Kaleida, in regards to how you feel about ego-death being calming and what-not, do you not at least panic a little when you notice it's coming? I always do because my first experience with ego-death was on 3mg+\- of 25I-NBOMe, thinking it was 200ug-250ug of LSD and I thought I was dying/died. It was one of the most traumatic & unexpected experiences of my life and now just the thought of ego-death is extremely terrifying. Since that trip I've only had ego-death once on 3.5 grams of very potent mushrooms & that left me riddled with anxiety/PTSD type symptoms for about a month. I'd love to find a way to come to terms with the feeling of ego-death so that I don't panic when it's coming. Any ideas to make such an experience easier? Maybe a sitter would help, seeing that I was alone for both of my ego-death experiences.
Well, I have not tried 25I-NBOMe myself, but from what I've heard about it it wouldn't be surprising to me that such a high dose could produce anxiety along with its other effects, particularly because I have also heard that it can be very stimulating. Mushrooms are also definitely one of the most mental and emotional psychedelics for me, regardless of any ego loss effects.... They're probably not the best way to approach ego loss if you have a problem about panicking when it begins, though they're definitely ultimately effective if you don't have any better options.
Honestly though, I really don't tend to panic unless it was unexpected and I have some reason to worry about the setting, such as if I was expecting a controllable trip and instead got strong ego loss when I don't have a sitter and I'm somewhere where I need to make sure I don't act too crazy. To that end though, the only thing that really needs to be done to remove the anxiety is to know how a drug effects you and know how to plan your settings so that you feel as comfortable and safe as possible, and truthfully the only way you can really learn how to perfect either of those things is through experience.
About having a sitter, that is a great way to start. You really want to be at a point where you have no worries whatsoever, because even the smallest ones can be inflated by the experience to prevent you from completely giving in.... Knowing that there's someone there to look after you when you cannot can be a tremendous help. However, something that you have to know is just that there are only so many precautions you can take to prepare yourself for an experience in which you will lose track of what is happening around you and any memories you might have had leading up to the experience....
On that level, I really do think that it's just state-dependent memory that you'll have to work with. That is to say, the knowledge you can use during such strong ego loss is primarily going to be any reflexes you've learned from previous ego loss experiences... or at least, that's how it's worked for me. That's why it's so important to be able to relax completely during your trip, because that's how you can teach yourself that the ego loss is not something to fear, and ergo if you keep having negative trips it may only lead to them becoming habit. From the other perspective though, it may be necessary for you to force yourself to have some negative experiences again so that you can learn how to
prevent them from being negative in the future, learning through seeing what sets you off... and that's another reason why having a sitter can help so much too. Not only can they help keep you calm and remind you that you are experiencing something voluntarily to increase your understanding of it, but they can also remind you of lessons that you may have otherwise lost to the amnesic haze of a strong solo trip.
So I guess that would be the main advice that first comes to mind.... Does what I've said make enough sense?
That's interesting kaleida, for me, 4-HO-MiPT is quite a bit stronger than 4-HO-MET at 25-30mg doses. I haven't taken either higher than 30mg, and for me, 4-HO-MET at 30mg was quite underwhelming, not even particularly visual. It was nice, and very calm, but I felt content, not euphoric, and not very social. With 4-HO-MiPT at 30mg (or 25mg), I get big rushes of euphoria and a rather empathogenic state of mind... if in good company, I become very social and I laugh a lot (to the point that I'm sore the next day sometimes). Sometimes it's barely visual at all, and sometimes it's been beautifully visual. I don't generally care about visuals nearly as much as the head change so that's fine by me. I find 4-HO-MET to be the weakest-feeling tryptamine I've tried, except for 4-HO-DiPT which I found extremely transparent and light to the point where I wasn't sure what it was even doing to me.
See, what did I say?
From what I have observed so far, these two compounds have a particular likelihood of creating polarized groups when being compared.
The way you describe 4-HO-MiPT around 25 mg is pretty similar to what I get, minus a couple of bits of intensity. I would describe it as surprisingly euphoric but not in "big rushes", and it is very empathogenic though I wouldn't say I've been sore yet from laughing. I also have only gotten it to be barely visual at all, though imaginative imagery (purely in the mind's eye) can be very elaborate; however, the most remarkable effects for me generally don't surpass lights tracers and electric auras, or very rarely brief, dim patterns in the darkness. I would actually describe
it as one of the lightest tryptamines I've tried at that point, though it still is quite enjoyable and does feel like a full trip.
4-HO-MET at 25 mg for me is an entirely different story. The euphoria is nearly unmatched, surpassed so far only by LSD and MiPT. It's not very empathogenic for me, but I've laughed on it more than any other equivalent strength trip except for 4-HO-MPT. The visuals at that point also already exceed essentially any other psychedelic I've ever taken.... Intricate, three-dimensional rainbow geometry everywhere, color enhancement comparable to 2C-B, vivid, open eye imagery of full-bodied female entities, neon arrangements of abstract faces and plants interwoven with the patterns on surfaces, closed eye visuals similar to moderately high doses of mushrooms, and moments where the overload becomes so intense that I pop into brief dissociative states, and all of this is pretty consistently reproducible at that dose for me. I also get a lot of mental stimulation at that point despite the clearheaded nature, it's definitely "pushier" for me than 4-HO-MiPT, and that really contributes to the overall overloaded feeling of the trip as well.
Funnily enough, I also find 4-HO-DiPT to be incredibly mental in similar doses, one of the most of the 4-substituted tryptamines for me. One of the primary reasons I have waited so long to push further with it is because I'm somewhat apprehensive of what it will do to my mind.... It feels nearly delirious to me already at doses that don't even produce open eye visuals, and I have a hunch that its intensity will increase more than linearly by dose just like 4-HO-MiPT! I'm okay with taking my time with it though.... I love the headspace changes too but visuals are one of my favorite things personally (particularly the dream-like hallucinations, not just patterns and such, though those are nice too), so I'm happy sticking to other tryptamines for the moment.