I thought I'd post about my experience taking MXE last night. This is actually my Bluelight post, as well as my first trip report. I guess I was prompted to write this by the desire to extract some utility from my trip.
I am male, in my late 20s, and have a fair amount of experience with psychedelics -- though I haven't really touched them in the past couple of years. I decided to try MXE on a whim: it was accessable and also sounded rather interesting, though I have not really enjoyed my other experiences with dissociatives (a handful of times with DXM and a handful of times with ketamine).
I got home around midnight, with an alcoholic buzz: I consumed perhaps 6 alcoholic drinks over the previous 4 hours. I weighed out and insufflated 30mg of MXE; once I could feel the effects building (perhaps 15-20 minutes later), I weighed out and insufflated another ~35mg.
Once I was peaking and lacking the coordination necessary for any more strenious physical activity, I lay in bed. In hindsight, I failed to perform some basic preparatory activities: dimming the lights, getting my iPod and headphones (my headphones weren't even at home actually), etc. I did not think about any of these things while in the M-hole, but I do think it would have improved my experience.
At first, I found the feeling enjoyable. There was a definite -- though I would not say strong -- euphoria. In addition, I would laugh or smile as certain thoughts crossed through my head, even though I was dissociated and, lately in general, not in the most positive state of mind. I cannot imagine such a humorous reaction with, for example, ketamine. Time seemed to be going extremely slowly and my thought patterns were characteristically dissociated. I felt disconnected not only from my body and surroundings, but my life in general. I began to look my self-conception and self-narrative, the trajectory of my life, as well as my general "public persona" and how I -- and other people -- falsely construct myself in social interactions. This alienation from ego and self was vaguely disturbing and reminded me of why I never liked dissociatives. What was not so disturbing, on the other hand, were thoughts about death and suicide (which once also occurred to me in a K hole): rather than ideated or compulsive, they were more like an abstract notion that I could go and take my own life and it wouldn't really matter either way.
I was coming down a bit about 2.5 - 3 hours after starting, and after 4 hours I was still dissociated but most definitely coming down. The previously mentioned euphoria had passed, and what remained were many long hours of wanting and not being able to sleep (coinciding with others' reports of the long & stimulating duration of MXE). The come down was not acutely unpleasant, but I just wished it would go away. Once I assembled myself to get up, use the bathroom, and turn off the lights, I noticed that things looked quite interesting in the dark (in a moon-lit sort of way). There was also some more-or-less uninteresting CEV. About 9 hours after dosing, I could fall asleep. I woke up 5 hours later feeling the lingering disassociated feeling which has accompanied me, along with a mild tiredness, throughout the day.
All in all, I would say that if you -- like me -- actively don't like K, then there's a good chance you won't like MXE either. On the plus side, I should say that the drug felt light and very clean (no headache, aches, hangover, or nausea -- though I did vomit when I went to the bathroom: it just appeared to be the thing my body wanted to do once I approached the toilet). Though there was some interesting ideas swirling around in the 'hole', I cannot say I encountered something that made the experience worthwhile overall. The duration and inability to sleep were considerable downsides.
Actually, the larger point of this post was to get the communities perspective on dissociatives. I know some people love them, while others don't at all. I'm very interested in the mind and consciousness, but I find the dissociated feeling incredibly alien, disturbing and somewhat dark. If tryptamines and tryptamine-like psychedelics (psilocybin, LSD, etc) generally make me feel more connected to my body, to other people, to the universe, and to existential meaning, then dissociatives do the opposite: they disconnect and give a great feeling of meaninglessness and nihilism ... and asylums.
I'm not saying one is more useful than another, of course. My question is rather: what kind of mindsets or personalities are attracted to dissociatives as a tool of exploration, and what is it that they find enjoyable & enlightening in that state? I know its a really broad one, but I imagine some of you could have interesting things to say nonetheless.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
