Social Tell a Joke

[1tbps]

Confucius once said, man who goes to bed with itchy asshole wakes up with stinky finger...

 

[simstim]

What's worse than 8 babies in a dumpster?

One baby in eight dumpsters!!

I like my women like I like my coffee, ground up, black and placed in the freezer

I like my women like my coffee, too! In my case I prefer them plain and bitter.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Cats may not be considered ‘man’s best friend’ ….
But at least they’re not gonna show the cops where the drugs are

 

[simstim]

Cats may not be considered ‘man’s best friend’ ….
But at least they’re not gonna show the cops where the drugs are

I dunno I've seen and heard about cats breaking into stashes.

 

[simstim]

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? you can unscrew a light bulb

 

[kiely]

So for dessert, the waitress
asked if I would like an ice
cream sundae ?

I said No " I'd like it today
please" !

 

[kiely]

Last night I dreamt I had
an identical twin.

This morning when I woke up I
was beside myself!

 

[unripebluestrawberryberet]

From the film Dark City (1998),

Inspector Frank Bumstead: So Husselbeck, what kind of killer do you think stops to save a dying fish?

Me: Bryan Kohberger the Vegan Incel Ripper

 

[kiely]

This guy turned down a job where he would get paid in vegetables.

He said the celery was unacceptable.

 

[1tbps]

This guy turned down a job where he would get paid in vegetables.

He said the celery was unacceptable.

 

[jasperkent]

Heard this from Neil Degrasse Tyson who heard it from an anonymous attorney:
"It's the 97% of lawyers that give the other 3% of us a bad name."

 

[darvocet21]

Heard this from Neil Degrasse Tyson who heard it from an anonymous attorney:
"It's the 97% of lawyers that give the other 3% of us a bad name."

Neil DeGrasse Tyson is the high priest of Science™ plus he's a big dude and he ticks the diversity box

 

[jasperkent]

Neil DeGrasse Tyson is the high priest of Science™ plus he's a big dude and he ticks the diversity box

Yeah, he's one of my heroes. Like Carl Sagan he can explain complicated science stuff in ways that an ignorant guy like me can actually understand. That's a rare gift.

PS--- He was also an accomplished athlete in college and he has a great sense of humor. An all-around amazing human being.

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

What did the preacher say when the church caught on fire?

"Holy Smoke ! Call the Fire Department" !!!

 

[darvocet21]

What did the preacher say when the church caught on fire?

"Holy Smoke ! Call the Fire Department" !!!

Do the honorable thing and delete it or else don't post here for 14 days make it 21 no one's going to enforce it so it's going to be the honor System okay

 

[darvocet21]

 

[psych0Naut!Lus]

The suspect told the FBI to search the Mariana Trench

 

[darvocet21]

The suspect told the FBI to search the Mariana Trench

If we wanted your jokes we'd beat it out of you

 

[Noahhatesme]

What do you call a melon with commitment issues?
A cant-elope

 

[darvocet21]

What do you call a melon with commitment issues?
A cant-elope

Beginning to sympathize with Noah