You have come so far and I , for one, am proud of you. I know you are too

Yeah, time heals all wounds I reckon so I'm sure that is the case, either way I really appreciate you!

So yeah. I'm pleased to see how far you've come and where you're at now. And I agree to just give yourself more time too (and hopefully I've given a reason or two, if not a practical explanation or two, above for saying this and agreeing with @Pumpkin2021's input as already given with respect to giving yourself more time).

I do appreciate you taking the time to say all of this, and I'm really glad I was able to help support you before and that it was worth remembering for you. For the first time in my life, I think I'm just gonna be patient and let things happen as they may.

I'm posting a link here to one of my own threads

I will check out this other thread as well, soon as I get the chance!

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

SAD is a thing. I gotta have my yard work or garden or destroying and rebuilding parts of the house. If not, I will stay on that couch or in bed but that only lasts so long and I can't take it anymore an find something to get into. Used to be reaching and eating candy bars. For decades. Guess that got old, too. IDK but am glad the habit is gone.
This "depression" if we can call it that also goes back to the beginning. Cannot remember a time that this sadness didn't catch me off guard (mostly when eyes first open) and the tears would cascade. I get that a lot of this is due to shit I have done in the past and this cannot be undone. I have no excuses other than everyone else was doing it (well not everyone but enough lol). I am Ok with my past and have come to terms that what isdone cannot be undone and ya gotta take the crooked with the straight but fuck man I feel the pain I have caused in past lives and it shocks the fuck out of me at times WHY DO WE HURT OTHERS AND THE REST OF OUR SURROUNDINGS FOR FUCKS SAKE!?!?
gotta push back dont know what else to do but live with it and try to not do shit that wont take us down I wanna see the opposite and know it's too late.
Sorry

We are all unique....make us the same

Exactly. Can we work on doing that? lol

But something... just isn't right.

You fell that shit, deficiT? This is a normal for me for as long as I can remember. Like... something doesn't and wont add up. I feel that there is an illusion cast upon all aspects of our lives. It's all a "fantasy land" that is barely holding up. None of it is real. Ya see the chinks occasionally (unless ya obsessed with crackin the "code" {LOL}) and actively look for the incongruities - then ya done. hahaha
Off track, my bad.
I don't know what is the "proper" moves (?) to make in life anymore as it seems like whatever I choose to get involved in (productive sort), the options still lead to the same outcome. Now if I go pstycho... I can become that mf that cant do anything wrong and bank off those who "owe" me for letting them live in my world. Anything other than that leaves my right where the fuck I am and have been since birth.
So....
Something just ain't right.

 

[Phoenix_03]

Hi my precious Dark Siders, I won't be around much on Bluelight for the timebeing because I am pregnant yay. But I have horrendous morning sickness that is stopping me from doing anything. But I just wanted to announce it and send love to you all. I'll be back when I can.

omg congratulations!! hope you start feeling better soon! aside from the barfing i loved being pregnant , especially when you feel the first kick. there’s no love like mommy love

 

[Ds]

My day turned to shit pretty quick. I only got like 5ish hours of sleep. Over slept so tossed on just random clothes, tied shoes and left. When I got into work I started to feel nauseated again, but this time I had left my medicine I take for it at the house,
Told boss lady I felt like shit, and she told me to go and to get feeling better.
So left there and went to get some typical sick related food and drinks and went home. Did well for about an hour or so then threwup. more than a few times, so now i am laying here with wet washcloths over my forehead and stomach hoping for some relief.

 

[deficiT]

My day turned to shit pretty quick. I only got like 5ish hours of sleep. Over slept so tossed on just random clothes, tied shoes and left. When I got into work I started to feel nauseated again, but this time I had left my medicine I take for it at the house,
Told boss lady I felt like shit, and she told me to go and to get feeling better.
So left there and went to get some typical sick related food and drinks and went home. Did well for about an hour or so then threwup. more than a few times, so now i am laying here with wet washcloths over my forehead and stomach hoping for some relief.

Damn buddy that sounds like a whole pile of shit. Hope you start feeling better soon.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

about an hour or so then threwup

Hey man whats the cause of this?
Do i need to go back did i miss something?
Damn, yeah, are ya feeling any better since ya barfed?

 

[n3ophy7e]

@D's damn brother I hope you're feeling better now. Do you know why you're sick?

omg congratulations!! hope you start feeling better soon! aside from the barfing i loved being pregnant , especially when you feel the first kick. there’s no love like mommy love

Thank you so much lovely!!! I can't wait to feel it for the first time eeee!

 

[Ds]

Damn buddy that sounds like a whole pile of shit. Hope you start feeling better soon.

Hey man whats the cause of this?
Do i need to go back did i miss something?
Damn, yeah, are ya feeling any better since ya barfed?

@D's damn brother I hope you're feeling better now. Do you know why you're sick?

Thanks guys
My doctor seemed to think my sporadic nausea behavior is related to my unhealthy eating habits. It's not like I live off candy bars, or something like they eat in the movie Elf w/Will Ferrell.
I've spoke to a few other friends and they mention it sounds like IBS. Though I might not know 100% what could be the issue until it might be to late.
It is so fucking hard to force myself to be happy most times when I am either at work, or out being social. I'm supposed to have my shit together because of just where I am currently in life (both physically and mentally).
I think when not just the unhealthy eating habit, but when I add the lack of sleep, anxiety, depression and the deepened pit of despair + loneliness not to mention me constantly trying to stuff everything behind a smiling face takes its toll.
It's been so long since I've truly been happy on a personal level. I can and will be happy all day long when happiness is aimed at others, but when it is my turn I don't know how to cope with the emotion, and as much as I hate emotions it's just something else I use to shape my façade.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Yeah, had some sort of strange loop from sunday to wednesday. Barely slept and so on. Last night while trying to get sleep I saw extremely fucking intense closed eye visuals.

Back to normal now and gonna start calling for apartments today.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

The below was written first to keep this in perspective. Well, below the below... about the darkness. er

trying to stuff everything behind a smiling face

Fuck, man, I think you nailed down an aspect of all this shit you're going through...? If I had to smile every time I didn't feel like it I would explode... and have. It is, IME, sickening to put a plastic smile on every day.
I do hope you are feeling better now and also thay there is a way to be you and not a mis-representation thereof. What a wonderful life, huh?


So I was doing the usual... navigating the darkness. I see lights off in the distance and figure why not can't lead to anything or anywhere worse than where I been. So I set off in the general direction of a particularly alluring beacon in the distance and make sure I have my lunch packed.
Something happened and I got totally disoriented, navigation systems went on the blink and I felt the familiar dread of being caught out in the vastness of the unknown. Am I tripping or moving on a molecular level so quickly the laws of time/space are askew?
I caught a quick cinema graph on the backs of my retinas and am projecting what I have below. Please tie off with safety harness and wear reflective clothing to help with extractions if total madness ensues from the unknown(s).

Spoiler: Disclaimer in effect

 

[deficiT]

70 days sober today. Days are starting to run by quick. I've got one more court date in about 2 weeks. I've been getting a little too distracted with my new video games, I'm kind of using it as a way to escape, which is something I desperately need. I just have to be careful to not start isolating and not work on the stuff I need to work on.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

70 days sober today. Days are starting to run by quick. I've got one more court date in about 2 weeks. I've been getting a little too distracted with my new video games, I'm kind of using it as a way to escape, which is something I desperately need. I just have to be careful to not start isolating and not work on the stuff I need to work on.

Congrats on the 70 days !

 

[dragonix]

Hi guys I feel more at peace here right now than elsewhere not planned on but hey!

 

[dragonix]

I hate to be so stuck on me but I am due to my lifestyle right now I gotta shift and shape into something else altogether real quick my gut instinct tells me.

Feeling better a bit hope you all have a decent day it is Friday albeit not sure everyone has a TGIF but there is hell to pay in mind and body it feels like fo me

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Saw my childhood friend today. Gonna do a sauna session with him on monday. Got an apartment showing tomorrow (!). Seeing The suicide squad tomorrow too.

All in all its looking pretty good atm

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Why is it that anytime we "feeling" better about whats going on something comes along and slaps ya inda face and reminds us that life is not a poppy field? But cacti are cool, too, right?
Bobo has fallen ill again and fear he may not make it this time. No monies available to take him in and if it is what I think it is it is too late anyway.
Fuck I hope I am wrong on this....
gonna go chill with him for a while
peace fam

 

[Jabberwocky]

Why is it that anytime we "feeling" better about whats going on something comes along and slaps ya inda face and reminds us that life is not a poppy field? But cacti are cool, too, right?

I don't know, but i would like to know. Also, feels like the harder i try, the harder the negative forces come to fuck with me.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

feels like the harder i try

Somewhere, someone said something about not resisting being the way.
Goes against every fiber of my being but kinda makes sense to me.
Looking for a valid way out. Always looking for that escape route but only run into future road-blocks. Where the hell was I trying to get to, anyway?
IDK shit, man. Pain is real as fuck, though. Wish I could figure out a way to look at loss objectively and not have to go through it over, and over, and over............... doesn't get any easier ime but hey, the bright side? These feelings are also "real" and may be evidence of me not being the monster I see from a distance. I mean a monster, but not the kind that eat people and drink their blood to sustain my ultimate-ego.

 

[dragonix]

I don't know, but i would like to know. Also, feels like the harder i try, the harder the negative forces come to fuck with me.

Oh boy I better watch out