Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

good evening guys xoxox i hope everyone is having a splendid evening im just enjoying some relaxing time in the living room and figured i’d pop in. i pulled out the laser toy to play with the kitties, and it’s hilarious. not just because they relentlessly try to catch this laser but considering we run a cat / kitten rescue, seeing 18 cats try to catch this tiny red dot is absolutely hilarious.


anyways, todays been a lovely day honestly. ran some christmas errands downtown, took a 10mg valium(oooops), and have just been content all day long. i got a LOT of presents wrapped and put under the tree, which got me immediately in the christmas spirit

anyways; doing well guys. i hope all of you are doing alright & enjoying your evening with your family or your pets or your friends or even just yourself.
much love,
jon

Oh wow that’s cool that you run a kitten/ cat rescue … I love that
My rescue kitty is so sweet, one of the best decisions I’ve made keeping him
Big hugs

 

[tokayeahok]

Oh wow that’s cool that you run a kitten/ cat rescue … I love that
My rescue kitty is so sweet, one of the best decisions I’ve made keeping him
Big hugs

well, you see it just started as us having a LOT of cats. we have a very redneck-ish neighbor who doesn’t take the best care of his animals. so of course he doesn’t spay/neuter his cats. he had this one female cat who busted out 3 litters of kittens within one year. not to mention the OTHER cats he had have kittens. we’ve probably gotten over 26 over the years. he doesn’t feed them properly either, so when they’re old enough they all run over here to eat and get their poor bellies full. and once that happens, they are practically ours to deal with because we’re not going to let an animal go hungry. once they know we will feed them, they never leave.


so with that backstory being said, we just turned it into a cat rescue and work with the local humane society to do what we can. the humane society won’t take them at all, and reporting the neighbor doesn’t do much since he’s right on the line of caring for them JUST enough to where animal control or authorities won’t get involved. it’s tricky & complicated honestly.

but thank you, angel. ibeooredieybr

 

[Jnowhere]

18 cats, it would best for me to leave.

 

[thatmf]

18 cats, it would best for me to leave.

I'd just want to be invited over I love cats, unfortunately my neighbours can be really hit and miss and disruptive. I've mostly given up on the idea of having a cat or two where I currently live. They'd be the most skiddish peeps from their environment.

Hope you're all doing well, crazy season is now upon us.

 

[tokayeahok]

yeah it can be a lot at sometimes

 

[tokayeahok]

good evening lads & lasses! gosh i wrote an entire reply & multiple paragraphs and it froze & i had to restart typing this all out. anyways; my mum is boozing hard tonight and i took some sedatives to deal with. nothing lethal just to help deal & sit in here with her to make sure she is okay, y’know?? it’s really hard, and i won’t lie. just because i’ve mentioned this before, but is it even viable to mention that this still traumatized me at this age, considering her alcoholism sticking to me when i was a little kid? i feel feel humiliated and embarrassed saying that this considering that i’m 28 years old and that i should be able to healthily deal this at my age…. but yeah i took some medication to deal with my feelings as stupid as that sounds. again, nothing… even though it’s fent presses & a 5mg valium. I got a friend over kinda mediating and for harm reduction purposes. Always, when mixing benzodiazepines & opiates. I got a best pal sitting here with some narcan JUST in case, he’s here to hangout with me and just make sure my mum is okay as well; most importantly. but i keep good pals around me who have lifesaving medications if ever needed. anyways, luv u lads and lasses. just wanted to hold myself accountable and give an update


goodnight

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

good evening lads & lasses! gosh i wrote an entire reply & multiple paragraphs and it froze & i had to restart typing this all out. anyways; my mum is boozing hard tonight and i took some sedatives to deal with. nothing lethal just to help deal & sit in here with her to make sure she is okay, y’know?? it’s really hard, and i won’t lie. just because i’ve mentioned this before, but is it even viable to mention that this still traumatized me at this age, considering her alcoholism sticking to me when i was a little kid? i feel feel humiliated and embarrassed saying that this considering that i’m 28 years old and that i should be able to healthily deal this at my age…. but yeah i took some medication to deal with my feelings as stupid as that sounds. again, nothing… even though it’s fent presses & a 5mg valium. I got a friend over kinda mediating and for harm reduction purposes. Always, when mixing benzodiazepines & opiates. I got a best pal sitting here with some narcan JUST in case, he’s here to hangout with me and just make sure my mum is okay as well; most importantly. but i keep good pals around me who have lifesaving medications if ever needed. anyways, luv u lads and lasses. just wanted to hold myself accountable and give an update


goodnight

Here with you amigo be safe
Big hugs

 

[Jnowhere]

It is nice to hear you and your mother, work with the human society. Anything over 5 cats can be considered hoarding. I read somewhere that 5 or more is hoarding. This is different if you work with the humane society.
What is up with people like your neighbor? All those animals and he doesn't seem to care about them; Why does he have so many animals( can't really call them pets if he doesn't care about them).
Sad to think of them hungry.
That sounds like a lot work( litter boxes, feeding dishes and bowls of water and flea collars ect..)
Once again I wrote something and forgot to send it.

 

[Jnowhere]

Good that you are being safe, if you are going to use. Narcan works great on oxycodone, not ever used on me, but I had to use it on someone I knew after they used too many and passed out. Do you have at least 3, it's fent. after all?
As someone who drank heavily for 20+ years, I know that dealing with a person boozing hard can be trying. ( I could be trouble once in a while drunk, not proud of that, just stating an unfortunate fact).

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Hey guys
Just wanted to give everyone a Big hug

 

[deficiT]

good evening lads & lasses! gosh i wrote an entire reply & multiple paragraphs and it froze & i had to restart typing this all out. anyways; my mum is boozing hard tonight and i took some sedatives to deal with. nothing lethal just to help deal & sit in here with her to make sure she is okay, y’know?? it’s really hard, and i won’t lie. just because i’ve mentioned this before, but is it even viable to mention that this still traumatized me at this age, considering her alcoholism sticking to me when i was a little kid? i feel feel humiliated and embarrassed saying that this considering that i’m 28 years old and that i should be able to healthily deal this at my age…. but yeah i took some medication to deal with my feelings as stupid as that sounds. again, nothing… even though it’s fent presses & a 5mg valium. I got a friend over kinda mediating and for harm reduction purposes. Always, when mixing benzodiazepines & opiates. I got a best pal sitting here with some narcan JUST in case, he’s here to hangout with me and just make sure my mum is okay as well; most importantly. but i keep good pals around me who have lifesaving medications if ever needed. anyways, luv u lads and lasses. just wanted to hold myself accountable and give an update


goodnight

Adult children of alcoholics is a thing. Don't blame yourself.

 

[tokayeahok]

update - my mum ended up smashing two of my bedroom windows, throwing the planters off the front porch through them. she trashed my bookcases, my dj equipment and gear is everywhere, and it’s a mess. all because ‘she couldn’t find me’, was her excuse. i went in my stepdads room and slept beside his bed so she couldn’t find me, just to remove myself from the situation, as she was throwing things at me, calling me a ‘faggot’ & that she hopes i die, over and over again. so i just left it and tucked away in a corner of the house with a pillow & blanket and went to sleep. so she proceeded to trash my entire room completely.

 

[tokayeahok]

i

It is nice to hear you and your mother, work with the human society. Anything over 5 cats can be considered hoarding. I read somewhere that 5 or more is hoarding. This is different if you work with the humane society.
What is up with people like your neighbor? All those animals and he doesn't seem to care about them; Why does he have so many animals( can't really call them pets if he doesn't care about them).
Sad to think of them hungry.
That sounds like a lot work( litter boxes, feeding dishes and bowls of water and flea collars ect..)
Once again I wrote something and forgot to send it.

ive got no idea man - but no, we’re not hoarders lol just ended up this way because of the neighbors not fixing their cats, so we ended up in this situation. it’s nipped in the bud though, as 7 of them are spending overnight to get fixed tonight. it’s been a process but yeah, i don’t mind it - i like to make sure these animals have a safe place to sleep and eat yanno?

 

[Jnowhere]

Any place nearby that sells catnip by the pound cheap ?

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

update - my mum ended up smashing two of my bedroom windows, throwing the planters off the front porch through them. she trashed my bookcases, my dj equipment and gear is everywhere, and it’s a mess. all because ‘she couldn’t find me’, was her excuse. i went in my stepdads room and slept beside his bed so she couldn’t find me, just to remove myself from the situation, as she was throwing things at me, calling me a ‘faggot’ & that she hopes i die, over and over again. so i just left it and tucked away in a corner of the house with a pillow & blanket and went to sleep. so she proceeded to trash my entire room completely.

I’m sorry that you had to go through that. I get it, I grew up with insanity … it’s the same reason I left at 14 years old.
Here with you amigo, holding your hand in solidarity
Be gentle with yourself as you can
Big hug

 

[Jnowhere]

Wow, I am a loss as what to say, which is rare, I know. I will be praying for you and hope for the best.

update - my mum ended up smashing two of my bedroom windows, throwing the planters off the front porch through them. she trashed my bookcases, my dj equipment and gear is everywhere, and it’s a mess. all because ‘she couldn’t find me’, was her excuse. i went in my stepdads room and slept beside his bed so she couldn’t find me, just to remove myself from the situation, as she was throwing things at me, calling me a ‘faggot’ & that she hopes i die, over and over again. so i just left it and tucked away in a corner of the house with a pillow & blanket and went to sleep. so she proceeded to trash my entire room completely.

 

[elgoucho9]

Just been back outside in the fresh air again for the first time since my last slip up. I'm trying a different approach now flat put bans on certain drugs like benzos altogether. Decided to try not smoke weed either and try to use ketamine therapy to help my moods. I just want to become a better version of myself. And feel like u really need to develop my character and work on myself more to make solo travelling a realistic possibilility.

I'll continue to see no harm in occasional weed smoking but alcohol or benzos in particular serm to trigger my bipolar and all other negative behaviour partterns.

So alas i must try once again.

 

[elgoucho9]

Smoking and drinking again today. I've been detoxing for this spiritual retreat. Need to do six weeks. Didn't get to six days. I'm going to have to be honest with the guy who runs the place. Hopefully, he will be a bit lenient. Otherwise, I'm going to have to miss the retreat and I really don't want to do that.

Have been going backwards and forwards about whether or not I should be honest, but - really - the answer is obvious. I have to be honest. I'm always honest about everything eventually. I realized a long time ago that it hurts more to lie. It feels better when I inevitably admit the truth. Doesn't matter what that truth is.

I'm scared I'm going to be blacklisted from the retreat because I'm an addict (of sorts). That's crazy, right?

It means so much to me, I don't want to lose it... but I can't let that compromise my integrity.

Being honest is more important than the retreat.

...

Over the past week or so, I've been facing things about myself that make me uncomfortable... which hasn't happened for quite a while.

Psychedelics have taught me to love myself, but if you love yourself too much you become indifferent to others.

I'm going to start going to therapy. I'm in my forties. I'm not a drug addict anymore but I've spent most of my life as an addict so the sober world is unknown. It's more comfortable being high, or so I tell myself.

I feel like I've been running (away from myself?) my whole life and now I'm finally ready to stop and turn around and face the music.

Shamanic ceremonies have lead me to psychotherapy. There's a huge group therapy aspect to ceremony. You are vulnerable around others. You expose your weaknesses in this fragile state. You examine them. You dig deep. You try to fix yourself.

I have difficulty with social cues, sometimes. I've struggled socially throughout my life, but mostly because I don't want to play that game. Still, the outcome is the same.

The moment a man decides he is complete is the moment he fails. I still have a lot of work to do.

Being able to see the parts of yourself that you keep hidden is painful, but it's also a relief.

I'm starting to realize that I don't have to choose between a psychologist and a spiritual healer: I can have both.

There is little I want to retain of my old self.

What you said about facing things about yourself that are uncomfortable shows that you are genuinely seeking to improve yourself. I have recently been faced with similar myself and it's the only way i could improve.

I hope you find your truth and get to go to the retreat. And even if that doesn't happen your minset sounds solid.

good morning guys. yesterday was a bit stressful. i haven’t touched any more pills in the last three days, but my mum snuck booze in yesterday and she’s one of those people who cannot handle it at ALL and it always makes me mad nervous but luckily she didn’t bother me too much last night. surprised she didn’t get mad and angry, like she normally does. so there’s that. just waking up, i got some red maeng da kratom yesterday, its literally all i could find (red strains, and that’s local - not ordering) and i just cannot stand red strains. yeah the mit levels are higher usually but the 7-OH is so much lower and usually i get way more euphoria out of the speedier strains.

but all is well. the tree is up for the holidays, house looks adorable and cozy as it should, and all our decorations are up. much love.

Wow that sucks mate. Hope you are ok. This is why i basically has barely drank myself in 2023 is it just makes me do too many embarassing and dickheadish things. It's the worst drug out there in terms of the users not recognising how shitty their behaviour is while under the influence.

 

[Jen X]

update - my mum ended up smashing two of my bedroom windows, throwing the planters off the front porch through them. she trashed my bookcases, my dj equipment and gear is everywhere, and it’s a mess. all because ‘she couldn’t find me’, was her excuse. i went in my stepdads room and slept beside his bed so she couldn’t find me, just to remove myself from the situation, as she was throwing things at me, calling me a ‘faggot’ & that she hopes i die, over and over again. so i just left it and tucked away in a corner of the house with a pillow & blanket and went to sleep. so she proceeded to trash my entire room completely.

I'm so sorry you have to live through this. Make sure you take care of yourself and try not to let her words hurt you.

 

[thatmf]

update - my mum ended up smashing two of my bedroom windows, throwing the planters off the front porch through them. she trashed my bookcases, my dj equipment and gear is everywhere, and it’s a mess. all because ‘she couldn’t find me’, was her excuse. i went in my stepdads room and slept beside his bed so she couldn’t find me, just to remove myself from the situation, as she was throwing things at me, calling me a ‘faggot’ & that she hopes i die, over and over again. so i just left it and tucked away in a corner of the house with a pillow & blanket and went to sleep. so she proceeded to trash my entire room completely.

Jesus christ, can you get a restraining order or protective order? I would seriously consider cutting her out of your life as much as humanly possible. That is just not on!