• 🇳🇿 🇲🇲 🇯🇵 🇨🇳 🇦🇺 🇦🇶 🇮🇳
    Australian & Asian
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • AADD Moderators: andyturbo

Sick, Twisted & Wrong Jokes - Part II

Status
Not open for further replies.
Popavich, I'm pissing myself laughing here =D



A woman with huge breasts was out for a walk when she was jumped by a man holding a gun. When he motioned for her to take off her blouse, she warned him he'd regret it, but he insisted. Next he made her take her bra off, and when a giant set of tits popped into view he began to get incredibly excited. "Take your skirt off," he demanded, ignoring her warnings that he leave off. So, off came the skirt, and then the panties, revealing an equally huge pussy, green and slimy and swarming with bugs. Shocked and repelled, he stepped back and dropped the gun to the ground. Grabbing the gun, the woman pointed it at him, smiled broadly, and commanded, "Eat Me."
 
Duckboy I take that as a compliment, thankyou, I'm blushing here.

Heres one for all the married folk out there:

A man walked into his house with a duck under his arm and said "This is the pig I've been shagging". His wife turned round and said "you idiot, that's not a pig, it's a duck!" Man says "I was talking to the duck!"


Beech out
 
This guy goes into a whore house and says he wants the best blowjob he can get for $100. The madam says go to the room take off all your clothes and we will be with you as soon as possible.

So he goes to the room and takes off all of his clothes and a few minutes later a fine hooker comes in the room. She gives him a blowjob and he busts a nut and then she reaches under the bed and pulls out a jar and spits in it. He says will you do that again if I give you another $100.

She says sure. He gives her another $100 and she gives him another blowjob and he busts even a bigger nut this time. She pulls out the jar again and spits in it. He asks what the jar was for and she says "I have a bet with the girl across the hall whoever fills up their jar first gets to drink them both".
 
Q: What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
A: Full

Q: What do you do when you see a screaming baby with half it's head missing?
A: Stop laughing and reload

Q: Whats the best thing about fucking a 4 year old?
A: Hearing the pelvis snap

Q: What the second best thing about fucking a 4 year old?
A: Watching her try and walk home afterwoods

Q: What did the guy at the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Do you mind? You're in my son!
 
hahahahaha, them jokes are golden!

not sure if this has been said or not, but here goes,


Q: What do you do after you've finished fucking a 4 year old girl?

A: Flip her over and pretend she's a 5 year old boy!
 
Brilliant Pop Popavich. Looks like I have some competition for the title of sickest prick on here that Duckboy suggests I hold. Keep the gold coming Pop its great.



Beech out
 
Why don't new zealand cricket fans take their wives to the match?
Cause they jump the fence and eat the grass.


What do you call the operation when a female becomes a male?

A strappadicktome.
 
The Pope was touring Australia and took out a couple of days from his
itinerary to visit the northern tropics and the outback. Deep into his
visit, his 4WD Popemobile was driving alongside a river, when he heard
some splashing up ahead. As he drew close, the Pope observed in the
river, an Aboriginal man struggling frantically with a crocodile, who had
grasped the poor guy in its powerful jaws.
At that moment, from around the river bend, a speedboat roared into view,
containing three white Australians.
As the speedboat neared the struggling figure, the first Aussie took aim and fired a harpoon into the crocodiles hide.
Then the other two Aussies pulled the man from the jaws of the crocodile and using long clubs, beat the crocodile to death. They bundled the
semi-conscious man onto the speedboat, as well as the dead croc and then
approached the river-bank.
The Pope was impressed by what he had witnessed, so he went up to greet them. He said "I give you my blessings for your brave actions. I had
heard that there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide
Australia's community - but now I can see that your society is a truly
enlightened example of racial harmony and could serve as a model for other nations to follow."
As the Popemobile drove off, the first Aussie asked the others: "Who was
that?"
The second answered: "That was his holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom."
First Aussie: "Well, he knows bugger-all about crocodile hunting! What
condition is the bait in?"

Q)What do you call an aboriginal in a suit?
A) The Defendant

A leper goes into a Mexican restaurant and says: "I'll have a taco combination plate -- and you'd better make it to go."
The waitress, realizing that the leper is embarrassed by his appearance, says compassionately: "Sir, you're very welcome here. Why don't you sit down and eat here?"
So the leper sits down and when his food comes and he begins to eat, a piece of his earlobe falls into his plate. He hears guests gagging and says to the waitress: "look, I think you'd better just box this food up so I can eat it at home."
"Nonsense," says the waitress. "I won't hear of it."
So he takes a few more bites, and a piece of his nose falls off. More gagging from the patrons. "Look," he says, "I'm making people gag. Please, just box this up for me."
"Sir," says the waitress, "it's not you who's making these people gag. The lady behind you has been dipping tortilla chips in the back of your neck!"

Q) What's black and tan and looks good on a baby?
A) A Rottweiller
 
And one more time just for you sicko's who seem to like the baby jokes ;)

Q: What do you get whan you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
A: Deep Throat.

Q. How do you make a dead baby float?
A. One mug of root beer, two scoops of dead baby.

Q: Why should you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face.

Q: What do you call a dead baby nailed to the wall?
A: Art.

Q: Whats the best thing about a dead baby?
A: No more child support.

Q: What do you call a 20 week old aborted foetus?
A: An appetiser.

Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.

OK, I think I'm just about done for now.... as long as everyone is suitably offended? %)
 
Right, so Pop's told all my dead baby jokes, so I'm only left with my sickest joke of all...

Q: What's red, sticky and crawls up your leg?

A: A homesick abortion

...please dont hate me!
 
hahahahaha oh my, I can't stop laughing at these jokes!!


not sure if this ones been said before,


Q:What's funnier than a dead baby?

A: A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.


Q:What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?

A: When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
 
Last edited:
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!

How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips!!!

Why didn't they crucify baby Jesus?
I don't know why they didn't either.

What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.

How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
4 1/2.
 
/\ /\ /\ /\

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a bucket?
one dead baby in 100 buckets.


And Smiley.... you are SICK. you're not allowed to come to melbourne. ever. again.
 
People people please read through the previous few pages, most of these jokes have been done before (mainly by me!! ;) ). Come up with some fresh material.


I think a meetup at a pub of the posters in this thread would be brilliant. I couldn't imagine anything better.......except for maybe a bucket of dead babies and a straw.



Beech out
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top