floatingaround
Bluelighter
that sucks dude. Sounds like you have a pretty anxious way of thinking, I can relate. I'm the very jelous type, I let my emotions tear apart relationships.Wow Ugly I'm sorry about all that...
I've been absent as well. And I'm kinda here cause shit is, well, shits fucked up. Here it goes,
sorry for the rant guys I really need to put this in writing.
So as some know my girls pregnant, lol I fucking dove into that one. She literally got pregnant the first time we had sex.
And there has been a whole bunch of shit thats went on since then.
I was starting to talk about this elsewhere, and christ maybe this would be better in SLR but I like it here.
So our main problem in this relationship is my own insecurities and inability to trust her. We are in love. I know she would never cheat on me. She has already went above and beyond any other in showing me loyalty.
Yet because we are both addicts I am having trouble having faith in her. I'm becoming overly jealous, suspicious, and shit needy. I was usually the one getting girls like that. Now its me doing it to her.
I'm scared that I've never loved anyone as much as I love her. I'm scared that she's tapering off subs and klons and she'll relapse after she has the baby and it will lead to her fucking this up.
We're actually in therapy. Her sub counselors are giving us sessions too.
2 months into a relationship she's pregnant and we're in therapy lol....christ
But through all that we both want this child and love each other through and through. I just can't put my own mind and all the what ifs to bed and its killing our relationship. The bad thing is I see all these problems I just can't keep my fucking mouth shut and give her a break cause ultimately its me bitching about shit that isn't a big deal or ultimately I can't do anything about. Tonight we fought about me getting pissed about her going over to her ex's to see her daughter.
She left her ex to be with me. He's suing her for full custody and I'm still get bitchy over her going there.
God what the fuck is wrong with me. I really see how wrong I am here. She is here for me, and I'm ruining it.
I don't know how to help myself. I can not bitch but i still have jealous feelings. I'm bipolar and don't have insurance so i've been off my meds too. Weed has been calming me down, I don't like: to take benzos even though i should.
But ultimately this jealousy is the root of it. How the fuck do i get past it? She told me tonight I need to grow the fuck up, and she's right. And I want to change. I want to let all of this go.
Again I'm sorry guys i'm just ill right now.