Listening
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2009
- Messages
- 821
I recently got a batch tested that I was convinced wasn't MXE and it came back as MXE, which leads me to believe in batch variance of real MXE. I'm in the process of doing some tests to try and prove it (to myself if no one else), but they are currently on hold in the priority queue.
Anyway I recently got a hold of some beautiful, clean, potent crystalline MXE:
Since it might be a while until I get to do a decent dose (of anything) again, I decided to try to m-hole last night. I'm one of the (few?) MXE lovers that has generally liked this drug at lowish dosages. Most of my experiences have been at doses where I can still function, and enjoy mentally challenging activities like watching deep psychological movies, talking, or writing. The dosage range here is from 20 - 35mg. Anything more and there's a chance that using my discursive mind will be too much of a chore. For example with 20mg + weed, watching an episode of Mad Men (last-weekend's) was very enjoyable and I was able to draw all sorts of theories about the characters' psychologies and the allegories that their stories describe. Interspersed, mind you, would be a background vibration. A vibration, that if meditated upon for a moment, would form a reverberation, and would engulf creation. I call those moments micro-m-holes.
Anyway, I like it. Last night, I insufflated 40mg, and when I was at the peak, I plugged another 30mg on top of it. I figured it would give me a good chance of getting into an m-hole. Seems like I was right. I sat upright on the floor and meditated. I lost all attachment to self. I was glowing: light was radiating out from me though all seemed empty. I could think rationally and had no fear of "snapping out of it". It was a stable wormhole. I was buzzing and vibrating. The universe was buzzing and vibrating. I had thoughts like, "well, given that this is the purest ecstasy, beyond which there can be nothing better, what does that say about life? what is pleasure anyway? what is desire? why is there struggle?" This last question was interesting in a context where, truly, the idea of struggle was hard to conjure up. My regular moment-to-moment life is a struggle in many ways, but here there was no struggle. It felt like there would never be a struggle again. I rationally realized that this wasn't the case, but I honestly couldn't figure out how I'd ever feel frustrated again in my life.
Anyway, that's perhaps 1% of the experience that I had last night. Mostly I can't remember it, other than that it was amazing, enlightening, and maybe beyond any other drug experience I've had. (I haven't pushed psychedelics too far, mind you.) However, it's frustrating, to say the least, that I can't remember most of it. Does it make the experience any less valid? I'm greedy, I want to remember it too!
When I finally came to, I felt heavy and could hardly crawl, let alone walk. I wanted to go to bed, but I felt too nauseous when I tried to get up and walk there. I inched my way to bed eventually but had a hard time falling asleep for a while, in spite of my obvious exhaustion. I eventually took 1.5mg of etizolam and slept.
This was a crazy experience, but I'm not sure if I'll try to repeat anytime soon. I might be a low-dose man.
Anyway I recently got a hold of some beautiful, clean, potent crystalline MXE:
Since it might be a while until I get to do a decent dose (of anything) again, I decided to try to m-hole last night. I'm one of the (few?) MXE lovers that has generally liked this drug at lowish dosages. Most of my experiences have been at doses where I can still function, and enjoy mentally challenging activities like watching deep psychological movies, talking, or writing. The dosage range here is from 20 - 35mg. Anything more and there's a chance that using my discursive mind will be too much of a chore. For example with 20mg + weed, watching an episode of Mad Men (last-weekend's) was very enjoyable and I was able to draw all sorts of theories about the characters' psychologies and the allegories that their stories describe. Interspersed, mind you, would be a background vibration. A vibration, that if meditated upon for a moment, would form a reverberation, and would engulf creation. I call those moments micro-m-holes.
Anyway, I like it. Last night, I insufflated 40mg, and when I was at the peak, I plugged another 30mg on top of it. I figured it would give me a good chance of getting into an m-hole. Seems like I was right. I sat upright on the floor and meditated. I lost all attachment to self. I was glowing: light was radiating out from me though all seemed empty. I could think rationally and had no fear of "snapping out of it". It was a stable wormhole. I was buzzing and vibrating. The universe was buzzing and vibrating. I had thoughts like, "well, given that this is the purest ecstasy, beyond which there can be nothing better, what does that say about life? what is pleasure anyway? what is desire? why is there struggle?" This last question was interesting in a context where, truly, the idea of struggle was hard to conjure up. My regular moment-to-moment life is a struggle in many ways, but here there was no struggle. It felt like there would never be a struggle again. I rationally realized that this wasn't the case, but I honestly couldn't figure out how I'd ever feel frustrated again in my life.
Anyway, that's perhaps 1% of the experience that I had last night. Mostly I can't remember it, other than that it was amazing, enlightening, and maybe beyond any other drug experience I've had. (I haven't pushed psychedelics too far, mind you.) However, it's frustrating, to say the least, that I can't remember most of it. Does it make the experience any less valid? I'm greedy, I want to remember it too!
When I finally came to, I felt heavy and could hardly crawl, let alone walk. I wanted to go to bed, but I felt too nauseous when I tried to get up and walk there. I inched my way to bed eventually but had a hard time falling asleep for a while, in spite of my obvious exhaustion. I eventually took 1.5mg of etizolam and slept.
This was a crazy experience, but I'm not sure if I'll try to repeat anytime soon. I might be a low-dose man.
