The cheesiest techno songs of ALL TIME?

Vanguard - Flash is the cheesiest techno track I've ever heard.

Think Flash Gordon with a kickdrum and a hi hat.
 
much commercial german techno has a rather unpleasant oompah feel to it
 
i used to like it but my friend killed Cities of the Future by Infected Mushroom

worst song ever!!!!
 
Man, people's lack of knowledge of what actually consitutes techno angers and amuses me. A 4 to floor beat from an drum machine does not a techno tune make!

God, I'm a music snob.
 
Agreed. I think tracks such as '2 Unlimited' or 'No Limit' whatever it's called ("techno, techno, techno, techno") are at least partly to blame for that.
Real techno ie. Detroit techno, and other soulful varieties or banging industrial shizznit are really where it's at. It's a diverse genre, and when truly techno actually very rarely cheddar.

I find it extremely irritating when I tell someone that I like techno and they say 'what like bmf t' bmf t' bmf t' wrrraaghouou?' (some kind of saliva intensive approximation of godawful hardcore or hard-house) and I have to punch them repeatedly in the face by way of explanation. The philistines.
 
omen_owen mk2 said:
Man, people's lack of knowledge of what actually consitutes techno angers and amuses me. A 4 to floor beat from an drum machine does not a techno tune make!

God, I'm a music snob.
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i just don't think anyone knows what techno is on here. it's been discussed before (or i've noticed before) and it seems a small handful of bluelighters that post here actually know what is and what is not techno.
 
it seems a small handful of bluelighters that post here actually know what is and what is not techno.
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lol, I dunno man, if it has a beat, and its electronic music, I call it techno. Fuck all that labeling BS. I dont like pretending like I know all the guidelines and requirements of what seperates each genre. Fuck that
 
youarewhatyouis said:
lol, I dunno man, if it has a beat, and its electronic music, I call it techno. Fuck all that labeling BS. I dont like pretending like I know all the guidelines and requirements of what seperates each genre. Fuck that
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it's not really what you describe it to be. electronic music has a history and part of that is being able to recognize what's what and how it came to be. sure, you can just say, fuck it, if it's got a beat it's techno. hella pop songs are made with electronic instruments and some even arguabley have a beat. those sure as fuck aren't techno, or house or whatever......

to each, their own, but there is no denying that most of the people that posted in this thread don't have a freaking clue what techno is.
 
are we allowed to curse on bluelight? seems like you can talk about drugs, but you can't curse. what is allowed?
 
I know what Techno is.

This thread would have received about 3 replies if people were only answering with actual Techno tracks. The Techno genre doesn't really lend itself to the kind of "laughably bad cheesy" that is being asked for in this thread.

Here's an idea, pretend that the "techno" in the title of the thread says "dance" or "EDM" instead.
 
Bob Sinclair - Rock This Party

Thank God no DJ in their right mind would play that track. Oh wait a second....

;)
 
Rated E said:
I know what Techno is.

This thread would have received about 3 replies if people were only answering with actual Techno tracks. The Techno genre doesn't really lend itself to the kind of "laughably bad cheesy" that is being asked for in this thread.

Here's an idea, pretend that the "techno" in the title of the thread says "dance" or "EDM" instead.
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word. thank you, im tired of people acting like snobs when it comes to defining techno- the threadstarter should have put "cheesiest electronic dance songs of all time." 99% of the population is going to lump any electronic club music with the word techno... dont get your panties in a bunch.
 
techno isn't what most of you think it is to a few here. that is all. nothing more, nothing less.
 
i think ONE of the cheesiest songs ever made is "headhunter" by front 242. not really techno, but still.
 
put your hands up for detroit


whatever that song's called. thats the worst song on earth. ever.
 
isn't all techno cheese? real techno by definition. i know what techno is, and it all sucks to me. my opinion is that it's talentless garbage made by filtering a synth for 7 minutes. lemme add a bunch of delay to this crash for 3 minutes as a build up. is that a song? no. begin the hate!
 
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