Yeah, fucking annoying to see so many people claim they've got HPPD..
I've said it before and I'll say it again, 99% of all people claiming to have HPPD do NOT have it.
So true!! I was going to post at the end of this thread but I couldn't let this go. I only got this far, so I apologise if there are pertinent comments I missed out on, but it is such a long thread and most of it was just getting me more and more irritated.
capEr and one other poster I saw early on were the only two people I met who sounded like they could have had hppd (don't know from his post whether
Blowmonkey is a past sufferer or just very knowledgeable).
Get this. HPPD WILL ALWAYS INTERFERE WITH YOUR DAILY LIFE, IT IS MORE LIKE TOXIC PSYCHOSIS THAN SEEING EVERYTHING SWIRL PRETTY COLOURS!! IT IS A LIVING NIGHTMARE, AND YOU ARE TRAPPED INSIDE IT WHILE YOUR CHANGED CHARACTER IS VERY VERY OBVIOUS TO OTHERS! THERE MAY NOT BE MUCH IN THE WAY OF VISUALS AND ANYWAY YOU DON'T SEE THEM BECAUSE THE ILLNESS OVERSHADOWS ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!
I had one episode of hppd after suddenly finding I could get lsd again. "Again" being after many many years of not taking drugs at all, going back to the microdot days when nobody took "four hits of acid". It would have been pure waste, because in those days, acid was
strong!
I came back to psychedelics when I discovered shrooms online and when they became illegal, found sources for lsd (there seemed to be a quick, sudden flush of it everywhere) and also discovered legal highs, in particular LU doves (the originals).
After one murderous week of abusing lsd, shrooms and LU doves with only about two days of not tripping out of 7, I had hppd and I never, never want to be in that state again. There seems absolutely nothing you can do about it except wait and hope you come out of it.
I was off work, had a blue fit when someone decided to trip in our channel on acid I'd sent them to try. I felt I had had more than enough exposure to anything tripping for a good while, and I have since felt forever guilty that I spoilt this bloke's first trip. It wasn't all my fault, as if he'd had a grain of sense he would have realised I couldn't handle the situation, but I was shocked I could even treat anyone tripping like that.
Here is a taste of my hppd later on in the week:
[21:55] <me> I'm pleased you are here
[21:55] <me> that is fine I need to really get a serious grip
[21:55] <me> 20 doves
[21:56] <me> over the last few days
[21:56] <me> things are haywire#
[21:56] <me> I am haywire
[21:56] <me> this *is* my channel yes?
[21:57] <xxx> back back
[21:57] <xxx> [you!]
[21:57] <xxx> stop drugs
[21:57] <me> yes
[21:57] <xxx> relax
[21:57] <me> I can't find doves now
[21:57] <xxx> good for you
[21:57] <me> sure I had more thaN one
[21:57] <me> still they are all gone
[21:57] <xxx> when i was taking too much drugs
[21:57] <xxx> like some years ago
[21:57] <xxx> i flushed them into the toilet
[21:57] <xxx> and then i was sober for 1 year
[21:58] <me> thanks hon
[21:58] <xxx> you should think of it
[21:58] <xxx> HDDP
[21:58] <xxx> like earlier today
[21:58] <me> do not keep saying it
[21:58] <xxx> you were TOO MUCH
[21:58] <xxx> i dont know if you remember
[21:58] <xxx> but im speaking to like friend now
[21:58] <me> xxx I haven't even thought about what anybody saud]
[21:58] <me> \
[21:58] <xxx> k
[21:58] <me> I need to drink
[21:59] <me> awwwwwwwww
[21:59] <xxx> "everday search for the fix"
[21:59] * me finally expldes with frustration
[21:59] <me> no drink now
[21:59] <me> I mean
[21:59] <me> I was off to the off license
[21:59] <xxx> i hope you dont get angry on me
[21:59] <me> bit off
[21:59] <xxx> but im just being honest
[22:00] <xxx> and i think many of us here
[22:00] <xxx> shares the same opionion like me
[22:00] <me> xxx: I know this is a fair question and that is absolutely what toask
[22:00] <me> tbh
[22:00] <me> I am too fucking spent
[22:00] <me> at this moment to feel any emotion at all anywhere any time to anyone
[22:01] <me> I haven't looked at this weird stuff too
[22:01] <me> her
[22:01] <me> herew=-
[22:01] <xxx> i dont know
[22:01] <me> od dear
[22:01] <xxx> but im a little drunk today
[22:01] <me> keyboard
[22:01] <xxx> but that doesnt make sense for me
[22:01] <me> lol that was fantastic
[22:01] <xxx> .google define toask
[22:01] <me> you need a word
[22:02] <xxx> .google define toask
[22:02] <me> that is toas hah
[22:02] <me> it yeah
[22:02] <xxx> 2 sec
[22:02] <xxx> i google it
[22:02] <me> that is so weird
[22:02] <me> the double language then just got awesome
[22:04] <me> po
[22:04] <me> oh nows
[22:04] <me> look what has happened
[22:04] <me> this is one hypocrit
[22:04] <me> ical
[22:04] <me> bits of nonsense I can't - wow fl;s
[22:04] <me> f;
[22:04] <me> flashy
[22:05] <me> my6 cup!
[22:05] <me> my cup!
[22:05] <me> my cup!
[22:05] <me> my cup xxx!
[22:05] <me> it iz turning anticlockwise
[22:05] <me> xxx
[22:05] <xxx> i can define the word
[22:05] <xxx> toask
And remember I wasn't even tripping at this point ...... though clearly had taken doves. That's hppd - and it's horrid. In the end, even your closest friends give up on you because everyone can only take so much.
I *did* eventually come out of it, slowly, about 2 or 3 weeks later. But even while I knew I was suffering, I couldn't break through that isolation and reach normality. Nowadays, I often get odd visuals if I'm tired, on some kind of legal high, had a recent trip (though I severely cut down on tripping and didn't take any hallucinogens for about 6 months following that), or just for no reason at all.
That doesn't stop me leading a normal life, but anyone in the state I was above (and there were pages of logs like that) ie truly suffering hppd, can't possibly lead a normal life.
...
D), N20, Salvia, High-Dose Sertraline, Amphetamine, Crack Cocaine, and Cannabis, of course. I feel like the stimulants in particular "burned" the psychedelia into my brain, but thats probably more perception than reality (no double-entendre intended). Other than that I've taken Psilocybin 10 times and LSD 5 times.
