I've found this substance to be absolutely incredible. In fact, I wanted to post in the thread for people who believe their situation merits study... MXE seems to have totally turned my life around. it's only been two weeks since I first took it, so it's hard to say if these effects will linger, but it appears very promising based off of what I've read here in the forum and what I've felt personally. This post will be a bit random, mainly because I'm still figuring all this out:
My old 'self' is gone:
I used to have to deal with anxiety, nervousness, lack of motivation, some depression, along with a whole host of other negatives.
Now, I feel as though I am an entirely new person...
I'm still me, but I've suddenly dropped some useless traits and gained many that I used to long for:
Confidence/Charisma - an incredible boost. My old personality was timid and naive, now I feel as though I've gained at least 10 years of experience/confidence. It's an incredible feeling!
Motivation - I've done things in the past 2 weeks that I haven't been able to do in the past year. One example is that I've started working out and actually getting my body in to shape. There's so much that I want to do that I don't have the funds to actually do it all. It makes me want very urgently to be making more money so that I can achieve all of the things that I want in a responsible way.
Anxiety Release - for a few days after a great MXE experience, it seemed as though nothing could make me anxious. "Problems" at work that would normally get me worked up seemed small and insignificant. It now seems as though I am working a puzzle from above rather than from down on the level of the board.
Memory - always a problem for me in the past. Now I am remembering certain things with crystal clarity, things that other people don't remember (practically a first for me). A few memory related items have worsened: vocabulary recall does seem somewhat negatively effected - perhaps I just need to become accustomed to the change in my mind and recall words in a different way. I've also found that the day of the week seems to be more difficult to remember along with exactly when events have happened recently (probably because I had taken MXE so often it was jumbling everything). How important is the name of a day of the week anyways (a whole separate thought)?
Life - I feel a real zest for life now. Living in the moment. Instead of each day being dull and boring, everything is bright and colorful - each moment fascinating.
Energy - coupled with my increase in physical activity, I now have much more energy than I used to. I also feel less tired when I should be tired - for example if I sleep less than 7-8 hours one or two nights.
Unfortunately, I do not have a exact log of the days, times, and dosages that I took. I've actually all but run out of my immediate 1 gram supply and am awaiting arrival of more. Generally speaking, I probably have taken it about 8-9 nights in the past 15 or so days. There was a period where I took it 4 days in a row - I did notice a tolerance building up, which was annoying. I always would take 50mg and above, the most I took on one night reached 120mg (staggered re-dosing). This evening I took 25mg (half of my remaining supply) and found it to be a bit of a tease.
Quirky notes:
- I no longer have any interest in taking marijuana. It used to be my favorite among all drugs and now I not only don't care for it, I don't want it! In the past 6 months or so, marijuana has caused me increasing feelings of anxiety and a strange itching feeling while high. It would give me a hangover the next day as though I had too much to drink but without the queasiness.
- And speaking of drinking, I no longer have any real desire to get drunk. I do or I did (confusing) love that feeling. Now I feel like it just slows me down and takes away from my awareness. I went out with a friend of mine who used to be a drinking buddy, I reluctantly had like 3 beers and 2 cocktails with no alcohol tolerance (and not on MXE that day or even the day before): I barely got drunk, if anything it slightly dulled my senses - I was just drinking out of habit and to be polite.
- Sometimes I feel like I'm on a constant IV drip of caffeine only without the jitteriness, just pure alertness.
- My reflexes have improved. You know when you knock a glass off a table? I catch it in mid-air, whereas in the past I would fumble with it and it'd end up shattering. It's really fun, I like throwing stuff in the air and catching it now - I think a lot of it has to do with an increase in awareness, focus, and the destruction of anxiety (which causes the mind to interfere with the body's actions).
Possible negatives (aside from the memory issue listed above):
- I've noticed it's changing my relationships with some people, my personality is different after all - for example I don't get along in the same way with my drinking buddy as I used to.
- For a couple of days after taking MXE for 4 nights in a row, I experienced what I guess could be called "numb lips". The lips on my mouth were ever so slightly numb, or at least I thought they were. It didn't cause me any problems, but I did notice it.
- Lack of sleep... I get so much energy when I take it and even when I don't that I'm forgetting to go to sleep. I purchased a couple of teas specifically to help me get some sleep.
I'm still playing with the doses, but I have a feeling that I'd much prefer to take 40-60mg (always sublingual) doses once or two a week as opposed to smaller doses more often. I read a few pages back about someone that experienced lasting positive effects after extended long-term use of MXE. I fully believe that to be true. MXE rewired me and I believe that the new pathways need time to develop - if nothing else I need to continue these positive activities until they become habits/second nature.
Man this is a long post...sorry, got a lot to say and I'm no where near done...but it's bed time and I should sleep.
glad its benefited you!