foolsgold
Bluelighter
will be joining you all again in the blissfulness of this lovely chemical again in a few day as ive just placed an order for a gram of the stuff 
The Big & Dandy Methoxetamine (MXE) Thread - Chapter 14
- Thread starter Solipsis
- Start date
- Status
NiceEnough
Bluelighter
that sounds like my kind of experience! Ketamine drought has led me to this, but with intriguing qualiities. It appears more psychedelic than ketamine in the true sense of the word. It has been interesting experiencing it with spiritual pratices, yoga meditation, seems to work well, Shame it's illegal in the UK, but maybe not in the mountains!!! ;-)
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
I took some at the end of a wonderful mescaline trip last weekend, out in nature, laying/standing/walking on a huge river rock, next to the river and in front and behind of waterfalls. It was amazing, crazy, beautiful, much different from any other time I've done it (all of which were with music with my eyes closed, laying in bed). The perfect ending to a perfect day.
vortech
Bluelighter
I've been having superb results with threshold dosing of 10-20mg throughout the day for sustained glow.
Totaling about 60-70mg/day with this regimen. Really nice for increased inspiration and vibrant energy.
For functional antidepressant effects, less is more.
There is always a place for high doses, but for me right now, I'm really digging threshold effects.
Totaling about 60-70mg/day with this regimen. Really nice for increased inspiration and vibrant energy.
For functional antidepressant effects, less is more.
There is always a place for high doses, but for me right now, I'm really digging threshold effects.
transitionsynth
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2014
- Messages
- 129
I piss constantly on K or MXE. No problems with the bowels or gas though.
MXE is the shift-key that nudges me from everyday reality into the moment where time is irrelevant and being beautiful.
It does this without pulling at me when not in use. I don't even think about MXE if I don't intend to use it, and I use it about 8 nights a month.
MXE to me is having tiny hands and a huge head; it's about feeling appreciated by nature and to be able to revel in its glory.
I never expected MXE to change into something I adore. At first it was odd and unpleasant at times and, altough tolerance builds quickly and physical side effects are more at the forefront after three consecutive nights, the familiarity of being is very much like the psychedelic headspace but without the investment of time and energy psychedelics require.
Two downsides to MXE though: water retention inspite of drinking a lot of water during and when I'm at the end of the trip and smoke a joint I get severe involuntary muscle movements and pretty much lose control of my eyes. Reading is impossible because everything moves from up to down rapidly. This effect is short lasting thankfully and I usually go to sleep anyway so it's not too bad I guess.
Nevertheless MXE is one jem among RC drudgery.
It does this without pulling at me when not in use. I don't even think about MXE if I don't intend to use it, and I use it about 8 nights a month.
MXE to me is having tiny hands and a huge head; it's about feeling appreciated by nature and to be able to revel in its glory.
I never expected MXE to change into something I adore. At first it was odd and unpleasant at times and, altough tolerance builds quickly and physical side effects are more at the forefront after three consecutive nights, the familiarity of being is very much like the psychedelic headspace but without the investment of time and energy psychedelics require.
Two downsides to MXE though: water retention inspite of drinking a lot of water during and when I'm at the end of the trip and smoke a joint I get severe involuntary muscle movements and pretty much lose control of my eyes. Reading is impossible because everything moves from up to down rapidly. This effect is short lasting thankfully and I usually go to sleep anyway so it's not too bad I guess.
Nevertheless MXE is one jem among RC drudgery.
WARNING: The following trip report may be found offensive to some, with all my heart, I solemnly apologize for that.
Methoxetamine -- GOD IS LOVE (may be offensive to some)
Hi gang! Its been a while since my last trip report. Two major changes had occurred, firstly I decided to park my methoxetamine stash at the homes of several friends with the instruction to supply me twice a month with a 0.5 gr quantity, which has worked brilliantly and painlessly to curb my rising use of the drug, and secondly I switched from oral use to rectal use.
3 days ago I received my mid-month portion and I went ahead and started off with 30mg intrarectally. I dissolved 30mg in 2ml hot tap water, sucked it into a 10ml needleless syringe, capped it, buttered the syringe, asked for blessings, did my ritual and squirted it up my rectum lying on my left side in bed, then quickly got up and sat down in my livingroom downstairs.
Earlier that day I had been the sitter of a lady friend's ayahuasca ceremony, which consisted of projecting positive energies on her, facilitating her need to speak what needed be spoken, be a comforting presence and be ready to rinse her puke buckets if vomiting occurred, which oddly it didn't, resulting in me having spent 5 hours idling in adarkened room and in part thinking of my MXE session to be.
Friends of the Internet, at the age of about 6 I was raped by my grandfather, a misdeed he had done a generation earlier with his own daughter. I was a grandson, but I was available and he opportunistically took advantage of the situation in the toolshed behind his house. Because of this deed and other abuses suffered at the hands of other people, I never could bear to be intimate with anyone. As a consequence of that I grew up to become a 41 year old virgin, unable to share intimacy. It even took many high dose MDMA sessions before I could even hug my best friends, it was that bad. This needs be said to better understand the following trip report.
The Topic of the intended binge, which I had 550mg Methoxetamine for and for which I started off rectally administering 30mg was to be this rape and the subsequent inability to share intimacy.
This first dose laid it out sublimely in spades, I relived the whole thing and other forms of childhood abuse such as school bullying which added to my detachment from my peers and to being at odds with everyone, in my mind and reflected in the behavior of outsiders.
I took the plunge for 15 more mg rectally half an hour in and it synergized greatly.
Then after an hour and a half I took the plunge for 30 more mg rectally.
I exploded in great anxiety and worrisome cardiac effects. It was too much, too wild, too sudden. I fought down the bad trip and idled my time away in Second Life chatting to friends, admitting to some I was "intoxicated by rectal Angel Dust" which was sort of true and led to the predictable recoil of surprise and disbelief. At the end I went to bed.
The other morning I woke very early. When I binge on MXE I always get ejected out of bed after about 5 hours, and I usually rub the sleep out of my eyes, drink some water, have a banana and take breakfast MXE. Its a very MXE thing to do and early morning MXE is often the best.
Not THAT morning! 20mg, three times rectally to great effect, again about the rape, then 25mg and it was the straw that broke the camels back. I had counted on tolerance from the day before eliminating my high MXE sensitivity but it was not the case.
I got way higher than I should have been, beyond the Hole into pure anxiety and mayhem with frightening heart palpitations.
I went to lie in bed to ease what I knew I had, a raging panic attack of death anxiety in a way too strong trip.
I decided I had been wrong about rectal MXE use: Its great for one dose- one trip. 30-40mg up the butt and bang, a full experience like the day earlier. Rectal MXE just isnt for repeat dosing. It is too fast, to furious, Im not 21 I'm 41, I have to take it slower in life. I vowed to abort all plans to trip that day and just see what happened.
That evening at about 19:00 PM my Higher Self with whom I have very intensive and explicit dialogue especially when under the influence of methoxetamine, told me that I had green light to go for 30mg oral MXE, that if it would be fine if I erred on the side of caution but that it had great things to show me.
It told me that my bad trips were administered by him to me to block the path of rectal binge use out of pure love, that it was time to put the buttered syringe away and return to oral use, and that the proof of that pudding would lie in taking oral MXE that evening and have not a single scrap of bad trip or palpitations occur.
That was a pretty he-man promise to be making while I still felt like shit after 6 hours, and one I would put to the challenge by embarking on oral MXE, 30mg dose after dose with 1 hour intervals.
Indeed, not a single heart pang or bad trip effect occurred. My malaise was wiped away. I had profoundly peaceful experiences that became evermore epic as the night progressed, during which 6x 30mg = 180mg went down the hatch with not a whisper of ill effects.
My time of riding anal rockets was over. I'm back to oral use, with the ocasional anal 30mg to kickstart a binge or provide a "21 gun salute" at the end of one, and perhaps in the future as single dose sessions, but no longer dose after dose rectally.
At the end of that evening I had humongous synesthesia of everything. Sight, street noises and my humming fridge, the smell of incense burnt on my altar, my thoughts, experiences and sensations just melded into one, and All was One, One was God, and God was Me. Total peace and Oneness.
Thats how I went to sleep that night, molten into an alloy with the Universe.
That morning, this morning, I awoke after 5 hours at like 7:10AM. I had spilled some, 205mg MXE remained in the vial. I knew just what was for brekkie and lunch! carrying on my 30mg oral odyssy it was, with body and mind, spirit and soul.
At the second dose I was overcome with a pure Whiteness behind my eyelids. Everything bathed in white light of great brightness. It became unspeakably intense yet I knew it was OK now, something Big was going to happen. I am an Animist and I could tell the signs, I was going to meet with a Spirit.
It was the Spirit of Love, I could say Goddess of Love because it manifested as a young female presence, but that term has been abused too much, Spirit of Love it was.
She interacted with me. Asked me whether it could live in my heart. I let it in. I let the Spirit of Love into my heart where it now shall remain always. We had a delightful exchange and she gently let me back down into an intensity of experience that the drug dose represented, guided me so I wouldnt freak out by the intensity of it. Full of love, because Love she was.
Soon after, green light again and I imbided, a potent experience resulted, then again and something truly grand happened.
I lay in my bed and my consciousness magnified to the Cosmic level. Cosmic consciousness like the hippies called it, I never truly experienced it like that.
I saw that Black Holes, Singularities, were Gods among heavenly bodies. They are Oneness in pure form, they attract matter, strip it of its duality and add it to their Oneness.
But it was a loving, orgasmic process. Black Holes are Pure Love, they hug the matter they accrete to them so affectionately and so tightly until only Oneness remains.
I became an black hole, an actual black hole that was accreting a star. I was beckoning the star, come, come to me, let us unite! Let us be One! And the star was thrilled to be caught up in my gravity, spinning faster and faster, the experience of me accreting the star's outer atmosphere, ripping it off of her and gugging it into the pure Love, the Oneness that was me, it was ecstatic to both the star and me, culminating in me finally sucking in the stellar remnant in the ecstatic orgasm of Two becoming One.
I writhed in utter bliss and ecstasy in my bed, it was not a genital thing but it was like coming with every part of my body and soul equally. Such pleasure such love. I had always been creeped out by singularies but this changed my perception completely, it was heavenly bodies making love, a lovemaking resulting in Oneness, Pure Love, until that Pure Love by Hawking radiation after countless eons evaporates into nothingness, the Void that gave rise to it all.
I went downstairs. My inner dialogue amazed me. More? Are you ab-so-lutely fucking kidding me? Top this? It could not be. But it was 30mg and down the hatch it went.
I was shown things of great beauty but of course nothing close to the Cosmic Consciousness that I had experienced.
Then my Inner Dialogue gave me a nudge an hour later.
50mg MXE were left. I had green light to take it and it would be go time, and I would experience something I never thought to be possible,an experience that would trump anything I had experienced before.
I knew rationally that I could take it, the milligrams would be water off this duck's back. But that was a way too fucking he-man promise for my Higher Self to be making unless there was really something more to it, an experience that would dwarf all that I had before it.
And this, folks, is the point where things may get offensive to you. I apologize in spades, but I have to tell this, at the risk of offending people and becoming the target of online ridicule for years to come. But I got to, its too important an experience on a personal level not to share.
I lay in my bed and The One came to me, it felt like God Almighty spoke to me. We had a dialogue too moving and too personal to put into words. About me, about Him, about my rape as a child, about me being gay, and unable to share intimacy.
God told me to make a hearts wish. I didnt whisper or think it, my heart did it for me. I didnt even feel the message but God had heard it.
Now I have to word myself very carefully here. No body materialized, but part of the mattress and sheet and pillow, and attached to it, the whole universe entirely, manifested as a male human form. It embraced me completely and told me "I am all around you and inside of you, always." it, God, hugged me and I hugged back with all my might. And then, nothing carnal or genital occurred of any sort but, and please forgive me people, God made love to me. Nothing carnal occurred but the exchange of Love that should happen in lovemaking, completey personal and completely intimate, that intimacy of lovemaking happened between God and me.
I wept my pillow full ot tears of pure joy, it was undescribable. It was an exchange of Pure Love with the One that was All. The intimacy, the validation it was, of a fat gay man who at times thinks very little of himself, tears flow still just writing this.
When the Union was completed, and I stress that it was NOT SEX, God spoke to me: "For your carnal virginity I will put a man on your path, but your virginity in the way of love-making, that I took from you, so in that way you are no longer a virgin."
As it dawned on me what had happened I laughed, not in disbelief or disrespectv but about the impossibility of relating this in a way that people would not either be deeply offended or shit themselves with laughter. God told me it was good to laugh, that it wasnt irreverent.
I was crying and producing unbelievalbe amounts of mucus, God told me to go get dressed, blow my nose downstairs and that "the mystery would still be there when you return", I went, felt His presence in my bed, who uged me to get back in. I went. In bed. With God.
God asked me "So *firstname* am I a good lover?" The answer was obvious. I asked how I had been. "You were just like I created you, perfect in every way." I cried. If only I could feel the love He felt for me for myself.
Guilt washed over me. What had I done? Me, the unworthy! God reassured me that Love had been exchanged, it was fully mutual and His initiative.
I asked "Is this what happened to Mary?" God said "To Mary and to many throughout history, yes something like this happened, but in Mary's case a seed was planted." My mind was blown. "Will.. Demons come after me in envy and anger?" "Nothing of the sort *firstname*, nothing of the sort." "Have I finally gone insane?" "No more than you were, you will return to normalcy after the drug wears off but, part of you will be satisfied and fulfilled and part of you will be mine in a special way that you and I know about."
I lay in bed completely relaxed, completely satisfied. Love had been made, fully.
After a long time, the manifestation of a personal God dissolved back into the universe like it always had been. I did not feel abandoned or saddened. He is all around me and inside of me always. No matter in which direction I look I will always be facing him.
I lazed around, I lingered, I cried and laughed, ordered food, rolled up Turkish pizzas, on bread much like in Biblical times it dawned on me, I slept for 4 hours, I wrote this report.
Internet, please be gentle. This is something deeply personal and deeply significant that happened to me and I have gathered the balls of steel to tell the world of my incredible experience, the one that trumped all before it.
If this offends you as a religious person or on another level I completely apologize, but I had to share this.
In the realm where Dream and Reality meet, God has made love to me, and in a way part of me is virgin no longer.
Methoxetamine -- GOD IS LOVE (may be offensive to some)
Hi gang! Its been a while since my last trip report. Two major changes had occurred, firstly I decided to park my methoxetamine stash at the homes of several friends with the instruction to supply me twice a month with a 0.5 gr quantity, which has worked brilliantly and painlessly to curb my rising use of the drug, and secondly I switched from oral use to rectal use.
3 days ago I received my mid-month portion and I went ahead and started off with 30mg intrarectally. I dissolved 30mg in 2ml hot tap water, sucked it into a 10ml needleless syringe, capped it, buttered the syringe, asked for blessings, did my ritual and squirted it up my rectum lying on my left side in bed, then quickly got up and sat down in my livingroom downstairs.
Earlier that day I had been the sitter of a lady friend's ayahuasca ceremony, which consisted of projecting positive energies on her, facilitating her need to speak what needed be spoken, be a comforting presence and be ready to rinse her puke buckets if vomiting occurred, which oddly it didn't, resulting in me having spent 5 hours idling in adarkened room and in part thinking of my MXE session to be.
Friends of the Internet, at the age of about 6 I was raped by my grandfather, a misdeed he had done a generation earlier with his own daughter. I was a grandson, but I was available and he opportunistically took advantage of the situation in the toolshed behind his house. Because of this deed and other abuses suffered at the hands of other people, I never could bear to be intimate with anyone. As a consequence of that I grew up to become a 41 year old virgin, unable to share intimacy. It even took many high dose MDMA sessions before I could even hug my best friends, it was that bad. This needs be said to better understand the following trip report.
The Topic of the intended binge, which I had 550mg Methoxetamine for and for which I started off rectally administering 30mg was to be this rape and the subsequent inability to share intimacy.
This first dose laid it out sublimely in spades, I relived the whole thing and other forms of childhood abuse such as school bullying which added to my detachment from my peers and to being at odds with everyone, in my mind and reflected in the behavior of outsiders.
I took the plunge for 15 more mg rectally half an hour in and it synergized greatly.
Then after an hour and a half I took the plunge for 30 more mg rectally.
I exploded in great anxiety and worrisome cardiac effects. It was too much, too wild, too sudden. I fought down the bad trip and idled my time away in Second Life chatting to friends, admitting to some I was "intoxicated by rectal Angel Dust" which was sort of true and led to the predictable recoil of surprise and disbelief. At the end I went to bed.
The other morning I woke very early. When I binge on MXE I always get ejected out of bed after about 5 hours, and I usually rub the sleep out of my eyes, drink some water, have a banana and take breakfast MXE. Its a very MXE thing to do and early morning MXE is often the best.
Not THAT morning! 20mg, three times rectally to great effect, again about the rape, then 25mg and it was the straw that broke the camels back. I had counted on tolerance from the day before eliminating my high MXE sensitivity but it was not the case.
I got way higher than I should have been, beyond the Hole into pure anxiety and mayhem with frightening heart palpitations.
I went to lie in bed to ease what I knew I had, a raging panic attack of death anxiety in a way too strong trip.
I decided I had been wrong about rectal MXE use: Its great for one dose- one trip. 30-40mg up the butt and bang, a full experience like the day earlier. Rectal MXE just isnt for repeat dosing. It is too fast, to furious, Im not 21 I'm 41, I have to take it slower in life. I vowed to abort all plans to trip that day and just see what happened.
That evening at about 19:00 PM my Higher Self with whom I have very intensive and explicit dialogue especially when under the influence of methoxetamine, told me that I had green light to go for 30mg oral MXE, that if it would be fine if I erred on the side of caution but that it had great things to show me.
It told me that my bad trips were administered by him to me to block the path of rectal binge use out of pure love, that it was time to put the buttered syringe away and return to oral use, and that the proof of that pudding would lie in taking oral MXE that evening and have not a single scrap of bad trip or palpitations occur.
That was a pretty he-man promise to be making while I still felt like shit after 6 hours, and one I would put to the challenge by embarking on oral MXE, 30mg dose after dose with 1 hour intervals.
Indeed, not a single heart pang or bad trip effect occurred. My malaise was wiped away. I had profoundly peaceful experiences that became evermore epic as the night progressed, during which 6x 30mg = 180mg went down the hatch with not a whisper of ill effects.
My time of riding anal rockets was over. I'm back to oral use, with the ocasional anal 30mg to kickstart a binge or provide a "21 gun salute" at the end of one, and perhaps in the future as single dose sessions, but no longer dose after dose rectally.
At the end of that evening I had humongous synesthesia of everything. Sight, street noises and my humming fridge, the smell of incense burnt on my altar, my thoughts, experiences and sensations just melded into one, and All was One, One was God, and God was Me. Total peace and Oneness.
Thats how I went to sleep that night, molten into an alloy with the Universe.
That morning, this morning, I awoke after 5 hours at like 7:10AM. I had spilled some, 205mg MXE remained in the vial. I knew just what was for brekkie and lunch! carrying on my 30mg oral odyssy it was, with body and mind, spirit and soul.
At the second dose I was overcome with a pure Whiteness behind my eyelids. Everything bathed in white light of great brightness. It became unspeakably intense yet I knew it was OK now, something Big was going to happen. I am an Animist and I could tell the signs, I was going to meet with a Spirit.
It was the Spirit of Love, I could say Goddess of Love because it manifested as a young female presence, but that term has been abused too much, Spirit of Love it was.
She interacted with me. Asked me whether it could live in my heart. I let it in. I let the Spirit of Love into my heart where it now shall remain always. We had a delightful exchange and she gently let me back down into an intensity of experience that the drug dose represented, guided me so I wouldnt freak out by the intensity of it. Full of love, because Love she was.
Soon after, green light again and I imbided, a potent experience resulted, then again and something truly grand happened.
I lay in my bed and my consciousness magnified to the Cosmic level. Cosmic consciousness like the hippies called it, I never truly experienced it like that.
I saw that Black Holes, Singularities, were Gods among heavenly bodies. They are Oneness in pure form, they attract matter, strip it of its duality and add it to their Oneness.
But it was a loving, orgasmic process. Black Holes are Pure Love, they hug the matter they accrete to them so affectionately and so tightly until only Oneness remains.
I became an black hole, an actual black hole that was accreting a star. I was beckoning the star, come, come to me, let us unite! Let us be One! And the star was thrilled to be caught up in my gravity, spinning faster and faster, the experience of me accreting the star's outer atmosphere, ripping it off of her and gugging it into the pure Love, the Oneness that was me, it was ecstatic to both the star and me, culminating in me finally sucking in the stellar remnant in the ecstatic orgasm of Two becoming One.
I writhed in utter bliss and ecstasy in my bed, it was not a genital thing but it was like coming with every part of my body and soul equally. Such pleasure such love. I had always been creeped out by singularies but this changed my perception completely, it was heavenly bodies making love, a lovemaking resulting in Oneness, Pure Love, until that Pure Love by Hawking radiation after countless eons evaporates into nothingness, the Void that gave rise to it all.
I went downstairs. My inner dialogue amazed me. More? Are you ab-so-lutely fucking kidding me? Top this? It could not be. But it was 30mg and down the hatch it went.
I was shown things of great beauty but of course nothing close to the Cosmic Consciousness that I had experienced.
Then my Inner Dialogue gave me a nudge an hour later.
50mg MXE were left. I had green light to take it and it would be go time, and I would experience something I never thought to be possible,an experience that would trump anything I had experienced before.
I knew rationally that I could take it, the milligrams would be water off this duck's back. But that was a way too fucking he-man promise for my Higher Self to be making unless there was really something more to it, an experience that would dwarf all that I had before it.
And this, folks, is the point where things may get offensive to you. I apologize in spades, but I have to tell this, at the risk of offending people and becoming the target of online ridicule for years to come. But I got to, its too important an experience on a personal level not to share.
I lay in my bed and The One came to me, it felt like God Almighty spoke to me. We had a dialogue too moving and too personal to put into words. About me, about Him, about my rape as a child, about me being gay, and unable to share intimacy.
God told me to make a hearts wish. I didnt whisper or think it, my heart did it for me. I didnt even feel the message but God had heard it.
Now I have to word myself very carefully here. No body materialized, but part of the mattress and sheet and pillow, and attached to it, the whole universe entirely, manifested as a male human form. It embraced me completely and told me "I am all around you and inside of you, always." it, God, hugged me and I hugged back with all my might. And then, nothing carnal or genital occurred of any sort but, and please forgive me people, God made love to me. Nothing carnal occurred but the exchange of Love that should happen in lovemaking, completey personal and completely intimate, that intimacy of lovemaking happened between God and me.
I wept my pillow full ot tears of pure joy, it was undescribable. It was an exchange of Pure Love with the One that was All. The intimacy, the validation it was, of a fat gay man who at times thinks very little of himself, tears flow still just writing this.
When the Union was completed, and I stress that it was NOT SEX, God spoke to me: "For your carnal virginity I will put a man on your path, but your virginity in the way of love-making, that I took from you, so in that way you are no longer a virgin."
As it dawned on me what had happened I laughed, not in disbelief or disrespectv but about the impossibility of relating this in a way that people would not either be deeply offended or shit themselves with laughter. God told me it was good to laugh, that it wasnt irreverent.
I was crying and producing unbelievalbe amounts of mucus, God told me to go get dressed, blow my nose downstairs and that "the mystery would still be there when you return", I went, felt His presence in my bed, who uged me to get back in. I went. In bed. With God.
God asked me "So *firstname* am I a good lover?" The answer was obvious. I asked how I had been. "You were just like I created you, perfect in every way." I cried. If only I could feel the love He felt for me for myself.
Guilt washed over me. What had I done? Me, the unworthy! God reassured me that Love had been exchanged, it was fully mutual and His initiative.
I asked "Is this what happened to Mary?" God said "To Mary and to many throughout history, yes something like this happened, but in Mary's case a seed was planted." My mind was blown. "Will.. Demons come after me in envy and anger?" "Nothing of the sort *firstname*, nothing of the sort." "Have I finally gone insane?" "No more than you were, you will return to normalcy after the drug wears off but, part of you will be satisfied and fulfilled and part of you will be mine in a special way that you and I know about."
I lay in bed completely relaxed, completely satisfied. Love had been made, fully.
After a long time, the manifestation of a personal God dissolved back into the universe like it always had been. I did not feel abandoned or saddened. He is all around me and inside of me always. No matter in which direction I look I will always be facing him.
I lazed around, I lingered, I cried and laughed, ordered food, rolled up Turkish pizzas, on bread much like in Biblical times it dawned on me, I slept for 4 hours, I wrote this report.
Internet, please be gentle. This is something deeply personal and deeply significant that happened to me and I have gathered the balls of steel to tell the world of my incredible experience, the one that trumped all before it.
If this offends you as a religious person or on another level I completely apologize, but I had to share this.
In the realm where Dream and Reality meet, God has made love to me, and in a way part of me is virgin no longer.
Last edited:
vortech
Bluelighter
Asante, it relieves me to know that others, like you, have had this divine experience of cosmic orgasmic love with Spirit catalyzed by MXE. I too have been touched in this way a number of times now. Feel you bro.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
That was beautiful Asante. 
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I was bullied very badly in school too but I never had any sort of sexual abuse, and I've pretty much gotten over the effects that the bullying had on me (though it took a long time). This really resonated with me, thank you so much for sharing. I got goose bumps, still do. I hope that man does come into your path because making love with another human being is also a beautiful thing and one of the most basic desires of all humans (and all creatures).
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I was bullied very badly in school too but I never had any sort of sexual abuse, and I've pretty much gotten over the effects that the bullying had on me (though it took a long time). This really resonated with me, thank you so much for sharing. I got goose bumps, still do. I hope that man does come into your path because making love with another human being is also a beautiful thing and one of the most basic desires of all humans (and all creatures).In my case the abuse and other things led to me being a "weird kid" which led to the bullying, and the teachers kinda used me as a sacrificial lamb to direct the classes negative energies towards. It was the "suck it up" 80s not the coddlywoddly times kids live in now where every contestant gets a prize and no one is left behind. Its better now as then, its heartwarming to see all the anti bullying initiuatives nowadays, it can really break a kid in twop socially to be socially outcast.
I did a whole weeks cardio on MXE being an obese heart patient. I did this paying extremely close attention to my wellbeing and with 5 minutes breaks between daily routines, the risk of going too far on an anesthetic of course are immense.
Don't be a bell end about working out on MXE, its main action is blocking signals from your body to your brain so you are getting way less feedback and could seriously injure yourself if you push yourself too hard. Do it rigorously controlled and fully focussed on what your body is telling you, ignoring the minds musings. Remember stories of gangboys on PCP punching through a cop cruiser window on PCP and not feeling a thing? They DID break every bone in their hand doing that.
And really dont swim on it. You may get a cramp or faint or simply forget how to swim and drown.
Is anyone else more prone to leg and foot cramps oin the night after MXE use? I blame the fluid drain & electrolytes. I take a potassium & magnesium supplement to combat this.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Yeah I was just weird because I am.
But it led to lots of bullying, fortunately I was lucky enough to always have a group of really close friends all through my childhood and a great family to support me. Still, I entered my adult years petrified of confrontation, which ultimately resulted in a failed relationship and many missed opportunities and a great deal of frustration that I was too afraid to let out, and it started to eat me up inside. I started getting bullied in 1989, the year I went to first grade. Teachers loved me and I rarely felt it from them, but the general attitude was still sort of, get over it, stand up to them. It wasn't until Columbine that people started worrying about bullying really. I agree that it's great to see so much awareness and attempts at preventative measures. I'm not sure whether there will always be bullies, or if we could grow our society to a point where people don't really feel the need to bully anymore. Obviously it comes from their own hurt as well.
zn13bt
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2010
- Messages
- 831
Since we're all sharing here: I was abused and bullied as a child as well, and have a lot of social phobia now because of it, and I've also been trying to use dissociatives to come to terms with what was done to me. Though I've been having less success with that, maybe because I have more of an obsessive personality or maybe because the doses I've been taking were too high, but often I end up ruminating uncontrollably about my past and having the bad memories go around and around in my head without coming to any kind of resolution about them. Sometimes I get so depressed that I become convinced that I was brought into existence just to suffer; I know on a rational level this isn't true, but my emotional self still seems to believe it. I don't seem to be making any progress on this so I'm taking a break from MXE and 3-MeO-PCP for the time being.
Also, Asante when you talk about meeting the spirit of Love and her asking if she can live in your heart, that is familiar to me as well, as I've had something very similar happen to me a couple of years ago. It played out over several months, there was an initial contact on a high dose of 25I-NBOMe (right around the time of the 2012 Venus transit, heh) after which I became obsessed with the myths and symbols associated with Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, and finding all kinds of connections with them in my daily life. Then a few months later during a 3-MeO-PCP trip, I felt her presence more directly in my mind and she asked me the same thing, if I would accept her into my heart, which I did, feeling an overwhelming sense of bliss and peace upon doing so. Later on she explained to me how to set up a small altar to her and asked me to spend some time every night meditating at it, which I've been doing for over a year now.
Also, Asante when you talk about meeting the spirit of Love and her asking if she can live in your heart, that is familiar to me as well, as I've had something very similar happen to me a couple of years ago. It played out over several months, there was an initial contact on a high dose of 25I-NBOMe (right around the time of the 2012 Venus transit, heh) after which I became obsessed with the myths and symbols associated with Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, and finding all kinds of connections with them in my daily life. Then a few months later during a 3-MeO-PCP trip, I felt her presence more directly in my mind and she asked me the same thing, if I would accept her into my heart, which I did, feeling an overwhelming sense of bliss and peace upon doing so. Later on she explained to me how to set up a small altar to her and asked me to spend some time every night meditating at it, which I've been doing for over a year now.
StickyChron
Bluelighter
Asante, that sounds like quite the experience. I really respect that you decided to share that with everyone on BL.
I'm not gay, but I would do God no questions asked. This whole report played out over the course of three days?
I'm not gay, but I would do God no questions asked. This whole report played out over the course of three days?
- Status