Shyness vs alpha behaviour (why don't people reflect themselves?)

[dopamimetic]

This will be difficult to put into words and it won't bring me sympathy points. I am just now in a hostel and once again notice stark differencies between the genders which remember me of old thought questions and theories. Let's oversimplificate it, men tend to be loud, extroverted, maybe reckless, have high self esteem and care less about others. Not everybody and not always but as said, it's a tendency. Girls tend to be more shy and less noisy, more wary, but many care similarly little about others that are different. Now the shizo part, many will openly condemn the alpha* male behaviour but the more they do, the more they fall for exact the same men. And find thoightful men unattractive usually, even if they are similar. Suppressed feelings?

* real leaders don't need this sort of behaviour but that's another topic

I just struggle with that, I've internalized the concept of treat others like I want to be treated and it feels shizo how the majority of society behaves. I had very few male friends (being a guy) and most of these relations were difficult. With women too but out of different reasons. With the guys it's just that I don't like their behaviour, mindset and acting usually. With the girls it's subjective preconceptions and weird shit. They like me and let me down for the exact same treats.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

You can be shy and alpha. I know many good leaders who dont talk too much but are good at what they do.

 

[Jabberwocky]

You bring forward many thoughts, some hard to follow. What do you mean when you ask "why don't people reflect themselves"? I'll try to throw up a thought but I'm largely confused.

IME most "alpha" men don't really try to one-up or dominate conversation. They merely carry themselves in a way that says, "You do you, because I'm doing me and loving it".

Women like people like this, and most are smart enough to realize it's not the one who's loudest or most reckless or emotionless. Some just want the one who "plays the part" the best, for a good fuck maybe, but if they're trying to look long term they most often can see right through men.

 

[Shady's Fox]

He's over-thinkin, that's all. I don't see anything else but a generic senseless train thought.

 

[dopamimetic]

How to stop overthinking without thinking even more? I've been struggling with this for as long as I can remember. It's good for tech and science but fucking awkward socially.

Sorry, I'm not a native English speaker, you got the point about real and pretending leaders. The problem are weak personalities following other weak ones and letting their own kind down. I'm oversensitive emotionally too but don't see it as weak in nature, just I don't cope well with it and analyze too much, an even more toxic mixture?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Just pretend you're sleeping.

 

[Jabberwocky]

The problem are weak personalities following other weak ones and letting their own kind down.

This is why we need a litmus test for the entire population.

But what is weak?

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

The problem are weak personalities following other weak ones and letting their own kind down.

Like the people who came in groups to start a fight with me cause I had made their girl laugh

 

[dopamimetic]

Yeah, this sort of personality. It's more common and widespread as many think or believe, throughout strong characters are a minority. Couple it with oversensibility, past scars and impulsivity and you don't need no atom bombs...

 

[CFC]

many will openly condemn the alpha* male behaviour but the more they do, the more they fall for exact the same men. And find thoightful men unattractive usually, even if they are similar.

I think this is fairly normal. I'm very physically/sexually attracted to certain types of people that are almost certain to be useless and a disappointment to me in practically every other facet of their lives. IME a person usually has to experience a fair few of these crushing disappointments before they finally feel able to desire (and fall for) a different type.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Yeah, this sort of personality. It's more common and widespread as many think or believe,

Exactly that type of personality has always had an problem with me. Im not completely sure what it is about me that particularly triggers them or has them "establishing dominance" in ape ways.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Im not completely sure what it is about me that particularly triggers them or has them "establishing dominance" in ape ways.

They are acting on their feelings which seem to be insecurity with women or something.

 

[dopamimetic]

Exactly that type of personality has always had an problem with me. Im not completely sure what it is about me that particularly triggers them or has them "establishing dominance" in ape ways.

Guess it is their own suppressed feeling/belief of being insufficient but I dunno for sure. I am too conscious about all these feelings, others are the opposite.

This creates weird phenomenon, projection and retroprojection and in swarms control's quickly out for lunch?

This I wanted refer to in the title with 'not reflecting'.

Just the fact that people begin to fight because of something like this tells me that I am just overly reflected but my sensitivity is maybe average or slightly above but not stratospheric. Otherwise people would give a fuck and I had less problems either.

 

[CFC]

(1) People are often insecure and overreact to perceived or imagined sleights/insults/issues as a result
(2) Men have some degree of algorithm evolved to make them fight off potential male competitors

That seems to account for both described 'alpha' behaviours in the thread so far.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Just when i thought i couldn't get any more confused, lol.

But dopa i think projecting is natural for people who have insecurities which is everyone. But as one ages, IME, i have cared less about my insecurities. In age that is.

 

[Jabberwocky]

You bring forward many thoughts, some hard to follow. What do you mean when you ask "why don't people reflect themselves"? I'll try to throw up a thought but I'm largely confused.

IME most "alpha" men don't really try to one-up or dominate conversation. They merely carry themselves in a way that says, "You do you, because I'm doing me and loving it".

Women like people like this, and most are smart enough to realize it's not the one who's loudest or most reckless or emotionless. Some just want the one who "plays the part" the best, for a good fuck maybe, but if they're trying to look long term they most often can see right through men.

Im sure they are plenty smart, but the fact remains if they could see through men, they wouldn't be bitching about finding a good man to her friends, and facebook statuses.. that being said, i think most girls do know what they are getting with a certain man before they begin dating

 

[Shady's Fox]

 

[dopamimetic]

Just that I have both features in almost equal strength depending on certain neurotransmitters and they are constantly fighting.

When I'm high and alone I like my personality or at least think it's not bad and I could make much out of these basics. In theory others often agree (or deny but talk the same about themselves or people they admire/like). But as soon as reality is involved, things go haywire. I get criticized for being 'soft', and at the same time presumptous. For being 'weak' but the reaction only makes sense if I see it as them feeling subconsciously assaulted, feared or estranged. To be let down because of showing/mirroring the very same behaviours they do. I try to realize when it's me and this again is weak or weakens me. But when I turn it similarly around, it's provocation.

I get that part is indeed insecurity and low self esteem, as my experiences while dissociated proved (dissos inhibit most of the acquired reflex responses) but the bigger thing is cliches. I have much more social success in dissoverse or hypomania but when talking theoretically, they attack the same traits and pretend to like the shy, introverted me more yet would have stood far away from in reality). Conclusion out of countless first hand experiences.

 

[CFC]

Just that I have both features in almost equal strength depending on certain neurotransmitters and they are constantly fighting.

When I'm high and alone I like my personality or at least think it's not bad and I could make much out of these basics. In theory others often agree (or deny but talk the same about themselves or people they admire/like). But as soon as reality is involved, things go haywire. I get criticized for being 'soft', and at the same time presumptous. For being 'weak' but the reaction only makes sense if I see it as them feeling subconsciously assaulted, feared or estranged. To be let down because of showing/mirroring the very same behaviours they do. I try to realize when it's me and this again is weak or weakens me. But when I turn it similarly around, it's provocation.

I get that part is indeed insecurity and low self esteem, as my experiences while dissociated proved (dissos inhibit most of the acquired reflex responses) but the bigger thing is cliches. The same person liking the hypomanic me but criticizing me for it, or for the shy me, and the other way round. I have much more social success in dissoverse or hypomania but when talking theoretically, they attack the same traits and pretend to like more the shy, introverted me they would have stood away from in reality).

Self-acceptance is hard work, yes. I think it's a contant battle for most people. It probably wouldn't be if we could exist in a totally isolated bubble, but when confronted with the rest of society, it triggers all sorts of thoughts and feelings.

 

[Gormur]

You can't be too alpha. I've even gone below alpha, down to delta. It's simply about how you present yourself

This involves confidence. That takes practice, but not too much. You get the feel for it very quickly

The mistake people make is talking too much to cover their ass. Read the situation and calibrate. It's easy once you mess up a few times, you won't care anymore

That's how you read others. Body language

I bet you could break it down into a science. I never could even though I learned how to talk to strangers in about a year