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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Should i just kill myself ?

Brother, no matter how hard you have it, theres always someone else with a worse situation than yours. Killing yourself should be the very last thing in anybody's mind. Do you really want your family to go through what you're talking about? Come on man, be strong, and always have faith. Things WILL get better if you have faith. With the man above, anything is possible.
 
live. theres people in far worse situations. but up to you, your life, if you wanna end it then so be it
 
Well, if nothing else - use us to become more comfortable with the true underlying issue so that the healthcare professional will be easier to talk to. We're anonymous through a computer screen, and are only here to support you.

So to say - anyone that is going to be able to help you, needs to know what they're treating. If it's that hard to talk about that you can't yet tell people you don't know on the internet, I personally wouldn't be able to tell any psych in person, ever (granted that's just me, and you may find it easier, but you'd be in the minority there).

So, if you don't mind telling the tale (and no, you're not going to get a "tl;dr sparknotes plz?" response here, we really DO want to help you, or at least help you help yourself), I'm interested in hearing what's happened. I may not have personally experienced anything as bad as what you're keeping inside you, but I know that the tough stuff doesn't just go away...
 
Pjkt2501 said:
Well, if nothing else - use us to become more comfortable with the true underlying issue so that the healthcare professional will be easier to talk to. We're anonymous through a computer screen, and are only here to support you.

So to say - anyone that is going to be able to help you, needs to know what they're treating. If it's that hard to talk about that you can't yet tell people you don't know on the internet, I personally wouldn't be able to tell any psych in person, ever (granted that's just me, and you may find it easier, but you'd be in the minority there).

So, if you don't mind telling the tale (and no, you're not going to get a "tl;dr sparknotes plz?" response here, we really DO want to help you, or at least help you help yourself), I'm interested in hearing what's happened. I may not have personally experienced anything as bad as what you're keeping inside you, but I know that the tough stuff doesn't just go away...
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In a nutshell thats what it is. But na i can tell the healthcare professional no problem the issue then becomes something else, theres always another fuckin issue.....you know i think im going crazy.
 
Wellyou know I cant and nbobody else can tell you that the best Idea is jsut to go kill your self. I have stong anxity problems from abusing DXM am I wineing like a little kid? NO! Learn to live with the pills. And it is true theirs so much more to life your only looking at one aspect. So what you have to take those treat thewm as Ibprofins or asprins and only use them if you feel anxious again.

Sorry I said iot that way but I have thought of killing my self before and the only way to egt since into me was someone to tell me how stupid the idea actually really was. Lok if your killing your self your not onlöy hurting your self your hurting your famly causing post tramtic expirences your hurting the people whoo will find you dead and your hurting all your frineds. Come on man fuck pills if you need them and only if you need them take them. If they let you funktion like a mperson take them. Youll be fine :)
 
I know how you feel, honestly! Everyday it's a new struggle to add to the ones you still haven't figured out. But it CAN get better, honestly.
I went from 19 rx'd meds, includin benzos, to 4 recently. Not countin all my doc's. I still have days where I think fuck man, if only I had a gun but then what? Take the coward way out and fuck everyone who cares about me? Fuck what they gotta go thru?
Therapy, seriously. You are NOT gonna shock a reputable counselor. You can't imagine what they've heard.
Check out the book called "A boy named it". I can't read it. The mother called her oldest son it and just one example made him, at the age of I believe 6 yrs old, "clean" his baby brother's shit filled diaper by eatin it. Talk bout havin fuckin issues! But this boy became a man, went to therapy, wrote a best sellin book and has become, surprisngly, a rounded productive human bein. Surely you can't be worse off than him?
I'm not tryin to downplay how you feel but just lettin you know you can get thru it!
I've od'd and when I woke up to see my family & kids and hell even my ex husband I realized it's not just a choice I should be allowed to make. It hurts those I truly love. It'll hurt those you truly love.
Best of luck to you!
 
Dude I'm right there with you minus the medication part. I went through a nasty opiate addiction trying to "self-medicate" my social anxiety and depression which obviously didn't work out and I had to cut that shit out of my life. Ever since I've gotten clean, life has been pretty hard to deal with. Every day I wake up I'm riddled with anxiety and depression and it is literally a task to "pump myself up" and get somewhat positive enough to get through the day. It's bullshit and no one deserves to live like this, but this is what happens to you when you screw around with drugs. For me, it was psychedelics that brought out my anxiety and other issues and I'm currently working on my bad trips with a therapist who has experience in that field. She is great and I got super lucky that I have a therapist that is not only open to the idea of drug use but has also taken psychedelics herself. But in your case, I would say to just keep trying to pump yourself up EVERY DAY. Right when you wake up, tell yourself three things that you are grateful for in that day and tell yourself three things that you like about yourself. That second one is the hardest for me as I feel weird finding things I like about myself (which shows how low my self-esteem is, right? lol).

I think the main thing you have to do is drop the meds, though. I know you probably feel like you would absolutely not be able to live without them, but the meds are probably what is causing you to be more depressed than you normally would be. Talk to your doctor who prescribes them for you and tell them that you want to taper down very slowly, so slow that you will hardly feel any difference between doses. Taking these meds aren't going to help you work through your problems, facing your problems will help.

I have PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, both caused by a few bad trips I had on psychedelics. My life is no walk in the park and I've contemplated suicide on multiple occasions, even going as far as deciding how I would do it. But in the end, you have to think about your loved ones who would be DESTROYED if you took your own life, and who would probably never recover from such a trauma.

Sorry if I sounded preachy in my post but I just really want to help you man.
 
OP, I agree with Pjkt2501 that coming out with what is making you feel unbalanced and despairing would be very therapeutic for you.I have recently experienced a trauma that pretty much knocks me off my feet on a daily basis. It helps me to discuss it here (aspects that are most troubling) but also to write about it and talk about it in real life--the more out in the open it is the better, IMO.

I know that the memory of the experience itself can be compounded daily by the fear that you will always feel this vulnerable. What is helping me immensely is to practice bringing myself back into the present moment when my mind just loops back to the past event and then catapults into the future worrying that I will be stuck here forever.

BTW, it may be useful to say that the traumatic event I am speaking of is my son's death from a drug overdose. He, too, felt trapped by addiction and that his mental health issues were insurmountable. I hope that you will know that even though you feel discouraged that your life is fixable, that everything and anything can change and that the inner changes you make ripple out and make everything easier on the outside. I think tapering off the benzos would help you. I have learned so many adaptations that really make my anxiety manageable over my life--there is lots out there that is non-drug. <3
 
I question suicide on a daily basis. My parents tell me to kill myself all of the time, so I have their blessing. I know ppl have lives worse than me, but to me thats irrelevant, it's about how I feel.

Basically I have been an opiate addict for 10 years and if I stop opiates I feel paralyzed and miserable. only occasional mxe use seems to help, but that it a huge no-no bc my parents hate it and control my life. The fact is is that I could be a normal functional healthy-ish, moral, productive member of society if being addicted to opiates was socially accepted. My parents and sober friends would rather me be on suboxone or methodone (both that i get bad interactions from), a host of antipsychotics, benzos, ambien, clonidine, muscle and nerve pain meds instead of one opiate or an occasional dose of mxe. This does not seem rational to me. My mom got me a dog so if she catches me doing something she doesnt agree with she could hit the dog -how fucked up and evil.

She has cancer and never fails to blame it on me daily. I have done everything perfectly - great grades, did sports, writer, played many instruments, art, debate, president of many clubs, ivy school, 2 masters, great jobs, now I work w my dad and take care of my mom and the house, and no matter what I still am a failure in their eyes. they dont know the first thing about my interests and if I protest I still get hit (I'm 35). I have no privacy, and am monitored all the time.

I dont know if u have some deeper issues u arent sharing but if the medication is working for u then consider it like food, and who knows how things will change, u may start to lose ur taste for them. I agree w talking to a therapist, one whom u click with. and exercising, taking vitamin D3 (from sunlight), omega 3 or 6 ( the good one). and maybe having an creative outlet like music, dance, art, gardening, writing. Do u have a dream, no matter how unrealistic others may tell u it is? if so, pursue it. Like living elsewhere. I have always told myself that I would running away before killing myself, not matter how much my parents pressure me to
(and Id have no guilt stealing to give myself one last shot at happiness).

I hope I didnt hijack ur thread, OP.Pls forgive me.

U are always welcome to PM me.
 
I've lost several friends to suicide. It fucking hurts! I had no idea how much they were hurting. Nothing I could do to "save" them, as much as I'd like to think of myself as a having any control over their lives.

However, I've never known a person - friends, relatives, etc., who thought, "Ya know....I'm glad "so and so" offed himself, what a relief! We can finally be happy now!" That just doesn't happen. I have to keep reminding myself of that every time I get the suicide fantasy.

I can't make the decision for you as to whether you kill yourself or not, but I can suggest you continue to live.

edit: I, too, am bat-shit crazy, but through much trial and error my doctor and I have finally found a cocktail that takes the edge off the crazy.
 
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neutrophilis said:
Im perscribed 28 x 20mg temazepam - 28 x 0.5mg clonazepam - 28 lorazepam. This is a 14 day period of scripts. This is what it takes for me to function relatively comfortably. Surely i should just fcukin give up with this. I gots to be eating these for the rest of my life ? Im gonna be fcuked without them trust me, i got issues that dont need explaining that means i need these meds. Fcuk it like, cant work, social freak cos im such a anxious person. Its an honest question and im not looking for none of that "oh no dont kill yourself theres more to life" Im asking a serious question if you had the choice to live knowing you gonna have to be medicated for the rest of your life or logically leave the world and make life easier on planet earth, yeh, fcukin over populated as it is.
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I'd man up and face whatever it is that's bothering you so much head on, without pills. If you're already going to kill yourself, you might as well try this first, no? What do you have to lose again?

You're going to need medical supervision for detox off those benzos though. You CAN die from that alone, but I wouldn't freak out over that part. It's really hard, but not impossible. I've done it.
 
DexterMeth said:
I'd man up and face whatever it is that's bothering you so much head on, without pills. If you're already going to kill yourself, you might as well try this first, no? What do you have to lose again?

You're going to need medical supervision for detox off those benzos though. You CAN die from that alone, but I wouldn't freak out over that part. It's really hard, but not impossible. I've done it.
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Dam right man. As ive said i have the appoinments im seeing my doc on the reg she knows me pretty well now (tried it on a few times lol) so ive manned up in my eyes, so been thinkin what could be beneficial for me and i think im going to see if i can get into some supported housing kinda thing. Its like i NEED genuine help to be able to genuinely help myself, im truly incapable. This idea gives me a lil hope and where im at now in terms of housing at the beggining they offered me a real nice shltered/supported housing place to live, they knew. I was not mentally willing at that stage, that was about 4 years ago and i didnt give a fuck i was still vibin on wuteva i could like.
 
gmanyo said:
If you're in a crisis, call 911, or your respective emergency number. Us internet unprofessionals can only do so much, and we might end up making the situation worse since we don't necessarily know what we're doing.

Best of luck, man. Sorry things are shit.
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lol :) i refuse to dial 911 because i fcuked myself up by taking too many drugs. Can you even imagine ? This is my 911 call :)
 
muvolution said:
Only the weak-minded take the easy way out.
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I disagree, I think it's not the easy way out at all and to do it takes courage if it's been thought through and is not just a rash emotional reaction but a calculated personal decision.

To make such a sweeping generalization is just too simple, individuals are a lot more diverse and complicated, what about terminally ill patients who choose euthanasia over prolonged pain and suffering for example.
 
man find something in live that will drive u to live..even the smallest thing...i had a rope around my neck once and it broke..and the things that happened after in my live makes me glad that it went that way...im more fucked up now then ever but have that one thing in my live that i cant give up on..even well i wonder sometime if its better off with out me or not...been in my head alot...but this has kept me going for over 7 years now...so dont give up..tryt to find something
 
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