Okay, I'm currently in the process of reading this whole thing, and I'm sure the answers to the following questions I'm going to ask are going to be in this beast of a thread somewhere, but I figured I could post the questions now and wait the wait of getting some responses while reading through this whole thing. Regardless, I apologize in advance for possibly asking questions which may be covered multiple times throughout the thread.
Let's see -- without getting into my full-blown history too much, I'm 22 years old and work as a freelance writer (for the most part) and have a beautiful 19 month old baby girl. Now, I've always done my best to pay the bills and such before getting my fix and shit, but thankfully (and also unfortunately I suppose) my girlfriend has a pretty good job in which she's able to bail us out when I frequently am only to come up with like 70% of my "half" of the total bills. The other 30% goes towards any opiates I can get my hands on, whether they be Oxy's, Perk blueberries, I got some morphine pills a couple of weeks ago because there was nothing else around, etc. etc. To make a long story short, I've been using opiates consistently for nearly five years now and no matter what I've tried to do I CANNOT stop taking them. Now, I don't have like a three-Oxy-a-day habit or anything, but I do them pretty consistently and it's DEFINITELY become a strain on my responsibilities of paying the bills and properly supporting my daughter. I've also delved in the uberly-dangerous world of poppy pods and suffered from a ridiculously high tolerance because of it (they're great -- but if you get high off an Oxy 80mg now, expect to have to take at LEAST two to feel anything after a few weeks of pod dosing). It's definitely not something I'm proud of but I guess, luckily, it hit a catalyst which I will get to very shortly. Actually, fuck it, I'll get to it now (warning: the following description is not for the faint of heart/squeamish regarding injuries):
I was fiending so bad yesterday that I came thiiiiiiiiiis close from just taking money out of my girlfriends account secretly -- but I didn't want to deal with the shitstorm of fall out that was going to occur from doing such a thing (plus I really didn't want to hurt her anymore I suppose). So, NATURALLY, and by naturally I mean that this scares the fucking SHIT out of my when I look back on it in somewhat sane (I guess?) retrospect -- I figured I'd smash my finger in with a hammer so I could go to the ER and get some opiates legally! Yes, seriously. I know it sounds ridiculously dumb now, but at the time (last night) it was like a fucking Einstein idea. I was so excited (if a bit weary of the pain to come)
So, I took a hammer, took my CD/DVD-ROM that I had laying around from my old laptop (to use as the "excuse" as why I was using a hammer at 10:30 at night -- and no, this made no sense either) and went into my living room. I placed my hand on a hard wooden chair and had at it.
Now, I've never broken anything, so I was waiting for some type of excruciating pain to occur. I slammed the hammer down on my finger the first time to no avail. It hurt, but there sure as shit wasn't anything broken. So, I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes and tried to imagine the glorious moment of me sitting in on a ER hospital bed and maybe having a completely shattered finger and receiving some IV Dilaudid or something for the ride to the pharmacy to pick up whatever. With this literally like -- the happiest thought possible in my fucked up and dependent little universe, I brought the hammer down a second time to much more pain and a few thoughts shooting across my mind that I'm a fucking idiot -- which were quickly shot down and replaced by the aforementioned Candy Land dream thoughts and the prospect of someone actually asking me, "Sir, would you be against some IV pain relief?"
At this point my finger fucking hurt like a mother fucker but I was pretty sure it still wasn't broken, although I'd hoped I'd gotten some hairline fractures or something but just to be sure, I slammed the hammer quickly down once again for good measure. Even more pain and some instant swelling and what looked like my knuckle starting to press through my skin were a beautiful sight to my pathetic eyes. Sigh...
Suffice to say, although I probably broke some blood vessels and maybe got a small hairline fracture, my girlfriend refused to take me to the ER because I could still move the finger and it obviously "wasn't broken". After yelling at her about how she thinks she's a fucking medical ER doctor but instead knows absolutely nothing, I took some multi-symptom Tylenol for the actual pain and pouted my way to sleep (I was going to drive myself, but didn't want to pass up on any IV painkillers because I had driven myself).
I woke up this morning with the full intent to do whatever it took to bash my finger in some more until it was broken and force my girlfriend to take me to the ER when she got home from work this afternoon. I was literally searching Google for things like "easiest and quickest way to break your finger with a ball peen hammer". I'm a big believer in everything happening for a reason although I won't get into the whole spiritual/religious aspect of it so not to cause any undue debates. Even though this happened for the reason of me literally being a desperate fiend idiot, I at least have a fairly good sense of humor and have absolutely no problem with making fun of myself. So hopefully down the line and I've maybe been successful with a maintenance program, this can be a great little story that I can tell fellow addicts/ex-addicts who might get a sadistic chuckle or two. I dunno -- probably not but that's what I'm telling myself.
Anyway, I know a fair bit amount about suboxone and think that the aforementioned dumbass story might be just the ticket to show just how damn desperate I am to try something out. I've tried detox and rehab and while AA meetings gave me some fulfillment, once I got on the streets of the real world the call of Mother Opium was just too damn strong. I need to try something else.
My main questions are, should I start trying to call all the Suboxone doctors in my area or should I call the number that says a counselor will help you find a doctor. I was leaning towards that one. And how long does it take to set up an appointment? I'm kind of hoping I can get one today before I do something even more stupid to get some painkillers -- or at least talk to someone with a promise of an appointment tomorrow. Once again, apologies if these questions have been asked before and by ALL means, please feel free to make fun of me for being such an idiot. I'm fully aware that it is not a sane thing to do try and purposely break your finger with a hammer to get some Percocets -- but that's why I'm here.
Thanks for the replies in advance!
(PS: By "I" I mean my cousins, sisters, plumbers dog's FORMER owner. Dudes fucking nuts!)