Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[Dreamflyer]

Nice! Thats awsome I want to start playing again after a long hiatus! Need to develop my callous as playing a steel string acoustic and my soft pinkies are crying!

Me too. I've been playing drums and synth lately, so my guitar callouses are long gone. I have a nice acoustic that my friend gave me and I haven't picked it up in ages. My fingers are gonna be hurtin' for quite a while. But hey, we all have to suffer for our art!

 

[tokayeahok]

today has been hard. mad anxiety for some reason :/

 

[tokayeahok]

been up since 4am ish. just made a sausage & egg burrito with coffee, downed about 9g of kratom & feel wonderful. have a lot of yard work to do today, which i’m not looking forward to

i didn’t sleep well last night, probably due to switching to green kratom instead of reds and the 3 beers i had. alcohol always fucks up my sleep.

have a good day BLers

 

[Dreamflyer]

I'm on my 2nd day without alcohol, which is good. But I'm barely eating or sleeping at all. I had one hot dog all day yesterday and nothing today. I slept for about 2 hours last night.

I went a little heavy on the Klonopin today ("a little heavy" to me means 30mg. in the last eight hours!), so I need to stop that fast before I end up in another mess. I plan on tapering over the next week.

 

[tokayeahok]

I'm on my 2nd day without alcohol, which is good. But I'm barely eating or sleeping at all. I had one hot dog all day yesterday and nothing today. I slept for about 2 hours last night.

I went a little heavy on the Klonopin today ("a little heavy" to me means 30mg. in the last eight hours!), so I need to stop that fast before I end up in another mess. I plan on tapering over the next week.

jesus i could even go for about 2mg of klonopin. if i took 30mg, id be out for 2 days that long half life, especially when abused, always makes me mad depressed and lethargic on the following days

 

[Dreamflyer]

jesus i could even go for about 2mg of klonopin. if i took 30mg, id be out for 2 days that long half life, especially when abused, always makes me mad depressed and lethargic on the following days

Yeah, today it made me depressed and lethargic, so I balanced it out with 600mg. of caffeine. I feel okay now. I'm going to try keeping it to 10mg. tomorrow.

It's tough because I have such an *insanely* high tolerance to benzos. I guess that's what happens when you abuse them for 15 years!

 

[tokayeahok]

Yeah, today it made me depressed and lethargic, so I balanced it out with 600mg. of caffeine. I feel okay now. I'm going to try keeping it to 10mg. tomorrow.

It's tough because I have such an *insanely* high tolerance to benzos. I guess that's what happens when you abuse them for 15 years!

yeah man, i used to see this psychiatrist who prescribed me 90 2mg alpraz a day on top of 30 valium 10mg, & ambien. i’d fly through that script in like a week and then think everyone in my house took my prescription LOL

it’s so weird - there’s this odd problem i’ve been wanting to address recently - or at least try to understand. i used to abuse benzos majorly & every blue moon i’ll take some. well, i took maybe 4-6mg of klonopin about 2 months ago, and it’s always late at night if i can’t sleep when this happens - but it sometimes induces like, this psychosis feeling and it’s like i’m dreaming, but still awake. just basically distorted reality. my girlfriend was sitting beside me and i was blabbering about why dolphins couldn’t make coffee & she was like ‘are you okay? what are you on about??’ LOL. also to note it isn’t just clonzepam, the same thing has happened to me on a pretty high dose of alpraz too (my ‘high doses’ are rookie numbers since i’m not dependent on them anymore, so 4-6mg of xanax usually causes this now too) but this is all post-benzo addiction. this never happened to me when i was abusing my medication 4 years ago, but now if i go for the high doses, it genuinely sorta contorts my reality at night before bed.

 

[tokayeahok]

yeah man, i used to see this psychiatrist who prescribed me 90 2mg alpraz a day on top of 30 valium 10mg, & ambien. i’d fly through that script in like a week and then think everyone in my house took my prescription LOL

it’s so weird - there’s this odd problem i’ve been wanting to address recently - or at least try to understand. i used to abuse benzos majorly & every blue moon i’ll take some. well, i took maybe 4-6mg of klonopin about 2 months ago, and it’s always late at night if i can’t sleep when this happens - but it sometimes induces like, this psychosis feeling and it’s like i’m dreaming, but still awake. just basically distorted reality. my girlfriend was sitting beside me and i was blabbering about why dolphins couldn’t make coffee & she was like ‘are you okay? what are you on about??’ LOL. also to note it isn’t just clonzepam, the same thing has happened to me on a pretty high dose of alpraz too (my ‘high doses’ are rookie numbers since i’m not dependent on them anymore, so 4-6mg of xanax usually causes this now too) but this is all post-benzo addiction. this never happened to me when i was abusing my medication 4 years ago, but now if i go for the high doses, it genuinely sorta contorts my reality at night before bed.

also to mention i meant 90 2mg prescription for the whole month / not a day i just woke up, apologies lmao

 

[JahBeeuS]

322 days with no alcohol.

Life has been better without it.
I no longer feel like a kid at Christmas hoping for the clock to tick faster.

Recently made friends with some weird hippy shaman types and opened up some doors to exotic psychs.

I drink alcohol because it's more socially acceptable, but why should I give a fuck?

I'm going to return to my roots and embrace psychedelia.

I've always been a psychonaut. That's who I am. I need to be me. Shit started going off track when I got into IV meth (in a big way) and started drinking heavily.

When I get to day 366, I'll still have a drink... but I could easily go without.

I definitely don't want to drink every day anymore and I never want to have another nightmare hangover where I spend the whole day with my head in a toilet. Chronic vomiting is too painful, due to a medical condition I have. If I keep vomiting, I will develop cancer of the oesophagus which has a very low prospect of survival.

I might be coming to the end of my alcohol journey and (for the first time ever) that's okay with me.

It's just one of many drugs and it has NEVER been a favourite.

I'd probably rank alcohol above the inhalants I've tried like amyl nitrate and nitrous... and it has more recreational benefit than hardcore shamanistic drugs like Amanita Muscaria... but it has less recreational value than so many other drugs.

I'd rather have: opiates, benzos, cocaine, MDMA, meth, dexamphetamine, DXM, ketamine, psilocybin, LSD, mescaline... plus a LONG list of RC psychs (most of which I haven't tried).

I wish my wife was more open-minded about drugs, like she used to be. She hasn't had any drugs since we started trying to get pregnant, 7 years ago. I often get high by myself. It would be so much easier to avoid alcohol without peer pressure... but I can always just hang out with drunk people while I'm high like I used to.

Maybe I need more druggie friends?

I'm 40 now. Sadly, most people I know don't partake anymore... so I tend to get high alone.

It's weird. I'm not even particularly looking forward to drinking again. The only thing that interests me is how I'm going to feel about it after such a long break. Last time I took a big break (six months) from booze, the first beer I drank tasted like piss. It was fucking awful. And the drug effect was sloppy. It made me stupid, impatient and irritable. Alcohol doesn't really relax me. I'm not sure what I like about it.

I've been thinking about getting some heroin for the first time in about 8 years. Last time after a three month binge I ended up in rehab then on methadone for half a year. I've been telling myself it'll be different this time. I am in a different place. I've never tried H when I'm stable... I've also learnt how to moderate. I moderate weed. I moderate the internet. I don't want to escape anymore. I don't want to switch off. Maybe I can use it recreationally? I suspect I am lying to myself, but it's hard to tell. If I tell my wife about this, she will flip out. I wish I could talk to her about my problems without her making them about her... but she's endured a lot of trauma as a result of my drug use so I get it.

She'd actually rather me take drugs than drink alcohol, but I'm not sure which drugs.

Our relationship has been so rocky for so long, it's probably not a good idea to open old wounds.

But I'm sure she'd rather me talk to her about it than do it behind her back... which isn't something I'm likely to do anyway.

I'm fundamentally honest in relationships even if that means I am shooting myself in the dick. I believe in complete honesty and openness. It hurts me physically to have to withhold things from her, but maybe I'm just being selfish... because I think it hurts her when I reveal too much?

I can relate with so much of this.

Currently in month 13 of total sobriety. Although I did have 3 drinks at my wife's work thing in January so I guess it's kind of moot to the AA people. I still haven't told my sponsor about it but feel like it doesn't really count if you don't get drunk idk. It made me realize how little I care for alcohol/how unnecessary it is in my life.

Meth really fucked my shit up and I feel like an asshat for letting it get the best of me. Feel free to pm me if you ever want to chat

 

[Dreamflyer]

Well, I did it again: I blew through fifty-seven 2mg. Klonopins in six days. I have three left that I'm hanging onto for an emergency. I also get my Ativan on June 1st, so I'm not in too much of a panic.

Just like I have a crazy tolerance for benzos, I seem to tolerate withdrawal pretty well too.

 

[JahBeeuS]

Man, I remember watching my cousin pop those things like candy when he was first prescribed them. He kept telling me he didn't take his dose like 10 minutes after I watched him pop the previous one. When I tried to explain to him that he had just eaten one 10 minutes ago he promptly forgot what I just said to him. Really quite sad.

 

[tokayeahok]

Man, I remember watching my cousin pop those things like candy when he was first prescribed them. He kept telling me he didn't take his dose like 10 minutes after I watched him pop the previous one. When I tried to explain to him that he had just eaten one 10 minutes ago he promptly forgot what I just said to him. Really quite sad.

Been there I have a video of me eating potato salad that i had just made and my friend across recording me and my face would just drop into the bowl, nodding off. then i’d pick it back up and back into the bowl again. so thankful to not be in that period of my life anymore.

 

[Dreamflyer]

I'm holding onto my last 3 Klons and using just a little bit of beer to keep my nerves steady.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Guess Im recovering from stimulant addiction and needle addiction. I used to shoot shit.... like I would just shoot it till it was gone. Well I havent touched a needle in 3 weeks! 3 times longer than ever since starting with the needle

Propably bout 25 days without stimulants. Just the thought of shooting speed is making me feel ill which I think is me starting to get away from that bad addiction which I shouldnt have done in years tbh.

 

[JackARoe]

Well, I did it again: I blew through fifty-seven 2mg. Klonopins in six days.

DF no real advice for you, as you know your limits. But I wanted to say that you and Autotripper seem to be able to take large amounts of benzos and still appear lucid. I mean some people just take a little more than what they do and they can't type. lol That means your brain is too good to keep doing this too. Keep yourself well. Balance my brother, balance. Next prescription take as directed.

 

[tokayeahok]

fu

Guess Im recovering from stimulant addiction and needle addiction. I used to shoot shit.... like I would just shoot it till it was gone. Well I havent touched a needle in 3 weeks! 3 times longer than ever since starting with the needle

Propably bout 25 days without stimulants. Just the thought of shooting speed is making me feel ill which I think is me starting to get away from that bad addiction which I shouldnt have done in years tbh.

fuck yes man. that’s absolutely huge! you’re around that golden mark where you start to make those happy little endorphin & dopamine bursts again c:

 

[tokayeahok]

been itching a lot recently as my old plugs have both texted me far too much the last two days. still haven’t caved & kratom keeps scratching my itch but fucks sake every time i leave the house it makes me want to use.

starting to slowly pride myself on staying clean - which i’ve never done and probably why i’ve never been successfully sober, up until right now. so each day i say no, it’s making me feel a little more proud of myself .

 

[somnilicious]

been itching a lot recently as my old plugs have both texted me far too much the last two days. still haven’t caved & kratom keeps scratching my itch but fucks sake every time i leave the house it makes me want to use.

starting to slowly pride myself on staying clean - which i’ve never done and probably why i’ve never been successfully sober, up until right now. so each day i say no, it’s making me feel a little more proud of myself .

You have to block those numbers and erase them, my guy. or a relapse is inevitable, why did you keep the numbers? Do you have reservations about staying clean? Because from here it looks like you got one foot in and one foot out. You're doing great but don't leave those opportunities to get high because it makes recovery difficult.

 

[tokayeahok]

You have to block those numbers and erase them, my guy. or a relapse is inevitable, why did you keep the numbers? Do you have reservations about staying clean? Because from here it looks like you got one foot in and one foot out. You're doing great but don't leave those opportunities to get high because it makes recovery difficult.

unfortunately they’re not just ‘plugs’ and very good friends of mine - they aren’t just using pals. they understand my situation and it’s understood that i’m not going to be hanging out with them but that i’m always here if they need consolidation or a friend to talk to.

i find my strength to not use when the option is available more effective because it makes me feel in control. sorta as if the pill is laying on my bedside table and i can actually say no to it.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

i find my strength to not use when the option is available more effective because it makes me feel in control. sorta as if the pill is laying on my bedside table and i can actually say no to it.

For sure, I understand this. I had amphetamine offered to me but I declined maybe for the first time ever a few weeks ago. Luckily now my brain is starting to recognize amph as a bad thing as in just thinking about it makes me ill.

Im still on methadone and will stay for years but all things considered, I havent felt this good + actually had money for, lets say, movie tickets + many other things in over 3-4 years.