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TDS The 2024 Suicide Support Group

Madness said:
Looking toward the Equinoxe de Printemps. Do you have things to do during the day?

@BK38
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Yes, I've class 5 days a week, 7 hrs a day for French. I've got a test coming up in a month or so and I really don't think I'm going to pass it. I've got a consultation lined up with my psychiatrist on the 14th and also a specialist orthopaedic doc to look at my shoulder in preparation for a shoulder operation sometime this year. I'm just in a bad place mentally and very depressed, but I don't want to take anti-depressants or get sectioned because I tell my psychiatrist I'm suicidal. It will fuck all the work I've put into these French courses. I feel so trapped, lonely and just...dysfunctional.
 
Madness said:
@BK38 Are the French classes not enjoyable?
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They can be alright, but at other times it's pretty much pure torture, especially on the writing side. It's less straightforward than even English somehow grammatically and it does my head in. I also struggle to memorize stuff because of the benzos, sweat/tremble uncontrollably sometimes and just get anxious af and frustrated with myself.
 
There's gotta be some sort of way to memorize things. I'm bad at memorizing random things but if you can attach the words to some other value or figure out a unique way to remember it might pop off. Don't give up @BK38 you're too valuable, smart person we need you ✊
 
Madness said:
There's gotta be some sort of way to memorize things. I'm bad at memorizing random things but if you can attach the words to some other value or figure out a unique way to remember it might pop off. Don't give up @BK38 you're too valuable, smart person we need you ✊
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Thanks man. I try and incorporate mnemonics to memorize stuff, but ngl, French is so all over the place that I struggle. Tbh, it's embarrassing I've been in FR so long and learnt so little. Only really studied the language for 4ish months I think? My language acquisition sucks compared to when I was younger.

Anyhow, thanks for the kind words bro. I'm going to try and keep keeping on. One day at a time.
 
I'm not suicidal at the moment, but I'm depressed. I think I've fallen in love with my bed. I've had suicidal thinking on and off in 2023. Recently, I started seeing a psychologist. I've just met with him once. I got real hopeful for a while. But that's worn off.
 
I have been thinking suicidal thoughts every now and then maybe 3 months, especially today. I got some sad and insulting news, and I have been very low energy lately anyway. I have no support, my closest person/my partner is at trip and he said he would come here next week and it was settled and now he said he will not come. And didn't know when. I feel so lonely and abandoned, i have been struggling with mental issues and I think he does not quite understand how severe my situation really is and how anxious and depressed I have been. I just want to give up, i wish this anxiety to stop. Everyone thinks its only anxiety and blames it on me ("you need to just get up and go, just get your self together, its because of your attitude blah blah blah.."), oh really, i really wish it was that simple to just switch my mood and become productive and happy again. Why the hell would I wish to be unhappy and sad all the time?! Now I have no one to support me, i don't even have enough benzos to get though next week to get sleep and be able to do my daily chores, he supposed to help me with my benzos to get me those (my prescription is empty and I have only 2 days worth of them. I don't know how to manage. I just want to give up, i know I should hang on and try to cope, but I don't have the strenght. I wish I could just sleep this sadness and emptyness away.
 
Isavelaa said:
I have been thinking suicidal thoughts every now and then maybe 3 months, especially today. I got some sad and insulting news, and I have been very low energy lately anyway. I have no support, my closest person/my partner is at trip and he said he would come here next week and it was settled and now he said he will not come. And didn't know when. I feel so lonely and abandoned, i have been struggling with mental issues and I think he does not quite understand how severe my situation really is and how anxious and depressed I have been. I just want to give up, i wish this anxiety to stop. Everyone thinks its only anxiety and blames it on me ("you need to just get up and go, just get your self together, its because of your attitude blah blah blah.."), oh really, i really wish it was that simple to just switch my mood and become productive and happy again. Why the hell would I wish to be unhappy and sad all the time?! Now I have no one to support me, i don't even have enough benzos to get though next week to get sleep and be able to do my daily chores, he supposed to help me with my benzos to get me those (my prescription is empty and I have only 2 days worth of them. I don't know how to manage. I just want to give up, i know I should hang on and try to cope, but I don't have the strenght. I wish I could just sleep this sadness and emptyness away.
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I hear you on the stupid advice. They just don't know what they're talking about. Most people have had the blues, but most people do not experience chronic depression. That's why we call it a psychological disorder . . . because it's not normal. I know what you're talking about because I live it.

Running out of a med you've become deendent on is a real bummer. Right now, I'm rationing my Vicodin because I used it too liberally at the start of the month's supply. For sleep, edible cannabis might help you.

Depression and anxiety together is a bad tag team to have coming at you. I fear anxiety more than depression. I sometimes think depression is a way to escape anxiety.

Try to find some human contact. We are not meant to be alone. I know that's not easy. I've gone to a city park and hung out with homeless people just to escape excess solitude. Sounds desperate and pathetic, but one gets desperate.

Suicidal thinking can get to be a habit. I entertain that kind of thinking quite a bit. Eventually, it does ease up. I hear you. Your pain is real. You need a partner who will be more reliable. You need friends. Building that circle of support is a huge challenge. I am not good at that myself. Let us know how you're doing. Share your thoughts. Some of us really do know what you're talking about.
 
DesertHarp said:
I hear you on the stupid advice. They just don't know what they're talking about. Most people have had the blues, but most people do not experience chronic depression. That's why we call it a psychological disorder . . . because it's not normal. I know what you're talking about because I live it.

Running out of a med you've become deendent on is a real bummer. Right now, I'm rationing my Vicodin because I used it too liberally at the start of the month's supply. For sleep, edible cannabis might help you.

Depression and anxiety together is a bad tag team to have coming at you. I fear anxiety more than depression. I sometimes think depression is a way to escape anxiety.

Try to find some human contact. We are not meant to be alone. I know that's not easy. I've gone to a city park and hung out with homeless people just to escape excess solitude. Sounds desperate and pathetic, but one gets desperate.

Suicidal thinking can get to be a habit. I entertain that kind of thinking quite a bit. Eventually, it does ease up. I hear you. Your pain is real. You need a partner who will be more reliable. You need friends. Building that circle of support is a huge challenge. I am not good at that myself. Let us know how you're doing. Share your thoughts. Some of us really do know what you're talking about.
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Thank you for your answer and kind words☺️
 
DesertHarp said:
I hear you on the stupid advice. They just don't know what they're talking about. Most people have had the blues, but most people do not experience chronic depression. That's why we call it a psychological disorder . . . because it's not normal. I know what you're talking about because I live it.

Running out of a med you've become deendent on is a real bummer. Right now, I'm rationing my Vicodin because I used it too liberally at the start of the month's supply. For sleep, edible cannabis might help you.

Depression and anxiety together is a bad tag team to have coming at you. I fear anxiety more than depression. I sometimes think depression is a way to escape anxiety.

Try to find some human contact. We are not meant to be alone. I know that's not easy. I've gone to a city park and hung out with homeless people just to escape excess solitude. Sounds desperate and pathetic, but one gets desperate.

Suicidal thinking can get to be a habit. I entertain that kind of thinking quite a bit. Eventually, it does ease up. I hear you. Your pain is real. You need a partner who will be more reliable. You need friends. Building that circle of support is a huge challenge. I am not good at that myself. Let us know how you're doing. Share your thoughts. Some of us really do know what you're talking about.
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I have no access to any edibles or cannabis, they would help to manage these thoughtloops and help my mood in many ways, but I don't have them now and don't know when I could have those. I'm benzo withdrawing, shit this is terrible. Plus these anxious and irrational thoughts and feelings are so much worse now. I can't see people, too much stimuli to talk and socialize, i saw one person today only for two hours and now i'm drained. And feeling agitated and irritated without specific reason.

I feel lonely though, i just can't see people, it is too much and I get very tired after a short time, even I miss people and friends, and especially I miss my loved one/my partner, he is still on another city and I don't know when he comes home. I feel so isolated and empty. And sad. And god dammit I want those benzos, i don't know should I try to go to ER, but I think they wont give them to me, i don't know.
 
Isavelaa said:
I have no access to any edibles or cannabis, they would help to manage these thoughtloops and help my mood in many ways, but I don't have them now and don't know when I could have those. I'm benzo withdrawing, shit this is terrible. Plus these anxious and irrational thoughts and feelings are so much worse now. I can't see people, too much stimuli to talk and socialize, i saw one person today only for two hours and now i'm drained. And feeling agitated and irritated without specific reason.

I feel lonely though, i just can't see people, it is too much and I get very tired after a short time, even I miss people and friends, and especially I miss my loved one/my partner, he is still on another city and I don't know when he comes home. I feel so isolated and empty. And sad. And god dammit I want those benzos, i don't know should I try to go to ER, but I think they wont give them to me, i don't know.
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I wouldn't be too hopeful about getting benzodiazepines in an ER. I used to be on Librium. I withdrew a few times, after using up my prescription too soon. It's miserable. But it is transitory. Each hour you get through brings you closer to some relief.
 
DesertHarp said:
I wouldn't be too hopeful about getting benzodiazepines in an ER. I used to be on Librium. I withdrew a few times, after using up my prescription too soon. It's miserable. But it is transitory. Each hour you get through brings you closer to some relief.
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I didn't go to ER. But I do feel miserable, little hopeful than yesterday, gladly. Mornings are the worst, i usually wake up early and nothing to do at those times, maybe i start a diary again, i also like to paint and draw. Nighttime would be ideal (when got insomnia) to put those feelings on paper in one way or another.
I know this might be the worst day, mood swings and anxiety/restlessness but I hope tomorrow would be easier, i really hope so. Must try to manage one moment at a time, there is no choice.
 
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