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Sober Living Social Thread

Hello to you. I hope you are doing well, according to YOUR definition of "well". I turn 59 tomorrow, a good ole Scorpio, and except for my wife sticking with me for 36 years, my life has variously stunk and/or sucked. Seems no one wants to hire a 59 year old with extensive drug knowledge, behavioral health experience, counseling experience, with a B.S and MBA. Maybe I am just impatient, who knows. Sober living, eh?. Well, I know it makes those around you and "care" for you happy (relieved is more like it), but not so for us for whom reality is like having operating room lights constantly shining in your eyes ans fingernails scraping on a blackboard to round out the experience. My entire paternal side of my family were anxiety-depressive alcoholics (by my observation), my M0om's oldest and youngest susters somehow survived booze, benzos and opioids. In those days the prescribed strong sedatives and Valium like candy, we were drinking at 14, and my knickname was "Aqualung" from the amount of pot I could inhale without choking. I must say, I do think back fondly on some super highs I have experienced.

Sober living? My version now is 400mg of Tramadol a day to help me get out of bed with my back and neck problems, 1,200 mg of gabapentin, to loosen up always tense neck and shoulder muscles, and when fortunate 2 mgs of clonazepam per day for anxiety. My violent, alcoholic fater taught me hypeervigilence, and my cancer 4 years later taught me you are never safe.

I wish you the best though, I am just very suspicious of true "sober living" just as I believe the abysmal success rate for 12 step programs is for a reason.
 
Hey Cap'

Long time. About time I move here too... getting there. Many sober stints over the last 3 years, but many relapses too; life can be a bitch, but man do I love bitches ;) . Maybe spilling some info once in a while will help.

Best of luck to all.

Long story short:

Benzo addiction - lingering, but that is the last one to kick.
Opioid addication - lingering but easy to kick for extended periods of time. Off now.

Pregabalin is OTC in my place so that's been a help but also been a sinner too.

So at the moment, clean from opioids/opiates, on low doses of diazepam and taking pregabalin on a need basis. Weed is a given. For that I get good land races of sativa, from all sorts of places.
 
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Thanks for asking...

Captain.Heroin said:
how's everyone doing? %)
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Doin' good.

Everyday is a hell of a ride with many ups and downs - I have a yin yan tattoo somewhere, and recently referred to it and all it's meanings, and deeper meanings beyond the black and white referring to the line between with it's infinite shades of grey; and with its relevant applications to everyday life, a friend who has never used any drugs but alcohol said that I somehow managed to summarize his and most other peoples lives with a description of mine and aforementioned reference to ancient Eastern philosophy.

I have deadlines to meet and new ones to set, things to achieve and things to shed from my life. Regarding sober living I am especially trying to get to a point where all I deal with is PAWS from opiates/opioids because even the most minor of relapses during extended periods of time lead to repetition of bad days sweating it out in bed just to get back to the PAWS again. In the moment, all of my relapses - and not one is irrelevant - seem harmless, but even taking a low dose tablet of ER/SR tramadol as indicated is bad for me although it may help with the intense pain it is intended for, and I certainly wish the trigger in my brain would soon be deactivated for good, and that there be developed alternatives or a worldwide legislation making marijuana legal so that it would be readily available and that all doctors who are naive to the cannabinoid potentials be educated as to their medicinal worth.

I also wish something like the Ashton manual for benzodiazepine withdrawal truly worked for everybody. But I have managed within 2 weeks recently to go from using diazepam 3 x 10mg per day to 2-3 x 5mg per day without any ill effects except for a few days where I would have to take an extra 5mg when going to bed because of cold sweats and nightmarish dreams while plunging into sleep.

Someone once mentioned with reference to scientific research that it takes an average of 7 minutes for humans to fall asleep - it takes me half an hour to an hour regardless of dose of diazepam and other misc. drugs. Is this because of neurological damage? I should be falling asleep faster due to my benzo intake or some fat spliffs inhaled prior to bed time. I would love some feedback on this because I struggle with sleep and regular patterns of it thereof and am wondering if it will ever be stable again.

All the best to everyone. Keep trying towards the sober path, and even when not there yet, try get your mind there and you and I may eventually get there 99.99%!

-bwanajzj
 
toothpastedog said:
Moved. Again. FML but I still find it all so much fun. Can't bring me down. I'm a real Pollyanna that I am :p ;)
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I moved recently too, again. Also FML, but it is so amazing. Moving, that was a pending thing in my life to improve the FML factor, to get away from the noise of all the kids near my area and that would run around and scream on the corridor while playing. Then there was a very high density of churches in the area and people are so god fearing they would have services and make noise from Thursday through to Sunday. Couldn't stand it. The crib was great, it was in a small village near natural surroundings that I am awed by after more than two decades of being familiar with the sort, but I was misplaced otherwise. Plus they were constructing a story above mine while people were living there so like living in a construction site, not to mention the fast development of the small town that had every other plot under construction. Just horrible place to be right now, later maybe when development slows doen. Now I live on the 5th floor which is the top of a nice apartment building with an awesome panoramic view of nearby capital city of the country, as well as various mountain ranges and hills that surround it (a hill here being a mountain in most places). I can see hundreds of kilometers away and the climate is absolutely great. Best thing I have done for myself other than lowering the benzo dose in a long time. It has brought me closer to parts of the city that were before really impractical to get to as well. Living in a good place is vital to making progress towards sobriety and moving can make it happen in an instant for some folks - the move making the instant shift from using to being without easy due to new surroundings as the fundamental factor as well as others mentioned here within. So all in all I wish your move has as many benefits as mine!!!!
 
I've been working on my 4th step, for once in my life I am writing an honest 4th, there's some shit on there that makes me tear up because a lot of the shit (if not all of it) hurts me deeply, many a time I have picked up the bottle because of the shit I put on it.
I'm really thankful that I am in rehab, and doing this. because when I need to pull up on a brother, they are there for me.

for anyone that doesn't know, my soberity date is August 22nd, 2016, and for that date I am truly grateful, because on that date I chose to live another life without the needs of getting fucked up.

I recommend going into rehab/treatment to those that have a problem with willpower, by my experience I have tried to get sober on the outside, and I always ended up on the '3rd floor' of the hospital(psych ward). I had to admit total defeat, and to be honest I had my doubts.

I have a god in my life today, that works through everyone, and i had to relise that I can't do this alone.

here I am! SOOO SOBERRR!
 
bwanajzj said:
I moved recently too, again. Also FML, but it is so amazing. Moving, that was a pending thing in my life to improve the FML factor, to get away from the noise of all the kids near my area and that would run around and scream on the corridor while playing. Then there was a very high density of churches in the area and people are so god fearing they would have services and make noise from Thursday through to Sunday. Couldn't stand it. The crib was great, it was in a small village near natural surroundings that I am awed by after more than two decades of being familiar with the sort, but I was misplaced otherwise. Plus they were constructing a story above mine while people were living there so like living in a construction site, not to mention the fast development of the small town that had every other plot under construction. Just horrible place to be right now, later maybe when development slows doen. Now I live on the 5th floor which is the top of a nice apartment building with an awesome panoramic view of nearby capital city of the country, as well as various mountain ranges and hills that surround it (a hill here being a mountain in most places). I can see hundreds of kilometers away and the climate is absolutely great. Best thing I have done for myself other than lowering the benzo dose in a long time. It has brought me closer to parts of the city that were before really impractical to get to as well. Living in a good place is vital to making progress towards sobriety and moving can make it happen in an instant for some folks - the move making the instant shift from using to being without easy due to new surroundings as the fundamental factor as well as others mentioned here within. So all in all I wish your move has as many benefits as mine!!!!
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That sounds like a great place you got for yourself--not to mention being on the fifth floor gets you a lot of free exercise(if there is no elevator, that is).=D

@D's and Icedancer--congrats to both of you. I'm so happy for the good you are both feeling. Heaven knows, you've had enough pain .
 
herbavore said:
That sounds like a great place you got for yourself--not to mention being on the fifth floor gets you a lot of free exercise(if there is no elevator, that is).=D
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Indeed. Let's see if some of the false promises about work the coming month will become real promises so as to pay the rent after January, up until which I have paid to the end of.

No elevator, we don't use that in my parts except for in the fancy new office buildings - and a few old ones too. But I was never a fan of elevators. I know they have security mechanisms and so on, but I have seen so much mechanical failure in my life that vertical wire rope lifts are not the best invention of our time as humans in my book. Besides 5th floor is something anyone should be able and willing to do on the stairs - it ain't that hard people! Pasts a 20th floor I might start getting vertigo, but only because of walking round and round for 100ft vertically... My breath has no problem with it, nor do my legs, and my feet take two steps at a time so I don't shuffle too much.

I asked about sleep and if I would ever be like the average human again and fall asleep within 10 minutes...

What about stairs? Does me taking stairs to the 5th floor make a difference? Even when I moved, amongst other lighter things like furniture, carrying stove and 70L fridge and a jug of 20L drinking water was no issue but eventually did break a sweat after 5 trips up and down.

I am no body builder, just an ex-junkie with a good weight:height ratio, now chipping and sometimes temporarily binging for days but with long time frames between without; by junkie I mean lots of needles (27g) everyday with good technique and for pills (usually methadone or buprenorphine HCl) I used wheel filters, smack I used single use 10 µm filters, have collapsed cephalic veins due to a 1g+/day habit of no. 3 dope which needed acid; also collapsed or obstructed others that are now healed somewhat, but by no means can anyone but a doctor with knowledge of it know because I have been as good to myself as possible while using IV. And after all that regardless of who you are, 5 floors should not scare you from taking the stairs! It's 'free' excercise!

Anyways good day or night to all.
 
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D's said:
I've been working on my 4th step, for once in my life I am writing an honest 4th, there's some shit on there that makes me tear up because a lot of the shit (if not all of it) hurts me deeply, many a time I have picked up the bottle because of the shit I put on it.
I'm really thankful that I am in rehab, and doing this. because when I need to pull up on a brother, they are there for me.

for anyone that doesn't know, my soberity date is August 22nd, 2016, and for that date I am truly grateful, because on that date I chose to live another life without the needs of getting fucked up.

I recommend going into rehab/treatment to those that have a problem with willpower, by my experience I have tried to get sober on the outside, and I always ended up on the '3rd floor' of the hospital(psych ward). I had to admit total defeat, and to be honest I had my doubts.

I have a god in my life today, that works through everyone, and i had to relise that I can't do this alone.

here I am! SOOO SOBERRR!
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I am happy for you. God as you may see it can't save me, willpower can and at the end of the day it will also be part of your recovery in hindsight should you make it through. Because that was the initial step - admitting addiction and having the willpower to change and move on and it will require so much of it to stay sober. Becoming sober vs. staying sober require the persistence of willpower and in your case constantly accepting god in your life. Keep up the hard work.
 
Thanksgiving day went well! It's a hard holiday for me but just fine this time


Thank you to Herbavore for her thoughtful PM. That was an unexpected act of kindness. Thanks for the support.
 
IceDancer said:
Thanks man! I'm finally getting back into my hobbies i enjoy and am free from my burden. I'm moving to the city because where I'm at doesn't have AA meetings.
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What hobbies do you enjoy? I'm a recovered/recovering alcoholic and I can't get into my hobbies right now.
 
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