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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

So my detox starts tomorrow. Going to need some support.

Thanks Jesus! I've been struggling with the boredom ever since I quit the Poppy-Seeds and switched to Codeine just over three weeks ago and it's tough for sure. I feel like my life right now is completely meaningless. I literally don't do a damn thing all day. I wake up and either sit at the computer listening to music posting here or I watch TV. I'll have to start working here pretty soon but that won't fill the empty feeling I have inside. I have very few friends out here and I can't yet drive again which makes it literally impossible to ever hang out with anyone unless they're willing to drive 45 minutes to come and get me... Needless to say, my social life has gone completely down the shitter since I moved. I knew it had to be done if I was to quit, I recognized the fact that I was hopeless as long as I stayed in the city but I didn't think about everything else I would be giving up... I thought getting clean was the number one priority and I guess it was, I just never planned ahead.

These last 3 weeks have been spent trying, with all my effort, over and over again to get myself past the withdraw and now that I'm almost through it, I'm lost. I have nothing else to think about, nothing else to strive for. I feel like I've reached the top of a mountain and now I'm standing at the summit, shrugging. It's not like I necessarily want to go back to using, I just don't know what I want to do at all...
 
shady4091 said:
Thanks Jesus! I've been struggling with the boredom ever since I quit the Poppy-Seeds and switched to Codeine just over three weeks ago and it's tough for sure. I feel like my life right now is completely meaningless. I literally don't do a damn thing all day. I wake up and either sit at the computer listening to music posting here or I watch TV. I'll have to start working here pretty soon but that won't fill the empty feeling I have inside. I have very few friends out here and I can't yet drive again which makes it literally impossible to ever hang out with anyone unless they're willing to drive 45 minutes to come and get me... Needless to say, my social life has gone completely down the shitter since I moved. I knew it had to be done if I was to quit, I recognized the fact that I was hopeless as long as I stayed in the city but I didn't think about everything else I would be giving up... I thought getting clean was the number one priority and I guess it was, I just never planned ahead.

These last 3 weeks have been spent trying, with all my effort, over and over again to get myself past the withdraw and now that I'm almost through it, I'm lost. I have nothing else to think about, nothing else to strive for. I feel like I've reached the top of a mountain and now I'm standing at the summit, shrugging. It's not like I necessarily want to go back to using, I just don't know what I want to do at all...
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lol, join the club bro. and about your previous post, get used to the diahrea. i still got it and its been over a month (oct 11th was the last day)

get used to the sneezing too. i did it in 3s constantly, now its always in pairs. CONSTANTLY!! i haven't sneezed in 5 fuckin years!! it feels alright though and once your detox is gone you wont be sneezing tears out of your head and it actually helps clear my nose now. prior i just chalked it up to side effect or clogged from snorting too much shit.

i didn't leave my job when i did it so i had that. i have my girlfriend too and we go out more. i went and saw my brother a few times. thats it really. i always do that though when i detox. want to hang out and do shit with people. for work im a cook so its fast paced and i get very energetic and its a way to burn that energy off. plus its a responsibility i have and i take that seriously.
i would say get a job that is gonna challenge you. not everyone can cook or serve or anything and all restaurant jobs are fast paced. its not hard but its not that easy. plus drugs are so prevalent in restaurants it might not be a good idea. but fuck i couldn't imagine working at a grocery chain or wal mart or some bullshit to kill time and earn some money after detoxing. i had some support from my co workers too. i wasn't afraid to tell everyone including the owners what was going on but im very close with them and knew they wouldn't fire me. i didn't give a fuck if it changed their view on me, their view was fucked from the beginning since they didn't know i was a drug addict. thats the real me and thats what ill tell people if i want.
not recommended to tell a new employer though cause they will chalk any laziness or whatever up to that.

im really rambling tonight. i lost my fucking glasses somehow. i dont need them that bad but i cant really see well without them and have been wearing them awhile. i think my cocksucker gay cat knocked them down and took them somewhere. i should stomp his golf ball sized head into a curb the little cunt. FUCK YOU CAT YOUR A FUCKING PRICK AND A HOMO. WE DONT EVEN CALL YOU BY YOUR NAME WE JUST SAY KITTY YOU FAG

im not gonna kill my cat but wtf hes a dick. he purrs so loud he makes a clicking noise that i can hear from downstairs. for no reason! he just purrs really loud!
 
Hahaha are you feeling alright tonight, dude? Try and not take out your aggression on your dickhead cat, if you can help it lol

It always helps to be out and about with a friend, or anyone really. The easiest days I've had so far were driving around with my friend, or chilling with my sister. Unfortunately, those days are few and far between. I'm not a very talkative person but I still crave social contact like everyone else. At least in the city, I had the option to be social whenever I wanted to, but I also had incredibly easy access to my opiates so it's sort of a catch 22. I would have had all the support and social contact I ever needed there but I'm sure that it would have been outweighed by the fact that I just had to hop a bus to the store to get high, anytime.

As for work, it'll be a labor job, outdoors. The pay will be sweet but it's going to be hard, shitty work in the dead of winter. I've done the retail thing too much and it's gotten me nowhere. Sick of living paycheck to paycheck. My plan was to come out her, get clean, work in the oilfield, save up and go to school next year. So I guess I've got something to work toward but it all feels so fucking impossibly far away...

Whatever, that's why I'm here right? To join the club.
 
i dunno it felt good to vent about my cat. or anything really. i wouldn't hurt my cat hes alright lol.

any demanding job physically or mentally is gonna make you feel a lot better. plus you have to wake up pretty early so you'll probably have a sleeping schedule. i've been struggling the whole time with fucked sleep.
 
Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. If I can go to work, distract myself and come home tired enough to get a good sleep, things should be alright.

Today I definitely feel a bit of residual withdraw from the Loperamide taper. Nothing too bad though, runny nose again, sneezing a lot more, pretty brutal diarrhea and a bit of leg and lower back pain. The leg pain I might be able to attribute to an 8km walk I took to the general store today though (4km each way). That was brutal, I didn't think of my stomach before I left... It was good to get out but fuck, that was uncomfortable. I'm fucking lucky it didn't get upset till I was closer to home. Really lucky haha...

I've noticed the obsessively large amount of coffee I've been drinking since I quit the Codeine though. I can tell it's the addict in me craving any sort of substance. Before this, I never drank more than 2 cups a day. I'm drinking at least 6 now... And smoking like a motherfucker, but I attribute that to simple boredom.
 
Ugh fuck me... I had a huge fucking migraine an hour ago, so I grabbed all my old filters full of Aspirin and APAP from former CWE's, dumped them out, soaked the filters in water, and filtered that, desperate for a placebo affect, or maybe just enough Codeine to kill my headache. And now I'm high... I definitely did not expect that to work... Worse yet, I have no idea how much Codeine I actually got. It couldn't have been too much because I've tried the same thing before during my addiction and it didn't do anything. One step forward and two steps back. All I can do now is just hope this was an isolated incident and that it doesn't set me back too far... But now I've gotten a taste of it again, and it's tasty. Fuck...
 
it wont set you back too far. its up to you to decide if it feels good enough to bring back what you almost squashed. been almost a month now and you seem like you got it under control/

i had a fuckin migraine or something too. last night when i laid down in bed my head was throbbing with a terrible pressure headache. slept like 3 or 4 hours and was awake with a horrible headache. spent an hour trying to go back to sleep with no luck till i finally smoked a cig and took some ibprofun. eventually i got to sleep for an hour or 2 and the headache was subsiding when i woke up. fuckin horrible.

its like if i dont take something for sleep i always have something waking me up. its brutal. its really fuckin brutal. like i cant take it anymore ill sleep 3 or 4 hours a few days in a row i dont know what to do
 
It just sucks because I really honestly didn't mean to get high. My migraines are going to be the fucking fall of me. I get them semi-often but I was always just able to grab some seeds or whatever and cure them pretty damn quick. They start out small, usually in the mid afternoon but just get worse and worse until I get some sleep, which is pretty fucking hard to do obviously. When they're in full bloom, and making me want to puke, I'd do fucking anything to get rid of them.

And yeah, night time is the worst time for me, for sure. It's like sleep isn't even really sleep anymore I wake up so many times throughout the night. It feels like it's just another way of trying to kill time. What have you been taking to help you sleep?
 
my doctor prescibed me 14 trazadone a few months back. i only used them one night a week so i had about 7 which i break in half. i take tylonel pm or benadryl too. i try not to use the trazadone much and dont take PM or benadryl (same active ingredient right?) every night. i figure it will be a pain to break the habit if i take it every night. still i have shitty nights quite a bit without one of them. i have plenty of time till i gotta go work too its just i wake up so soon and cant get back to sleep

dont worry about slippin up, everyone does it. its hard not to esp if you got a migraine. i always got them on dones from redosing too soon. FUCKING HELL WHEN I DID THAT!!!
 
^
As for diphenhydramine (benadryl/PM), I've noticed it can be useful for sleep, but only if I take it extremely rarely. Otherwise, it makes me drowsy, but doesn't help me actually sleep, so I almost feel worse after taking it.

It's been awhile, but iirc, tolerance to antihistamines rises quickly, so it's possible it hasn't been having much of an effect lately.

Larson0 said:
i had a fuckin migraine or something too. last night when i laid down in bed my head was throbbing with a terrible pressure headache. slept like 3 or 4 hours and was awake with a horrible headache. spent an hour trying to go back to sleep with no luck till i finally smoked a cig and took some ibprofun. eventually i got to sleep for an hour or 2 and the headache was subsiding when i woke up. fuckin horrible.

its like if i dont take something for sleep i always have something waking me up. its brutal. its really fuckin brutal. like i cant take it anymore ill sleep 3 or 4 hours a few days in a row i dont know what to do
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Sleep has been my biggest obstacle lately. I can't fall asleep. When I do fall asleep it's because I'm so exhausted I just can't stay awake anymore and then I'll sleep between 2-4 hours at a time. It's really annoying. I had figured that by exhausting myself physically and keeping myself mentally stimulated, I would eventually just get so tired that my body would need sleep and somehow start regulating itself. Instead I've just been incredibly sore for the last few weeks and then I lose some of the drive for mental stimulation because I'm so physically beat. 8) On the plus side, I am getting in diesel shape. :)

I'm not making it better as I keep caving and end up snorting a bit of sub one night a week. I'm only doing maybe up to 0.2mg, so it's a really low dose, but it's the only night I actually DO sleep. I think I have to stop doing that and just suck it up, but I'm awake at the wrong points of the day all the time, or am feeling drained when I need to be awake.

The only other time I get sleep is when I take a benzo, and that's usually groggy sleep (though halcion seems to be useful). I don't like either method because I definitely do NOT want to be dependent on anything for sleep or dependent on benzos! :|
 
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Sleep has been my biggest obstacle lately. I can't fall asleep. When I do fall asleep it's because I'm so exhausted I just can't stay awake anymore and then I'll sleep between 2-4 hours at a time. It's really annoying. I had figured that by exhausting myself physically and keeping myself mentally stimulated, I would eventually just get so tired that my body would need sleep and somehow start regulating itself. Instead I've just been incredibly sore for the last few weeks and then I lose some of the drive for mental stimulation because I'm so physically beat. On the plus side, I am getting in diesel shape.

I'm not making it better as I keep caving and end up snorting a bit of sub one night a week. I'm only doing maybe up to 0.2mg, so it's a really low dose, but it's the only night I actually DO sleep. I think I have to stop doing that and just suck it up, but I'm awake at the wrong points of the day all the time, or am feeling drained when I need to be awake.
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I could of wrote that. I'm getting maybe 2.5 hours of sleep per night. I've also been getting so frustrated I've ended up taking a tiny dose once of twice a week just to try to get some rest. I'm taking some difficult programming classes this semester, the brain fog I have from lack of sleep has been tremendously difficult.

I know I need to start working out again but I have absolutely zero energy. I need to just man up and do it..
 
Carl, Villain, it was being desperate for sleep always killed me. Longest I went without any sleep at all was 21 days. Luckily I was in jail at the time and couldn't afford a prison bag, but on other occasions I went easily 14 days without sleep, would then catch a couple of hours, only to have a few more days with no sleep at all, or the odd hour or two snatched here and there. It just kills your motivation and I used to do exactly the same thing . . . . I'll just do a bit tonight, not to get high, not because I'm craving, but just so as I can sleep. It's a dead easy thing to do, and it's not like it's even a proper rationalisation that lets you use. You're genuinely doing it to sleep, but it always proved absolutely fatal in the end because I was incapable of keeping it to just one night. It set a pattern of use in place and then I was back on the road to a habit, all my best efforts undone. Try not to fall into that trap. Your sleep will naturally come good in time if you let it. If you really can't cope with not sleeping use anything but opiates ( benzos excluded. ) to help.
 
Larson0 said:
hows it goin? over the physical yet?
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Yeah, I probably would be if I didn't relapse... I hit the Codeine again the last few days, all because of my little slip up trying to get rid of my headache. That feeling, the feeling I had come so close to forgetting, hit me and grabbed me by the balls. I woke up the next morning knowing I was going to relapse and now I'm in a bad fucking spot. I'm craving like I've never craved before. For the first time in over a year, I was not just maintaining, but actually getting high and now the addict in me is absolutely manic. I bought more Loperamide to taper again and instead, took all 24mg at once... I'm anxious, I'm horribly weakened and now my previously trigger-free environment is triggering. It seems like all I can think about is scheming some way to get more as soon as I can. I was not like this before my relapse, not to this extent. I'm really fucking up here and I'm totally aware that I'm fucking up but it doesn't stop me. Every time this happens it seems to throw me further and further down the hole and climbing out is becoming harder and harder. It's like a bad dream where no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you struggle for something, you always just miss it.

I don't mean to sound self-loathing, in the end it was my decision to relapse and I need to receive the consequences. It's only the consequences that will; in turn, deter us in the future...
 
shady4091 said:
I've noticed the obsessively large amount of coffee I've been drinking since I quit the Codeine though. I can tell it's the addict in me craving any sort of substance. Before this, I never drank more than 2 cups a day. I'm drinking at least 6 now... And smoking like a motherfucker, but I attribute that to simple boredom.
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Be careful with the stimulants man; I've taken some since my withdrawal, and while they're not a problem for me, they lead me to crave downers.
And to be overly redundant, be careful not to trade addictions; coffee has withdrawal too--you get caffeine headaches.
 
Yeah, part of the reason I started drinking so much coffee was to avoid the caffeine headaches from the amount of caffeine in the codeine I'd been taking regularly. I'll think about quitting caffeine later, one substance at a time lol.
 
shady4091 said:
I'll think about quitting caffeine later, one substance at a time lol.
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I feel you man, I've cut out alcohol and benzos from my intake, but I also want to quit smoking...that definitely hasn't happened yet, and if anything i've actually been going through more cigs now. It's a long process...set achievable goals and follow through with it--baby steps right?
 
Get yourself some Niacin (Vitamin B3), it will make you flush but great for detox. Try to work up a sweat, goodluck!

shady4091 said:
Ugh fuck me... I had a huge fucking migraine an hour ago, so I grabbed all my old filters full of Aspirin and APAP from former CWE's, dumped them out, soaked the filters in water, and filtered that, desperate for a placebo affect, or maybe just enough Codeine to kill my headache. And now I'm high... I definitely did not expect that to work... Worse yet, I have no idea how much Codeine I actually got. It couldn't have been too much because I've tried the same thing before during my addiction and it didn't do anything. One step forward and two steps back. All I can do now is just hope this was an isolated incident and that it doesn't set me back too far... But now I've gotten a taste of it again, and it's tasty. Fuck...
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