Shooting Up Crystal Meth?

[ThatSpaceyKid]

I am to a point where I don't get high just a normal feeling. I have shot up in the past but that was H... But what would be the direct risk of shooting up Crystal Meth. Could it increase your risk of heart attack or stroke?...

I think if someone could convince me how horrible it is I would resist. I just am lost and thinking about trying it... But I have been avoiding putting anything off the street into my veins...

Any personal experiences? Mostly that resulted in a negative outcome...

 

[Ruby Slippers]

Think of what's made out of...and then think of your delicate veinous tissues. Please don't.

 

[wezface]

^That.

I have done it, and it really wasn't a terribly pleasant experience for me. I've seen so many people who were going to try it "just once" and five days later, meth psychosis sets in and they're panicking. I've seen people destroy their bodies. Meth is caustic and it will screw up your body, your mind, and your future. Totally not worth it.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Don't do it. It will ruin your health both mentally and physically, and your life.

 

[beniceman]

Even the utmost purity will getyoou deep into crazy binging. It took me 3 years to quit. Never again. Or maybe if I got terminal cancer or something. Honest advice: DO NOT DO IT, especially if you don't have highest, and I mean Heizenberg grade. It slowly kills you from the inside, but you won't even realize because your gonna be a total nutjob after a while. You will become a different person. Not a pleasent one.

 

[SixBuckets]

As well as increasing your risk of heart attack and stroke, crystal meth is a hardcore vasoconstricter and generally not good for your veins at all. If you're planning on injecting other drugs again in the future, it's not advisable to start shooting up meth, as you may end up one of those poor blighters digging around in their crotch to find their last usable vein.

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

2 years later..... I've found friends it doesn't matter. I was damned from the moment I first hit meth. I have been IV daily since October 2016 after rehab... Went from 10cc shots once in a while to 40cc -50cc of just meth and combine it all with 10 - 20 cc of water...No longer do Heroin been a long time. Smoke weed daily.. But am tormented by meth all the time because it's become my everything and anything. This is probably just my depressed meth head talking.. But heck it's torture yet it's life. But... death would be so amazing. Just a release of it all. No more pains. No more killing myself as the days go by with drugs pending a sad lonely death..... No more being addicted...

 

[SKL]

That is distressing to hear, but not an uncommon story. Needless to say, I'd encourage you to knock off the MA, but also in strong terms to stop the weed, it is not a good mixture and will make you more prone to both psychosis and depression, although many people take it to "ease the comedown" it's really only blunting it and long term is not good for your mental health especially combined with drugs like MA which already have serious psychotomimetic properties.

I hope you are taking good care of your veins, rotating sites, using fresh needles, etc. I'm not quite sure what you mean by 40-50 "cc" of meth, and I assume by "cc" you mean the units on a usual insulin syringe (which are actually 1/100ths of a cc) but that is a common mistake in how people talk about IV'ing drugs; but it's a liquid measure, not a measure of weight. Hope you are not filling the syringe with actual MA and then shaking it up, I understand this to be a practice among some MA users (but pretty much unheard o in junkies which is the world I've come from; I've only had MA a few times and it was the real deal, 99%+ pure, etc., I know this for a fact for the reasons you would probably assume; and yes, I did IV, and yes, it was incredible, but fortunately, it was only a small batch so I never really did seriously fall for the drug.) But you have to be filtering your drugs.

You said before that you were hesitant about shooting anything from the streets. Now you're doing it daily. It's pretty amazing that you have here a record of your thoughts from two years ago versus your lifestyle and feelings now. It should tell you something.

I'll tell you something, too, either on or off meth right now, you are not a good place to be making objective, long-term decisions; on, because of the messiah-manic-euphoric-sex-god-light complex; off, because you're on a comedown, a crash. Suicide is the ultimate objective, (infinitely) long-term decision. Think of however many years you have lived outside of this cycle, even if other drugs were involved, and think of your perspective now. It has changed. But your ability to make decisions has not. Yes, one of those decisions is suicide, as it always is (if you've read Camus, it is one of the fundamental decisions that informs our humanity, because we have the choice to end "it," there is an "it"), and the "it" is worth preserving, at least until you can come to a place of objective decision. But it's the weak man's route.

Whether you decide to quit, or to persevere in using, you are going to be in a dark place, for a while, for a finite amount of time, it takes some real bravery to go through that. That's the strong man's route; you make your decision and you live with your consequences, but you live with them, and experience them, for if nothing else, it will be an experience.

So I'd ask you to take care of yourself, if you're shooting up, to do a better job in doing it safely; if you're ready, quit, and consider doing so in a facility of some sorts. Most rehabs and 12-step programs are bullshit but if nothing else they are a group of people around you who know what's up. And what's up for you right now is a bad state of mind, a bad subjectivity, so it's not time to make any decisions. Remember that. If you feel that the weak man inside of you is going to give up on life, then it's up to the strong man outside you to seek help, even if that means walking into the E.R. and a few days on the psych ward. You need some controlled intake of some drugs that are going to counter what you're going through and some controlled space, some space to regain control. Remember that.

You may consider posting in the Dark Side forum, or if you'd like, we can move your thread over there. There you will find a community more centered on these kinds of needs.

Warm Regards and Prayers,
SomeKindaLove (the possibilities are endless)

This post or any of my communications do not constitute professional advice nor do they establish a professional relationship of any kind; I make no claim to any specific professional credentials; in person consultation is essential for any medical, psychological, substance-related or harm reduction decisions. While peer support an advice can be helpful, any content posted online, regardless of it's source, cannot, by it's very nature, substitute for an in-person relationship with a clinician who has had the opportunity to take your history in the larger context and provide professional advice with all these factors, and others, taken into account.

 

[r0bz1ll4]

yeah not worth it in the long run. or even fairly short run. the best thing I can say about it was when I prolly did way too much but I immediately HAD to strip down and pleasure myself. And it didn't take long, incredible incredible orgasm. Never got it like that again but yeah.... THAT time it was worth it. Coke or really any other stim I can't get it up for shit but meth definitely has a sex component. Generally it makes you last forever... but that one good IV it was like a dozen nuts all at once. Quality and quantity. But never got there again and tbh... it was just masturbation. It prolly wouldn't have been enjoyable to a partner. But do your homework on what you're getting off the street. Lye for one thing... NaOH- and even that's just the drain cleaner garbage that doesn't have to be pure. Hell it's just poison, who cares if it has a lil extra poison? And nobody takes pride in their product these days to make a good "Heisenberg" product. They whip the crap up in a couple hours, any and everywhere. Walkin down the street even. I mean I love chemistry, but breaking bad did make some good points. There's cooks and there's the occasional chef. If you know one of the latter you don't admit it, or soon they go away. Then all you got is burgers instead of steak.

Sorry to ramble but point is crystal is bad enough; crank is just crappy meth; ice is GOOD stuff. If you were to put something in your vein... i'd make damn sure it was a chef's cuisine, not mcdonalds.

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

That is distressing to hear, but not an uncommon story. Needless to say, I'd encourage you to knock off the MA, but also in strong terms to stop the weed, it is not a good mixture and will make you more prone to both psychosis and depression, although many people take it to "ease the comedown" it's really only blunting it and long term is not good for your mental health especially combined with drugs like MA which already have serious psychotomimetic properties.

I hope you are taking good care of your veins, rotating sites, using fresh needles, etc. I'm not quite sure what you mean by 40-50 "cc" of meth, and I assume by "cc" you mean the units on a usual insulin syringe (which are actually 1/100ths of a cc) but that is a common mistake in how people talk about IV'ing drugs; but it's a liquid measure, not a measure of weight. Hope you are not filling the syringe with actual MA and then shaking it up, I understand this to be a practice among some MA users (but pretty much unheard o in junkies which is the world I've come from; I've only had MA a few times and it was the real deal, 99%+ pure, etc., I know this for a fact for the reasons you would probably assume; and yes, I did IV, and yes, it was incredible, but fortunately, it was only a small batch so I never really did seriously fall for the drug.) But you have to be filtering your drugs.

You said before that you were hesitant about shooting anything from the streets. Now you're doing it daily. It's pretty amazing that you have here a record of your thoughts from two years ago versus your lifestyle and feelings now. It should tell you something.

I'll tell you something, too, either on or off meth right now, you are not a good place to be making objective, long-term decisions; on, because of the messiah-manic-euphoric-sex-god-light complex; off, because you're on a comedown, a crash. Suicide is the ultimate objective, (infinitely) long-term decision. Think of however many years you have lived outside of this cycle, even if other drugs were involved, and think of your perspective now. It has changed. But your ability to make decisions has not. Yes, one of those decisions is suicide, as it always is (if you've read Camus, it is one of the fundamental decisions that informs our humanity, because we have the choice to end "it," there is an "it"), and the "it" is worth preserving, at least until you can come to a place of objective decision. But it's the weak man's route.

Whether you decide to quit, or to persevere in using, you are going to be in a dark place, for a while, for a finite amount of time, it takes some real bravery to go through that. That's the strong man's route; you make your decision and you live with your consequences, but you live with them, and experience them, for if nothing else, it will be an experience.

So I'd ask you to take care of yourself, if you're shooting up, to do a better job in doing it safely; if you're ready, quit, and consider doing so in a facility of some sorts. Most rehabs and 12-step programs are bullshit but if nothing else they are a group of people around you who know what's up. And what's up for you right now is a bad state of mind, a bad subjectivity, so it's not time to make any decisions. Remember that. If you feel that the weak man inside of you is going to give up on life, then it's up to the strong man outside you to seek help, even if that means walking into the E.R. and a few days on the psych ward. You need some controlled intake of some drugs that are going to counter what you're going through and some controlled space, some space to regain control. Remember that.

You may consider posting in the Dark Side forum, or if you'd like, we can move your thread over there. There you will find a community more centered on these kinds of needs.

Warm Regards and Prayers,
SomeKindaLove (the possibilities are endless)

This post or any of my communications do not constitute professional advice nor do they establish a professional relationship of any kind; I make no claim to any specific professional credentials; in person consultation is essential for any medical, psychological, substance-related or harm reduction decisions. While peer support an advice can be helpful, any content posted online, regardless of it's source, cannot, by it's very nature, substitute for an in-person relationship with a clinician who has had the opportunity to take your history in the larger context and provide professional advice with all these factors, and others, taken into account.

My friend... I never said I was suicidial. Just stating that deaths the only way out it seems like because I'm suffering right now and have always been and I see all my peers dying or trading everything for meth . You don't understand completely. I have PTSD, Clinical Depression, ADHD. Dual Diagnosis. No not drug induced. You know. Just trying to feel okay. However, due to meths and my history together they will not prescribe me anything effective and insist on Anti-depressants... I am actually very functional and very well aware of everything around me. Especially these days. CC what ever or mL..... Regardless.... As far as the mental ward your crazy.... Rehab was worthless to be honest... But note this is am 20... Been using meth and Heroin for 4 years now and no not what you probably think... Started at 14 with opiates and booze.. Went to Heroin at 15... then from then on here we are. Has Just gotten worse. I am not crazy. I am just a sick man with a broken heart and a need to escape with meth. Meth is special to me . Depression isn't a problem. Been living with that my whole life. Went through this and still am by myself. It's different when you got no one. But when everyone has just left you or hurt you or was never there... Understand... Clinical Depression kills some people emotionally and takes their life and it's torture. I survived .... Only reason meth was different is because I am incapable of feeling happy , proud of myself, like I matter, love and affection, or confident and outgoing.... Can go weeks without others around. Months without affection . I've gone years in my head all alone with those dark depressing self hating thoughts... Have lots of family, but they don't care and are part of the issue. Or just imagine being so damn depressed (Sad, angry, hateful, irritable, miserable, euphoric, feeling worthless, and full of anxiety. Forget the doctors. They are worthless. I know anti depressants help. But they cause me to become rage full and black outs hostility and emotional breakdowns. Antisychotics didn't work because I not psychotic. Crystal Meth honestly helps me feel relaxed, focused, gives me self esteem, and just eases my racing mind and helps with appetite, emotional balance, and keeps me going. I went clean for 6 months.... HATED EVERY SECOND. Thing is to people can't help. I got so much hate.... Relationships with others don't ever work. Have learned to just push everyone out because ... For me no amount of human love and "joy" matters. What do you mean by actual MA? Of course I do.... Meth first them water then blood then release.

 

[SKL]

Taking out the MA part, and just going heroin, pills, coke, acid, MDMA, and booze, you sound like me at that age, to be honest. I was in juvvy and a ward of the state, got out at 19 with what was called a high school degree but really just came from sitting around and bullshitting with uncredentialed "teachers" who were really basically just halfassed social workers without licenses or the master's degree. Not to compare miseries but just to tell you that the background, I get it. I got into college, graduate, post-graduate, etc., though. Rehab is worthless, I said as much, but is a time away from what troubles you (although I was directing this more to what I thought was a suicidal person) and so too for the psych ward (they suck, I know, I am in charge of one) but it is not something to be discounted altogether, if you really lose touch with reality, it's where you need to be, unless you're with really trusted friends who you can trust even if you are paranoid and out of it when they say stuff like you need some Valium or put down the pipe.

But not being in that situation, your being unable to be happy, etc. certainly has issues with clinical depression, but, more importantly, constant use of MA has burned out your receptors, causing long-term anhedonia, part of the post-acute withdrawl issues. There are a shitload of antidepressants out there, there are a lot of choices, there is ECT (before you tell me fuck no, read up on it, it's not what pop culture suggests it to be, I would do it myself if I were in a very depressed state), you may also need concomitant use of other drugs (i.e. a mild 2nd generation neuroleptic, a benzodiazepine, which many doctors are relucant to rx d/t "history of substance abuse." etc.) I won't get into what I would treat you with because of what I say in the disclaimer at the bottom of my posts, but please don't dismiss psychiatry outright; all it is is another species of "better living through chemistry," just like recreational drug use, only a lot of the psychiatric drugs suck and aren't a lot of fun, but eventually, can get you to a better place. Is it artificial? Who knows? I'm a few years short of being twice your age and have spent more or less the whole time on one or another type of drug, both prescribed and illicit, and at the same time. So I don't really know. All I know is the spot that I can get to with heroin/coke/pills/psychedelics isa very dangerous one and one that I need to avoid.

As for shooting up, you really should not be doing this syringe-shaking business, too much other crap winds up in there, filter in a spoon like heroin. This whole idea of taking a little blood into the hit is B.S. in regards to it making it hit faster or anything (if you think it does, it's placebo; think of that volume of blood versus the volume of blood in your whole body), I don't know what your veins look like, but this is not good for your veins, but a lot of that's just fucking cosmetic, although an embolism to a limb is a good way to loose it (one of our own Bluelighters lost his arm due to shooting pills, for instance) but also your heart and lungs, which is where all the crap gets deposited (especially in your lungs, we can tell on an chest X-ray in the severe cases.)

If meth is your answer I'm not standing in judgment but it doesn't sound like you are in a good place now. But if you want to take MA, please do a bit more harm reduction. Alcohol swabs, cottons, a spoon, that's not a big investment and if anything is easier than the procedure you describe (although I've never done the latter.) But more importantly, I don't think your MA-lifestyle right now is sustainable. You've got to be careful when you get to that end-point. You'll have a lot of choices there. That's what I was getting at above.

This post or any of my communications do not constitute professional advice nor do they establish a professional relationship of any kind; I make no claim to any specific professional credentials; in person consultation is essential for any medical, psychological, substance-related or harm reduction decisions. While peer support an advice can be helpful, any content posted online, regardless of it's source, cannot, by it's very nature, substitute for an in-person relationship with a clinician who has had the opportunity to take your history in the larger context and provide professional advice with all these factors, and others, taken into account.

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

Taking out the MA part, and just going heroin, pills, coke, acid, MDMA, and booze, you sound like me at that age, to be honest. I was in juvvy and a ward of the state, got out at 19 with what was called a high school degree but really just came from sitting around and bullshitting with uncredentialed "teachers" who were really basically just halfassed social workers without licenses or the master's degree. Not to compare miseries but just to tell you that the background, I get it. I got into college, graduate, post-graduate, etc., though. Rehab is worthless, I said as much, but is a time away from what troubles you (although I was directing this more to what I thought was a suicidal person) and so too for the psych ward (they suck, I know, I am in charge of one) but it is not something to be discounted altogether, if you really lose touch with reality, it's where you need to be, unless you're with really trusted friends who you can trust even if you are paranoid and out of it when they say stuff like you need some Valium or put down the pipe.

But not being in that situation, your being unable to be happy, etc. certainly has issues with clinical depression, but, more importantly, constant use of MA has burned out your receptors, causing long-term anhedonia, part of the post-acute withdrawl issues. There are a shitload of antidepressants out there, there are a lot of choices, there is ECT (before you tell me fuck no, read up on it, it's not what pop culture suggests it to be, I would do it myself if I were in a very depressed state), you may also need concomitant use of other drugs (i.e. a mild 2nd generation neuroleptic, a benzodiazepine, which many doctors are relucant to rx d/t "history of substance abuse." etc.) I won't get into what I would treat you with because of what I say in the disclaimer at the bottom of my posts, but please don't dismiss psychiatry outright; all it is is another species of "better living through chemistry," just like recreational drug use, only a lot of the psychiatric drugs suck and aren't a lot of fun, but eventually, can get you to a better place. Is it artificial? Who knows? I'm a few years short of being twice your age and have spent more or less the whole time on one or another type of drug, both prescribed and illicit, and at the same time. So I don't really know. All I know is the spot that I can get to with heroin/coke/pills/psychedelics isa very dangerous one and one that I need to avoid.

As for shooting up, you really should not be doing this syringe-shaking business, too much other crap winds up in there, filter in a spoon like heroin. This whole idea of taking a little blood into the hit is B.S. in regards to it making it hit faster or anything (if you think it does, it's placebo; think of that volume of blood versus the volume of blood in your whole body), I don't know what your veins look like, but this is not good for your veins, but a lot of that's just fucking cosmetic, although an embolism to a limb is a good way to loose it (one of our own Bluelighters lost his arm due to shooting pills, for instance) but also your heart and lungs, which is where all the crap gets deposited (especially in your lungs, we can tell on an chest X-ray in the severe cases.)

If meth is your answer I'm not standing in judgment but it doesn't sound like you are in a good place now. But if you want to take MA, please do a bit more harm reduction. Alcohol swabs, cottons, a spoon, that's not a big investment and if anything is easier than the procedure you describe (although I've never done the latter.) But more importantly, I don't think your MA-lifestyle right now is sustainable. You've got to be careful when you get to that end-point. You'll have a lot of choices there. That's what I was getting at above.

This post or any of my communications do not constitute professional advice nor do they establish a professional relationship of any kind; I make no claim to any specific professional credentials; in person consultation is essential for any medical, psychological, substance-related or harm reduction decisions. While peer support an advice can be helpful, any content posted online, regardless of it's source, cannot, by it's very nature, substitute for an in-person relationship with a clinician who has had the opportunity to take your history in the larger context and provide professional advice with all these factors, and others, taken into account.

You are a lucky man. The demon meth takes some people to their death. I understand meth and abuse. Don't worry. Not your average person. Nothing worth it but not to bad learning to be okay with self. Grew up with addiction all around. Not a stranger to this. Most of family are alcoholics. Hate liquor. So much hurt with it. Meth dependence has gone to far or even iv. I learned it's anxiety. But gave up on meds. Pharmaceutical drugs get me more fucked off. Antidepressants can make me bed stricken . Isolate for days. Suffering... the guilt. And regret. Meth is harmless physically to an extent and I know iv is death eventually. But with or without drugs even before... So much self doubt and self hate. Nothing ever good enough . Just want to be alone. My dog is my crutch. Feel connected. Feel wronged and cheated. Never hurt no one. Was so kind and alone because the hurt inside was an avalanche. I'll admit in the past had my lows and even points of suicidal feelings. That's all tho just an overwhelming pit for self pity here and being my own enemy and critic. Will never suicide. The ones that broke me will watch me try to numb me. My dog is my life like my kid. Don't do any drugs or expose them to him. He can see the hurt. Everyone probably does. Walk around smiling but have become an amazing actor. Smarter too. Not being arogant. Just had a 4.0 in gpa. Have funds and nothing to lose am obsessed with drugs. WON'T be that Guy I used to say. Have overcome hard coke Crack liquor pill Heroin self harm spice caffeine addictions. Quit Heroin sucfesfully. Physical pain is nothing like emotional pain . Drowning in misery. Try and try. Never hurt no one. Tried to change. But depression hurts so bad. But can't fall apart ever only alone every night. Just wanted to much. Had potential still do. But meth is evil. Steals everything and ruins everything good in exchange for pleasure and release. But damned now. Iv meth isn't like anything. It is the end of hope. Smoking too. Weed has stuck to. Maybe trying to relive the better days. The days I had someone to talk with and lay there and cry. Hate my family so much... but so I've heard an addict that's happy with you is probably using or taking advantage but one that hates your existence is mad because you care and I'm sure the family suffers more as they watch you dying and are hopeless too because you don't care and their love means nothing. I've been consumed by depression. Not easy growing up... Never felt or always question my place or others love. Can't love myself. I'm a disgrace and like a worthless family member. My role models weren't pop stars fuck that shit. Like I said. Either laying with my dog crying and feeling sorry for self. Working. Using. Isolating. Running from the truth... DON'T DO ANYTHING. Too ashamed. Family has stuck around but we drift firther. But human instincts of love don't come. Understand their titles. But don't see the value of others. My dog is enough and so are drugs. Wasn't done. Just need to leave the pain. Meth is horrible. Nothing glamorous. Pitiful. Selfish. Cowardly. Trashy... but the only thing that can make me feel alive for the moment come down isn't anything that depression doesn't feel like. Gave up long ago. Wasn't like the other kids. Too smart for my own good... Raised to survive. Have never harmed anyone or even been in a fist fight. I hate people so much but only because they make me feel worthless or judge or fail me. F7fk the ward. I don't need help. Family keeps me balanced. Just want to be someone to them. Try so hard. Give so much. Yet usually the most miserable one around... Sometimes see a gaze of positivity and hope but it is crushed like always as well as confidence. Guess there's no feeling the emptiness

 

[Keif' Richards]

Hey Guys, I think I may have been a little prematrue in closing this one down. I'm going to reopen it.

 

[Keif' Richards]

...And I'll bump it for sake of re-exposure!

 

[RaizdByWolvz]

I mean I think you know that IV meth, no good can come from it. Reading all you wrote man, I think you know the deal with how this all goes down...Out of all the different obsessions I've battled through in my life, IV Meth was the singld most difficult, brooding, miserable obsession that has ever plagued me. That coming from a guy who is not a stimulant lover..my idea of a tumultuous obsession that was impossible to crack/to get over, and turn back into a human again, was my many years long run IV Speedballing. The obsession, compulsion that is speedballing took years of my life from me, I never thought there would be a substance that could top the Speedball obsession, but IV Meth made me a monster...within 3 weeks of starting injecting Meth I ended up admitted into the Hospital for 2 weeks for Celulitis Edema and Sepsis. That event saved my life, it forced me out of the situation I was in, but the mental obsession was so strong it tormented me for a year, way longer than when I quit injecting speedballs. You know where this leads bro, when we are neck deep in the midst of this the hardest thing to do is make any decision of our own volition to get out of our current situation, impossible to think there is a life fast forward some down the road that could even have half a smile in it without all the shit n junk.. but there truly is, and it's never too late! You are so young, wow 20, amazing you can do this. I am 36 and that IV meth obsessed time of my life is 3 years behind me. Now experiencing the best time of my life, but 3 years ago if you'd have told me that if I just put the meth rig down, I'd be this happy today, i wouldn't have believed it for a moment. It's near impossible to think objectively when we are in the midst of a compulsion. I'm here for you if you need to talk, and I know you can overcome this, if I can anyone can.

 

[Nicholai]

I didn't see this posted. Aside from everything else, this ROA for meth can cause severe kidney troubles later in life.

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

I mean I think you know that IV meth, no good can come from it. Reading all you wrote man, I think you know the deal with how this all goes down...Out of all the different obsessions I've battled through in my life, IV Meth was the singld most difficult, brooding, miserable obsession that has ever plagued me. That coming from a guy who is not a stimulant lover..my idea of a tumultuous obsession that was impossible to crack/to get over, and turn back into a human again, was my many years long run IV Speedballing. The obsession, compulsion that is speedballing took years of my life from me, I never thought there would be a substance that could top the Speedball obsession, but IV Meth made me a monster...within 3 weeks of starting injecting Meth I ended up admitted into the Hospital for 2 weeks for Celulitis Edema and Sepsis. That event saved my life, it forced me out of the situation I was in, but the mental obsession was so strong it tormented me for a year, way longer than when I quit injecting speedballs. You know where this leads bro, when we are neck deep in the midst of this the hardest thing to do is make any decision of our own volition to get out of our current situation, impossible to think there is a life fast forward some down the road that could even have half a smile in it without all the shit n junk.. but there truly is, and it's never too late! You are so young, wow 20, amazing you can do this. I am 36 and that IV meth obsessed time of my life is 3 years behind me. Now experiencing the best time of my life, but 3 years ago if you'd have told me that if I just put the meth rig down, I'd be this happy today, i wouldn't have believed it for a moment. It's near impossible to think objectively when we are in the midst of a compulsion. I'm here for you if you need to talk, and I know you can overcome this, if I can anyone can.

It is torture. I have been addicted to several substances.. Done my share of shady stuff to get high... But honestly.. Been doing crystal for almost 4-5 years now.... Its crazy because it feels like yesterday is when it all started... Its always "This is the last one". "Turned me into a monster". I agree!! Or lets say for me it draws out my darker human emotions, survivial mode, and instincts... Interesting... Were your rigs clean? Your body but.... What I see these days is people shooting small concentrated doses like i mention in another thread in a series of shots through the day or in a row... But this method doesnt allow much blood to be drawn in. Just enough to mix up real nice. Then they use the rig and dispose at the end of the day. BUT also see people use 2-3 times max and simply just draw water into rig and squirt into their month then just let their tools dry and re use.. I believe human body fluids outside the body are hot nest for bacteria.. But we all have different immune systems too. This is a big factor... [This is legit. Not just a cliche] Also. Dont use alchohol pads myself but at least keep my body clean and use a rig 2-3 times max due to the "hook" effect from dulling needles.. Never store a dose with blood... Not sure exactly but I believe the longer blood sits exposed to O2. The more dangerous it could be if put back into the body or it can result in blood poisoning. Been IV successfully for a long while now.. Hate it honestly do. But smoking only gets me spun. I get a mad rush from IV. Im still STD free as i dont share tools. If it burns or dont feel right pull it out. Always been my rule. If i ever miss... Just dont shoot there for a few days. Keep it VERY CLEAN. And rub the area gently.. If it hurts when you push down.. You may need to go to ER. But could just be sore or couldve been deposited in muscle tissue... But yes.. Meth IV from my experience is all a discipline and if used in a matter to function... So far all symptoms such as twitching, dialated pupils, sores and ulcers from smoking, weight loss, nausea, and even anger dissappear or lessen... Ive done my research havent we all... But have also observed and experimented my own methods or ways. Like for instance i cannot for the life of me pull back plunger myself to draw blood... Unless i slowly lift arm hold in place with one hand.. Then pull back slowly with my mouth ?? savage as heck and a reflection of the monster . Idk. Too uncoordinated and end up tapping or whole tool slips... Tip i learned.... That if needle slips from your hand. and is just dangling around in there ?? sorry to be so graphic. . Just make sure to repositition and set gently flatly on its side.. Was told veins are stetchy (In a way) as long as it dont puncture through the vein or is not literally yanked out you will be fine... Then just relax. Dry your clammy hands. Breath. And just go slower. If i cant hit.. I eat, shower, drink, and ty off.. Also by the way.. I never ty off now.. I mean to me why the f would i want to delay effect... Id prefer a surge of it all at once once iv... Obviously im obsessed to. Go most full days with meth on my mind. Or always enjoy researching about it... Too me its always had a "Glamour" or made me feel honestly like self inflated and cocky as heck.. . But also... Probably in my head. But I actually "hurt" or get "sick" without dosing. Feels so similar to heroin. Also psychologically when i dont use injection sites almost pulse or hurt. But its not real pain... But a sign of dependence... Comedowns.. Pfft... Its just like a hang over that alcoholics get. Normal. Learned weed helps me relax.. And pushes anxiety out. But also noticed if i have doses around anxietys gone. If i am dry.. Anxiety is horrible just thinking about using. Craving more like a hunger.... Also.. Makes me greedy, selfish, self centered, self obsessed, etc.. The day I chose to be greedy and iv my whole bag just to to be a pig and because i need to... And just let a close friend suffer when i had plenty to spare.. Is the day i knew im screwed. Its more valuable then gold and love personally. Almost willing go do whatever and go until the ends with it.. Addiction in general. Not fun

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

One last thinker for all of our thoughts on this subject. A wise hippy once told me the following.... Someone once told me that when it comes to using its like life. We take the risk, endure, grow, fall, and suffer which leads to change or failure. But by taking that risk we allow the possibility of an amazing pay out that makes it all worth it. We do not like the result and work harder to change it or we go to far and take too big of a risk and lose everything (Which is death for us). Eventually though we just cannot endure the risk anymore as it takes its toll and then we must choose life and death... Change or die... Also we as addicts have to remember. Whenever we use we know theres a chance we could die in some way as a result every time regardless of how seasoned we are. For me I know this and accept it willingly. We risk everything and put everything aside for our craving or desires. However; the point is if we do not take that risk we block a series of possibilities and growth. We hold ourselves back. We basically flat line with our growth and cannot move forward because we let fear drive us and hold us on our knees. Point is simple abstinence isnt a satisfying solution and to an addict is worse then torture and death. Risk are part of living. But if men in history wouldnt have taken the risk they did perhaps we will have never had or discovered what we have today because their risk paid off. Its all about faith, trust, and hope. We make our reality. Remember. Just as in life there are those who just have luck and excel at amazing rates or rarely fail. There are those who grow exponentially and develop in time (Normal) Those who were born to live this way and are driven by change and have determination (Addicts). Then there are those who cheat the system or gain because of the risks others took or they force results (Junkies). Regardless we are investing our life basically as addicts in exchange for release and pleasure. Normal people wouldnt take risk such as these with the chances of a successful result being so minimal. They rationalize and justify just like us until they believe their own justification. But remember. KISS it. Keep it simple stupid. My favorite NA quote. Very simply. This is Crystal Meth. ICE. Death. Regardless of what we do ti it or how we try to change the result. All we can do is delay the bitter end. We all are unique and experience things differently but for addicts it always follows the same pattern. No matter what. We lose. You can filter it or clean it all you want. You can take all the reduction you can think of. You can do it all right but still suffer. You can take bigger smaller ir concentrated doses. Change your technique. But its STILL Crystal Methamphetamine which is a neurotoxin and poison. We are similar to the dirty banker you see. As we force our result. But can also be our own down fall. But see.. We get all the benfits without the time and work which is where the bankers would be (Normies) they do it all legit, but do not get the rewards as rapidly as us.

Think about that.

 

[T. Calderone]

I hate to see you suffering. You're not worthless, that's the drugs talking. You sound like you're ready for this addiction to end. Do you want to quit? Can you reach out to your family members to get help? You can't go on like this!

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

Its me saying the negative things.. Drugs just enhance the duration and severity... I hate to admit im wrong... But Crystal Methamphetamine is not a recreational drug... I was coming down. Thats the part I have no power over... Get sensitive and burst into tears. No more Heroin for sure... Had no other choice well I had plenty but I just needed some kind of release NOW so iv heroin... wouldve had to wait only 2 hours for Crystal... Instead I just settled with heroin.. i couldnt take sobriety anymore. 5 days... Torture. .. Surprisingly I can handle a full dot of Heroin using iv.. Good to know honestly dont use heroin like at all these days only on occasion. I suppose though been away from it for like 7 months. But had a gram or so a day habit of heroin and never shared.. But i could have probably handled more that night which scares me. Found my blind spot at least.. Will not get to lax anymore.. I used to be a mad dope addict.. But meth is my love now... Anyways never nodded out from that dose. Heroin intimidates me.... My addiction is horrible..Logic goes out the window when I need to get high NOW. Didnt even filter or cook out the cut. Just tossed a chunk of that black tar into my tool. Drew bag 30 ml of water. Shook it up vigorously for 5 minutes. Didnt even bother to ty. I like to squirt a little bit of the solution so the needle has heroin on it... Maybe in my head but it helps lessen the pain increase confidence and just excite my body as it goes into the vein.. Only 20 but strung out... Moment of clarity. Idk guess just savage mates. I Know better... Dont even lecture me.. My impulse and need for intoxication causes me to make rookie mistakes because i need it now. I dont have sex people ? Crystal and bud are my main ways of getting off as I call it. Better than sex. But make no mistake im down for whatever... . I am cranky til i can hit and pump myself with a nice big shot of cystal... Anyways after the first one loaded a second iv that night with the rest of the heroin and juiced the rest.. Expected to throw up or fall out. But nope. Just got hyper, cocky, high strung, and just had a casual way of being an a hole to everyone..

On a side note. I need to stop or fix my sloppy technique been the last 2 weeks.. laziness... I have purposely missed 4 times with crystal meth. Not on purpose but you know.. Doing this on the down low. Family is oblvious. If they find out i relapsed they will just throw me out. And cause drama.. Had to just go for it.. And take a chance. Didnt burn... So.. It wont necessarily bleed? Correct? Also its dehydration to be honest. I know if it barely bleeds its not in.. But i was nervous... And shakey. But somehow can force myself to go through with it. Honestly dread iv. But... Its the life now. I love the results ?. But veins arent collapsed. Constantly use. They are getting hard. But thats okay. I found if it dont work just go for it... Meth has lesser chances of abcess. Heroin will abcess if missed.. I mean always get the cough and rush even if i miss.. Track marks look like lines now.. But they heal. Also i know just shoving in isnt good. But i have to make a move quick. Skin looks fine. No pain. Can use my arms. No lumps. ? I know if shot into the bone which is precisely why i dont shoot in my hands or feet... That it gets ugly.... Like gross gore ugly. But if shot into the muscle its not fine or okay but it will still absorb and will just need to go slower. Only with meth though..