TDS Social~EveryOne Look at Your Neighbor With Love

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hey everyone, I'm taking a 71 day all inclusive-vacation on california's dime starting tomorrow. meals, bed, and security force are all included! see ya'll on the flip side :)

peace!

damn bro, that time u had between wasn't shit. they should have meetings man, i'd check into it. and see if you can have your bigbook with you, and a notebook.
dont eat the twinkie if u see one on ur mat. :)
i'll keep u in my thoughts. <3


ok heres whats going on with me,
i feel like im enabling people here..

theres been a few guys here in the halfway house im in that relapsed on heroin past few days (including weekend). I fucked up and gave my piss to one of the guys. I know I shouldn't have, I was in the same boat he was almost a year ago, and I felt sorry for him.
I thought that was fucking it, (i gave my piss to him twice). He told me that he wasn't going to use anymore, and I went along with it. and about 4 hours ago he came and asked me to pee in a condom for him. I'm like "dude wtf". he told me that they are piss testing him (he must have been out all fucking day because this is the second time that they've pissd tested him).
NOW the shits coming back on me, nothing for certin yet, but words going around that SOMEONE piss'd in a condom for him, (and the guy i piss'd for wont say who, or what).
now theres only a matter of fucking time before words gets around that I was the one. I could deny the shit, and say fuck no. who are they going to believe me, or a guy that just relpased.
i kno i kno, no that's not right. but i'm on the line of getting put out of here, I relapsed 40 days ago, and by the grace of my hp i havnt used since.

I'm feeling really guilty, yeah i know i should be feeling like shit because of it.

i don't know what happened to the guys, i dont even know if guy used my piss. (if words getting around that someone pissd in a condom for him then i'm guessing that he didn't use my piss).
last i saw, the staff took him to his room, I'm guessing that they are searching his room to see if they can find any needles, and dope. (i fucking trashed the condom wrapper in lake beh'emer "ghetto lake" so they have no evidence on me right? sept for "he say" right?)

Theres no sign of life outside, no one smoking on their porch, so this can't really be good.

I don't know what to do.. Id hate to tell my sponsor this shit because he's going to tell me wat to do. and its going to jepordize my roof over my head, ya kno?

so here i am telling yaw. shit sucks
 
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hope they call.
 
D's good luck with the interview. def a step in the right direction.


about your piss situation. you think your spons would really tell you to fess up about the giving the guy your piss? i dont think thats the right thing to do if it will get you kicked outta the house. im not encouraging lieing but in the best interest of your recovery, i think you need to stay at the halfway house and being "just" at this point in time can be counter-productive. so i would say deny deny deny. and talk to your sponsor about it, explain to him that you need this halfway house, and that without it your recovery is in trouble. i would think that this is understandable.

on a side note: i hope you learned that helping the ppl can come back and bite you in the ass. as they say, you gotta do you. especially in a halfway house, not everyone in recovery is there for the right reasons.
 
o boy...

this all sounds so familiar.
OH. CA got to point i was, in so many words.
and thats, i can, and was a people pleaser its still in me, but as shown;
pleasing and pleasing others leaves one in a position, where they are left
fucked, and it was your own self who fucked yourself.
!!!! this is where sometimes, a relapse can start developing !!!!
isolation from others because of lack of trust, and further down the spiral we go.
but it was allowing such "thought-predators" "ego-less-enablers" who seek out
these "crippling-virtues" "self-lies" in others to fill their own weakness's and
lack of self-character.

some of us build this massive winding chain of great "dominos" then, gain selfish
de-light by,,, tipping that first top and watching the once organized chaos take a life
of its own.
drugs are great way to numb oneself from this personally, and take pleasure in such events selfishly.
and eventually once again, fucked and lonely.

you are defeating 'lonely' by speaking to others of it.
you are seeking, and breaking isolation simply
asking honestly for answers.

sounds like this place has been pretty disruptive for you, but you have been making even greater strides because of this, hmm?!?
are there many other places around?
you did what you did.
do you know why you did it, and the consequences of yourself and others?
can grow from your replies?
can you recognize the chain-of-events that played out, and relate them to other relative parts of your life?
if so, id take the truths of these answers as a big big step in my recovery, and have&do personally. it will help you be able to further avoid the chain-of-events occurring from the result of these events...
sponsors are generally pretty fukin cool wise witty shut you quick types. lol
but very different from one another,, oh yes.. lol

so no one can assume his reactions. but his reaction, is not of your higher-consequence of being true unto thy-self.
and from this consequence you can still grow forth with these experiences now wisdom, that you may utilize as knowledge to make better decisions about the near future to come, and the possible growth to be made from them.


when i think about these situations, as ive had to, several?? times... this is my personal conclusion process, and one i have heard from many others in so many words. or the process with no conclusion previously more often then not...

~:-)

" if the mountains feel in the sea, let it be, it aint me "
freak'n Jimi Hendrix.
 
^ good stuff,

The chaos factor in addiction / life is huge. Everytime I walk away from using, I still have a chaotic life, finding peace and then allowing myself to live in it, instead of sabotaging myself, that's the most difficult part for me.

Ugh.
 
Some of you may have noticed how slow we've been lately........
If you'd like to help BL you can DONATE any amount,5 dollars to 100's of dollars- anything is helpful!!
(Right now I believe it is by mail only)
If you don't have any money you can follow our banners at the top of the page to watch videos, take surveys that will help to bring BL the money it needs to run properly!
You can follow the link in my signature for the Inflexxion Survey! If you haven't taken it, try it out- It is easy and not too long- it is free and a simple way for you to help us all out!!
 
^^ She's right ya know!

I did the survey last night and it was super quick and easy, and it's totally anonymous. I did heaps of online surveys like this last year as part of my manditory psych research participation for my uni course and the studies are always for a really good purpose. The researchers need all the data they can get so that their results are more accurate, so why not help them out and complete the survey :)
(I've added the link in to my signature as well)
 
Would Bluelight accept a car stereo as a donation?

It fell off the back of a truck last week, and I'd like to see it going to a worthy cause. :p
 
The survey is good, but might be triggering for some people.

/me hopes they get online donations up and running again soon
 
Man life has just been so shitty lately with my chronic pain other health problems me continuing to not to good in school as a result of the shit going on in my life is makeing me loss hope in makeing it to grad school.
 
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at any degree of benzo or opioid w/d caffeine, sativa, B vitamins all rouse up that electric-funk-wave.
now im really noticing every-time i have near 10ozs of gatorade things getting going again. nothing bad, but,,, pretty fuk'd feeling.

heh
could it be the electrolytes??
 
it's you blood glucose levels pip , the spike in insulin with gatorade is very noticeable esp during wd's
 
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