I envy the valium+MXE combo. I can imagine that would be very much like Christmas as kid. Given how much I like MXE and how much I'm drawn to benzos (even though I have no such problems with alcohol, the fuck?) I would probably end up doing it way too often.
M-hole level MXE (about 60-80mg with no tolerance) is probably the most singularly intense drug experience I've had. The only thing I can compare it to is 20x salvia. I watched myself die from a third person perspective, spent several (hours, minutes?) as pure vibrational existence traversing the lifestream, and then was reborn.
I mean reborn not in the sense that I felt refreshed or like a new person. I mean I felt life slowly pour into me as I awoke to external reality. It's not like my experience coming out of anesthesia after surgery, which had no transitionary period (you know what I'm talking about if you've ever been put under). I honestly feel in the depth of my soul that I felt the same sensations that the dying feel and the newborn feel.
I cannot feel fear of death anymore. The experience was not pleasurable, but it was not frightening. It just was, and I knew I had to let go. I certainly do not want to die and I don't particularly look forward to death, but I cannot be afraid.
Psilocybin, LSD, and MDMA have been used in terminally ill patients for this reason, but I have extensive experience with all of these compounds and I think dissociatives are infinitely more well suited.
I hope somebody who has had a near-death experience can report if the feeling really is similar to the M-hole.