• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

TDS The 2024 Suicide Support Group

@Audiobook I'm sorry you are going through this.

And let me reiterate that this is precisely not the thread, or forum, to lecture people. Leave it out of TDS. Sorry I missed this.
 
Thank you.

I know my reaction was not...the best but I can’t exactly say that I’m sorry.

I just don’t need to be lectured that Adderall is addictive because I know, I was on it in high school.

And sadly it’s one of the only really effective meds for ADHD.

And if someone says that the treatment for ADHD is a beating and following the Bible they can get fucked.

You reacted about like anyone else would, certainly no apologies necessary.

Folks can deny science and talk about the bible in the philosophy forum.
 
At least I can say that I didn’t damage my brain to the point that you have.

I can lose weight and am doing so since I got off the antipsychotics.

But brain damage like you have is a lot harder to heal, if it’s even possible. 🙂

Good luck tho! 💖
Audiobook kudos to you gal, don’t mind the haters, and may God bless you and be with you always girl.
 
I waited 1 year list for CBT which finally came up in April, but has beem canvelled and postponed since. I don"t want telephone appointments, I really need a face-to-face situation to get any real benefit out of it.

So I'm just kind of holding in there for the meantime and hoping that it will be possible for me to access this therapy at the right time.

cbt is like a psychological plaster

it's a surface therapy, 'treats' symptoms ignores causes benefits some people but tends to stop 'working' when the therapy ends, imho

maybe they will meet you via Skype, Zoom or similar? Obviously not as good as face-to-face but if it's cbt then probably not much different
 
cbt is like a psychological plaster

it's a surface therapy, 'treats' symptoms ignores causes benefits some people but tends to stop 'working' when the therapy ends, imho

maybe they will meet you via Skype, Zoom or similar? Obviously not as good as face-to-face but if it's cbt then probably not much different
Hi, thanks very much for sharing that insight. Actually, it already resonates entirely with my own understanding and expectations.

I hold no high expectations, but in my own case I'm extremely condident it cpuld help me, simply as a free talkong therapy, away from the homw and my mum, and none of my supposed friends give a shit or offer the merest support.

So to have an external environment to freely, open chat about what I uderstand very veru well now as being my core issues and challenges ahead, and goals, without fear of relatives friends etc, emotiinally involved...I feel in itself will be a very useful amd productive therapy for me at this time. With no goals or edpectations, just pressure free talking therapy.

And yeah thanks I have been offered Skype ,Zoom, Telephone appointments.

But I never signed up for that. Due to my own unique mental and emotional disposition and requirements I honestly feel that face-to-face is exactly what I need for this therapy to be anywhere nearly as beneficial as it could be for me.

I don't actually have a skype set, and my tablet doesn't transmot my audiin via zoom.

I didn't fancy telephone either. I would much more relaxed, calmer, and better able to communicate in a face-to-face setting so that is why I have been holding out but in truth it has not been the right time recently for me to even access any sort of therapy due to to a massive decline in physical health which is on the up now with the thanks of some incredible lifesaving homeopathic remedies l Begun on Friday after seeing my excellent homeopath last week.

So I think we are kind of on the same page and understanding with this except in this particular Circumstance and time for myself I feel that this service could actually be worked to my own advantage with no strings attached and nothing to lose.

Thanks again for your useful and and informed advice, and of course best to you bro..
 
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I actually like CBT.

I’ve been through DBT (in eating disorder treatment) and that can be a lot to keep up with.

For me sometimes I do just need to talk and it can work for some people.

The benefits for me do end a while after therapy has been ceased but I still do learn from it.
Hey, meant to tag you above. Please keep holding with me for a moment, have been record poorly anc depleted, but homeopathy is kicking in now daily thank god, literally fixing everything gradually. 27 days to go.


But I will, definitely reply to you in Pm I swear. Felt bad to leave it even a few days but has been a real battle to fight as the healong starts to ,kick in powerfully.

1st few fays oh homeopathy can be so intense, due to extreme inltial die off from infections, toxins, and the energy it takes to kickstart such a powerful healing poices.
Hope you are ok my friend anyway I just didn't want you to think I had ignored or forgotten you that's all as soon as I have a scrap of energy and wits I will get back to you my friend. Hang tough!
 
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No problem!!

I totally get it, don’t feel rushed!!
Thanks. Just would not usually leave you hangimg like this but these are exceptional times atm. Will be a pleasure to try amd assist somehow though, mark my words on that. I just always like to do things properly.
 
I've found that I've never been able to stick with cbt for any extended duration. But it does help many in the long run. Have tried many medications, some of which serve their purpose, but nothing that's really come w/o issues.

I really liked my last therapist after I had been to so many. Stopped going because this was the beginning of my more serious phase of opiate addiction, and I was nodding out in sessions. The only thing that has staved off the worst impulses of my mental illness has been the love of family or friends.
 
I actually like CBT.

I’ve been through DBT (in eating disorder treatment) and that can be a lot to keep up with.

For me sometimes I do just need to talk and it can work for some people.

The benefits for me do end a while after therapy has been ceased but I still do learn from it.
Plus, the microdosing schedule, where adhered to, is a sort of CBT in itself and I would actually predict that following a committed microdosing protocol after a course of CBT sessions could actually significantly enhance the benefits and maintain them on a more permanent lasting basis but that is just speculation on my intuition and understanding and experience of things of course.
 
I've found that I've never been able to stick with cbt for any extended duration. But it does help many in the long run. Have tried many medications, some of which serve their purpose, but nothing that's really come w/o issues.

I really liked my last therapist after I had been to so many. Stopped going because this was the beginning of my more serious phase of opiate addiction, and I was nodding out in sessions. The only thing that has staved off the worst impulses of my mental illness has been the love of family or friends.
Thanks very much mate for sharing your own experience very interesting to me as well and I actually can't help feel that those of us who struggle with certain mental and anxiety issues are in a way stronger than those people who do not in some cases and who simply lack the the depth of imagination and mind and awareness and perception of our reality to even get into such waters in the first place.

They say ignorance is Bliss but really it's kind of naivety.

Still being a highly spiritual and philosophical individual I have always thought that's it is ultimately better to be be advancef and learning in this life even if it means we suffer and have a much harder time for this incarnation wherever it leads next.
 
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Plus, the microdosing schedule, where adhered to, is a sort of CBT in itself and I would actually predict that following a committed microdosing protocol after a course of CBT sessions could actually significantly enhance the benefits and maintain them on a more permanent lasting basis but that is just speculation on my intuition and understanding and experience of things of course.

I love psychedelics but have never been able to microdose, any time I try I end up desiring more. You'd think I'd do it more, but for whatever reason I only want to use my supply if I'm going out there with it. This could be a good idea, or at least a start for me, because I have been in a slump for quite some time.
 
thinking about ending my life. I get that many many people will reply to this saying"Oh its OK! Just live it up man! Its worth it!!" Is it? Is it, when, literally every single little fucking thing I do makes me mad? Yeah, crazy right? I piss myself off more than anybody, because everything I hate in this world, I am a perfect representation of. I`m always judging people without knowing them, like man why is he so fat? Or wow that guy looks cracked out. I literally used to be 300lbs, and I`m more cracked out most of the time than most fucking people ever will be. Not that I smoke meth, but through smoking every little tiny fucking little bit of weed I can find, Smoking tobacco on fucking top of that has just turned my brain to mush. You might think, oh its just a couple darts stop complaining. Nope! Not this fucken junkie! From day one, Ive been running that shit through bongs, as well as weed and sometimes just random pills I find in the medicine cabinet. Why not, right? Might as fucken well. All my friends through highschool have thought I was just the most fucked kid around because of these ridiculous bowls I smoke. I`m not even kidding, I`ll fill the bowl with tobacco, stamp it down with my finger till I cant anymore, then shove as much weed (sometimes among other things) as I can on top. I smoke these bowls in one breath! I`m not showing off or anything either, this isnt me beating my chest. Shits fucking disgusting. if I saw somebody else doing what I do, I`d call that person a fucking idiot. On top of it all, my family hates me and they should. God gifted me with the worst case of bipolar I can imagine; one where you`re either the coolest guy around, a guy that everybody wants to see, or a raging monster that nobody wants to see. Over the years, the emotional damage and the physical property that ive destroyed of my own families.... I cant live with it. Why would I? Theres nothing left for me here. Nothing but heartbreak and sorrow, and not just for me. Theres no point in going any farther with this lie of a life thats been cruelly laid out before me. My only hope is I can find peace through 30-something antipsychotics, and fading to nothingness. Thats another thing. I didnt even know quetiapine was an antipsychotic! Only found out through this forum when I posted about them. Thats what the doctors are trying to fix, eh? Psychopathic tendencies? Fuck that, just another bullshit sedative they give to moody teenagers to make them shut the fuck up. Theres no fixing a person like me, only living with the reality of it. Which is something I cannot do, and even if I could, I refuse.
 
I love psychedelics but have never been able to microdose, any time I try I end up desiring more. You'd think I'd do it more, but for whatever reason I only want to use my supply if I'm going out there with it. This could be a good idea, or at least a start for me, because I have been in a slump for quite some time.

you have to rid yourself of the expectation that the psychedelic is gonna do anything at all when on microdosing regime - not so easy for those of us who actually like to feel our drugs when we take them :) Your subconscious (or conscious lol) wants to 'feel ' it as a drug when it would be more appropriate to conceive of a microdose as a vitamin

Often people dose too high. A real microdose should be sub-perceptual, absolutely no more than, say, 10ug lsd, probably more like 7 or 8. Ths can be tricky as you have to know the exact strength of the substances you're dealing with and then have the capacity to volumetric dose accurately. Cutting a supposedly 100ug tab into 12 equal bits just isn't the way forward as A) might not be 100ug and B) the lsd could be unevenly distributed on the blotter.

There's definitely something in mental health treatment via high (and low) dose psyches but that's a whole different kettle of fish than microdosing
 
you have to rid yourself of the expectation that the psychedelic is gonna do anything at all when on microdosing regime - not so easy for those of us who actually like to feel our drugs when we take them :) Your subconscious (or conscious lol) wants to 'feel ' it as a drug when it would be more appropriate to conceive of a microdose as a vitamin

Often people dose too high. A real microdose should be sub-perceptual, absolutely no more than, say, 10ug lsd, probably more like 7 or 8. Ths can be tricky as you have to know the exact strength of the substances you're dealing with and then have the capacity to volumetric dose accurately. Cutting a supposedly 100ug tab into 12 equal bits just isn't the way forward as A) might not be 100ug and B) the lsd could be unevenly distributed on the blotter.

There's definitely something in mental health treatment via high (and low) dose psyches but that's a whole different kettle of fish than microdosing
You're exactly correct in every point here.

I was going to say,10ug or above and I always feel an effect, regardless of supposed tolerance, i.e. even when taking lots of acid regularly for a good while at all doses, I still seem to be able to feel pretty full effects from any dose.

But even 10ug can be noticeable.

So yes, to truly be sub perceptual, but sufficient, 7 or 8ug sounds more realistic.

Your other points also mirror my own thoughts and many time spoken words.

Firstly I will say, that even if you do know the exact ug in your tabs, and there is almost a perfectly even and consistent distribution over the whole square, and tab to tab, cutting is very unreliable and way too guessy, hit and miss to be reliable.

I often take 1/4 to half tabs. Just citting a tab into 2 equal halves with scizzors is very tricky.

Probably a scalpal on a flat surface would be the way to go.

But even if I have two apparently equal halves, cutting two equal quarters is even trickier. Let alone into 1/8ths, for 12.5ug.

If you got a super precise milligram scale, which really does hold almost to the milligram (I'm sure they exist, but my own milligram scales are just not up to that level of precision, one tab weighing about 18 mg), then it could be more consistently and replicably done.

But ideally, volumetric dosing is the only logical, sensible and reliable way to go.

However, I cannot tolerate any form of alcohol at any dose.

I use distilled water, but there is never, in my experience, a totally full dissolution from the paper into the distilled water.

I have tripped quite strongly swallowing 2 tabs worth of an emptied MD bottle, after getting noticeable effects from allegedly 10ug, or 1ml of a 20 ml bottle with 200ug.

So this can be also be considered, but it doesn't necessarily matter if 1 ml is under 10ug. The doses thoughout the bottle should be consistent so ypu can experiment and see what works best, what you feel and don't feel.

I think using alcohol will leach more of the acid out of the paper, but I can't say that for sure. I also think cutting the tabs into meny smaller pieces may facilitate a better dissolution rate, even into 4 pieces is not enough. Let alone a whole tab,,and surely is related to overall surface area, which makes sense.

Regarding much of the above and specifically your points about not knowing for sure the actual exact dose on the tabs- this is where the legally available in Holland, Poland, Germany and Canada, clearnet Lysergamides, 1plsd and 1cP-LSD in particular, plus the now no longer currently produced ALD 52, come in perfect for the task.

They are made and laid as professionally and consistently as possible, by legal and very competent Dutch Chemists, to the highest level of purity, and laid so accuratley and consistently at very close to 100ug per tab, with virtually no hot spots or unevenness, as indicated consistently by my own extensive subjective experience over tha past 2 years.

This makes these clearnet lysergamide 100ug tabs ideal for microdosing.

I do agree with all of the good points you make.

However, I still also feel that there is therpeutic benefit from doses which are perceptually felt, from 10ug to 25ug.

It can be argued that above a certain threshold, if not simply the perceptual one, "mini-dose" is the correct term.

But mini-dosing can actually work very well for the same purposes.

I think most people who attempt microdosing actually prefer to feel a little effect, in a sort of mentally stimulative way. And mini dosing up to 25ug is very popular.

But you would be correct to argue that is isn't truly a microdose if you feel it and are conscious of the effects.

But in my mind, that doesn't mean the practice will not be equally, or possibly even more effective, purposeful and rewarding.

A scientific study, subjective of course, examined 3 doses over a period. 13ug was indicated to be the most productively beneficial in certain ways.

But 26ug was also therapeutically beneficial in a different manner.

It's all still very unwritten and determined.

25ug always feels quite strong to me, and I and many others enjoy this exact dose.

My 70 year old mum tried microdosing. Even 0.75 ml, 7.5ug at most- was way too syrong for her, way above perceptual level.

She even noticed 1ug, but the perceptual effects were milder and dropped off sooner.
 
I guess it depends on how painful your psychiatric issues are, you're very young to just up and kill yourself. A lot of things I think and feel pass, major family fuckups fade in the rearview mirror, friends come and go, etc. I've had treatment resistant depression since I was 15, never had any periods of remission, and I'm about to turn 55. Your friends and family probably already accept you for who you are, those that don't eventually will. Somehow, because its mental illness we suffer from, instead of something like cancer or paraplegic or diabetes, we're made to make ourselves feel shame and defeat for a psychiatric diagnosis we were born into and we never asked for. That's bullshit IMO. Don't apologize, don't suicide out, go do what you want to do with your life, so what if your bipolar, schizo, depressed, or whathefuckever, its not your fucking fault you turned out that way. And, as many many people can tell you on this site, you can live with your diagnosis and get your share of what's yours in this life. There's no requirement you have to look good doing it, be your own worst enemy, most of us are.
 
thinking about ending my life. I get that many many people will reply to this saying"Oh its OK! Just live it up man! Its worth it!!" Is it? Is it, when, literally every single little fucking thing I do makes me mad? Yeah, crazy right? I piss myself off more than anybody, because everything I hate in this world, I am a perfect representation of. I`m always judging people without knowing them, like man why is he so fat? Or wow that guy looks cracked out. I literally used to be 300lbs, and I`m more cracked out most of the time than most fucking people ever will be. Not that I smoke meth, but through smoking every little tiny fucking little bit of weed I can find, Smoking tobacco on fucking top of that has just turned my brain to mush. You might think, oh its just a couple darts stop complaining. Nope! Not this fucken junkie! From day one, Ive been running that shit through bongs, as well as weed and sometimes just random pills I find in the medicine cabinet. Why not, right? Might as fucken well. All my friends through highschool have thought I was just the most fucked kid around because of these ridiculous bowls I smoke. I`m not even kidding, I`ll fill the bowl with tobacco, stamp it down with my finger till I cant anymore, then shove as much weed (sometimes among other things) as I can on top. I smoke these bowls in one breath! I`m not showing off or anything either, this isnt me beating my chest. Shits fucking disgusting. if I saw somebody else doing what I do, I`d call that person a fucking idiot. On top of it all, my family hates me and they should. God gifted me with the worst case of bipolar I can imagine; one where you`re either the coolest guy around, a guy that everybody wants to see, or a raging monster that nobody wants to see. Over the years, the emotional damage and the physical property that ive destroyed of my own families.... I cant live with it. Why would I? Theres nothing left for me here. Nothing but heartbreak and sorrow, and not just for me. Theres no point in going any farther with this lie of a life thats been cruelly laid out before me. My only hope is I can find peace through 30-something antipsychotics, and fading to nothingness. Thats another thing. I didnt even know quetiapine was an antipsychotic! Only found out through this forum when I posted about them. Thats what the doctors are trying to fix, eh? Psychopathic tendencies? Fuck that, just another bullshit sedative they give to moody teenagers to make them shut the fuck up. Theres no fixing a person like me, only living with the reality of it. Which is something I cannot do, and even if I could, I refuse.
Maybe try lithium it's a natural mineral a classic for bipolar. Nirvana did lithium so it must be cool! 😉

Seriously though "quetiapine" is "a shout the fuck up" medicine more then a "get better" medicine, they love giving that stuff to creative/progressive/problematic young people so they don't start changing the world for the better and such, they also give it to problematic old-people in the nursing-home, the ones that complain about the shitty food and poor conditions they are forced to endure before they die.

I feel like Quetiapine is a medicine mainly designed to make it easier for the people around you not so much for you to benefit from.

But if you feel like your about to rage and do some unforgivably stupid stuff, or if you just need to knock your self out, (like in that Ramones song "I wanna be sedated"), then it's very convenient, I have some at hand for "special occasions", but I have not used that shit in years. But Im happy I have some just in case.




But please don't commit suicide, even if everybody hates you and there is no hope and you don't have any will to live.

Do something crazy instead, hop a freight-train, change your name, go to the most fucked up war-zone/country in the world and volunteer for an NGO and try to save as many lives as you can before they bomb the hospital where you are volunteering. Just do something, get out of your comfort zone, leave everyone behind and go live in a jungle somewhere.

Bless u
❤️

Im not a doctor and this is not medical advice, as a matter of fact don't trust anything Im saying Im certifiably mad.😎
 
I guess it depends on how painful your psychiatric issues are, you're very young to just up and kill yourself. A lot of things I think and feel pass, major family fuckups fade in the rearview mirror, friends come and go, etc. I've had treatment resistant depression since I was 15, never had any periods of remission, and I'm about to turn 55. Your friends and family probably already accept you for who you are, those that don't eventually will. Somehow, because its mental illness we suffer from, instead of something like cancer or paraplegic or diabetes, we're made to make ourselves feel shame and defeat for a psychiatric diagnosis we were born into and we never asked for. That's bullshit IMO. Don't apologize, don't suicide out, go do what you want to do with your life, so what if your bipolar, schizo, depressed, or whathefuckever, its not your fucking fault you turned out that way. And, as many many people can tell you on this site, you can live with your diagnosis and get your share of what's yours in this life. There's no requirement you have to look good doing it, be your own worst enemy, most of us are.
This isnt me trying to be mean, or demean our lives in any way, but if there truly is no way out of depression and anxiety and bipolar, then what the fuck is the point? What the fuck is the point when all I think about are negative variables that usually dont even have a play in my life at all? It doesnt matter what I do, I could literally be the founder of a corporation, making millions and I`d still hate myself. This sounds selfish, but I dont really care what everybody else thinks of me. They`ve already thought horribly of me my whole life, so why the fuck should I worry about that? I just want to hit a point where I`m self sufficient so I can live on my own with nobodys feelings around to hurt. I`d still hate myself and everything else though, so whats the point in that even?
 
Maybe try lithium it's a natural mineral a classic for bipolar. Nirvana did lithium so it must be cool! 😉

Seriously though "quetiapine" is "a shout the fuck up" medicine more then a "get better" medicine, they love giving that stuff to creative/progressive/problematic young people so they don't start changing the world for the better and such, they also give it to problematic old-people in the nursing-home, the ones that complain about the shitty food and poor conditions they are forced to endure before they die.

I feel like Quetiapine is a medicine mainly designed to make it easier for the people around you not so much for you to benefit from.

But if you feel like your about to rage and do some unforgivably stupid stuff, or if you just need to knock your self out, (like in that Ramones song "I wanna be sedated"), then it's very convenient, I have some at hand for "special occasions", but I have not used that shit in years. But Im happy I have some just in case.




But please don't commit suicide, even if everybody hates you and there is no hope and you don't have any will to live.

Do something crazy instead, hop a freight-train, change your name, go to the most fucked up war-zone/country in the world and volunteer for an NGO and try to save as many lives as you can before they bomb the hospital where you are volunteering. Just do something, get out of your comfort zone, leave everyone behind and go live in a jungle somewhere.

Bless u


Im not a doctor and this is not medical advice, as a matter of fact don't trust anything Im saying Im certifiably mad.😎

I fucken hate quetiapine. Anybody ive talked to about it says its the worst drug a doctor can give you, I`m thinking about flushing them down the drain and not taking them ever again.
 
This isnt me trying to be mean, or demean our lives in any way, but if there truly is no way out of depression and anxiety and bipolar, then what the fuck is the point? What the fuck is the point when all I think about are negative variables that usually dont even have a play in my life at all? It doesnt matter what I do, I could literally be the founder of a corporation, making millions and I`d still hate myself. This sounds selfish, but I dont really care what everybody else thinks of me. They`ve already thought horribly of me my whole life, so why the fuck should I worry about that? I just want to hit a point where I`m self sufficient so I can live on my own with nobodys feelings around to hurt. I`d still hate myself and everything else though, so whats the point in that even?

I hear your pain and I'm sorry you're feeling that way; keep trucking though; I think we all dream of being CEO and taking charge. Keep dreaming though. Keep reading. Keep talking. Let it out. You are not alone. One day we will overcome and it shall be glorious
 
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