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The Big & Dandy Methoxetamine / MXE Thread - Part 16 - Sweet 16 mind-control machine

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Well I just looked around a bit and found loads of evidence of kidney damage from MXE use. Mine still hurt today. I only did 150mg yesterday and it's been over 14 hours since my last dose, but I still have this painful dull ache in both my kidneys. I found someone who developed a kidney cyst after a heavy binge (they got tested before and after), and I found many other reports of people being tested and showing very reduced kidney function (one person said less than 40% ).

So it would seem that it is much more toxic than it feels. Perhaps even more toxic than K, since these effects seem to show up within 2-3 months of heavy binging.

I'm pretty heartbroken. I knew it was a bad idea to dose regularly, but I cant even begin to explain how much my life has been improved by the regular use of MXE. I can't bring myself to flush mine and I want to dose it even now. The only thing that stops me is the thought of possibly ending up stuck in a hospital bed or with some disease.

I would like to still use it, at once a week the most, but I wonder if that's even possible for me. It also seems almost sick to me that I would still want to do it at all, but it haven't heard of any problems from occaisonal use. I just don't like to hole, I like to take it and become the creative, motivated, empathetic superhuman that I always wanted to be. So I find it really hard to just take a single dose.

Fuck, I've never felt a psychological pull like this. When I craved opiates, it wasn't like I craved them even though they were clearly hurting me physically, I was just sick of the lifestyle so it was easy. I fucking love the MXE lifestyle. But maybe the MXE lifestyle includes dialysis after a few years. I'm jealous of the people going through grams of the stuff every month for years and having no problems, because my body's chemistry seems to be saying "enough" and I've only had a 150-300mg/day habit for a couple months (I used for a couple months before that too but at lower doses and only at night, not in the morning and day time like I have been for the past couple months.)

I just don't want to go back to the dull aching depression and suicidal ideations and complete lack of motivation or confidence that I had before I discovered MXE. Some part of me wants to just keep on doing MXE every day and just say fuck it but the pain hurts pretty bad and is pretty scary. I guess I just have to hold out hope that some day I will feel better without being on drugs. I can't remember a time in my life that was ever like that though.
 
i did MXE for aver a year around 3-4 times a week

150mg is a HUGE dose...i saw friends get stupid and do that much and end up curled in the fetal position tripping theri gourd for like 6 hours, half comatose, not enjoying it what so ever...swearing never again when they came through...i maybe went through that in a 16 hour window....i cant fathom doing that in 1 dose

more than likely you dont have MXE, or what they are making nowadays is shit...my use was from 2011-2012
 
Bluuberry said:
I just don't like to hole, I like to take it and become the creative, motivated, empathetic superhuman that I always wanted to be. So I find it really hard to just take a single dose... Fuck, I've never felt a psychological pull like this.
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I can completely relate to what you're talking about. I used MXE for the same reason and astonished myself with how it pulled me to it even when my rational mind was telling me to take a break. I feel like an artist trapped in the body of a cripple, and MXE set me free. Can I get there without MXE? I'm still on the path to find out.

Bluuberry said:
I just don't want to go back to the dull aching depression and suicidal ideations and complete lack of motivation or confidence that I had before I discovered MXE. Some part of me wants to just keep on doing MXE every day and just say fuck it but the pain hurts pretty bad and is pretty scary. I guess I just have to hold out hope that some day I will feel better without being on drugs. I can't remember a time in my life that was ever like that though.
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It's tough to choose to let go of something like this, but you need to take care of your body, as you know. Stop now. At least for a long long while. Use this as an opportunity to admit that no drug (even one as awesome as MXE) is ever going to solve the existential dilemma. Have you considered therapy? These things can take many years to deal with, not to mention that it's not always easy to find the right therapist for you.
 
Peacephrog, it's not cut, but it's not the most potent polymorph I've used. Still, even the most potent stuff I could get through 150-200 mg in a day no problem without even holing really. I was starting off every day with a bump then doing another bump basically every hour or two. It was mental how much stuff I accomplished. Totally fixed my relationship with my girl, cleaned and organized my house in a way that it never has been before, started eating healthy and exercising again, teaching myself piano, starting my own business, the list just fucking goes on. But yeah, I could only do that much after having a daily habit for months, and I will say the the first bag I ever got was way more potent than anything on the market now.

Listening, thanks for - well - listening. Sounds like we're in a similar boat. I can relate to what you said about feeling crippled normally and MXE feels like it fixes all that. I don't even really know what the hell is wrong with me. Depression I suppose. I guess I'll be even more depressed if I keep abusing it and end up fucked up physically and can't do any drugs at all and have more health problems than I already do. I have a lot to think about. I just don't want to go back to feeling like shit every day. I have thought about therapy but don't know what there even is for me to say or talk about, it's just this lack of feelings that I have when I'm sober. My insurance will be over soon so I can't afford it anyway.

I can't believe my kidneys are still aching. I'm otherwise very healthy, I'm young, I eat all organic foods and exercise daily and have no other reason I would all of a sudden have such intense pain for days that got worse when I dosed MXE (multiple times, I kept stupidly convincing myself I was just hungry or maybe it was unrelated). This shit is clearly toxic and for what it's worth, the batch I have is from a very reputable source so I don't think it's cut with anything sketchy. I think it's just MXE toxicity. Shit builds over time and I'll bet it accumulates the same way other ACH's do.

I still want to do more. I feel like one of those lab rats that just keeps dosing and dosing until.. I won't, but goddamn. I find myself still searching for some other reason there could be so much pain but I really don't think so. They feel hot and strongly aching. I feel fine otherwise though.

I hope some day I can use this responsibly and have the positive effects without abusing it to the point that it's hurting me. But I guess dissociatives just need to be used more sparingly than many of us realize.
 
sorry about your situation brother

sounds about like i would be if id of kept up doing the wondrdrug

FWIW, it was my favorite drug of all time..loved everything about it...it was like that NIN tune.....i was HOOKED

and thank god i went to rehab

really.....smoked weed and drank for 20 years straight...did pills (mostly benzos), psychs, all of the rest, none of them got me.... MXE GOT ME
 
you will be surprised. MXE showed you a new way of being, a new way to look at life. Even without mxe, you will be able to apply those teaching sober and try to make you feel as good on life without mxe.
Bluuberry said:
Peacephrog, it's not cut, but it's not the most potent polymorph I've used. Still, even the most potent stuff I could get through 150-200 mg in a day no problem without even holing really. I was starting off every day with a bump then doing another bump basically every hour or two. It was mental how much stuff I accomplished. Totally fixed my relationship with my girl, cleaned and organized my house in a way that it never has been before, started eating healthy and exercising again, teaching myself piano, starting my own business, the list just fucking goes on. But yeah, I could only do that much after having a daily habit for months, and I will say the the first bag I ever got was way more potent than anything on the market now.

Listening, thanks for - well - listening. Sounds like we're in a similar boat. I can relate to what you said about feeling crippled normally and MXE feels like it fixes all that. I don't even really know what the hell is wrong with me. Depression I suppose. I guess I'll be even more depressed if I keep abusing it and end up fucked up physically and can't do any drugs at all and have more health problems than I already do. I have a lot to think about. I just don't want to go back to feeling like shit every day. I have thought about therapy but don't know what there even is for me to say or talk about, it's just this lack of feelings that I have when I'm sober. My insurance will be over soon so I can't afford it anyway.

I can't believe my kidneys are still aching. I'm otherwise very healthy, I'm young, I eat all organic foods and exercise daily and have no other reason I would all of a sudden have such intense pain for days that got worse when I dosed MXE (multiple times, I kept stupidly convincing myself I was just hungry or maybe it was unrelated). This shit is clearly toxic and for what it's worth, the batch I have is from a very reputable source so I don't think it's cut with anything sketchy. I think it's just MXE toxicity. Shit builds over time and I'll bet it accumulates the same way other ACH's do.

I still want to do more. I feel like one of those lab rats that just keeps dosing and dosing until.. I won't, but goddamn. I find myself still searching for some other reason there could be so much pain but I really don't think so. They feel hot and strongly aching. I feel fine otherwise though.

I hope some day I can use this responsibly and have the positive effects without abusing it to the point that it's hurting me. But I guess dissociatives just need to be used more sparingly than many of us realize.
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It seems we are all very much on the same ride with this stuff. I can relate to everything being said too well. When you hit the peak, its hard to not want to stay there forever...
 
Exactly. How the fuck do I come back from that? How do I live as a normal human after being a super human? I wish I'd never tried it in some ways, in other ways I feel blessed to have experienced those states.

I'm going to take a break for as long as I can manage (atleast a week or two) and then try taking a dose once a week. It doesn't seem like any moderate users have problems. I just hate how I only get what I'm looking for when I take it for several days on end. The hole is fun but I get better journeys just taking a hit of DMT. I tried a bunch of kratom and green tea today and I couldn't really get even close to the kind of stimulation I'm looking for. I found myself looking at other RC's but even if I found one I liked I'd probably just want to dose it every day again. I wish I could find a reason to love being sober like I love being high.

Sorry for rambling or TMI, I'm just having a rough time facing this reality. I feel like I went from 3D to 2D.
 
Bluuberry said:
I drink at least a gallon of water per day, plus green + herbal tea and juices. Against my better judgement I did more MXE and the pain didn't get worse or anything. Maybe it's just unrelated. I don't know, it just seems weird that an otherwise healthy person would suddenly experience intense kidney pain for hours.

I searched around on BL and it seems I'm not the first to feel this. Not sure what to think at this point. I wish I could hear back from some people who posted their concerns years ago, hear if their organs are all good..
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I had some scary (seemingly) MXE-related internal pains back in 2013 (if I recall correctly), and after ceasing MXE use, they slowly went away. I still very rarely (maybe once every 3 or 4 months) get a slight twinge of that pain, but it's mostly gone now.
 
Bluuberry said:
Sorry for rambling or TMI, I'm just having a rough time facing this reality. I feel like I went from 3D to 2D.
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Well when was the last time since you started using MXE that you used it only intermittently -- once per week or two? I've found the effects of "non-tolerant" high-dose MXE to be incomparably superior, and they only became that way after having substantial dissociative experience under my belt. Contrary to the way you phrase it, I've found tolerance breaks unarguably add dimension to MXE trips. I even made a thread inspired predominantly by the experiences that moderate use makes possible. You may have more to look forward to from your decision than you anticipate.
 
It's been at least 6 months since I used just a once - a few times a week, since then I've been dosing every night and then dosing from morning til night the last couple months. I agree that I remember those trips being way more magical and euphoric before I started every day use, but I spent more time feeling really good and talking than I did accomplishing things. It will be interesting to see how I react to it after a break, in light of what you said about tolerance breaks. I'm taking at least a 4-5 day break, maybe a little more, and then I will try taking another single dose (maybe two..) and then stop for at least another week again. Maybe I will end up taking a month off. Soon I will have a job out of town, I won't be bringing any MXE with me, so I will have some longer forced breaks. I wonder though if I'll ever be able to use responsibly. I envy the people that can just ignore it and set it to the side. Something must be fucked with my neurochemistry.
 
Nope....your just an addict like a lot of us MXE users

Been almost 3 years since I've used!! Now I'm scared that I'll never find the good stuff if I look to order!!
 
Bluuberry said:
I'm taking at least a 4-5 day break... I wonder though if I'll ever be able to use responsibly.
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Why just wonder when you can find out? This is your perfect opportunity. Your body is telling you that this stuff may be dangerous for you. Stop for two months. Will it be easy? No, but you'll find something out about yourself and you will be better for it.

I realize that this is easier said than done, and I'm better at talking than acting myself... I just don't want you to ruin your body due to fear of the unknown.
 
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Maybe im more sensible, but for me, two day in a row with mxe and I feel a lot of secondary effect on the body. blueebery, stop your mxe usage asap seriously. take not more then one dose per week. we dont know how bad it is for the body, and if its anything like Ketamine, you will be very sorry in 10 years.
 
I feel like the best experiences come from those occasions where tolerance has fully returned to baseline, and I expect those to be the least dangerous.
Mxe I've been hoping to keep two weeks between uses, but since I've gotten it it's been more like weekly. Nonetheless I don't seem to feel the 'pull' of mxe any longer, if people can relate to that. Briefly after my first experience with it I had cravings for a few days, but more recently after a 40mg try, I've had no cravings at all, despite the experience itself being wonderful.
Is there any reason to think that an imposed schedule, like biweekly usage, will prevent cravings if adhered to?
 
Moxious said:
Is there any reason to think that an imposed schedule, like biweekly usage, will prevent cravings if adhered to?
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Ask people who try that with opiates. Most fall into more frequent dosing eventually, but I'm sure it's better than just setting no limits.

I had no idea how deep I was til now. I sound so pathetic looking at my posts on here. Well thanks for the advice guys, I still have no clue what I'm going to do. The simple answer is to stop, duh, but I find it hard to not slip back into alcoholism and depression when I don't use MXE. The only plan I can think of right now is to cut back a lot and try as hard as I can to make a life that I would rather be living. I'll be busy with work soon that I don't feel comfortable doing high, and that will keep me busy the majority of the week for basically the rest of the year. So it should be easy then to only do it once or twice a week at the very most, hopefully I'll have the self-control to do it less than that.

It's kinda funny too, because I've kicked an amphetamine addiction, opiate addiction, benzo addiction (!), and nicotine, but none of them did I feel this level of difficulty just saying no. I guess because I didn't WANT to do those things anymore. Even clearly knowing that it's dangerous, I somehow still crave MXE. Which is strange for me to say the least because health is my top priority in life. Or so it was before MXE.
 
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Bluuberry, man, all I can say is I am in your shoes right now. For me too, MXE has been more addicting than all other drugs, and ive been through all of them. We are addicts, and this is why we can't have nice things.
I'm still struggling putting it down this time. I've gone past my maximum recommended usage protocol again, and as a result am now experiencing negative side effects, but I keep using it because, well, I'm an addict. Its a strong drug, strong enough to get people off of alcohol and heroin etc., but I'm wondering now if it should be used for such treatment because then the addict is left with a whole new beast to tackle.
 
How long should one take a tolerance break for? I don't use mxe all to often but when I do I seem to develop one sort quickly. Now i use the rectal roa i want to ensure I get the most from dosing.
 
A week or more is best between each dose (more is obviously better but I'd say a week is minimum). Using a couple of times per week is alright here and there but it will ramp up your tolerance if you make a habit of it. If you currently have tolerance, it will take some time to disappear completely, depending on how much tolerance you've developed. Not sure exactly how much time but dissociative tolerance seems to take a while to go back down.
 
I used 3-4 times a week for about a year and never for a tolerance...always got off of 15-30mg.....

most of what i hear means to me that it isnt the same stuff i was getting back in 11-12'
 
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