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Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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Chaos23 said:
Even when I am happy in life, and not feeling down all day I still think about killing myself in the morning when I wake up.

I can't explain it, and I am CERTAINLY not going to do it. BUT, I still have those thoughts the first thing as I wake up.

I wish I knew why, and that it would stop. Even when I wake up next to an awesome girl I like and had a great night and everything is PERFECT I can't control it. Usually it lasts for about 15 minutes, and then I wake up and everything is FINE again. Bizarre mind has done too many drugs and is QUITE bizarre.
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ey i have that sometimes..maybe its just cuz i wanna see what happens after you know
 
My last strong suicidal thoughts were about 4 weeks ago, and an attempt around 3-4 months ago (which I consider good for me the past couple of years). But theres nights like tonight where i've had 450mg codeine, 5mg diazepam, 50mg amitriptyline, 50mg promethazine and 8 beers, and part of me wishes "by acciedent" my very slow breathing will just stop one night when I goto sleep. I'm not trying or anything, but eventhough I feel okay right now from codeine and a few drinks, i'm always back to shit tomorrow morning, because at 25yrs old i've still always been absolutely broke and just do drugs and drink.
 
^But I always know that tomorrow is another day, just like every other fucken shit day of my life. I didn't mean to list things i've had if I shouldn't do so, but eventhough i'm not suicidal right now (but half wish it could just happen), I know tomorrow will be the same shit. Even on the past occasions when i've attempted suicide with up to 200mg diazepam all at once, along with a bunch of antidepressants and codeine, I have still just ended up walking out of the hospital about 5 hours later.
 
^^ Yeah m8 I have a heap of "reasons/causes" why i've got to how I am. Think I just have a heap of trouble because I have an extremely addictive personality/am obsessive with shit/fuck all self control, etc, so I have alot of trouble making changes. I actually feel a heap better than I did yesterday surprisingly :)
 
fivelinefury said:
^^ Yeah m8 I have a heap of "reasons/causes" why i've got to how I am. Think I just have a heap of trouble because I have an extremely addictive personality/am obsessive with shit/fuck all self control, etc, so I have alot of trouble making changes. I actually feel a heap better than I did yesterday surprisingly :)
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Well I'm glad to hear you feel better today! :)

If you know you have an addictive personality, then try to distance yourself from using drugs in the first place, as well as you can. I know that I don't have an addictive personality (except for the fact I used to be addicted to heroin), so I stay away from heroin, heroin users, etc.
 
I agree with the above post(fivelinefury) about"wishing they wouldnt wake up in the am" and while not actively trying to end ones life ,indulging in dangerous combinations of drugs with a couldnt care less attitude. This state i think is worse than a full blown death wish and can be just as fatal
 
fivelinefury don't despair too much man. Im 28 years old, broke, i suffer from bipolar disorder that is quite bad at times, i have very severe chronic pain that will never go away, i am addicted to opiates and i am a recovering alcoholic. Besides a few really good friends i have i really have nothing else in my life worthy of mention besides the bottle of morphine that im constantly chained to so im not screaming in agony.

Sometimes this shit really get's me down to the point where i am suicidal and pretty much wish for death but i always look at the fact that things can change so suddenly. I have gone from feeling like the lowest of the lows to feeling like the luckiest bastard on the face of the earth all in less then a week. So yes things can change for the better or worse :\ very suddenly. Hence why the gig must go on.
 
donnie080208 said:
I agree with the above post(fivelinefury) about"wishing they wouldnt wake up in the am" and while not actively trying to end ones life ,indulging in dangerous combinations of drugs with a couldnt care less attitude. This state i think is worse than a full blown death wish and can be just as fatal
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While reckless drug use can be a bad thing, I don't think it's just as bad as truly being suicidal.
 
paranoid android said:
fivelinefury don't despair too much man. Im 28 years old, broke, i suffer from bipolar disorder that is quite bad at times, i have very severe chronic pain that will never go away, i am addicted to opiates and i am a recovering alcoholic. Besides a few really good friends i have i really have nothing else in my life worthy of mention besides the bottle of morphine that im constantly chained to so im not screaming in agony.

Sometimes this shit really get's me down to the point where i am suicidal and pretty much wish for death but i always look at the fact that things can change so suddenly. I have gone from feeling like the lowest of the lows to feeling like the luckiest bastard on the face of the earth all in less then a week. So yes things can change for the better or worse :\ very suddenly. Hence why the gig must go on.
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We are related. Srsly.

While you say this, I go through this. Sufferer of MS (once mistaken for lupus) pain is an issue. But a former heroin and all the opiates abuser, it doesn't get easier. I have kids.

Trying to find that light...
 
^^paranoid android: Thanks m8. I always know theres ppl out there like me but don't think much that way. Look after yurself!

^^Captain.Heroin: I actually couldn't agree with you more on that. Not even with really reckless drug use alot, but theres been plenty of times where i've self harmed, woken up in hospital, etc when if at the time if i'd had a few benzos then all these things wouldn't have actually happened.
 
StayinAwake said:
We are related. Srsly.

While you say this, I go through this. Sufferer of MS (once mistaken for lupus) pain is an issue. But a former heroin and all the opiates abuser, it doesn't get easier. I have kids.

Trying to find that light...
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I know someone who is suffering from multiple sclerosis. They have a lot of cognitive symptoms as well as a host of other symptoms. I am sorry to hear about your disorder, and I hope that everything works out for you.

fivelinefury said:
^^Captain.Heroin: I actually couldn't agree with you more on that. Not even with really reckless drug use alot, but theres been plenty of times where i've self harmed, woken up in hospital, etc when if at the time if i'd had a few benzos then all these things wouldn't have actually happened.
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This is exactly why I don't think benzodiazepines should be scheduled drugs. I think that adults are healthy enough to determine when they should buy a small quantity of benzos, and when they shouldn't.

Not everyone wants to go to a doctor for assistance which may, or may not, be granted for them.
 
StayinAwake said:
We are related. Srsly.

While you say this, I go through this. Sufferer of MS (once mistaken for lupus) pain is an issue. But a former heroin and all the opiates abuser, it doesn't get easier. I have kids.

Trying to find that light...
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Oh fuck im so sorry that you have MS :( . I was tested for MS years ago (i had a MRI and the whole lot) because they thought i was abit young to develop trigeminal neuralgia and often people with MS suffer from trigeminal neuralgia. I know of one person that does have MS as well as TN so that must be pure fucking misery.

I feel for you if you have to go through MS. Fuck that would honestly be my nightmare i think.
 
fuck i havent been this suicidal in along time, I just found out i have 3 weeks to find a job or im getting kicked out. On top of that my parents who ive been staying with the past few months expect me to go to fuckn meetings and get a sponsor, which i have no desire to do. over the weekend i spilt some bleach on my clothes so they suspect im shooting up again, which i am but how does fuckn bleach prove that. I just feel like giving up. If i had money right now id go out and score just for the purpose of oding. I think im going to slit my wrist or something i doubt ill go deep enough to cause any real damage but who knows maybe ill get lucky.
 
glitter_kiss, an alternative to actually harming yourself is to go to an emergency department or community health clinic and let them know about your being suicidal.

I have empathy for your parents in this situation as well. I'm sure they feel that if they aren't making your using an uncomfortable thing, that they are enabling you. I'm sure they are not out to spoil your fun. They are likely doing the best they can for you with the knowledge and resources available to them.
 
what if the thing making you want to kill yourself, are the thoughts that are automatic and completely uncontrollable, the thoughts that arise out of nowhere just because you're thinking. because you've been doing it for so long without realising it that it became automatic and is now just as much a part of you as your body is.

the memories i can deal with, but not these thoughts, it seems impossible to change them, even though i'm being told left right and centre that they will change, if you want them to and if you work at it. well i am sick to fucking death of hearing that, i want to change, i have tried, i have done everything possible (apart from the stronger anti depressants which don't change thoughts..) to change the way i am but as i've said... they're automatic, completely out of my control..


i was trying to get my head around whether or not i should do it so i wrote a pro's and con's list, and everything is leaning the one way (guess which...) so i thought before i do it? i might post here seeing as i have no friends and no one to speak to.. sorry for this post but i'm truely out of options and am on alot of benzo's which are making the idea more and more appealing

maybe i am just what i think i am and should do what i think of doing day in and day out.
 
It sounds like you are in crisis. It has not been this way forever and it isn't going to last forever. I know it can seem like it.

It will get better. I do think you may be on an incorrect dose of your med or the wrong med if things are staying the same or not getting any better. Call you Doctor, her emergency contact # or an emergency department. A hospitalization is a great opportunity to get you on better meds and connect with a support system.
 
There is a point. Accutely suicidal people do get better. Most people who avoided suicide are grateful they didn't do it a year later. New meds come out all the time. Many mental illnesses temper with age and become more bearable. At least call someone and talk about it.

What time is it where you are?
Are problems for you generally worse at morning or bedtime?
If you are in the US and you want I will PM you my phone # if you want. As a greenlighter I can PM you but not the other way around. If you want to IM I can send you a handle for any of the services I use.
 
10pm. i'm usually fine in the morning, for about thirty minutes on a good day, then i start my normal thought patterns and sink back into the same thing. an IM would be good thankyou :\ if it is any bother for you thats ok, you probably have better things to do :)

i don't know.. i have told people about my problems before but i hear the same thing each time(don't mean to come off as rude when i say this) but i just always end up back at the same place
 
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