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Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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@entactogenial


I understand your frustration with the psych medication and when you said ,your suicide thoughts are automatic, i can relate to this a lot. Myself, Ive felt suicidal for so long i cant remember a time when taking my own life, wasnt part of my "thought process". I can't even comprehend what its like for "normal" people who don't have fantasys about dying everyday.
I too, like you, have given up on medication +" talking therapy" , they make little difference ime unless the medications strong opiates or valium( i.e., addictive), there the only time i feel o.k( for a while.) TBH
All the colour in my life has gone, few friends, i leave the house rarely and as little as possible, i've been like this for years. Not trying to feel sorry for myself, just saying your not alone in feeling theses things.
I hope you find something to give you the will to live again, my hope of finding this has gone. I wish you well and good luck. peace donnie
 
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I need to say something to anyone in this thread who is considering ending their life:

I almost killed myself. I had a plan and the means. I thought that life was over for me. I cannot explain the amount of despair I was experiencing while I was planning my death. I thought that life was never going to be good - that what I dreamed of would never happen.

During this time, I had the most wonderful event in my life happen. I have never been so happy as I am now. I am literally shaking with the knowledge that this is real.

I will leave you with the words that my Grandmother told me before she died:

"Opportunity does not come knocking at your door every day. If you want something, you have to go out and make it happen."

Isolation and loneliness are killers. I know this because they almost took my life. Get out there. Keep trying no matter how much it hurts.
 
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I swear by daily exercise to keep my brain stable. As you would know, moderate exercise releases endorphins in your brain which act as natural mood stabilisers. It works so well for me, and many others who I've spoken to about it <3
 
Oh SE I am so sorry to hear that man :(
Do you know for absolute certain??
Whatever happens, you WILL get through this, okay? <3
 
Im wondering if my suicidle thoughts arent bipolar disorder but i do not have the crazy manic highs ive read about , allthough i do have quite bad mood swings , paranoia etc.. just not the "feeling amazingly good" parts of bipolar.
Anyway labels are just that and imo a doctor can diagnosis me whatever they like, it wont take the terrible pain away, i truly havent had a "happy day" in the last 15 years or so just allmost constant mental torture and imo people have a right to ends one life as someone with MS or another debilitating physical/terminal illness
 
Hey Donnie,
Mania doesn't always have the expansive mood element to it. Mania could be irritability, poor judgment, pressured speech, and a feeling that every thing is a crisis as one example. Tons of people agree with you about a right to end one's life when quality of life is low.

I think it is very likely a Doctor can help. I'm sorry you have had a hellish 15 years. It does not explicitly mean anything about your upcoming life especially if you get help for the problems you are having. Hope things get dramatically better soon.
 
severely etarded said:
I woke up and my wife's not here. she's with another guy...

fuck i want to die right now
Click to expand...

yeh, it sucks really bad. at least you have the means here to augment yourself chemically before checking out. when my wife left I was downrange.
I almost wanted to die more from not being able to get drunk.

[Ix, I know you mean well by your comments but this was really not in the spirit of TDS ;) - n3o]

Note: while I don't condone violence against kidneys or faces, the testicles and liver are fair game. And so is the shagging of her friends/sisters/mom.
Dyin' ain't much of a livin', son. \m/
 
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Wow, so many things I want to say to everyone on here...

Seriously, there are so many posts that I want to respond to in this forum but It would be too much right now to address each one, so I'll share a quick story of something that happened to me this March. First off, I have tried to kill myself atleast two times and failed. Once when I was 15, I sliced my arms up so bad that I did almost actually die. My dad found me an hour after and I was taken to the ER and given blood. The second time, when I was 17 I took 200 Advil and went to sleep, thinking I'd never wake up. But I did. I now know thats its almost impossible to die from ibuprofen. Fast forward to now. I'm 31, an EMT and just finished Paramedic school. I have seen successful and unsuccessful suicide attempts. But that's not the story, the story is about my car accident that happened in March. Long story short, we slid off the road, flipped twice and bounced off two large Redwood trees. I was entrapped in my car for an hour and my wife was in the car with me. We are both OK now but for a week following the accident, I did not know if I or she would live through our injuries. We both had many. I broke my back, pelvis, popped left lung, two ribs etc. etc. My point is that although I was not suicidal at the time of my accident, I was much more frightened of dying or losing my wife than I ever imagined I would be. I thought I was tough after seeing so much death. I wasn't. I was absolutely horrified and I get chills just thinking back to lying in the mangled car while the fire department cut the car up to free us. Death seems like you'll be free the bad things in life. But I know from experience that it is not something to flirt with at all. When you get to the point where you're sure your time is up, self inflicted or not, you panic big time and you realize how whatever it is that's making you feel this way could easily pass and most likely will as feelings always do. You also realize that you can never fix any of the things that you want to fix, and that you have zero control once it's too late. Once you're gone. You're gone for good. Everyone you love will never ever get over your death, and they will always regret not knowing you were going to do it. Some might even kill themselves because you are gone. NO ONE WILL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU. They will be much worse off than you can imagine. Please stick around long enough to see that things will get better. I am so glad that I didn't succeed when I was a teenager. I have a beautiful wife now, a good career, an awesome golden retriever, and all the time in the world to appreciate the good things in life although only a few years ago I had nothing and was very very lost. I became a Medic so I can prolong peoples lives, I believe that we already won the lottery by being born, and it's the bad things that make the good moments worth living for. There will be many good moments to come. I promise. If I have to email all of you lame jokes every morning just so you get your asses out of bed to read them, and laugh, I will.

Stay busy with hobbies, be creative, and know that you're no burden at all, to anyone.

-Hey if this is the dark side, does that make me the boss?=D
-DarthVador
 
^ I know this sounds self -pitying on my part but whenever someone tells me they were once suicidal and turned their life around, i just think they "weren't/arent as bad as me".
I know logically this isnt allways true but in my heart this is what i feel. Ive tried everything from meds, to having children (that sounds heartless i know), women etc.. and none have lifted my mental problems and overall emotional numbness. iTS ME THATS THE PROBLEM NOT CIRCUMSTANCE, and this is what makes someone truly hopeless imo as surroundings,more money+ relationships can change but mental problems never go away.
@darthvador
From your post it seems you never lost your faith in people/humanity , i hate being around others these days and tend to dwell and only see the bad in people , sadly.
 
donnie, you regard yourself as the problem. that is a great position from which to exercise change. however regarding yourself as an unchangeable fixed quantity does not create any opportunities. you are not static. you can make changes, humans are limited by very many factors but identity , personality, and disposition towards life tend to be among our big openings in being able to make big meaningful changes in our lives.

just saying "i can change and be better" opens up a whole new world.things can always get worse but they can always get better as well.
 
I dont know bro, its like ive lost my personality many years ago , along with allmost all my feelings this is why i feel so hopeless. If your totally numb inside and unable to enjoy anything , how can you possibly change. thats why i think starting again(hopefully) in the next life with a new chemically undamaged brain is so attractive to me.
 
If you are not enjoying anything I can relate to why you are having a hard time initiating change. A lack of pleasure in anything is a symptom often called anhedonia. The syndromes that cause anhedonia are often very treatable.

If there is another life who knows what you will start with? As far as I know, your best shot is giving the present a good try. You have the cards you were dealt and to some extent you are stuck with how you have played them so far. Your argument is to fold. My argument is to start having fun and take an interest in the game. There aren't any solid answers. You did post here for some reason. I think you knew someone would argue for you to give this life a chance.

Does some part of you resonate with the suggestion you ought to look into other options and better check out means to maximize your current situation?
 
Actually Donnie. I did lose faith in humanity. I still can't stand most people usually. But I don't live for others, I live because I know I'll be dead one day, and it will come much faster that we think. Therefore, life is only a dream to me, and I can do whatever I want in this dream because we're all going away in the end anyway. Plus I refuse to let others get the best of me. I refuse to quit. Once I made 2 lists. One of all the bad things that would finally be gone when I'm dead, and one of all the good things that I would miss. It went like this. Bad things, No more waking up early, no more shit from my dad, no more worrying about money no more school etc. etc. Then the good list ended up being longer than I thought. examples- No more family, friends, food, sex, drugs, cars and the obvious things that we all enjoy but it went deeper than that. No more smiles when I see someone I love, no more sunsets, no more anticipation of a great night on new years birthdays etc. No more christmases, no more movies, no more ocean, beaches, sunlight, no moon or stars to gaze upon, no more kisses, no more sleeping next to a woman, no more planning of anything, no more music, no more traveling, no more ice-cream cake or the small enjoyment that you get from a nice hot shower when your bones ache, everything that I know, will be gone. No more future, no more chances to make things right. And I will be only a memory that makes people very sad. Because anyone that thinks their loved ones won't be devastated by their suicide is delusional beyond words. I know for a fact that no matter how you feel and even if you have felt this way your whole life, it will not stay like this. It will change in some way. And if it's really that bad then it will very likely get better. You only need time. That's it. Nothing more than simple passing of time. My wife's right arm and hand are paralyzed from the accident and Its all my falt, and I feel like ending my life every day. But I know that if she loses me, she will still have a paralyzed arm and I will have abandoned her and she might even end her life. And I could never do that to her. Ever....
Don't abandon this life man, things do change and if there's something that needs to be done to change it, keep searching until you find it because checking out early doesn't fix anything. I mean seriously I only know your name and if I find out that you offed yourself man, I will be really sad. Just don't think of that as an option. Imagine yourself lying dead in a coffin. Don't you think (if you could be conscious in there) that at some point you would think of something you would want to do, don't you think you would regret stealing your own future from yourself? Imagine that, eternal darkness(its coming anyway) And an eternity of regrets. Especially that last decision you made, where you gave up on this world. This world won't give up on you. Let time pass...There is nothing beautiful or romantic about dying. You will become a satistic and you will regret it in those last moments. Most suicide survivors report this feeling. Instant regret and overwhelming fear. I'm not on here typing all this for my health, I know what i'm talking about Donnie. And surely you agree with atleast some of what I'm saying. There is no black cloud following you around. Things always change and people change even more.
 
i think the only thing from killing myselg right now is is the the fact that, ive alwas wanted to leave this city. Rightj now ive got maybe 2 or 3 weeks to find a job if i cant im fucked. I know i dont to stay here much longer. I dont even give a fuck about the threats anymore. I mean how many can you hear til the lose meaning. fuck them. The only thing thast keeps me going is the fact that i dont want to die in this town. Fuck San Diego. I dont know but i just need to get out of here.
 
Glitter kiss, Might I recommend the bay area, That's where I live and I used to go to SD all the time to visit my mom. Anyway Id always feel better when I got back to SF area. Its so gorgeous and theres not a million gangs and crap everywhere like southern CA. And the weather is even better here =) more variety.
 
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