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Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

Day 4 off of fentanyl. Relapsed around Christmas time and been going hard since then. Cold turkeying at home and slowly feeling better. My spark came back today & the wave passed. Had my first cup of coffee since Christmas, and have been taking multiple baths. Will be crying a lot as days 4 and 5 are always overtly intrinsically sensitive.

Love you all. Xoxo
 
Walked off the methadone clinic last week. I used opiates once in the the last 2.5 and a half years on the program but I started double upping my doses on days, buying extra, running out early, binge drinking and then I went on vacation to Colorado and the clinic decided to do an observed urine right when I got back so my urine in a hot thermas and down the pants trick wouldn't work. I popped fo THC and lost my weeks takehomes. Worst fucking time for me to have to drive 50mins to and from the clinic each way everyday so I said fuck that shit.

Been vaping delta 8 and take small sips of whiskey during day so not sober but I'm surprised I feel little to no withdrawal after 7 days not dosing. I was on 90mgs. By now I should be in hella pain, so far only slight agitation and hot and cold flashes every now and then.

I'm leaving for Colombia in 3 weeks, one of the reasons I walked off the clinic. I'll have to stay away from the yayo and the lax opiate pharmacy practices.... for the right price one could upgrade their vacation.
 
5 days off of benzos and about 3 weeks off of weed. No opioids other than a couple of 5mg. Oxys after my shoulder surgery a few weeks ago.

Just some beer, but I'm planning to give that up very soon. I just need to find a way to get my anxiety under control without relying on alcohol.
 
CONGRATS! How’re you feeling day 5? coming off a large dose or? hope all is well & your journey continues. keep fighting the good fight xo

jon
Dreamflyer said:
5 days off of benzos and about 3 weeks off of weed. No opioids other than a couple of 5mg. Oxys after my shoulder surgery a few weeks ago.

Just some beer, but I'm planning to give that up very soon. I just need to find a way to get my anxiety under control without relying on alcohol.
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tokayeahok said:
CONGRATS! How’re you feeling day 5? coming off a large dose or? hope all is well & your journey continues. keep fighting the good fight xo

jon
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Thanks so much! Same to you. I'm feeling amazingly well. The only reason I can think of is that my binge was so short, I wasn't on it long enough to go through withdrawals.

Peace,
Dreamflyer
 
Dreamflyer said:
Thanks so much! Same to you. I'm feeling amazingly well. The only reason I can think of is that my binge was so short, I wasn't on it long enough to go through withdrawals.

Peace,
Dreamflyer
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Amazing! that’s awesome to hear! yeah i’m feeling pretty bubbly today. it’s been raining a lot the past few days here in south carolina, and the sun came back out today which makes me feel tremendous. usually i love rainy days but while i’m recovering / withdrawing, i love to sit in the sun & it seemingly feels like it’s healing me a bit, + the vitamin d is a plus :)
 
Day 14 straight off 1000mg morph/dia daily + 10 units alcohol

Most of my physical symptoms have abated, starting to sleep better at fucking last on just taking 200/300 mcg clonidine at night which seems to be helping. Eating well and beginning to loose weight as ive become a fat fuck over the last 2 years from the booze and lethargy. Ive an amazingly supportive family who just want me to get better - this actually feels like a blessing and a curse at the moment because honestly I just feel like being alone or with just my wife. Im getting very irritable and actually pretty horrible around my kids which isnt really like me - pre addiction I was very chilled and fun.

Does anyone else feel really fucking angry when sober? Its like a mix of anger at myself for getting this fucked up, anger at feeling so physically weak everything physical seems like a HUGE effort - stuff I wouldn't have thought for a second about when using. Im really aware im pretty horrible to be around and my personality has changed significantly and not in a good way.Im really hoping this is just temporary and ill chill the fuck out in the next couple of weeks.

I went to the gym yesterday and did 45mins cardio - walked out with jelly legs but trying my hardest to break this feeling of lethargy/fatigue.

Anyway I hope everyone is getting on ok with life and not feeling completely shit!

Take it easy
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Healing hopes for ALL, no exceptions 💜
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A note to anyone that needs to hear it . . .
We don't "get over" or "move on" from our
trauma. We are forced to make space for it.
We carry it. We learn to live with it.
And sometimes we thrive in spite of it.

Sometimes in life, You have to fight through some
bad days, to earn the best days of your life. 💙:)💜
 
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WorldOnFire said:
Day 14 straight off 1000mg morph/dia daily + 10 units alcohol

Most of my physical symptoms have abated, starting to sleep better at fucking last on just taking 200/300 mcg clonidine at night which seems to be helping. Eating well and beginning to loose weight as ive become a fat fuck over the last 2 years from the booze and lethargy. Ive an amazingly supportive family who just want me to get better - this actually feels like a blessing and a curse at the moment because honestly I just feel like being alone or with just my wife. Im getting very irritable and actually pretty horrible around my kids which isnt really like me - pre addiction I was very chilled and fun.

Does anyone else feel really fucking angry when sober? Its like a mix of anger at myself for getting this fucked up, anger at feeling so physically weak everything physical seems like a HUGE effort - stuff I wouldn't have thought for a second about when using. Im really aware im pretty horrible to be around and my personality has changed significantly and not in a good way.Im really hoping this is just temporary and ill chill the fuck out in the next couple of weeks.

I went to the gym yesterday and did 45mins cardio - walked out with jelly legs but trying my hardest to break this feeling of lethargy/fatigue.

Anyway I hope everyone is getting on ok with life and not feeling completely shit!

Take it easy
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I came to specifically ask for ways to deal with this new raw existence so that my anger will not get the best of me. You described the feeling so well. Everything is just so difficult.

I'm on day 21 of methadone withdrawal and similar alcohol intake. I've had a couple of beers in those 21 days. No more than 3 in a sitting but this rage is getting me.

I'm trying to wash clothes, pack for a vacation to Colombia and get a haircut. All things that seem monumental by the way I feel. I was stressing listening to the nagging of my family, while I was getting my ass handed to me in Eldin Ring, when I almost threw the controller through the T.V and punched a hole/ indention in the door.

This is about the 3rd temper tantrum I've thrown in the last few weeks. All of them felt surreal. Like I disassociated or had no control over myself. I never would have acted out like this in the past. I'm just so fucking tired. Id kill for 5 hrs of sleep.
 
I never had any bad Klonopin withdrawal, but I've been making up for it with alcohol to the point where I'm afraid to go cold-turkey. I've been averaging about 16 beers a day and my family just gave me the, "No more drinking, EVER!" speech.

So I'm sitting here at 1:30 am with no car, no money and praying that I don't have a seizure. I feel like such a friggin' loser right now.

I have a bowl of quarters, so I suppose I'll sneak out and do the "walk of shame" to the liquor store when it opens.
 
somnilicious said:
I came to specifically ask for ways to deal with this new raw existence so that my anger will not get the best of me. You described the feeling so well. Everything is just so difficult.

I'm on day 21 of methadone withdrawal and similar alcohol intake. I've had a couple of beers in those 21 days. No more than 3 in a sitting but this rage is getting me.

I'm trying to wash clothes, pack for a vacation to Colombia and get a haircut. All things that seem monumental by the way I feel. I was stressing listening to the nagging of my family, while I was getting my ass handed to me in Eldin Ring, when I almost threw the controller through the T.V and punched a hole/ indention in the door.

This is about the 3rd temper tantrum I've thrown in the last few weeks. All of them felt surreal. Like I disassociated or had no control over myself. I never would have acted out like this in the past. I'm just so fucking tired. Id kill for 5 hrs of sleep.
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Be selfish....
You have been already and you must continue to do so in order to get back to a normal existence without relapse. Your exactly right the simplest shit feels like a mountain to climb. You don't really enjoy ANYTHING and you fly off the handle at the slightest annoyance. Having family round while going through this is really hard especially interacting with children when really you just want to chill out. Makes you feel like your in a never ending mental wasteland of grey and misery.

You must be selfish to get through these coming weeks. Take baby steps and treat each task as a series of small parts to be accomplished one at a time. Try your best to do what you can but not to the point of breaking point. Take time for yourself - you have been very ill for a long time and it going to take a bit of work to get back on your feet. Take yourself away when you can - youu are no good to people in this state.

It gets better and in a few weeks you will begin to notice you've gone about a task, completed it and haven't even thought about it. Soon these things will become second nature. I don't know why this happens but I think its a mix of neurotransmitters needing to get back to healthy levels and responses and the raw existence your having to live without a chemical crutch - the crutch you are so used to. I think its really important to realise that the feelings you describe are completely normal and that they won't last for ever!
 
howdy all. doing good. just popping in to say hello and to ask (a quite silly) question. well, still off fentanyl but i’m still on kratom. have been reading that kratom ‘prolongs’ withdrawal so i suppose it would be the logical thing to taper off this now. anyone got a decent taper schedule?


have just been going about life pretty nicely. just being helpful around my household and present. everything is going pretty well ❤️
 
should also mention i’ve been clean from heavy opiates since april 20th, and have been on kratom daily since april 24th/25th
 
fuck yeah! i had a glass of wine yesterday & sat and played guitar on this new amp i got for at least 4 hours 😂 how’ve you been feeling??
Dreamflyer said:
I've tapered down on beer the past few days and had my last two today. Hopefully that'll be it.
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tokayeahok said:
fuck yeah! i had a glass of wine yesterday & sat and played guitar on this new amp i got for at least 4 hours 😂 how’ve you been feeling??
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Much better, thanks! Just some insomnia mainly.

I actually got my Klonopin filled a few days ago, but I'm being very good with them from now on. I get sixty 2mg tablets and I've only taken two!

Hope you're doing well, my friend.

PS - Congrats on the new amp. I play guitar, keys and drums. I also write, sing and have a tiny recording setup in my bedroom for making demos (digital 8-track recorder from 2005, synth, drum machine & mic).
 
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