theartofwar
Bluelighter
"Blessed are the cheesemakers ... for they will inherit the earth" ... oh monty python...
+1 to being muffed lol Dave, touche.
+1 to being muffed lol Dave, touche.
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- Thread starter panic in paradise
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I don't believe in god and I feel love for all things
/devil's advocate
/double entendre
Enki how are the preparations going?
Pillthrill
Bluelighter
Hey guys,
I know its been forever since I've been here. Work has been keeping me busy (actually more like draining my soul, but yeah whatever). I have 4 days off now, but I'm trapped at home because my car blew up.
Nothing like a little isolation to cure your depression off huh?
So...
I thought I would come say hey, catch up with people...
I know its been forever since I've been here. Work has been keeping me busy (actually more like draining my soul, but yeah whatever). I have 4 days off now, but I'm trapped at home because my car blew up.
Nothing like a little isolation to cure your depression off huh?
So...
I thought I would come say hey, catch up with people...
theartofwar
Bluelighter
PT your car blew up D: ?? That sux - hows life side from work ?
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
^^^
what do you not believe god is???
{//manifold } }}
... top of the morning to you too.
___________________________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7btYup7cxs
what do you not believe god is???
{//manifold } }}
... top of the morning to you too.
___________________________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7btYup7cxs
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Bojangles69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 1,758
I know its "normal" for women to complain about their weight and all but I really feel like a fat fuck lately. I've never had a stomach before which is what I think exacerbates it. Its got to the point where I do little things I don't even notice now. Like I have to go in my room and close the door just to change my shirt, and I'm always pulling my shirt down to get the "fat fold" out of my shirt between my chest and stomach. I'm such a prissy fucking bitch but I can't stop obsessing about it.
Today I'm at my friends house, nothing to do and he's got a great big pool with a diving board and all. Its hot as balls outside, girls are already in the pool in bikinis, but its like none of my male friends give a fuck at all what they look like (I say "friends" but I use the term friends quite loosely to describe anyone I know really - I barely have any "real friends" at all). I don't get how guys actually become secure about looking like shit, honestly. Have never understood it. Just rip their shirts right off, no hesitation whatsoever like it doesn't even cross their minds. My fat friends will run around fat bouncing side to side, then the skinny ones don't have an ounce of muscle on them and just look all awkward and anorexic. I don't understand how it becomes so natural for people to not care about what they look like.
Anyway long story short I must have been asked 20 times today "are you going in the pool are you going in the pool blah blah!!!" and I kept saying "sure in a little bit". Like what else am I gonna say "no wayyy I'm too fat fuck that shit?" lol. I'm a "man" I can't say that lol. But g/damn I do not handle being fat well. And this past week I have ran about 20 miles and not burnt single pound off. I'm pretty sure its the suboxone cause I use to be able to drop weight real easy. I also know how to eat perfect and count calories get the right amounts of macros/micros etc. But now I'm considering getting on some type of laxative long term. I mean that has to be the problem right? I use to go to the bathroom 2-3 times a day when I was ripped, now its once a day, it has to be that food isn't moving out of my body fast enough thus it just sits in my intestines all day keeping me fat. I definitely don't want to stop the sub it works great, theres got to be another way.
I think I may just go for one really long run and never stop untill I'm skinny. I'll run for 14 days straight no sleep/no food if thats what it takes. But I am burning this god damn stomach off by the end of July. Nothing worse than being fat during the summer. Hate it. Anyway thats my girly rant for the day.
Today I'm at my friends house, nothing to do and he's got a great big pool with a diving board and all. Its hot as balls outside, girls are already in the pool in bikinis, but its like none of my male friends give a fuck at all what they look like (I say "friends" but I use the term friends quite loosely to describe anyone I know really - I barely have any "real friends" at all). I don't get how guys actually become secure about looking like shit, honestly. Have never understood it. Just rip their shirts right off, no hesitation whatsoever like it doesn't even cross their minds. My fat friends will run around fat bouncing side to side, then the skinny ones don't have an ounce of muscle on them and just look all awkward and anorexic. I don't understand how it becomes so natural for people to not care about what they look like.
Anyway long story short I must have been asked 20 times today "are you going in the pool are you going in the pool blah blah!!!" and I kept saying "sure in a little bit". Like what else am I gonna say "no wayyy I'm too fat fuck that shit?" lol. I'm a "man" I can't say that lol. But g/damn I do not handle being fat well. And this past week I have ran about 20 miles and not burnt single pound off. I'm pretty sure its the suboxone cause I use to be able to drop weight real easy. I also know how to eat perfect and count calories get the right amounts of macros/micros etc. But now I'm considering getting on some type of laxative long term. I mean that has to be the problem right? I use to go to the bathroom 2-3 times a day when I was ripped, now its once a day, it has to be that food isn't moving out of my body fast enough thus it just sits in my intestines all day keeping me fat. I definitely don't want to stop the sub it works great, theres got to be another way.
I think I may just go for one really long run and never stop untill I'm skinny. I'll run for 14 days straight no sleep/no food if thats what it takes. But I am burning this god damn stomach off by the end of July. Nothing worse than being fat during the summer. Hate it. Anyway thats my girly rant for the day.
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ocean
Bluelight Crew
How are things going Enki?
Bojangles, I understand but love yourself for you
(I have my days too so I'm a tad bit of a hypocrite
)
Hey PT.
And I'm with n3o and Dave- I don't believe in a Christian God but I have love for all things.
Bojangles, I understand but love yourself for you
(I have my days too so I'm a tad bit of a hypocrite
)Hey PT.
And I'm with n3o and Dave- I don't believe in a Christian God but I have love for all things.
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
boJ
i know you know a bit about health stuff, but be chugging water - walk dont run, the quicker you lose it the quicker it will come back - go swimming and act like you dont care and eventually id bet you have any reason to, this will help also im sure.
how can you believe in what doesnt exist?!?
if all is mine, then whos am i?
ChirstO =- Manifold
an example:
"cloth" so white or dark it wouldnt show fold or crease ...
yet ...in a prerecorded universe, who hit record first???
-?
DAEHDOG
the Tree Of Life - a Missed KittiM track - I LOVE SARA @} }}4:13
++++++++++++ -*+
i know you know a bit about health stuff, but be chugging water - walk dont run, the quicker you lose it the quicker it will come back - go swimming and act like you dont care and eventually id bet you have any reason to, this will help also im sure.
how can you believe in what doesnt exist?!?
if all is mine, then whos am i?
ChirstO =- Manifold
an example:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manifold
"cloth" so white or dark it wouldnt show fold or crease ...
yet ...in a prerecorded universe, who hit record first???
-?
DAEHDOG
the Tree Of Life - a Missed KittiM track - I LOVE SARA @} }}4:13
++++++++++++ -*+
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Pillthrill
Bluelighter
Yeah blew a head gasket and warped one of the heads. Currently it is out of the car and all over the garage.
Ok I guess. Relationship seems to have lost its spark but I'm not gonna say anything.
theartofwar
Bluelighter
damn, I'm sorry to hear that.
On topic of religion i have found a lot of peace in rastafarianism with a guy I know. I don't claim to know any answers, as no one can truly prove one way or the other imo , but the peace and love I have found within the body of people has been a breath of fresh air.
On topic of religion i have found a lot of peace in rastafarianism with a guy I know. I don't claim to know any answers, as no one can truly prove one way or the other imo , but the peace and love I have found within the body of people has been a breath of fresh air.
Bojangles69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 1,758
Well I study relationships and have done a lot of research on them too (some published some not) so I'm like a little bowl of relationship facts.
But 1 out of every 4 relationships (25percent) are precisely how you just described.
Then another 1 out of 4 (25percent) people will say theres no spark and that they have also considered (not acted on) cheating on their partner.
So right there thats half of all relationships, where people will say precisely what you just said here. Half of those people have considered cheating (or at least admitted they've considered) while another half claim they haven't yet.
Point is though thats extremely normal and not only normal but expected. Also, the chances double for that after 3 years. Research has shown most relationships start off heavy on passion and intimacy, then around the 3 year point (on avg) will transform to being heavy in intimacy and commitment (while very low on passion). Going from "passionate love" to "companionate love". The longer you're together, the less likely to still have passionate love, and the more likely companionate.
The good news is however that this in no way correlates to a relationship ending sooner (well that may actually be bad news to you for all I know). Satisfaction in a relationship has little to no correlation to relationship duration. What does correlate however are investments, which is a whole nother topic altogether (there are 3 main types of investments in a relationship which can actually be measured to predict liklihood of divorce/breakup). But rather than drag this on if you ever have questions feel free to ask. I am pretty good at predicting when/if a break up is going to happen, and although I am wrong sometimes its about 90% accurate the system I use (which was developed by my professor who made this system, its actually in psychology texts nationwide now).
Anyway g/luck whatever happens.
Pillthrill
Bluelighter
So what exactly is the longer term outlook of living and loving your best friend...but not a whole lot more than that?
Uh, the depression has come back. Randomly my mind throws out very negative, self-destructive, depressive, pessimistic and suicidal thoughts. Its pretty concerning.
What am I supposed to do about this again??
Uh, the depression has come back. Randomly my mind throws out very negative, self-destructive, depressive, pessimistic and suicidal thoughts. Its pretty concerning.
What am I supposed to do about this again??
Relationship-wise, I think that you're hitting the transition to long-term partnership. You're both completely comfortable with each other, and while the passion may be gone a glowing fondness and attachment remains. Am I right, or completely out to lunch? The longest 'relationship' that I've ever had lasted three months, and ended a very long time ago, so take anything that I say on the subject with a massive grain of salt.
Depression-wise, I'd recommend that you check out a good yoga class. Any activity will benefit depression, but yoga has (IMO) the advantage of being very well balanced, with an emphasis toward mindfulness and 'working things out' on the mat. It has helped me tremendously, both physically and psycho-emotionally, although I still have a l o n g way to go yet.
In the meanwhile, remember that you are not your thoughts, and you are not your emotions. Both of those phenomena arise from you, and you need not identify with them. Notice them, experience them even, but don't start identifying with them again.
Depression-wise, I'd recommend that you check out a good yoga class. Any activity will benefit depression, but yoga has (IMO) the advantage of being very well balanced, with an emphasis toward mindfulness and 'working things out' on the mat. It has helped me tremendously, both physically and psycho-emotionally, although I still have a l o n g way to go yet.
In the meanwhile, remember that you are not your thoughts, and you are not your emotions. Both of those phenomena arise from you, and you need not identify with them. Notice them, experience them even, but don't start identifying with them again.
Pillthrill
Bluelighter
Right, the whole sexuality is mostly down the tubes but it was never 100% due to all MY hangups.
It will be 2 years this fall.
I admitted them (the thoughts) to my partner today. He got me out to "Art of the Square" and a lunch at a special place that we always seem for forever how good it was, library for books and store for bubble bath (a must for me relaxing). So I think he is trying to help.
I know yoga would help but where do I find the time and ENERGY during the work week for that!!
But it is so hard when I can't really say anything to anyone about the work I do, and if I did no one would truly understand.
" You don't know how it feels" to be me - by Tom Petty is really speaking to me... (so you KNOW what I am doing to cope everyday...)
I'm just "praying" I don't end up cutting. Around a year in recovery and I'm already worried about it being summer and all the scars I ALREADY have!!
It will be 2 years this fall.
I admitted them (the thoughts) to my partner today. He got me out to "Art of the Square" and a lunch at a special place that we always seem for forever how good it was, library for books and store for bubble bath (a must for me relaxing). So I think he is trying to help.
I know yoga would help but where do I find the time and ENERGY during the work week for that!!
But it is so hard when I can't really say anything to anyone about the work I do, and if I did no one would truly understand.
" You don't know how it feels" to be me - by Tom Petty is really speaking to me... (so you KNOW what I am doing to cope everyday...)
I'm just "praying" I don't end up cutting. Around a year in recovery and I'm already worried about it being summer and all the scars I ALREADY have!!
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A lot of people use the 'no time/energy' reasoning, and I was one of them. It takes some adjustment, but once you're able to find/make the time, you'll find that it increases rather than decreases your energy. Most decent sized cities will have a variety of studios and independent teachers working out of community halls etc. Look around, and see what's out there.
Just suggesting is all; if/when it's right, it'll happen. While it is often sold as a workout, most people that I've spoken to agree that the most significant benefits are psycho-emotional. If you're really strapped for time, you could try to set up a home practise from books, but I'd recommend at least doing a short course or workshop on the basic poses to make sure that you don't hurt yourself. Really, when was the last time you did something like that for yourself?
Just suggesting is all; if/when it's right, it'll happen. While it is often sold as a workout, most people that I've spoken to agree that the most significant benefits are psycho-emotional. If you're really strapped for time, you could try to set up a home practise from books, but I'd recommend at least doing a short course or workshop on the basic poses to make sure that you don't hurt yourself. Really, when was the last time you did something like that for yourself?
theartofwar
Bluelighter
@PT
This phrase bothers me. From what I know, you are working in a shelter concerned with Domestic Abuse, am I right?
Are you offered any support at work/by work with respect to the nature of the work you do?
Are you investing too much energy into work, is it consuming your life? You are meant to have a life outside, this sounds really unhealthy.
IF it is turning you into a martyr then what can you do about it realistically? Is work replacing some need you are neglecting in yourself that you are unaware of?
Dave has given some good suggestions with regard to yoga and I think the principle of what he is saying is very considerate, yoga aside, are you not willing/paying enough attention to your own genuine needs, is everything that fulfills you coming from the outside? Are you investing in too much emotionally outside of yourself?
Maybe your car blowing up is an apt metaphor for how your feeling...
Just my two cent.
*sorry about all the questions but being active in your own life is more empowering than suffering due to outside situations alone
This phrase bothers me. From what I know, you are working in a shelter concerned with Domestic Abuse, am I right?
Are you offered any support at work/by work with respect to the nature of the work you do?
Are you investing too much energy into work, is it consuming your life? You are meant to have a life outside, this sounds really unhealthy.
IF it is turning you into a martyr then what can you do about it realistically? Is work replacing some need you are neglecting in yourself that you are unaware of?
Dave has given some good suggestions with regard to yoga and I think the principle of what he is saying is very considerate, yoga aside, are you not willing/paying enough attention to your own genuine needs, is everything that fulfills you coming from the outside? Are you investing in too much emotionally outside of yourself?
Maybe your car blowing up is an apt metaphor for how your feeling...
Just my two cent.
*sorry about all the questions but being active in your own life is more empowering than suffering due to outside situations alone
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