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stuck on smack need advice im in a bind and dont know what to do

S

soldmysoul80

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 26, 2012
Messages
67
well i got myself in a mess again....i. wanna get off shit and i have 4 8mg subs to work with but dont have nowhere to be sick for a little while cuz if my friend i live with finds out im gonna get kicked out. so im trying to hide the shit and i know you have to wait a while to take the subs. i cant believe i did this to myself again....ugh! i am so fucking lonely inside and soul just feels broke. i dont wanna do it anymore but im forced too til ifigure out what im gonna do. im in the chicago area. i could really use someone to talk to and get this shit out i havent even really talked to anyone for days ive been off on my own alone and its just starting to wear on me bad. i am living this lonely life with nothing to do all day i sit around in my car or whatever cuz i have nowhere to hang out and nobody i know does the shit so i stay by myself.i just need a place to chill out for a couple days and take the sub i guess. idk guys im in chicago if you have any advice please let me know. if you have any suggestions. ugh im just so pissed i got myself in this shit again. i gotta turn it around. please help! if you have suggestions or wanna talk or even hang out! lol im very doen to earth im not a weirdo or nothing. hahah but snyways yeah my moods are swinging. i am very sad and stressed tonight though
 
Hey souldmysoul<3<3<3.. welcome to BL=D Hey I'm really sorry you find yourself in this place.. the end game of addiction is a pretty awful pace.. so many of us have found our selves losing hope and isolated either by choice or by the result of the choices we have made because of our addiction.. your thread has been moved to sober living part of the recovery forums that include the dark side and mental health.. These particular forms are full of people who have or are where you find yourself right now.. yeah tons of us have been there.. so i think you will find some good support.. If you want to share any of the following things you may get some wisdom as well as the support and friendship you need.. sounds like this didn't you first detox.. I'm thinking H.. so if you want to share how long you been using, how many time s you've gotten clean, whats you DOC.. what have you tried to to to stay clean in the past.. and anything else at all you may want to share.. you should definitely get some other drugs to facilitate a much easier detox.. clonidine >here< >and a non opiat drug for restless legs< are the ones I absolutelly recomend.. also have you used a successful, and by that i mean a sub taper that has proved to be a better deal than just strait H withdrawals.. if so I would love to hear the benefits you have received.. you can do this once again.. and with a few alterations to you and your life you hopefully never will need to again.. you know the deal.. your going to be a little sick for a little bit but if you get those drugs you will feel much better than if you didn't and with any luck at all you will remain at least somewhat functional through this.. Its going to be fine.. just get those drugs and then you can tell your roommates you have the flue.. LOL the flue in july.. foods poisoning then.. you can and will do this<3
 
yes ive done it a million times. doc is h. wish somebody would just fuckin put me outta my misery. ive been througj this too many times and thats why i wanna kick myself in the ass. but i cant do shit i feel stuck....can get a job cuz this is like 3. full time jobs. was thinking of getting a motel for the first 2 days if i can swing it.....i have the subs im just nervous as hell the shit hurts so bad u know how it is. its not easyi need all the supposrt i can get and then after i have to deal with all the pains and aches and no energy i was clean for almost 3 years and still. didnt feel good. still no energy i havent been the same since i did that shit. i need all the help i can get right now. thats why i am so pissed cuz i know this was gonna happen and how i would feel but you dont think about that until it comes....this lonliness is killing me...i had a cohnselor that i was gonna go see but never followed through with the appointment so i have to call back i dont know if they could do anything but i was gonna say maybe if i tell them whats going on they coukd help....i dont know its just ive havent taken sub in a long time but it didnt really work last time i tried it but i took it alot maybe since i havent taken it in a long time it will be different this time and actually work??? a
 
The reason I asked about the subs is IMO i think it kinda makes it worse.. some people will say different and I never used then to withdraw.. but if you look at the deal.. ok so you have to wait until you are in decent withdrawal to take them.. and then they usually still put you in a decent withdrawal.. then you stabilize a bit on those.. but then you cut yourself from those and now you are looking at a 10 day half life with drawl from subs.. so in my opinion you have just taken a pretty painful three day withdrawal and turned into kinda little less but still severe 14 day withdrawal.. yeah I dont know... how many bags a day are you going to be kicken? Hugh on the energy thing.. man thats a long time to still be having to deal with that.. I took a pretty lengthy speedball addiction down to state h and then took that back up to and finally came off a 150 mgpd methadone + 260 mgpd roxies + 6 mgpd xanax.. I did this on my own using clonidine + testosterone + lamictal + and vitamin D.. but i sure as hell would have used a drug fro restless legs syndrome if I had known about it.. and my fatigue went away totally in seven months.. low testosterone may have been the issue with the fatigue or as the hypothalamus also controls fatigue is my have just been caused by that.. did you also still have that fibro pain.. like the shit thats real bad in the but andf tailbone and lower back as well as other places.. what about burning skin did you still have any of that.. the clonidine is a really easy prescription to get there should be no problems getting that and a drug for restless legs filled buy just going to the clinic and telling them what your are trying to do.. How long is your habit? ... are you homeless right now?

EDIT: dont mean to freak you out with all the damn questions again answer what you want:)
 
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You have to wait till your WD's are in full swing for it to work best IME. I'd always let myself be sick for as long as I could stand it.
 
ive done it in the past and it worked good but i was switching back and forth i think too many times so it was kinda like maybe i fucked up my system? i been doing bout 3/4 to a whole g a day sometimes i get by with just a 1/2. i just want off this miserable ride. its not fun anymore. and i know better that pisses me off. im not going to wd yet. im just preparing probly in the next week. i just gotta figure out where im gonna go no im not homeless but i havent been home in a week and things are. already kinda shaky there too so i dont want to push any issues.
 
have you tried clonidine and something for rls in the past.. at least for me the clonide really made a big difference.. will you be able to get scripts for these or are you just going to use the subs and hope for the best? as far as the place.. cheap hotel right.. do you have a free clinic in chi town you can hit up for the meds?


here is a list of a bunch of addiction services including many who are free or discounted for those who qualify.. http://www.choosehelp.com/illinois/drug-rehabs-alcohol-rehabilitation-programs
 
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i know it feels like you are in such a dark, stuck never ending corner right now. i know how it can be in chicago with with the corner never really that far away. it seems like you have been through heroin withdrawal enough times to know what is coming and that is a good thing. you can mentally prepare yourself for this wonderful freeing step you want to make for yourself.

how much have you currently been using??

with the suboxone you have i would try and wait at least 16 hours from your last dose if it is straight buprenorphine 12-14 hours. if you start to go into pw do not worry, yes it will suck but it will most likely only last an hour maybe a little less or a little more. the amount you start out with depends on how much you have been using and how long this relapse has been. a quarter to a half pill would be a good starting point and try to not go over a half to stretch them out. 8mg first day - 6mg second day - 4mg third day - 4mg forth day - 3mg fifth day - 2mg sixth day - 2mg seventh day - 1mg eighth day - 1mg ninth day - .5mg tenth day - .5 eleventh day. breaking each days dose into two might also help out.

doing this will allow the full agonist to clear out and the bupe will help the initial physical blow. stepping down with the buprenorphine over such a short period of time you will not need to worry about it creating more problems. you know it is not going to be a walk in a the park and that you will still have to deal with paws. you should totally contact your therapist and set a time to talk with him. he could be a great aid as you said you do not feel open with the friends your around. do you have a gp or the means to see a doctor or get to a clinic to help you get through the transitional period?? Wellbutrin can be a tremendous help with paws, helping energy, focus and depression. i would use as little benzos as possible, some good herb, epsom salt baths, items mentioned above will be great aids. don't forget to get yourself some ice-cream!

there are a host of different smart meetings on the north side that are really good and open. might be a nice place to hang out with some like minded people that understand you and what you are going through. you can find the locations and times at www.smartrecoverychicago.org.

you can totally get through this! it is straight power that you are making the move and reaching out for support!
 
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i never really knew u could get free meds and the places i seen had long waiting lists i dont know much about it thougj. clonidine never really worked for me. maybe it did a little but not that much. it would be nice. i can get a few klonipin and a few neuruntin i dont know though i dont have a whole lot of money so yeah itd be cool to do that for sure
 
well.. that is good you do not think it is all that. >snip<

get the klonipin and the neurontin. try to get as much neurontin as you can it will be a big help, i take it for pain. i have been prescribed many different analgesic's and have found neurontin to be helpful with a very low risk of abuse. it will be nice for the aches and pains especially during the day and try to use the klonipin just for sleep.

with the raw your getting being low grade you might be just fine with the dosing of the suboxone as above. kind of funny how it is a good thing that >its not better because< things are working for you!! are you still using or are starting things up?
 
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Yeah the clonidine isn'ta cure all but having that epinephrin partially blocked can make a pretty big difference.. as for switching to the subs for a taper I think its just wishfull thinking and it pretty much just keeps you in hell longer.. good luck soldmysoul... and i hope this one is the ticket for ya:)
 
havent started things up yet still nervous and dont know what to do im freakin cuz i dont know what to do...where to turn or anything...dont even know where to start anymore....where to end where to start im just lost
 
i know the subs work they have worked for me before but last time they didnt and it was hell so thays why im scared to rely on them like i said
 
how are you doing/feeling this morning? i know it seems hard but try and find the positive aspects/reasons for starting your detox and what is ahead of you. you will be moving forward in such a great way and be getting off of this treadmill of sorts that has been causing you pain.

seems like you have already started in thinking about how much you want to stop and reasons why. you have been gathering things to help you in the process, looking for support. these are wonderful moves to be making in working towards what you desire. is a big hang up that you physically do not feel or have a place in which you feel safe and comfortable to start withdrawal?

i hear you about the suboxone. you could try a small amount to see if it is working and feel like it will be a beneficial thing to use this time around... and if not just loose it. it might help with the initial hit as you would be using such a small amount for a short period. i think if you can kick it and make it through with out any maintenance program that would awesome! have you ever been in one before??

try and set small attainable goals working towards the steps you want to make. if the subs are another wall in the way do not take them, you have the knowledge of the process. i really hope you feel things aligning more for the way you want to flow!! good luck today!
 
yes it is a huge hang up not having a place to be comfortable and might even be getting kicked out there too so its just everything is screwed up and dont know which way to turn. i am feeling very uncomfortable and worried like hell of all this stuff xant get it off ny mind i havent been home in a week either and thinkin bout going back there today i just dont want to deal with b.s.
 
have you spoke with the people you live with during this past week in which you have not been home? i know you said this situation of your housemates finding out about your current relapse could create some more stress and the possibility of them asking you to leave.. you do not feel there is any room or way that you could sit down with them and explain where you are at??

it might be a big release and relief as i know the guilt that can be carried from thinking you are letting people down you are close with during such a period. you might be really nicely surprised and bring things full circle for you to begin. another thought is there any one you feel comfortable with that lives out of town that is not too far away??

here is the website for chicago recovery alliance - www.anypositivechange.org phone 773.471.0999

the director is dan bigg. he is an amazing individual that might have some really good ideas or knowledge of organizations that could help with detox space. he is really down to earth and all about helping the community... great person to reach out to. if you try to contact him and can not get through to him let me know and i will try to help you if you would like.

Cathedral Shelter of Chicago. 312.997.3144 ex23
207 s. ashland

The Salvation Army. 312.421.5753
1515 w.monroe

two more places that could help you out right now. c.r.a is who i would start with first tho.

keep your head up!!
 
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