I still have the fact that 161 days had passed, completely, when I was born (June 11), which is 7x23, where at 23 weeks remain, the time in the day was 1323 minutes. 200 and 3 days remained until the end of the year. This pattern is at least somewhat within likeness of my life... Like how you hit a drum or a string, it will in a way stay within tune of that. Perhaps our roots flow in ways we don't see, easily (or at all).
I have that 23 days were left at my birth before again my home country celebrates it's independence. I have that the 23rd president comes from my state. I have that of him, is the first and oldest audio recording of a U.S. president. He was the last, so far, to have a beard. I have that he is central and within the only place in my country's history where a president comes both before and after another...
My first time putting my sexual fluids into a girl appeared when I was in a church parking lot, and my mom went into labor with me at a church. The time with the girl a 23-track album was playing, and I came on 23. I pretty much only knew Michael Jordan wore 23, at that point, and of it being a number composed of the numbers 2 and 3. This only to say that I didn't plan it, that I know of. Right?
My first girl I went crazy over had an easy name-sum of 23, and her last name was the same as my mother's maiden name. That her first name had this sum, of 23, it unknown to me, and I started to see the number 23 around her in time. I told her all about it, but I had no idea what it was. I can't pin down if I began to see it before I read it, or if I stumbled across it somewhere, online. That's very possible. But I'm not really sure it matters. My eyes see, and my ears hear. She, Alisha, was soon at some point server 23, as she told me, at a restaurant. I became allergic to food, or hit a level of being allergic to foods, that was hell, when with her. I had no idea at the time that that was what it was. Doctor misdiagnosed. I remember clearly my jaw hurting, first, around a time I went and visited her. We sort of broke up that weekend, I think. Or, it was the next time. I really can't remember but I only visited once, or twice, to her home. Long distance relationship. A lot of talk and being in the mind. Propositions?
The jaw and facial pain, which can't be summed up as just "pain", with the nerves involved in the area, and the nature of allergic reactions, with their cerebral component, and direct connection to the emotional centers of the brain that the nerves that ended up compressed/agitated, have. At least, this is just conjecture, but I read about it and things correlated. I had the equivalent of suicide disease or something like, or that's the name I remember it by. Trigeminal Neuralgia, or something like it. Nerve damage it felt like. It was constant compression. A gland/area was super swollen. The left ear felt insanely painful to touch, near the canal area, near the TMJ, where this facial nerve system passes. My face felt entirely fucked up. I had my head down, grew a beard to conceal the perceived facial dysmorphia. It was swollen, but nobody could see. But I knew, because I was me. Talking was difficult, and emotional expressions sometimes hurt, or simply felt odd. I guess dysmorphia isn't the word. But it felt worse than it looked mostly.
I later made a pattern, from information available, in a groove/rut after a relationship's ending, of my exes. I wrote down K, S, A, M... Or M, A, S, K... For the names of my ex girlfriends, in one technical sense. I saw it spelled mask, and perhaps in that one moment of desperation for order, in the pain... for a meaning for it, and justice... I "put it on", I guess. It fit. And Alisha, where I began to feel that pain on that level, being messed up like that... By one method, where her first name has a sum of 23, it matches the average sum (23), for the four (92). The other sum used lends to a total of 227. Not that I can connect it clearly, or at all, but my mom's birthday is 2/27. 22/7, is an approximation of Pi, or can be seen as the 2 hundred and 3rd day, written as 203, which although not 23, 203 seconds is 3:23 minutes, and 2:03 is 123 seconds, and that's kinda neat. I took that pattern beyond, I think, once, or something like it, somehow, and found a pattern of 23 also extended to some degree. It may have gone further, in other forms. I didn't obsess too much. My first house, on Vine (Vine can sum to 23), had a number 908 which by 4 (the number of girls, and could be a "special" number in itself, like 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, etc. any), can be 227x4. Alisha Finch (mother's maiden name) now has a sum of 23 for her last name, Darr. The "mother" of me has 23, and the father of me has 23. Billions of 23s in competition to be kinda like Michael Jordan, and David Beckham, and Lebron James. My father went to war at 23. But I don't find many of 23 from him, but he did live at 1408 in address, with his mother, growing up some and after war, when he met my mom... And her name had a sum of 148, which he changed to 184 (which can be 2 to the 3rd power multiplied by 23). His mother died in room 207 which is 9x23, on the same day that ... the last year I delivered an order to a "Hart" at the beginning of the day, of action, and the year before that, "Heart Attack" (allergic reaction resembling heart attack, that I convinced myself was, going to the ER), and the year before that on the very same day, a deadline with a girl that I loved, which was our deadline, sort of. Sorry to be abstract. And this year, same day, my father's wife- my mother retires from years of work.
Moving on. It isn't just 23. But it repeats. Like... nails. Tacs. Screws. Ties, sometimes. Maybe it is some selection bias, but it is easy. Confirmation bias, but it's easy. Why not? I'm just observing, and you can't say it's not there. And I am not implying it is anything. I am just stating facts like "I see the number 23 around girls", which is true, but not exclusive. But no matter why, why? And why? This is the fault I see in some arguments, from the start. I don't even know what it is they are arguing? That I'm making this shit up? If I am, so everything. Everything really is in the mind. Now if only I could take control of it. Maybe it's a bit of you and it, though. And the best you can do is learn to swim. I really wanted to say surf, but I don't know how to literally surf.
I found that my last name, Thomas, happens to have "Mask" (as seen above) as a pet-form. And a "mask", fitting over a "face" (m+a+s+k+f+a+c+e), has a possible sum of 23, too- one of two "possible" used, commonly (but really, you can make up or find or have a new way. I have made up a few. I think at least two followed with some pattern of 23 in calculation, two of three made. I'm guessing. I can't remember. At least two, with one having a pattern of 23 and one not, that I could see, easily... but ymmv perhaps).
... Sometimes, when I am doubting myself, and all of my observations, I go back to the time when I heard voices (never mean or interrupting or anything unless I eat the wrong stuff, or take certain drugs/caffeine) tell me "Alisha Keys!" over and over again, after I heard her voice, as well. Or, I heard her voice as well. But these other voices, like "fairies" (not that that is what I'd have to call them), told me "Alisha Keys!" over and over again. I had not heard from her/hadn't talked in 9 months, and within days or so of these voices starting, I get a text from her asking me "Do you have the corporate key??? It's really important!". I let the texts go on a couple of days before deciding I needed to tell her she was sending messages, perhaps to the wrong person. The last message from her occurred at 2:30 (2:33) A.M., just a before I hit a new level of sickness, with my hypersensitivity to the world. My food allergies, and environmental allergies.
You tell me what it means/that I am "wrong". My conclusion, is that I am fucked. I've always been fucked. I think everything is fucked. But that's okay. It couldn't be any other way, therefore, it's not really fucked, and this is just a phase. Or something. There's an idea. I guess I have ideas... Not yet conclusions. Ideas. And alot of those might be too abstract to talk about.