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hylite said:
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No actual chickens were harmed in the writing of this rather weak joke
 
I'm in the unenviable position of having kratom and not taking it for the past 2 hours because I don't have a soft drink. And when I try to swallow the capsules with water they get stuck in my esophagus something nasty. I know I'm going to get the wash and toss or rub and tug whatever it's called advice from those in the know. But I'd rather not have chalky plant paste anywhere but in my belly
 
darvocet21 said:
I'm in the unenviable position of having kratom and not taking it for the past 2 hours because I don't have a soft drink. And when I try to swallow the capsules with water they get stuck in my esophagus something nasty. I know I'm going to get the wash and toss or rub and tug whatever it's called advice from those in the know. But I'd rather not have chalky plant paste anywhere but in my belly
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By the way this is not some oblique reference to the Rod Stewart and Mick Jagger story about the 12 teaspoons of you know what. Although I have a feeling that if I ever went down on @schizopath I might just wind up ingesting more than that 😳
 
What's the first thing you think of when you
WAKE UP
in the morning ?
PASTA
​
Singing in the shower is fun. Until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it' a soap opera.

I spent the whole afternoon trying to figure out what opposite of night was.
In the end I had to call it a day
 
Tobacco told to the lighter: "Can you give me a spark?". And there was light.
Shaman told this story to a scientist who stole the joke. Not funny?
 
hylite said:
What's the first thing you think of when you
WAKE UP
in the morning ?
PASTA
​
Singing in the shower is fun. Until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it' a soap opera.

I spent the whole afternoon trying to figure out what opposite of night was.
In the end I had to call it a day
Click to expand...
Even your jokes are wholesome, you adorable little morsel
 
Okay maybe not THE best. But definitely in second place. Nothing can touch the greatest thing of all which I know you all know what I'm talking about........
 
I like dogs better because they can't talk but they howl.
 
A guy is walking down a street and sees a sign in front of a house that says:
Talking Dog for Sale. $10
Skeptical but curious, he knocks on the door. A man comes out and the guy says "I'm interested in the talking dog." The man brings out an ordinary-looking dog who sits down and proceeds to speak:
"Yeah, I started talking as a puppy and my owners sold me to the Ringling Brothers Circus. I toured the country with them for a few years and then the CIA found out about me. I was put to work as a spy-- who's gonna expect a talking dog, right? I traveled the world, met all kinds of interesting and important people. I helped stop a couple terrorist operations and some folks say I may have prevented World War III. I'm retired now but I occasionally do some speaking gigs at seminars and stuff."
The man puts the dog back in the house and the guy says: "That's amazing! I want that dog! But why only ten bucks?"
The man says
"Because he's a goddamn liar. He never did any of that shit."
 
(I can tell jokes about alcoholics because I AM an alcoholic. So hold your fire, please, cancellators)

Late one night, a drunk is staggering around a town he'd visited years before. He thinks he's on the street where he once went to a whorehouse. Seeing a familiar-looking house, he walks in. No people, no music, little light, but he hears something in the back. He stumbles into a kitchen where he sees a woman doing the dishes. He unzips his fly and says "Hey baby how about a blow job?"
Of course she shrieks and suddenly her husband, a big brawny dude, flies down the stairs and into the kitchen. He grabs the drunk, drags him out the front door, and proceeds to beat the shit out if him. As the alkie is writhing in pain and bleeding on the sidewalk, the man screams at him:
"You goddamn degenerate drunk! You are a worthless piece of human garbage!"
The drunk looks up at him, dazed but defiant, and says:
"Yeah? Well, you don't know shit about running a whorehouse!"
 
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