o boy...
this all sounds so familiar.
OH. CA got to point i was, in so many words.
and thats, i can, and was a people pleaser its still in me, but as shown;
pleasing and pleasing others leaves one in a position, where they are left
fucked, and it was your own self who fucked yourself.
!!!! this is where sometimes, a relapse can start developing !!!!
isolation from others because of lack of trust, and further down the spiral we go.
but it was allowing such "thought-predators" "ego-less-enablers" who seek out
these "crippling-virtues" "self-lies" in others to fill their own weakness's and
lack of self-character.
some of us build this massive winding chain of great "dominos" then, gain selfish
de-light by,,, tipping that first top and watching the once organized chaos take a life
of its own.
drugs are great way to numb oneself from this personally, and take pleasure in such events selfishly.
and eventually once again, fucked and lonely.
you are defeating 'lonely' by speaking to others of it.
you are seeking, and breaking isolation simply
asking honestly for answers.
sounds like this place has been pretty disruptive for you, but you have been making even greater strides because of this, hmm?!?
are there many other places around?
you did what you did.
do you know why you did it, and the consequences of yourself and others?
can grow from your replies?
can you recognize the chain-of-events that played out, and relate them to other relative parts of your life?
if so, id take the truths of these answers as a big big step in my recovery, and have&do personally. it will help you be able to further avoid the chain-of-events occurring from the result of these events...
sponsors are generally pretty fukin cool wise witty shut you quick types. lol
but very different from one another,, oh yes.. lol
so no one can assume his reactions. but his reaction, is not of your higher-consequence of being true unto thy-self.
and from this consequence you can still grow forth with these experiences now wisdom, that you may utilize as knowledge to make better decisions about the near future to come, and the possible growth to be made from them.
when i think about these situations, as ive had to, several?? times... this is my personal conclusion process, and one i have heard from many others in so many words. or the process with no conclusion previously more often then not...
~
" if the mountains feel in the sea, let it be, it aint me "
freak'n Jimi Hendrix.