psychoblast
Bluelighter
Ugh... Took yesterday off from any drugs, first time in maybe years not even smoking weed. Well, I did have an alcoholic beverage with dinner, but I don't really count that. Now 36 hours since last doing MXE. No abdominal pain at all. Maybe it was just temporary pinching or whatever people describe after binging for a few days. Me, I don't binge,but high doses for weeks/months on end eventually seem to have the same result. My plan is to limit my usage to once or twice a week, in the evenings, for a few weeks and then repeat the urinalysis my doctor gave me before to test kidney functioning, just to be on the safe side.
I think I realized that maybe I don't use MXE for anxiety, or stress. I think maybe I use it because I'm bored. Being a bit loopy at work makes it more interesting, like I've got a secret, not playing by the "man's" rules, being a maverick, etc. It's like of like being paid to party. Not that I think of MXE as a party drug, but any altered state reminds me of partying to some degree, at raves, music festivals, burning man, etc.
Anyway, I did not even bring my MXE to work with me today, so I'll have to slog through sober. If I get really desperate, I brought some vicodin, just in case.
I had a theory about MXE's effect, which is probably entirely wrong, but here goes: My thought is that it tranquilizes (and maybe puts to sleep) certain parts of the mind. For the unenlightened, like me, I think the mind has a lot of internal conflicts. So this putting some parts asleep winds up eliminating some conflicts. What remains awake is more unified and less conflcted, and this gives you a certain happiness or power to focus. Then later, when the sleeping parts awaken, they are in a good mood like they had a nap and they get along better with the parts that were awake the whole time, so you have an afterglow effect. I think this theory came about because (1) MXE is derived from drugs used to anesthetize; (2) sometimes MXE takes me different places, sometimes less positive, and I explain this as being caused because MXE does not always tranquilized the same parts of the mind, so it can feel different depending on which parts get tranquilized. Essentially, by quieting part of your mind (and your personality, even), MXE temporarily transforms you into a different version of yourself, a more focused version, but not always the same version, and some of these versions are very positive (urge to do yoga, clean house, etc.) and some versions are more scrambled (uncoordinated, scattered). Well, I'm about 100% sure that has no scientific validity, but it was something I've thought up from much usage.
Also, does anyone ever get a sense that MXE has a strong contact high effect? I mean, to some degree, I believe all humans have subconscious signaling and attunement, through body language, pheromes, vocal tones, eye contact, etc. So maybe when I'm on MXE, I'm communicating something to those around me subconsciously that sort of attunes them to where I'm at, because I see those around me when I'm on MXE sometimes act like they are on MXE. But maybe that's wrong and it only seems that way because I'm looking at the world through an MXE prism.
~psychoblast~
I think I realized that maybe I don't use MXE for anxiety, or stress. I think maybe I use it because I'm bored. Being a bit loopy at work makes it more interesting, like I've got a secret, not playing by the "man's" rules, being a maverick, etc. It's like of like being paid to party. Not that I think of MXE as a party drug, but any altered state reminds me of partying to some degree, at raves, music festivals, burning man, etc.
Anyway, I did not even bring my MXE to work with me today, so I'll have to slog through sober. If I get really desperate, I brought some vicodin, just in case.
I had a theory about MXE's effect, which is probably entirely wrong, but here goes: My thought is that it tranquilizes (and maybe puts to sleep) certain parts of the mind. For the unenlightened, like me, I think the mind has a lot of internal conflicts. So this putting some parts asleep winds up eliminating some conflicts. What remains awake is more unified and less conflcted, and this gives you a certain happiness or power to focus. Then later, when the sleeping parts awaken, they are in a good mood like they had a nap and they get along better with the parts that were awake the whole time, so you have an afterglow effect. I think this theory came about because (1) MXE is derived from drugs used to anesthetize; (2) sometimes MXE takes me different places, sometimes less positive, and I explain this as being caused because MXE does not always tranquilized the same parts of the mind, so it can feel different depending on which parts get tranquilized. Essentially, by quieting part of your mind (and your personality, even), MXE temporarily transforms you into a different version of yourself, a more focused version, but not always the same version, and some of these versions are very positive (urge to do yoga, clean house, etc.) and some versions are more scrambled (uncoordinated, scattered). Well, I'm about 100% sure that has no scientific validity, but it was something I've thought up from much usage.
Also, does anyone ever get a sense that MXE has a strong contact high effect? I mean, to some degree, I believe all humans have subconscious signaling and attunement, through body language, pheromes, vocal tones, eye contact, etc. So maybe when I'm on MXE, I'm communicating something to those around me subconsciously that sort of attunes them to where I'm at, because I see those around me when I'm on MXE sometimes act like they are on MXE. But maybe that's wrong and it only seems that way because I'm looking at the world through an MXE prism.
~psychoblast~
