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Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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she is staggering said:
I think suicide is most tempting when you come to the realization that everyone in your life would be better off if you were dead.

Of course they would miss you and be upset at first, or sad, but in the long run, it would be in their best interest for you to be gone.
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If you have made a genuine connection with someone in life, they will never stop missing you. You are not better off dead. It's OK if you think that, if you believe it, but please don't act upon that feeling/thought/belief.
 
I'm contemplating suicide tonight. I've taken 300mg's of Seroquel but I still can't sleep... there's a constant stream of negative thoughts going through my head that won't shut up. Life is shit. Too many bad things and not enough good things.
 
Sweet P, please don't consider suicide as an option. You're a fighter and you ALWAYS get through any adversity that you face. This is no exception to that.

I was in the exact same head-space last night hun, for the first time in years I was actually justifying suicide as the best option for me, and convincing myself it was the choice to make. But 24 hours later I'm still here and I'm just fine. These negative thoughts and feelings never last forever. They always pass. Just hold on okay?? <3
 
Sweet P said:
I'm contemplating suicide tonight. I've taken 300mg's of Seroquel but I still can't sleep... there's a constant stream of negative thoughts going through my head that won't shut up. Life is shit. Too many bad things and not enough good things.
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the most awful thing, though, is how much more bad stuff we create if we do what you (and i) are thinking about. the world sucks balls. but adding to the misery only makes it worse, probably most for the few people whom you would wish bad things on least. that's part of what sucks balls :(
 
Hey bluelight,

I guess for me personally lately its a constant battle in my mind and this thread really made me see that theres people out there that actually care even though they dont know a single thing about me.

Im not really sure how to go to specific details at this point in time but I just feel like I have nothing good to offer people, especially my best friend who I feel like im just constantly dragging down because im always upset.

If there was one song to define how im feeling right now it would be Moving mountains by Thrice.

Im sorry this is all so scattered and a lousy way to reach out but my thoughts are all over the place. and I just wanted to try this out.
 
Hey Draculen, you're doing the right thing by reaching out, even if it's only on here. Have you ever gotten any professional help for your depression? If it's been going on for a while it might be time to speak to your doctor about it. There are a lot of options for treating depression so you don't need to suffer.
I've often felt like I've got nothing going for me and nothing to offer the world, but it's just your mind playing tricks on you. It's not true. Every single human being has lots to offer the world, you just have to let yourself see it too.
If you want to talk more, please don't hesitate to PM me okay? <3
 
I didn't wish for it, but I am now convinced that I'm disqualified from love. I probably won't kill myself, but I wish that I had the courage. The truth is that I feel alone all the time. And when I'm not alone, I want to be alone. But even then I feel lonely.

I'm sorry, but I'm drunk. It is 6:15 in the morning. I'm 22 years old, and I've spent all of these "partying" years feeling lonely. When I wanted to feel like I'm living, I went out and drank or did coke/smack with people who probably hated me and laughed at me.

There is such a thing as eternal loneliness, and that's why I drink every day.
 
Lately I've been disconnected... I just went through a relatively easy yet completely shattering break up. I've been falling into drugs a little more, going back to my old ways, to not feel, to just get away. I've written out my will again, convinced that I'm no good for anyone. All I do is bring a shit storm and ruin everything and everyone who gets close. I know I can get through this 'down' period but I don't think I have the strength to do it again. I'm so worn out and see myself going nowhere.
I feel like everyone would just be better if I wasn't around... hence slipping into the drugs... I don' know who I am, but from what I know I hate myself...
 
^^ Hey Snoopy, firstly welcome to The Dark Side, good to have you here man <3
Sorry to hear about your break-up. It's okay to grieve for a little while when a relationship ends but there comes a point where you have to pick yourself, dust yourself off and start over again. It sounds like this is the time you need to try and do just that. Drugs are just making you feel worse and worse, and masking the issues that you need to deal with in order to move on. Have you ever considered speaking to a counsellor? It might be worthwhile looking in to, just to get things off your chest so you can get your head a bit more clear and sorted.
Please don't let this dictate the end of your life. You're only young and there is so much time for you to be happy <3

blahman8000 said:
There is such a thing as eternal loneliness, and that's why I drink every day.
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Hey man I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I strongly disagree that there is such a thing as eternal loneliness. You might feel that way now but forever is a LONG long time, and there is always opportunity for things to change. This is why you need to stick around, so that you can take those opportunities to be happy.
Drinking is only going to make you more depressed so you should consider cutting down the alcohol. Try to have alternate days off of drinking, or just drinking 1 or 2 drinks each day as opposed to 10 or 12. Alcohol might make you feel a bit better when you're drinking it but in the long run it's just making things worse :(
 
So I've come to the conclusion that I hate myself. Everything about myself, my body, my mind, how I process things, my morals, what I do, why I do and say the things I do. Kinda got hit by a brick in the face when I realized that I'm not a provider, I'm a survivor. Not only am I a survivor but I'm a runner, when this get hard or muffed up I turn and leave the situation, removing myself and the drama from my life. I don't always have a place to go but I can't stop myself from running anyway. Which wouldn't be a problem, but I have a son... I couldn't even buy him diapers today because I have nothing, no car, no job, no money. I feel like I don't do enough for everyone, that I'm useless. that no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do I'm never going to get the simple things out of life, like love. I see who I really am, and if I hate myself how could anyone ever really love me? I don't want to go through the motions of life anymore, I feel hopeless, useless, unwanted. I recently went through a broke up with my sons father, he told me he never loved me, just faked it all cause he thought it was the right thing to do cause we have a kid together... I have no trust for anyone and I feel utterly alone. I don't know how longer I can live like this, there's this huge painful void inside me that nothing seems to fill. Don't get me wrong, I love my son with all my heart, if it wasn't for him, I would be gone already. But that makes me think, maybe he'd be better off without me around, I'm a mess. All I want is a job, working car, a house and above all else, a loving functional family. I just don't want to keep pushing myself, I don't want to be who I am, where I am, but no matter how hard I try to change things I can't, I just make them worse. When I'm running all on my own I'm perfectly fine, until I stop. But I can't even run anymore. I'm lost, alone and hate myself so much...

Kinda just needed to some of this out... kinda all over the place but... that's how my brain works...
 
I never wanted to kill myself. Had the thought crossed my mind more than a few times? Sure. But I always found some way to get through the darkness at the end of the tunnel. I have drug issues, oh god do I ever. I love poppy tea, and I rather enjoyed phenazepam. But phenazepam got me a DUI and I had poppies in the car. I had JUST regained my parents trust. Now I'll be a burden to them for well over a year. I'm 22 I should be getting my ass in gear and going to school. But instead I'm a bottomfeeder, broke from drug habits and now it seems every last dime I have will have to go to a defense attorney and all of the bullshit associated with DUI's. My parents are probably ashamed to have me as a son, I lied to their face so many times.

After I woke up from my phenazepam coma, I tried to slit my wrists. Was it a serious attempt? I dunno, probably not. I used a box cutter and didn't cut very deep, only bleed slightly. The thought continues to creep into my mind, I made a crude noose out of speaker wire that I was certain could kill me, but when I tightened it around my neck and felt how painful it was to swallow I decided it wasn't a very good way to go.

Things keep getting worse, but I am trying not to let them get me down. I want to live long enough to go to school, to have a girlfriend who loves me and I her. I want to walk in the sun hand in hand with her knowing that every little thing is going to be all right. It's a beautiful picture, one that exists in my mind.

I don't want my family to find me hanging from a tree, or hearing about me getting run down by a 16 wheeler, or finding me dead with a bag around my head. I don't how well they would deal with the fact that 22 year old fuck up who was once their precious little boy, one they loved with all their hearts, had killed himself. I don't want to die, but I teeter close to the edge here. If one more major negative thing occurs, that may well be it for me.
 
This thread is so sad, yet so relieving. It feels so good to know there are people that feel the same way as i do.

The drug habits, and being broke from it. Waking up every morning and having these thoughts. Feeling so alone, and wanting to be alone when you do have friends around.

My roommate is a very upbeat and positive person. I am very happy I met him. He always seems to make me feel better. He is out of town for a few days though, and I went on a binge this weekend. Woke up feeling w/d's and the depression that comes along with it. I'm glad I decided to read this thread. I feel better already.

I just want to feel normal again. This mess I made of my life only seems to get worse. I am so afraid of the future, but at least today I'll be fine. Thank you bluelight.
 
Forgottenusername said:
I just want to feel normal again. This mess I made of my life only seems to get worse. I am so afraid of the future, but at least today I'll be fine. Thank you bluelight.
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I'm glad this thread has helped. Trust me, I feel exactly the same way. I've been really depressed (even suicidal) over the last week, but it definitely helps knowing that I'm not alone feeling this way. :)
 
yeah there has been countless times...

to a justifiable constant extreme up until the past few weeks, i hope it lasts, im going to do what i can to make sure it does, and while that is possible i make the most of that time.
 
wer1 said:
anyone else wish they wouldnt wake up everytime they go to sleep?
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i once was where you are now. im still generally depressed as a person but the feelings of suicide have finally left me. it will pass my friend, just find one thing that happens every day to live for and thats all you need. just one thing, im sure you can find that.

by the way im glad nobody in here is going ohh just cheer up. i fucking hated that when i was feeling like there was no way out. we can all keep each other company in our misery together.
 
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