Social Tell a Joke

[blondin]

Just finished painting every room in the house, took months the estate agent said I should have just taken pictures...

 

[darvocet21]

Just finished painting every room in the house, took months the estate agent said I should have just taken pictures...

I had to think about that!

 

[hylite]

So I asked my chicken to lay eggs in a carton. But she dozen want to.

 

[hylite]

Blond: What are those things you blow on and make wishes ?

Other Blond: Breathalyzers ?

 

[hylite]

I didn't want to believe my flatmate was stealing from his job as a road worker . . .

But when I got home all the signs were there.

 

[hylite]

I think I may need professional help. . . . ..

A chef, a butler and a maid should do it.

 

[hylite]

I went to a wedding last Saturday that was so emotional,
even the cake was in tiers !!!!!

 

[hylite]

So the vet just informed us that our pet goat won't be able to have offspring.

No kidding ?

 

[ions]

I used to like to work on puzzles and smoke weed. But then I stopped doing puzzles.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?​

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

There's no dividing some integers: They are simply irrational.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?​

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

 

[kiely]

at Alice's restaurant

 

[kiely]

oh

 

[darvocet21]

What did the adjective say to the noun? "Word."

 

[ions]

Just so you know, I take these jokes and tell them to my parents. And share them on facebook.

 

[BK38]

I once told a chemistry joke, no reaction...

A neutrino walks into a bar, orders a drink and asks "how much", to which the bartender replies "for you, no charge".

Pi and i are having an argument, get real sais pi, be rational sais i...

What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and landed on you? A pool table...

Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? Because it said concentrate...

An electron walked into a bar and said that’s quarky, cryptically he must have lost his wallet. What Head hanger? No charge, the dthinks are free. Neutronly he remained neutral. What’s his name the bartender asked?
Antiprosynthesis?
He’s an Auto mechanic,


He’s a headbanger a Proton/Neutron Bomb!

 

[jasperkent]

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

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How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A fish.


I know, I know, they're very old jokes. But I still love em. And I love this one, too...

***WARNING: DISGUSTING!***

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How can you tell if your sister is on her period?


Your dad's dick tastes like blood.

 

[BK38]

I like my pizza lie I like my pi, high and extra horney

 

[BK38]

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

.
.
.
.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A fish.


I know, I know, they're very old jokes. But I still love em. And I love this one, too...

***WARNING: DISGUSTING!***

.
.
.
.
.
.

How can you tell if your sister is on her period?


Your dad's dick tastes like blood.

I like my women like I like my coffee, ground up, black and placed in the freezer

What’s the difference between a Priest and acne?

Acne waits until you’re 13 before it comes on your face

What did one German muffin say to the other Jewish muffin?

Holy Shit! It’s a talking muffin! Back of the oven you go Hitler!