And I would like to say one thing because lately I feel like I've been given a new chance at life and this site is LARGELY responsible for that.
I got into pods about 5 years ago and since have only been able to maintain 14 months clean after a detox treatment. Since losing insurance I've felt largely imprisoned to my habit and addiction.
Over the last 2 months I tried tapering 3 times (once with tramadol) and it was always too "up and down". I would still get these terrible cold flashes and pain breaking through the tram. The 3rd time I gave up I really sank into a funk, a terrible one for the last few weeks. I mean I was driving home some days at night practically tearing thats how bad I didn't wanna take my pods. Very near the point of cold turkey which I know would have failed anyway.
But these last few weeks I've been doing so much reading, found this thread but still had no bupe. I basically started to tell myself "bupe is the only way I have a chance at living a normal life" and whether or not its true to do believe it.
When I finally did get a nice supply (which took forever) just having them in my hand it really was like the gorilla on my back was reduced to a baby chimp or something. I haven't been this hopeful or optimistic for the last 2 years easy, and whether or not bupe IS some miracle pill, just feeling this way has been such a huge motivator to murder this little baby chimp.
I don't have some therapist to thank, I don't have some detox or NA, not my family, I have THIS SITE to thank. For making me understand how evil and insidious opiate addiction really is, and that even when you have 14 months clean, you CAN slip up the first day you start to lose respect for opiates. Thats how it went "I have over a year clean it won't be a big deal", then BAM right back into active addiction, bye bye sober life. I almost in a way felt accidentally tricked back into my addiction, and its made this second time around so much worse.
But I DO have a lot of hope for this bupe, I know somewhere deep down I have an urge to do this for good now, and I just have never felt this optimistic in my life.
No more wasting hundreds of dollars a month on maintenances doses. 5 days a week for me are maintenance. MORE of my money goes to preventing wds then it does to the 2 days a week I actually try to get high and am left always wanting more.
No more does my sleep cycle have to be raped by pods.
No more do I have to feel like a powerless slave to pods.
NO MORE do I have to time out every order perfectly, devoting my life to mailmen who are essentially my doctors. The way I plot and plan, weigh doses and prebag for the week is SICK. I'm like a g/damn robot who can't enjoy anything unless his dosing regimen is always being maitained, and its sooo hard to do with pods too.
I'm just really thankful for this site. One day I may turn around and look at my life, having all the things I dreamed off, once and for all being off this shit, and I'm gonna turn around and look at this site and know its compltely responsible for me having found a new way of life. Thank you all sincerely! (and no I'm not high nor did I even start my bupe yet, actually waiting or wds for another day)