• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

@elgoucho9

I have a sliding hiatus hernia that developed into a condition called Barrett's oesophagus, which is a pre-cancerous condition caused by stomach acid fucking with the cells of the oesophagus so that the skin more resembles stomach lining tissue. I discovered this coincidentally after doing a gastroscopy because they found polyps in a colonoscopy and wanted to check up the other end. Apparently, I had been having heartburn for years and not realized it was heartburn. It felt like chest pain.

Hiatal hernias will push up until the valve separating the stomach from the oesophagus fails to function, which makes it near impossible to prevent heartburn. If acid continues to rise into your oesophagus, you will develop Barrett's. This is why I suggested earlier in the thread to take a medication like esomeprazole which reduces the production of stomach acid.

These medications don't appear to have any downsides, even if you take them on a daily basis... and you won't have to go back to that alkaline diet that ruins the joy of food.

Alternatively, you can have the hernia fixed surgically but my specialist has recommended that I not do this.

Don't freak out. It takes decades for Barrett's to develop into cancer, if it ever does.

Since you've been coughing up blood, your Barrett's (if you have it) may be more pronounced than mine... or perhaps your hernia is pushing up harder (although I've never heard of a hiatus hernia bleeding like that).

How did they finally diagnose the condition? I highly suggest having a gastroscopy - if you haven't already - ASAP. I've been having some chest pain and pain around my solar plexus, so I'm having another gastro in four days just to be safe. I have them every couple of years.

I suggest you get some esomeprazole (it's OTC) and start taking it until your gastroscopy.
 
Day 5 of complete sobriety.

I have that clarity and energy I always get when I suddenly stop getting stoned after overdoing it for weeks at end. Life was so much easier today. I'm so much more connected to people around me. My memory is better. I am sharper. I feel physically better. I am motivated. Work is a breeze.

Feeling good.
 
Frog Dreams said:
Day 5 of complete sobriety.

I have that clarity and energy I always get when I suddenly stop getting stoned after overdoing it for weeks at end. Life was so much easier today. I'm so much more connected to people around me. My memory is better. I am sharper. I feel physically better. I am motivated. Work is a breeze.

Feeling good.
Click to expand...

LOVE that.

😤
 
Frog Dreams said:
Day 5 of complete sobriety.

I have that clarity and energy I always get when I suddenly stop getting stoned after overdoing it for weeks at end. Life was so much easier today. I'm so much more connected to people around me. My memory is better. I am sharper. I feel physically better. I am motivated. Work is a breeze.

Feeling good.
Click to expand...

Feels good reading this as well. I needed some motivation myself to get back on track.
 
thatmf said:
yo yo how goes it? Been playing my acoustic and it's been super soothing. Gotta brush up on theory.
Click to expand...
morning man! thanks for asking, honestly.

that warms my heart hearing how you’re having an intrinsic release playing the new guitar. that instrument called to you; just as you called to it. what’ve you been playing recently? i just woke up & tuned to DADGAD before hopping in the bath, so she already was tuned before playing this morning. that makes my heart so happy to hear that you are getting so much out of your new guitar, seriously. it’s one of the best feelings in the world. ineffable.


but i’m doing alright, i suppose. i really don’t want to talk about it but have been dabbling with opiates the last 3 days. not in a row; just used 1 & a 1/2 pills 2 days ago, took a day off & then used 2 yesterday & just now. just did the last 1/2 of a pill i had before hopping into my bath, as well as a few kratom caps, gabapentin, coffee, and my ciggies. i’m doing well, and am not really searching for feedback or advice from anyone about it; as i just wanted to write it down & hold myself accountable in a personable way. i would’ve written it in my journal but i’m just too fucked // lazy for actual handwriting(especially after only sleeping for 4 hours lmao[9:30pm-1:30am]).


i’ll probably go back to sleep around 5/6am for another few hours.

still gotta bummed about the girl thing but feeling a lot better than i was. honestly don’t even want to get into a discussion about love & post-addiction / recovery etc. Im just simply writing out active thoughts and stuff to put ‘pen to paper’ in terms of a release or just to simply “do”, and to project some sort of lament.

anyways; good morning BL’s xoxoxo
 
tokayeahok said:
morning man! thanks for asking, honestly.

that warms my heart hearing how you’re having an intrinsic release playing the new guitar. that instrument called to you; just as you called to it. what’ve you been playing recently? i just woke up & tuned to DADGAD before hopping in the bath, so she already was tuned before playing this morning. that makes my heart so happy to hear that you are getting so much out of your new guitar, seriously. it’s one of the best feelings in the world. ineffable.


but i’m doing alright, i suppose. i really don’t want to talk about it but have been dabbling with opiates the last 3 days. not in a row; just used 1 & a 1/2 pills 2 days ago, took a day off & then used 2 yesterday & just now. just did the last 1/2 of a pill i had before hopping into my bath, as well as a few kratom caps, gabapentin, coffee, and my ciggies. i’m doing well, and am not really searching for feedback or advice from anyone about it; as i just wanted to write it down & hold myself accountable in a personable way. i would’ve written it in my journal but i’m just too fucked // lazy for actual handwriting(especially after only sleeping for 4 hours lmao[9:30pm-1:30am]).


i’ll probably go back to sleep around 5/6am for another few hours.

still gotta bummed about the girl thing but feeling a lot better than i was. honestly don’t even want to get into a discussion about love & post-addiction / recovery etc. Im just simply writing out active thoughts and stuff to put ‘pen to paper’ in terms of a release or just to simply “do”, and to project some sort of lament.

anyways; good morning BL’s xoxoxo
Click to expand...
Look, it's not like meth where one experiment or lapse of judgement or recreational use just snowballs instantly. Good on you for being honest and to yourself as well! I've just been playing random scales and chords. I'll start trying to learn some songs soon. It's been so damn soothing!
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Hola amigos
Just wanted to come & give everyone a big hug
* I kinda been here, kinda been walking the fine line of insanity (I’m trying but … it’s hard to explain)
Big hugs to everyone 💕💜🌺
Click to expand...
I'm in the very same boat I think. Anhedonia is kicking my ass. Got to work out more since it does help a lot. Apparently "Brain-derived neurotrophic factor" increases heaps from exercise. Which I've been lazy with this week. Such a fine line between genius and insanity.
 
So, I fucked up yesterday and had a joint. Stayed up until 4:30am playing Nintendo Switch like a zombie. Woke up feeling like absolute shit. Worst sleep I've had for ages.

Gonna have another smoke now, then lock my weed down in a time-lock box to prevent further temptation.
 
Smoking and drinking again today. I've been detoxing for this spiritual retreat. Need to do six weeks. Didn't get to six days. I'm going to have to be honest with the guy who runs the place. Hopefully, he will be a bit lenient. Otherwise, I'm going to have to miss the retreat and I really don't want to do that.

Have been going backwards and forwards about whether or not I should be honest, but - really - the answer is obvious. I have to be honest. I'm always honest about everything eventually. I realized a long time ago that it hurts more to lie. It feels better when I inevitably admit the truth. Doesn't matter what that truth is.

I'm scared I'm going to be blacklisted from the retreat because I'm an addict (of sorts). That's crazy, right?

It means so much to me, I don't want to lose it... but I can't let that compromise my integrity.

Being honest is more important than the retreat.

...

Over the past week or so, I've been facing things about myself that make me uncomfortable... which hasn't happened for quite a while.

Psychedelics have taught me to love myself, but if you love yourself too much you become indifferent to others.

I'm going to start going to therapy. I'm in my forties. I'm not a drug addict anymore but I've spent most of my life as an addict so the sober world is unknown. It's more comfortable being high, or so I tell myself.

I feel like I've been running (away from myself?) my whole life and now I'm finally ready to stop and turn around and face the music.

Shamanic ceremonies have lead me to psychotherapy. There's a huge group therapy aspect to ceremony. You are vulnerable around others. You expose your weaknesses in this fragile state. You examine them. You dig deep. You try to fix yourself.

I have difficulty with social cues, sometimes. I've struggled socially throughout my life, but mostly because I don't want to play that game. Still, the outcome is the same.

The moment a man decides he is complete is the moment he fails. I still have a lot of work to do.

Being able to see the parts of yourself that you keep hidden is painful, but it's also a relief.

I'm starting to realize that I don't have to choose between a psychologist and a spiritual healer: I can have both.

There is little I want to retain of my old self.
 
Frog Dreams said:
Smoking and drinking again today. I've been detoxing for this spiritual retreat. Need to do six weeks. Didn't get to six days. I'm going to have to be honest with the guy who runs the place. Hopefully, he will be a bit lenient. Otherwise, I'm going to have to miss the retreat and I really don't want to do that.

Have been going backwards and forwards about whether or not I should be honest, but - really - the answer is obvious. I have to be honest. I'm always honest about everything eventually. I realized a long time ago that it hurts more to lie. It feels better when I inevitably admit the truth. Doesn't matter what that truth is.

I'm scared I'm going to be blacklisted from the retreat because I'm an addict (of sorts). That's crazy, right?

It means so much to me, I don't want to lose it... but I can't let that compromise my integrity.

Being honest is more important than the retreat.

...

Over the past week or so, I've been facing things about myself that make me uncomfortable... which hasn't happened for quite a while.

Psychedelics have taught me to love myself, but if you love yourself too much you become indifferent to others.

I'm going to start going to therapy. I'm in my forties. I'm not a drug addict anymore but I've spent most of my life as an addict so the sober world is unknown. It's more comfortable being high, or so I tell myself.

I feel like I've been running (away from myself?) my whole life and now I'm finally ready to stop and turn around and face the music.

Shamanic ceremonies have lead me to psychotherapy. There's a huge group therapy aspect to ceremony. You are vulnerable around others. You expose your weaknesses in this fragile state. You examine them. You dig deep. You try to fix yourself.

I have difficulty with social cues, sometimes. I've struggled socially throughout my life, but mostly because I don't want to play that game. Still, the outcome is the same.

The moment a man decides he is complete is the moment he fails. I still have a lot of work to do.

Being able to see the parts of yourself that you keep hidden is painful, but it's also a relief.

I'm starting to realize that I don't have to choose between a psychologist and a spiritual healer: I can have both.

There is little I want to retain of my old self.
Click to expand...
Hopefully the retreat guy is lenient with you. Sounds like you're excited about the retreat but also feel guilty for getting on the green. Therapy is an amazing idea, hope you can find a therapist that you get along with and can open up to :)
 
good morning guys. yesterday was a bit stressful. i haven’t touched any more pills in the last three days, but my mum snuck booze in yesterday and she’s one of those people who cannot handle it at ALL and it always makes me mad nervous but luckily she didn’t bother me too much last night. surprised she didn’t get mad and angry, like she normally does. so there’s that. just waking up, i got some red maeng da kratom yesterday, its literally all i could find (red strains, and that’s local - not ordering) and i just cannot stand red strains. yeah the mit levels are higher usually but the 7-OH is so much lower and usually i get way more euphoria out of the speedier strains.

but all is well. the tree is up for the holidays, house looks adorable and cozy as it should, and all our decorations are up. much love.
 
tokayeahok said:
good morning guys. yesterday was a bit stressful. i haven’t touched any more pills in the last three days, but my mum snuck booze in yesterday and she’s one of those people who cannot handle it at ALL and it always makes me mad nervous but luckily she didn’t bother me too much last night. surprised she didn’t get mad and angry, like she normally does. so there’s that. just waking up, i got some red maeng da kratom yesterday, its literally all i could find (red strains, and that’s local - not ordering) and i just cannot stand red strains. yeah the mit levels are higher usually but the 7-OH is so much lower and usually i get way more euphoria out of the speedier strains.

but all is well. the tree is up for the holidays, house looks adorable and cozy as it should, and all our decorations are up. much love.
Click to expand...

Good morning

I at times wonder how I would fair in a situation with a parent who used substances. From what I've heard it sounds like it can be pretty stressful or anger provoking

Cozy house , fuck ya
 
Madness said:
Good morning

I at times wonder how I would fair in a situation with a parent who used substances. From what I've heard it sounds like it can be pretty stressful or anger provoking

Cozy house , fuck ya
Click to expand...
it’s hard - she’s not an everyday drinker or anything like that. but when she DOES drink, even rarely, it 99% of the time gets out of control and she throws a fit. she’s done this ever since i was a kid that i can remember, and it triggers a lot of anxiety because i remember i was such a sensitive kid and it just would make me clam up, anxious, and worried out my mind when she would and that’s kinda always carried with me into young adulthood. i imagine she feels the same way when i used though, yanno?
 
I'll be nice @Frog Dreams why don't you just say you are not ready for this kind of intense ceremony. It is the truth, but you don't have to air your life to everyone and tell them why.
Figure out if you can(want) to be sober. If you can't then don't. You do not need to lie and you don't owe them a detailed explanation. Why not wait, besides if he takes you anyways, it means it is a scam. I would normally argue it is a scam anyways, but I am not here to be judgemental. Technically if this guy believes in this bufo ceremony, then it isn't.
Just be careful it ain't like those sweat lodges on Indian reservations that kill people occasionally people here in America.
Besides you are on a budget, and besides if he takes you, doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of this cleansing ceremony? If they say it is ok, then you are paying to trip on a frogs venom.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top