^^ lol cute!
Yeah kc I reckon go with the second pic, HAWT!
f13nd you're looking great off the drugs, keep up the good work
My myspace pic lol!!
:D thank you. I'll be honest, despite dropping all of the illegal habits, even smoking pot, I still struggle sometimes. Using drugs to escape my problems and to ignore life or blindly fel love or loved or just empty euphoria has almost no appeal to me, I still take..well actually I was prescribed klonopin both for preexisting social anxiety, insomnia, obsessive behaviors but also because even after opiate wd was over the simultaneous wd from hypnotic benzos and even possibly barbituates I had stolen in a strung out stupor were leaving me blacking out from panic attacks and I had 2 seizures...:/
I don't even let the thought of trying to abuse sedatives cross my mind anymore though, its actually the other medication I take. I am scripted adderall, have been for over a year and every so often I still fall prey to the desire to surpass my own abilities and be ultra productive and faster and honestly more able to focus and utilize linear process memorization which is somewhat important for mathematics and such, and without that my mind feels like a whirlwind of thoughts, questions, if I can't grasp the initial foundation of a concept, if I miss even a pretty minor detail I its like someone pulled the bottom jenga block out and my concentration collapses and then motivation to continue feels futile, but I found that my grades and ability to do patchwork with thoughts if I miss a detail becomes functional and I can still retain the rest of a concept and then fill the blanks in at the end if I have amph.
Where it gets bad is if everyone wants to go to a club or houseparty and everyones drinking smoking rolling etc and I every so often let myself get somewhat tweaked so that I don't feel so bored and isolated and I can find interesting things even around boring couch crust beings. Nothing like my past where I'd crush and snort huge doses, and I tell myself I take all the supplements to avoid problems and nootropics and antioxidants so this is actually much safer than doing what the rest of the crowd does but still...just because you're at the top of the shitpile doesn't mean you're not still just wallowing in shit. Ive misused---eh-abused my medication for the wrong purposes along with using it for legitimate intended uses :/ I figured I'd explain that because despite dropping a ton of more dangerous habits and actually having something regulated and that I'm supposed to use, I don't mind using chemicals to increase productivity and to bring order to an erratic mind so that I can use it to its full potential, but I really dislike that I know when I use it socially...its not a tool, its just a crutch, and my legs aren't broken....
Basically my rambles point is mostly just because I don't like feeling like I've misrepresented myself when I hear praise about quitting my more extreme polydrug abuse/addiction,I'm still no saint and wish I didn't allow myself to repeat mistakes, but what happened to me...I did it to myself. I chose not to appreciate and respect both myself and life, and it was my responsibility to crawl my way out of my own hole. I guess it still feels awkward hearing something positive about me..I do appreciate it, I just feel like you wouldn't congratulate me on wiping my own ass
), and "peanuts."
I am officially in love with your kitties!!!!!