Story Time With D's...Gather 'round children!

Bomboclat

Bomboclat

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
28,224
Location
San Francisco
D's always has lovely, heart-warming, stories to tell. So now its time for our special happy fun story time, with D's.

D's, take it away!

D's said:
i once got a urinary infection fapping with shampoo when i was little, it was tough explaing it to my doctor so my mom told him.
thats when i started taking adderal.
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D's said:
after i bleached my hair, my self esteem rose like +20 points and I began to flirt more with girls, all the teachers hated me because i would be "Mr.Cool" in class, and wear cool cloths (pac-sun stuff).
I think they had that whole "Abstinence" talk thing because of me lol.
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D's said:
I once caught a duck, and got my ass kicked by a old lady. (because i caught the duck and couldn't let it go.. kept reeling it in while the old lady goes menopause on me.)
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D's said:
i accidentally ate some cheese pups, my dad put some in a ziplock bag and i thought they were some cheeseto's. tasted like garlic and meat, dunno wat kind of meat. just meat.
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D's said:
took a nice bm. thought i should share that.
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lol xD, yeah cheese pups are those dog treats that look EXSACTLY like fucking cheesetos sept they are shaped like a bone, i thought it was a chedder chesee log or something new.

you want to hear a story?

when i was a kid.. and i just began to learn what "fapping" was., i couldn't help myself but fap atleast 3+ times a day, sometimes more. i'd fap on the bed fap on the floor fapped so long i grew a fappin' afro then i fapped to the left fapped to the right fapped to the sound of momma cookin rice.
anyways, i couldn't help but fap almost 24/7, i still took time out of the day to eat my captin crunch baries and work on my cursive homework assignments.
well oneday in shop i was like, i'm fuckin tired of fapping, so i desided to make a feefee, everyone else in class was making like fuckin bookshelves, and birdhouses. fuckthat shit i want to fap, the birdhouse gave me the idea because of the hole, and the bookshelf reminded me of my dads porn that i will get into later in the night. well everyone is working on their projects and i'm hammering,sawing,stapleing,glueing,fapping,sandwich, etc.
here is a microsoft paint drawing of my fapper:
drewsfapper.jpg

wish i still had the real thing, my mom threw it away after she saw my exexex gf's panties stuffed in the "birdhouse", she got courious about why there were women panties stuffd in a birdhouse, so she investageted like a snoob,.
oneday afterschool i was bust fappin in my ''birdhouse'' and i didn't kno that my mom setted me up, she put glue in my ''lube'' bubbles, and she fucking made me glue myself to the ''birdhouse'', whats fucked up is i had to go confront her and my dad, and sisters and fucking brother.
they laughed at me, hard, like they were crying, i felt so emberased. so went to the hospital with this still on my penis, well my best friends mom is a nurse in the ER and well since she saw what i did, she stopped letting her son hang out with me :/.
the doctor wasn't laughing, he told me that i have serous issues, and sent me to a therapist.
and well ive been fuckd in the head since.
the end!
 
lol i got more stories, more funny then that one, lol. i'm tired so i'm going have to tell u tommorow. :D
 
D's said:
yeah man i'm full of great ideas and inventions. i've thought about making a patent for a lot of my things i've made over the years.

i'm thinking about silly stringing the wasp nest outside, i still have my bee suit i built out of a old sleeping bag, styrofoam, screen from the screen door i broke to use to collect honey from a wasp nest.
found out wasps dont produce honey. did i ever tell u the story when i fapped and came in a medicine cup and threw it on a beehive when i was little?
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Do tell!
 
i'm tired as fuck, i'm writing some stories in my notebook for my stand up audition coming up thursday afternoon, when i'm finished (hopefully by tommorow afternoon) i will share :).
 
heres one:
i have awful dandruff! every time i scratch my head it snows all over the place.
onetime in school (sitting at my cubicle) i scratched my head for a hour straight with combs, brushes, pens, paper clips, thumb tacks, anything i could get my hands on, and made a huge pile of dandruff. well i busted out my school ID card, and raked all my dandruff in a baggy, (those little ice/meth/roll bags), i ended up going to the mall where all the fucking goths hang out, and sold my bag of dandruff for $100.00
never herd from the unfortunate soul that bought my scalp shavings. lol i wonder how he used it, if he smoked it, sniffd it or shot it. lol damn i'm evil.
lol
 
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