Tell a shit joke

[zombywoof]

Have YOU had to walk 500 miles?

Were you advised to walk 500 more?

You could be entitled to compensation.

Call the Pro Claimers NOW.

 

[bummer]

I need to write down my dad's full series of elephant jokes, I can never remember the full series off hand and I'm sure google will give me a subtly different list.

What's the biggest draw back in the jungle ?

An elephant's foreskin.

Why are paracetamol small and white ?

Because if they were big and grey they'd be elephants.

Two elephants bump into each other in Birmingham.
First elephant says "did you come here to die?"

Second elephant says "no I came here yesterday"

 

[SquidInSunglasses]

What do you call a right-wing politician with his head so far up his own arse he can taste his last breakfast?

A supposi-Tory!

 

[SquidInSunglasses]

I used to work in the launderette of a nunnery. I picked up a lot of dirty habits.

 

[BecomingJulie]

Q. What do you call a sedative drug that only works on misogynists?

A. Dudebromazolam!

 

[SquidInSunglasses]

I was arrested for having sex with a 15 year old girl. Honestly, I thought she was a couple of years older than that...
I suppose that makes two reasons why I'm a bad mother.

 

[Don Luigi]

When is Mother's day?

About 9 months after Father's day.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

When is Father's day?

When you bury the bitch

 

[SquidInSunglasses]

A couple of Thai girls asked me if i wanted to sleep with them, they said it'd be like winning the lottery
Guess what, they were right. We had 6 matching balls.

 

[Vurtual]

Where does french spring water come from?

The Dordogne

 

[deano88]

[Park]
STRANGER: Your dog is unusual looking

ME: Yeah, he's interbred

DUCK: [Waddles up] I'll tell you who else is into bread.

 

[Don Luigi]

The image of the wee duck waddling up %)

 

[strungout2010]

My 10 year old daughter told me over dinner tonight she had tickets for " THE MAN ". ( true story )
Who's the man I asked her. " YOU ARE DAD " made my day.

 

[consumer]

A couple of Thai girls asked me if i wanted to sleep with them, they said it'd be like winning the lottery
Guess what, they were right. We had 6 matching balls.

Haha. I know a few guys that have been blindsided by Thai Ladyboys..

 

[BecomingJulie]

Yes, but nowadays we have to have our panties clearly labelled WARNING: MAY CONTAIN NUTS .....

 

[consumer]

Yes, but nowadays we have to have our panties clearly labelled WARNING: MAY CONTAIN NUTS .....

Lol. Now that is a good one Julie!

 

[strungout2010]

I took the shell off my racing snail,to make him go faster..............................its just made him more sluggish.

 

[strungout2010]

How do you find Will Smith in the snow ?













Look for the fresh prince.

 

[zombywoof]

A giraffe walks into a bar and says
The highballs are on me

 

[BecomingJulie]

Don't carry too many chilli peppers in a dinghy. There's a risk of capsaicin.