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Sick, Twisted & Wrong Jokes - Part II

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^^^ argh god damn I would fly to the eastern states inorder to attend that meetup. I luv this thread I hope it never dies. :)

Cant remember if this one has been done but ...

What is the difference between a bitch and a slut?

A slut will sleep with everyone.
A bitch will sleep with everyone but you!

not really twisted but I like it.
 
A woman was seriously injured in a car accident that caused her to go into a coma. After months of treatment, she still showed no signs of recovery. One day the nurse was giving the lady a sponge bath. When the nurse wiped her pussy, the lady quivered. The nurse was excited. She ran into the doctor's office and informed him of the situation. The doctor took the sponge and wiped the lady's pussy and again she quivered.

Immediately the doctor called the lady's husband. When the husband arrived at the hospital, the doctor suggested to him, "Your wife is responding to stimuli. You may be able to bring her out of the coma. Try having oral sex with her. She may respond to your touch and your smell. She needs you." The husband was more than willing. He was however a little embarrassed about having oral sex in front of the doctor. The doctor suggested that he and the nurse would monitor the event from another room across the hall.

So the doctor hooked the lady up to several electrodes and he and the nurse went to the other room to monitor the session. After a while of watching the meters go beep.... beep.... beep...., the heart monitor flat lined. The lady had died. The doctor and nurse ran into the room and asked,
"What happened? Your wife is dead!!"
The husband replied, "I think she choked."

Ba Da Boom!
 
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
 
A girl came home from a date. Her mum had waited up for her, and when the girl walked in the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair.
"Sharon," she said, "you didn't tell me you were going to a wedding."
"I didn't mum," the daughter replied.
"I was giving a blowjob to this asian guy and he threw up on me."
 
A little girl is standing by the edge of a cliff crying her eyes out.
This man comes over and says, "What's wrong little girl?"
The little girl, still crying, just points over to the edge of the cliff. The man looks over the edge and sees a car with the little girl's parents mangled in the rocks below.
The man turns round and, undoing his zipper, says, "I guess it just isn't your lucky day"!!!



ok. i going now.
 
a little boy with terminal cancer was sitting in his lounge room, and his mum walks in...

she says to him "son, tomorrow is a very special day... if you pray really hard tonight, your cancer will be gone tomorrow"

so the little boy runs upstairs and starts praying by his bedside.... he prays until 4am, when he finally falls asleep, his little hands still in the praying position...

when he wakes up, his mother drives him to the doctor....

the doctor does a test and says "sorry, you still have cancer and are going to die"

the little boy looks up to his mum, tears welling in his eyes and says "but mum, you said if i prayed my cancer would be healed!"

his mum reaches down and ruffles the boys thinning hair and says:

"i know son....... APRIL FOOL!"
 
Duckboy said:
A girl came home from a date. Her mum had waited up for her, and when the girl walked in the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair.
"Sharon," she said, "you didn't tell me you were going to a wedding."
"I didn't mum," the daughter replied.
"I was giving a blowjob to this asian guy and he threw up on me."
Click to expand...


hahaahah that is ABSOLUTE gold..... I've gotta remember that :D
 
*memories of 2001 come FLOODING BACK*

/sigh
*crack knuckles*



Why do women get periods?

-Cos they deserve them.



Why do women have legs?

-So they dont leave snail-trails.



Do you know what "forced perspiration" is?

-Watching the beads of sweat roll down your Grandma's back while you stick your dick up her ass..


=K9=

________

"thank you, thank you..
i'm here til thursday, the veal has never been better.."
________
 
this one works better saying it, rather than typing it - but you get the idea at least.


Q: What is the best thing about fucking 68 year olds?

A: There is 60 of them!


=D
 
A little boy runs to his mother says "there's prawn hanging from granny's fanny. No replies his mother, that's her clitoris." Little boy says "fucking tastes like a prawn"
 
Q: Whats the best way to fuck a rabbit?

A: With a 12 gauge


Q) What is Making Love?

A) What women do while a guy fucks them.
 
not sure if i've already posted these or not

Q. Why can't Stevie Wonder read?

A. Because he's black


Q. What would you call the Brady Bunch if they were black?

A. Nigers



Sorry oh so wrong and distastefull.


Beech out

*Note: I do not support racist views but hey a joke like the above can work so well just for shock value when dropped in the right context.
 
beech said:
not sure if i've already posted these or not

Q. Why can't Stevie Wonder read?

A. Because he's black


Q. What would you call the Brady Bunch if they were black?

A. Nigers



Sorry oh so wrong and distastefull.


Beech out

*Note: I do not support racist views but hey a joke like the above can work so well just for shock value when dropped in the right context.
Click to expand...






hahahahahaha dude, I can't stop laughing....... that is awesome!


:D
 
eeeeek

While we r on the topic of disgusting racists sick jokes;

Q) What do you call a aboriginal lady with her legs behind her head?

A) A Red Back Spider
 
the children of thailand had been very naughty during 2004.... so, instead of giving them presents, santa just passed over them and gave them a big wave...
 
The Billabong Surf Classic was won in a controversial manner this week by an Indonesian on a wardrobe.


Q) Why are there so many sharks stricken with Diarrhea?

A) They've been eating Thai all week.


They don't sell dishwashers in Indonesia any more. They've started washing up on the beach instead.
 
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