Social Tell a Joke

[ions]

The only MD I trust is MDMA.

 

[blondin]

I went to the zoo at the weekend and watched the monkeys wanking then I saw the penguins and I was still wanking..

 

[hylite]

i went to --tell a joke-- twice because i forgot i was in here.

so anyway



I like cooking my family and my pets.

Use commas, Don't be a psycho.


Did someone do that one before !!

 

[hylite]

LIFE IS SHORT. MAKE SURE YOU SPEND
AL MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE IN THE INTERNET
ARGUING WITH STRANGERS.


(okay we know it's a joke)

 

[hylite]

What does the Starship Enterprise and tiolet paper have in common ?

They both fly around Uranus, looking for cling-ons !


( that one was kind of out of atmosphere )

 

[hylite]

LIFE IS SHORT. MAKE SURE YOU SPEND
AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE ON THE INTERNET
ARGUING WITH STRANGERS.

^^^^^

Every classroom had a kid that ate paste.

That's probably who you're arguing with !

 

[blondin]

You know when you've probably taken too many drugs when your sat naked, eating a bowl of cereals and your girlfriend asks you what the hell you're doing and you realise it's not your girlfriend its a woman on the bus.

 

[Robi]

A little girl is serving her father tea whilst her mother is out shopping, the mother comes home and the father says "Watch this!" and the little girl serves her mother tea.The mother turns to the father and says"Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach the water , is the toilet?"

 

[hylite]

@Ryanne Love it ! Heee he.

 

[darvocet21]

You know when you've probably taken too many drugs when your sat naked, eating a bowl of cereals and your girlfriend asks you what the hell you're doing and you realise it's not your girlfriend its a woman on the bus.

Happens everytime I take datura

 

[Mr. Krinkle]

so this fuckin guy....


he's at a bar, and he's BOMBED and he goes into the bathroom and vomits and he vomits all over his shirt too....so he comes out of the bathroom and goes to the bar and he tells the bartender "Aw man, my wife is gonna kill me when i get home looking like this"

so the bartender says "sit down, i'll make you some coffee, we'll sober you up, and then put $20 in your shirt pocket and tell her that somebody threw up on you at the bar and he gave you $20 to have it cleaned"

the guy says "that's a great idea"

so he drinks the coffee and he heads back home, he walks in and his wife says "what happened to you?"

and he tells her the story about somebody vomiting on him and giving him $20 to clean his shirt, and he pulls the money out of his shirt and gives it to her

his wife counts the money and says "but there's $40 here"

and he says "well he shit my pants too"

 

[ions]

You know you can make butter out of any animal milk. You churn it enough that’s what you get. From humans it’s the nipple butter. From cows it’s the udder butter.

 

[ions]

And cows don’t have a common name like mike or slim. You call em Bessie. Like c’mere Bessie. Don’t Jump on the fence Bessie. Don’t lie down Bessie.

 

[hylite]

I am so depressed that antidepressants won't even work.

 

[jasperkent]

April is National Poetry Month. In celebration of that, I wrote this:

Roses are red,
Violets are purple,
Oranges are orange,
And nothing rhymes with purple.
Or violet.
Or orange.

 

[blondin]

I had a kids meal in McDonald's yesterday, very nice but the mother was bloody furious

 

[jasperkent]

OK so this is not a joke per se but I'm high and I suddenly have a 10-year-old brain.

I just heard a news item on NPR about astronomers wanting funding so they can study the emissions from Uranus.

Forgive me.

 

[darvocet21]

OK so this is not a joke per se but I'm high and I suddenly have a 10-year-old brain.

I just heard a news item on NPR about astronomers wanting funding so they can study the emissions from Uranus.

Forgive me.

that's a turd ferguson joke

 

[darvocet21]

He who farts in church must sit in his own pew.

 

[Robi]

A man gets the words tattooed I LOVE YOU on his prick and his wife said
"quit putting words into my mouth"