Heroin Tapering off heroin?

[shadowstryker]

Is the official taper and feeling shitty thread? I'm on Day 2. Typically the worst of the 5 IIRC are days 2-3. I did manage to sleep through the night which is miraculous (benedryl, reactine, Ativan, and a T4 bedtime cocktail.
Have to say it made a big difference than using nothing. Those times I would just flop back and forth in the bed like a dying fish, sweaty and freezing a once, vomitis, etc
The only thing that this concoction can't help. For me at least. Is the thing where your mind is preoccupied with the drug, all the time I'm thinking about it.. The other problem is muscle/ leg weakness or pain, every time I take a step I feel like I'm walking on stilts and about to fall over, but aside these 2 things , it's going ok.

Good luck man. This isn't the official feeling shitty during withdrawals thread but I feel like there should be one. But then again I also feel like I wouldn't have felt close and listened to the people who continue to visit my thread and support me, so maybe individual threads are beneficial. I laughed at the dead fish comment, but only because I can relate to it so well and it describes it pretty accurate. I've gotten some air flopping around in bed during withdrawal.

 

[shadowstryker]

I don't know why I never drank before but alcohol honestly isn't such a bad drug. It helps get through the day and makes sitcoms funnier than they actually are.

 

[gmlifer]

I don't know why I never drank before but alcohol honestly isn't such a bad drug. It helps get through the day and makes sitcoms funnier than they actually are.

Are you fucking serious right now? Quit one addiction for another? Come on man. You are so young with so much life left to live and so many things you can do with what's left of your life. Don't fuck around and look in the mirror in 20 or 30 years wondering where you went wrong.

 

[shadowstryker]

Are you fucking serious right now? Quit one addiction for another? Come on man. You are so young with so much life left to live and so many things you can do with what's left of your life. Don't fuck around and look in the mirror in 20 or 30 years wondering where you went wrong.

I don't know how else to get through this. Drugs have been my escape for quite a while and old habits die hard. I don't enjoy doing anything right now, but while I'm drunk I don't care. I actually enjoy watching a show on Netflix or something. If I'm high it's the same way. The last day I've honestly been trying to figure out what made me want to quit to begin with. If it makes me happy why is it so bad? I don't know how to do this any other way...

 

[gmlifer]

Have you considered that it may be time for some professional help? Seek out the help of a therapist. Time for you to get to the bottom of your depression.

 

[P0kemama]

Just throwing this out there... are there young people's 12 step meetings in your area? As your brain heals, it is not such a bad thing to be with kindred souls, who are going through, or have gone through the same process you have. When I was in recovery my first time, years ago, 12 step meetings were my lifeline, as I suffered horribly with PAWS. I was able to make friends who understood, gaining support, and the meetings and work of the program were great distractions.

 

[shadowstryker]

Just throwing this out there... are there are young people's 12 step meetings in your area? As your brain heals, it is not such a bad thing to be with kindred souls, who are going through, or have gone through the same process you have. When I was in recovery my first time, years ago, 12 step meetings were my lifeline, as I suffered horribly with PAWS. I was able to make friends who understood, gaining support, and the meetings and work of the program were great distractions.

My father tried to join a 12-step program but it proved to rely too heavily on religious advice for him and, since I'm also an athiest, I don't think I could join something so intertwined with religion as I simply wouldn't be getting the kind of help/advice I'd be looking for.

Have you considered that it may be time for some professional help? Seek out the help of a therapist. Time for you to get to the bottom of your depression.

I don't feel like I'm a depressed person though, I just feel like..me. And I'm not sure I want to get help from a therapist when I'm so involved in so many illegal things. I'm a pretty social person, but I don't like my problems to become other people's problems. For this same reason I don't talk about them, and I doubt I'd be willing to talk to a therapist about it. Perhaps antidepressants might help, but I hear they can take ages to work and, with some of the drugs I do, not all well studied, how can I be sure they'll even work? I just struggle to think that using a drug could completely altar my outlook on life after weeks, months, however long they take to work.

Earlier you mentioned switching one addiction for another, but I've been switching one drug for another for a while. I'm on something almost every day. Whether it be alcohol, weed, opiates, benzos, psychedelics, nicotine (very very rarely), whatever. If I stop using one drug I usually bounce to another. For example I have some Etizolam on the way because when I couldn't get around to using opiates benzos were my next goto, and if I quit heroin I need something to fall back on. I'm not a big drinker, I honestly strongly dislike drinking alcohol, but when in need it does the job. This is why recently I've been wondering why I am even trying to stop using heroin to begin with. I'll almost undoubtedly fall back onto heroin eventually. I've just lost that spark I had in the beginning to quit, and I can't be sure I'll get it back. I don't know what to do honestly...I can't tell what's me and what's PAWS anymore, if that's even the reason I'm thinking this way. I mean, they're still my thoughts aren't they?

 

[bonomoopiojo55]

Once you decide to get clean, or even if, I get it, you really need a 6 month baseline to really diagnose any underlining mental issues ie depression. I was told by professionals this, after 6 months when your body starts to work on its own, then see if really need antidepressants etc.., you are very young, please try to stop this destruction before the years creep up on ya bono

 

[gmlifer]

Good lord you ARE stubborn. The therapist would help you figure out where your spark went. You have been depressed a really long time and you need someone to talk it out with.

 

[Tinker55]

They may be "your thoughts" but it may be your addict talking. I really don't understand why you automatically reject any form of help that might address what your underlying issues are: you need to use something everyday? I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but surely you recognize the pattern you're locked into?

 

[poloblue]

Come on man I'm sure you don't want to end up like the 50 yr olds in AA/NA do you? Seeing them really helped me see what I did not want my life to be or become. I was never a drinker n don't drink but first month out of detox I was pounding beers @ 9 or 10 am...cuz I felt like I needed something, I was being tortured in my own head..so I get you there ...don't make it a regular thing man. All my life I had the misconception if I didn't use 1 drug for too long I couldn't get addicted to it, would bounce around just like how u said...well I ended up being addicted to not being sober...which is where you're at right now. Seek some help man find a nice therapist for real I've had like 5-10 n my current one I consider a good friend. Can tell him anything & do. They are there to help us, not add to our shit storm. I wish I had the encouragement from all these ppl in this thread when I was getting clean. Why do random ppl care about you w/o never meeting you or seeing you it's because we have felt the hell for ourselves n want to save you from it, or atleast be the help a lot of us never had.

 

[Bliss26]

Well. Day 3 without oxy. Was able to sleep thru the night again , but only with a codeine cwe. (Not much). Today the codeine runs out and I've tapered all I can.
I have mixed feelings. I feel like an apathetic shell and not at all like myself.
I'm also struggling because I don't have "the lifestyle". The only thing I wanted to stop was spending all extra money on meds, after mine assuredly run out, earlier each month

 

[Methacodone]

I'll definitely keep that in mind, thanks man. Honestly despite using again the other day I feel like I'm starting to gravitate towards normality again. Emotions are getting better. Physicals withdrawals are still gone. Sleep is slowly starting to return. I'll get there eventually. Cravings, though. Those are still so unbelievably strong and vivid I don't know if I'll be able to stay clean forever. My friend was in a car accident and was talking about needing pain medication, and that alone was enough to set off a chain-reaction of cravings. That was actually the other night that I used. Or for example I posted in another thread offering advice to someone here on bluelight last night because they have never seen brown-powder heroin but got their hands on some, and half way through typing my post I really wanted to use again so badly. How long will these cravings last, or are they lifelong?

The hardest part in the disease of addiction, is PAWS (Post acute withdrawal syndrome), aka psychological withdrawal.
You went through the physical part of withdrawal, which is absolutely GREAT. I respect the battle you faced, and defeated the battle.

I was the same way with Rx opiates, I went through HELL with the physical withdrawal, and managed to defeat the battle.
Then PAWS hit me like a brick to the face.
I was extremely depressed, very anxious, feelings of guilt, had the crying spells related to the depression, sad thoughts racing in my mind, anythig you can think of.
It never ended, I didn't use any opiate in 6 months after I quit using, and the PAWS were just NOT going away.
I was so drained, mentally from PAWS, I relapsed.
Some sources say PAWS can last up to 5 years or MORE. Fuck that, I hurt myself so much already and I will NOT hurt myself anymore.

With Heroin, I couldn't handle 5 minutes of the physical type of the intense withdrawal.

 

[shadowstryker]

Good lord you ARE stubborn. The therapist would help you figure out where your spark went. You have been depressed a really long time and you need someone to talk it out with.

It's not stubbornness, I'm just uncomfortable talking to a stranger about all my problems as if their degree in psychology somehow makes them a close/personal friend that can fix all my issues.

They may be "your thoughts" but it may be your addict talking. I really don't understand why you automatically reject any form of help that might address what your underlying issues are: you need to use something everyday? I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but surely you recognize the pattern you're locked into?

I recognize it, I just don't know how to live life without the pattern.

The hardest part in the disease of addiction, is PAWS (Post acute withdrawal syndrome), aka psychological withdrawal.
You went through the physical part of withdrawal, which is absolutely GREAT. I respect the battle you faced, and defeated the battle.

I was the same way with Rx opiates, I went through HELL with the physical withdrawal, and managed to defeat the battle.
Then PAWS hit me like a brick to the face.
I was extremely depressed, very anxious, feelings of guilt, had the crying spells related to the depression, sad thoughts racing in my mind, anythig you can think of.
It never ended, I didn't use any opiate in 6 months after I quit using, and the PAWS were just NOT going away.
I was so drained, mentally from PAWS, I relapsed.
Some sources say PAWS can last up to 5 years or MORE. Fuck that, I hurt myself so much already and I will NOT hurt myself anymore.

With Heroin, I couldn't handle 5 minutes of the physical type of the intense withdrawal.

The physical withdrawal was pretty bad, but I had good friends backing me to help me get through it. Although to be honest when it comes to physical WD there isn't much help one can give other that support. It's the psychological WD that made me relapse, and if this lasts five years I think I'd rather just use again honestly.

 

[Justalilloco]

I am new at this but I wanted to give you some words of encouragement. I was a everyday user of Heroin for 10 years. I tried to convince myself to stop but sadly I just couldn't. It took me going to jail to clean up and that's the WORST! I would wake up and say "today's not the day tomorrow forsure!". I tried the Suboxene and honestly my experience was that the WD of Suboxene were SO much worse then the Heroin. I know you have restless leg syndrome and cant sleep. When I got out of jail I went and got Melatonin at the health food store and was able to finally sleep. I have been clean now 18 months and actually can say life is great. Good Luck

 

[shadowstryker]

How long does it take for sleep to return to normal? I got a whole 3 hours of sleep last night, and it took me 4 hours to actually fall asleep. So unfortunately it'd seem sleep still eludes me.

Luckily the Etizolam I ordered should come in today though, so that'll probably help me sleep. Will using Etizolam to sleep be detrimental to my sleep cycle as well once I'm off of it? I don't recall it messing my sleep up last time, and I wasn't addicted (it was actually extremely easy for me to stop using), but I figured I'd ask anyway.

 

[gmlifer]

Yeah, sleep. Ewww. Not sure how long it will take for you. I know when it get rough for me I take Xanax so what you have should help. I would think as long as you take it for sleep and don't abuse it that you should let have any problems but I don't have any real experience with it.

Do you work?

 

[shadowstryker]

Yeah, sleep. Ewww. Not sure how long it will take for you. I know when it get rough for me I take Xanax so what you have should help. I would think as long as you take it for sleep and don't abuse it that you should let have any problems but I don't have any real experience with it.

Do you work?

I do. I don't make very much, but I work.

 

[bonomoopiojo55]

What did you smoke?

 

[crzydiamond]

For me sleeping through the whole night was one of the final pieces of the puzzle, withdrawal speaking.

Usually it took about 10 days to 2 weeks to sleep a whole night (7-8 hours) without waking. Before that it would be a few hours then wide awake, or as you described taking hours to fall asleep and then only sleeping like 3-4 hours.

Hang in there. It's like a milestone when the sleep returns .