So I've been keeping this experience under my cap for around a year, but I feel like it's time I told the world. Or at least the people who are most likely yo understand me and least likely to judge or doubt me. At around September of last year I went on a dissociative binge, consuming a large quantity of olive-oil sold to me as "CBD" oil, the active constituent in hashish and indica strains of cannabis. But what I experienced was exactly like the reports of oral PCP that I've read, and unlike any cannabinoid. I even experimented with CBD-heavy extracts and found them to be the opposite of this particular batch. I have smoked laced weed before, and before anybody rushes to correct me, I'm an extremely experienced cannabis user and know the difference between the two. This was something different than being blazed off some nice kush for the first time and freaking out. When you smoke a few bongs and get a massive bell-ringer on par with an IM shot of K, and the floor looks ten feet away from you, well there's nothing that does that other than the most angelic of dusts. That's G.O.D. for PCP, my obsession and the one compulsion that made this studied and experienced psychonaut lose complete control.
I bought this oil in the hopes that I would have an alternative to smoking, as I was moving into a new house where it wouldn't be as easy or acceptable to smoke out a window. So as a result I was actively trying to get used to using this in lieu of smoking. What ended up happening was a complete dissociative fugue where I became detached from reality and saw myself from a third person perspective for an extended period. I dosed ~8 oz. of this oil over three weeks and consumed approximately 40mg of PCP, not a large amount, but with what was likely several hundred milligrams of PCC, piperidine, and other lovely contaminates. I was basically non-stop sigma dosing this stuff in the way that one might with Delsym, but with the difference that one teaspoon would make you JUST dis-inhibited enough to take another, and another, before I was so spaced I could barely add up how many I took at the end of the day. At which point I'd break out the K, snort massive lines and dissociate even further. This potentiated the already immensely powerful PCP state into complete cosmic insanity on a scale I can't even comprehend in a sober mind. I was reduced to complete kosmic dust, as Jamshyd and others have put it. The power of the experience filled every last nook and cranny of my mind until there was nothing left but the un-mistakable certainty that I was experiencing the divine with every receptor in my brain and molecule in my body-which was miles away at this point.
People say that PCP has a long longevity in the body and any doses taken the day after had an additive effect, well I can definitely attest to this. There was also the added complication of the inconsistency of orally dosing something this potent, even though I determined after the fact that there was probably 1mg of active PCP for every 5ml, but keep in mind I had 16oz total. I basically watched half of that jar dissapear and my mind go from a mildly depressed and detached state to a complete psychotic mess. It was over before it even began, like I said I lost all control and the damage had been done before I realized what happened. I had all sorts of John Lilly-esque delusions such like thinking an elaborate series of co-incidences was created by some higher mind in order that I access this space and learn it's secrets. I was running down the hallways and passages of my mind with wild abandon, viewing every possible alternate reality, generally acting like a child in some kind of absurd existential candy store. These incredibly elaborate mind movies would take over and I'd live entire lives in them, exploring the complete surreality in a real way I can only describe as delusional. Unfortunately while my mind was in the clouds my body was being absolutely punished as I was on an incredibly restrictive diet as another kind of self-experiment.
I started taking it on September 21st 2009 and binged heavily until October 7th, which seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. When I came to I knew I had fucked up in an epic way, and considering I was experiencing a kind of induced schizophrenic state I knew I had to stop as soon as possible. I had to wean myself off of it for several days, and ended up zonking myself out on Seroquel and Epival for a week or so to avoid the inevitably mind-crushing withdrawals. This was a bad choice, as the longevity of something like that in your body is immense, especially in someone with a weakened digestive system. Even though I was heavily sedated on quetiapine I was basically still under the influence of the much more powerful PCP. I couldn't take the dose of quell that would have held my dopamine receptors otherwise my body would have likely shut down, so I could only attenuate the state and make it marginally more bearable. I have a reduced seizure threshold because of this, as the combo of a sedating anti-psychotic and phencyclidine is known to produce. I also have a great "second skeleton" of bizzare tardive-diskinesia-esque muscular movements that I can control, but for a time was involuntary and seemed necessary in order to channel the psychotic level of energies I felt surging through me.
It seemed ironic that this was during a bit of a PCP renaissance here on BL when new analogues like 3-MeO and 4-MeO PCP and PCE were appearing on the scene. I wish I could have experienced this in a more measured way, with known doses of pure research-grade chemicals like are available now. But no, I had to go and trust a source that could barely spell in our communication. There was every sign that there was something wrong with this batch, it had a musty, fishy smell that if added to a solvent would be exactly like the varnish-like smell that this stuff is known for. It cost a pittance compared to what I now know it would take to make that much of a real CBD extract. Aside from hash or indica weed there's no way to even GET pure CBD, and it's apparantly the non-psychoactive part of cannabis anyways. Than again, if you're going to try and pass something off as a non-psychoactive cannabinoid that can only potentiate weed, what better than a diluted dissociative? At lower levels the buzz was fairly cannabis like, and I suppose the source could have been ignorant and merely used some cheap shady soap-bar hash. But still, I don't understand why such a powerful drug is rarely sold as what it is, other than it has such remarkable stigma that just it wouldn't sell.
I just realized how long this post is, probably the longest and most personally revealing I've made. I don't know if it can be considered a TR because like alot of reports, I didn't really know what it was, and I suppose if you don't believe me you could say I was just K'd out and delusional and dismiss my whole experience. But that's too tidy of an explanation, I feel way too much resonance with the other reports here and on Erowid, and in music like "Waterworld" by Leak Bros which is a lyrical exploration of the subject of PCP abuse. I can't relate to dipping a cigarette in leak and ether, as I've only recently starting experimenting with tabacco and never had it in that form. But I feel like this experience put a mark on my soul, and it's something I pretty much can't deny at this point without being carted off to the loony bin for good. To remain existentially authentic I had to integrate the experience, and there's still alot of work to be done. I assume whatever damage to my body and mind has been done, the drug reshuffled the cards and delt me my hand, it's up to me to deal with it and continue playing the game, or check out completely. I just had to get that off my chest as I feel like keeping it under wraps was eating me alive internally. Hope someone out there can get something out of this. Thanks for reading every one, PeaCe and
