TDS Social Thread vs. Badfish has stayed up too late

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Wow Ugly I'm sorry about all that...

I've been absent as well. And I'm kinda here cause shit is, well, shits fucked up. Here it goes,
sorry for the rant guys I really need to put this in writing.


So as some know my girls pregnant, lol I fucking dove into that one. She literally got pregnant the first time we had sex.
And there has been a whole bunch of shit thats went on since then.
I was starting to talk about this elsewhere, and christ maybe this would be better in SLR but I like it here.
So our main problem in this relationship is my own insecurities and inability to trust her. We are in love. I know she would never cheat on me. She has already went above and beyond any other in showing me loyalty.
Yet because we are both addicts I am having trouble having faith in her. I'm becoming overly jealous, suspicious, and shit needy. I was usually the one getting girls like that. Now its me doing it to her.

I'm scared that I've never loved anyone as much as I love her. I'm scared that she's tapering off subs and klons and she'll relapse after she has the baby and it will lead to her fucking this up.
We're actually in therapy. Her sub counselors are giving us sessions too.
2 months into a relationship she's pregnant and we're in therapy lol....christ

But through all that we both want this child and love each other through and through. I just can't put my own mind and all the what ifs to bed and its killing our relationship. The bad thing is I see all these problems I just can't keep my fucking mouth shut and give her a break cause ultimately its me bitching about shit that isn't a big deal or ultimately I can't do anything about. Tonight we fought about me getting pissed about her going over to her ex's to see her daughter.
She left her ex to be with me. He's suing her for full custody and I'm still get bitchy over her going there.
God what the fuck is wrong with me. I really see how wrong I am here. She is here for me, and I'm ruining it.

I don't know how to help myself. I can not bitch but i still have jealous feelings. I'm bipolar and don't have insurance so i've been off my meds too. Weed has been calming me down, I don't like: to take benzos even though i should.

But ultimately this jealousy is the root of it. How the fuck do i get past it? She told me tonight I need to grow the fuck up, and she's right. And I want to change. I want to let all of this go.

Again I'm sorry guys i'm just ill right now.
that sucks dude. Sounds like you have a pretty anxious way of thinking, I can relate. I'm the very jelous type, I let my emotions tear apart relationships.
 
dear god i hope you get a paternity test as soon as possible. no offense.

None taken. We're getting one while the babies still inside of her. Trust me when i say it its 99% possibility its mine. I'm having trouble finding places that will do this fuckin test cause we're in the bible belt. All these ob gyns are reluctant to give us info on it. I think i have a place tho.

Irregardless i love her and i straight up told her i'll raise the kid like its my own... but that wouldn't stop the babies father from going after it. Thats just the icing on the cake. Thats like at the end of our list of problems.

We both want this shit to work though. For real, she's worth it.
 
Sine - It seems like you two have all possibilities covered which is great :) I'm glad to hear things are going well.

I understand the insecurity thing so well. My ex and I went through therapy for the same thing in the beginning of our relationship. It seems like she's willing to help you work through the insecurities, and through quitting too (which would be especially trying on you both).
 
Sine - It seems like you two have all possibilities covered which is great :) I'm glad to hear things are going well.

I understand the insecurity thing so well. My ex and I went through therapy for the same thing in the beginning of our relationship. It seems like she's willing to help you work through the insecurities, and through quitting too (which would be especially trying on you both).

At least I'm not the only one as far as the whole counseling thing goes. That means something to her that I want to do it.

I've never dated an addict while I was being relatively clean. Like I said at least I know where my problems are. And I hold my tongue most of the time cause I know I'm being unreasonable. She has shit to work on too. But theres no earthly reason for me to put all this added stress on her. She's down. Really down.

We don't stay mad at each other. But this shit has to stop. I do need to man the fuck up, grow the fuck up, and get over this childish bullshit with her ex. Whether I like it or not he is going to be a part of her life, and if I want to be included, and I want a family with her I have to deal with it. I knew for the most part what a clusterfuck I was getting myself into. And props to her because I've wanted a relationship with her since I met her years ago. Now I have her love and that should be good enough.
 
Well I've fucked nearly everything up that I had going for me. I had a job, was paying debts and I had a group of friends.

I made new friends 2 years ago after being an introvert for A good year and not having any mates once I moved away from my old area. Now I can't hang out with any of them, and the way I've been acting about my whole situation I can only imagine what they've been thinking and saying about me.

I'm not shy to express my problems over Facebook. Had a 'mate' make a status earlier saying along the lines..' U complain and whine about all your problems but do nothing about it, fuck up cunt that's life' fair statement, except I'm waiting to see a psych, the waiting period is ages, and I don't have control of who picks me for a job or not. It was an even bigger kick in the balls when the 3 closest mates I have ATM liked that status when I thought they knew my position.

I don't think people understand just how badly things effect me personally, and the anxiety and depression that follows. Maybe I am just a whinger. Maybe if they could see the world through my eyes they would get it.

I am fucking cornered, and I hate it. On top of losing mates who I cannot hang out with anymore( which is a massive deal for me, I'm not social to begin with so making new friends is extremely hard) I've gotta face real estate in the next few days, let them no I know longer have a job which is going to cause a lot of dramas as this lease doesn't end till march. Owing 5 grand in debt that's contiuing to go up each week, and my mum said she won't take me back in to live with her.

I just feel I have no one to turn too, I'm not happy in life..actually that's a massive understatement, I've not been happy or slightly at ease with where I'm at for the past month, I've not been living IV just been surviving. I have no money, no food. I just need people to speak too, others who have gone through shit because I don't know other people irl that have gone through stresses and hard times like I am now so it's hard to relate.

Right now I've accepted the fact that these mates I've had over the last 2 years aren't mates anymore, I can't hang out with them, there like there own group now. And with no job, rent, moving place, finding a place, debts, and other personal things going on I just want to OD on heroin and end this fucking torture I'm going through.

I don't fucking know anymore. The only reason I've not ended myself is the fact my mum would get hurt the most, not something I want to put her through.

I'm reaching out to bluelighters to help put things back into reasonable perspective for me, if thats possible. i need to chat, It always helps. the longer I'm left alone to myself thinking the worst I end up and I can't handle it alone.
 
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My kitty loves BL time too, Herby!
He just finished kneading me and crawled down to the foot of the bed. If only he could crawl up about 6 more inches so he could warm my feet LOL.
 
^My Azibear is sitting next to me as I type this. Sometimes she'll let me know when I've been on the computer for too long and needs attention herself by trying to lay on top of the laptop's keyboard. =D She gets super jealous when I get on the phone too and will demand cuddle time right then.
 
LOL mine get jealous when I'm on the phone too! I'll be sitting there using my phone and one of my cats he will make it a point to run over, nudge my phone & my hand and then chew on the corner of my phone until I put it down and rub his belly. Their cuteness makes me oblige. =D
 
SinWaveSoldier, I understand what its like to feel like that in a relationship - and it is an absolutely mind boggling feeling.
For some, I suppose this is just an unavoidable part of love.
Don't let it come between you and your lady!
You two are having a child soon!! =D Focus on helping each other throughout this period <3 She needs your support just as you need hers.

floatingaround, wow sorry about all that dude.
Your friends don't really sound like real friends if they are directing those sort of comments at you.
Clearly you are in a struggle, they should be helping you.
Anyway.. You need to start focusing on getting your life back on track.
It ain't easy finding jobs and paying back debts as well as coping with stress & depression issues.. But there are always opportunities out there man. You need to be persistent with this.
Stay tuned in with The Dark Side.. You will get a lot of good help in here from others who have been in your position.
Check out this thread if you need to vent your anger and frustrations.
Also, check out this thread if you need to express some depressive or anxious feelings.
There is always help available <3
 
SinWaveSoldier, I understand what its like to feel like that in a relationship - and it is an absolutely mind boggling feeling.
For some, I suppose this is just an unavoidable part of love.
Don't let it come between you and your lady!
You two are having a child soon!! =D Focus on helping each other throughout this period <3 She needs your support just as you need hers.

I feel you. I try to be supporitve. We went to counseling on friday. It went very well, we worked through some shit and I had some things dealing with my family that i needed to get out. This weekend was great. Everything is gonna be alright :)
 
I just purchased this little gem for myself, because I need a reminder sometimes. :)
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The best parts: It was made by cousin. She's a medical illustrator and started making anatomical jewelry as sort of a side job. She made it out of recycled copper roofing from the house my mom grew up in. <3
 
That is so cool Spork!

Before I read the description you wrote I was thinking "it looks like lungs" and now I see why :D Again that's awesome!

-------

Here's a picture of my breakfast from this past weekend - it was delicious. Who wants to go get breakfast for dinner with me!? <3

 
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Wow, Spork, that's a very creative little piece of work :-)

Hthr007, I will join you :-) :-) That brekkie looks so amazing!
 
Hash browns I can live without but pancakes, bacons and maple syrup FTW! I'll do breakfast anytime with you Heather if it looks like that. Small problem what with the being 3000 miles away from you or whatever it is, but no biggie, you just catch a plane over, I'll put the kettle on. =D
 
i don't really care for breakfast probably mostly because i'm always so nauseous in the mornings actually i'm nauseous most of the time my appetite was terrible before i got put on zyprexa
 
I was going to say that I would claim Sepher's hashbrowns if he didn't want them--or trade my pancakes for them. I like pancakes and maple syrup but whenever I eat them I feel like I need to lie down about an hour after and not get up for the next 24 hours LOL. Actually I found a recipe that I love for oat pancakes--you soak the oats in buttermilk overnight and then add the eggs and flour and oil the next morning. They are delicious and healthy and you don't end up feeling like you ate a 5 lb. bag of flour.

@Spork--that necklace is so cool! Does she have an etsy account or anything like that? If so, would you PM me? Effie's sister also makes incredible jewelry.

Guess what i bought for myself this weekend? A pair of perfectly broken in, just my size second-hand cowgirl boots! I love them. I feel like a kid in them.:D
 
I was going to say that I would claim Sepher's hashbrowns if he didn't want them--or trade my pancakes for them. I like pancakes and maple syrup but whenever I eat them I feel like I need to lie down about an hour after and not get up for the next 24 hours LOL. Actually I found a recipe that I love for oat pancakes--you soak the oats in buttermilk overnight and then add the eggs and flour and oil the next morning. They are delicious and healthy and you don't end up feeling like you ate a 5 lb. bag of flour.

@Spork--that necklace is so cool! Does she have an etsy account or anything like that? If so, would you PM me? Effie's sister also makes incredible jewelry.

Guess what i bought for myself this weekend? A pair of perfectly broken in, just my size second-hand cowgirl boots! I love them. I feel like a kid in them.:D

After I ate that breakfast I took a 2.5 hour nap! LOL and those pancakes sound DELICIOUS!

Cowgirl boots = amazing. I own 2 pairs from this awesome Western store. They have a ton of fabulous things there all country-western related. It's a 3.5 hour drive from my house, but I absolutely love it so its worth it!
 
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