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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Shooting Up Crystal Meth?

Meth can be recreational, it's just that 1) it is an extremely powerful drug, and 2) people regularly take too high of a dose.

If you consume it orally, or just snort very small bumps of it, it's pretty manageable, but most tweakers want to slam that shit or blow clouds for about an hour straight
 
I think the only way to put the needle down and stop hard drugs is to do other things in life (school, intense job, realtionship with a straight person, etc) stopping drug use like this with nothing else to put your time and energy into is next to impossible.
 
^ I definitely agree. Boredom becomes a big factor when you don't have drugs around, and you definitely need something to occupy your time. The OP sounds like he's going hard, on the ol' western diet of black tar & crystal, mmm-mmmmm! BTH & meth will turn you into a rootin' tootin cowboy in no time, yeee-haaawww!

Oh well. Perhaps one day he'll get work in a cannery or find Jesus or something.
 
Burnt Offerings said:
^ I definitely agree. Boredom becomes a big factor when you don't have drugs around, and you definitely need something to occupy your time. The OP sounds like he's going hard, on the ol' western diet of black tar & crystal, mmm-mmmmm! BTH & meth will turn you into a rootin' tootin cowboy in no time, yeee-haaawww!

Oh well. Perhaps one day he'll get work in a cannery or find Jesus or something.
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I agree. Boredom is dangerous. When i get a good idea i should know better than to go through with it.. . I need hobbies yes. But Adehdonia makes life so unejoyable and dull.. These days literally get high on weed all day and iv meth as needed. Addict i guess. My center of life is the getting and using of drugs... You know i know what im doing is deadly stupid etc. But that logic goes out the window when I am down or feeling on top of the world because its to celebrate or medicate. Or i say im done and try really do try. But wrong place at the wrong time... And end up using. People in my life sounds good too. But I dont like people.... Have no hobbies as depression took the joy out of that years ago. Getting high is the only thing i like to do.
 
ThatSpaceyKid said:
Its me saying the negative things.. Drugs just enhance the duration and severity... I hate to admit im wrong... But Crystal Methamphetamine is not a recreational drug... I was coming down. Thats the part I have no power over... Get sensitive and burst into tears. No more Heroin for sure... Had no other choice well I had plenty but I just needed some kind of release NOW so iv heroin... wouldve had to wait only 2 hours for Crystal... Instead I just settled with heroin.. i couldnt take sobriety anymore. 5 days... Torture. .. Surprisingly I can handle a full dot of Heroin using iv.. Good to know honestly dont use heroin like at all these days only on occasion. I suppose though been away from it for like 7 months. But had a gram or so a day habit of heroin and never shared.. But i could have probably handled more that night which scares me. Found my blind spot at least.. Will not get to lax anymore.. I used to be a mad dope addict.. But meth is my love now... Anyways never nodded out from that dose. Heroin intimidates me.... My addiction is horrible..Logic goes out the window when I need to get high NOW. Didnt even filter or cook out the cut. Just tossed a chunk of that black tar into my tool. Drew bag 30 ml of water. Shook it up vigorously for 5 minutes. Didnt even bother to ty. I like to squirt a little bit of the solution so the needle has heroin on it... Maybe in my head but it helps lessen the pain increase confidence and just excite my body as it goes into the vein.. Only 20 but strung out... Moment of clarity. Idk guess just savage mates. I Know better... Dont even lecture me.. My impulse and need for intoxication causes me to make rookie mistakes because i need it now. I dont have sex people ? Crystal and bud are my main ways of getting off as I call it. Better than sex. But make no mistake im down for whatever... . I am cranky til i can hit and pump myself with a nice big shot of cystal... Anyways after the first one loaded a second iv that night with the rest of the heroin and juiced the rest.. Expected to throw up or fall out. But nope. Just got hyper, cocky, high strung, and just had a casual way of being an a hole to everyone..

On a side note. I need to stop or fix my sloppy technique been the last 2 weeks.. laziness... I have purposely missed 4 times with crystal meth. Not on purpose but you know.. Doing this on the down low. Family is oblvious. If they find out i relapsed they will just throw me out. And cause drama.. Had to just go for it.. And take a chance. Didnt burn... So.. It wont necessarily bleed? Correct? Also its dehydration to be honest. I know if it barely bleeds its not in.. But i was nervous... And shakey. But somehow can force myself to go through with it. Honestly dread iv. But... Its the life now. I love the results ?. But veins arent collapsed. Constantly use. They are getting hard. But thats okay. I found if it dont work just go for it... Meth has lesser chances of abcess. Heroin will abcess if missed.. I mean always get the cough and rush even if i miss.. Track marks look like lines now.. But they heal. Also i know just shoving in isnt good. But i have to make a move quick. Skin looks fine. No pain. Can use my arms. No lumps. ? I know if shot into the bone which is precisely why i dont shoot in my hands or feet... That it gets ugly.... Like gross gore ugly. But if shot into the muscle its not fine or okay but it will still absorb and will just need to go slower. Only with meth though..
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You have got to be high while replying to all these. Jeez total meth posts. Good luck to you buddy
 
ThatSpaceyKid said:
I agree. Boredom is dangerous. When i get a good idea i should know better than to go through with it.. . I need hobbies yes. But Adehdonia makes life so unejoyable and dull.. These days literally get high on weed all day and iv meth as needed. Addict i guess. My center of life is the getting and using of drugs... You know i know what im doing is deadly stupid etc. But that logic goes out the window when I am down or feeling on top of the world because its to celebrate or medicate. Or i say im done and try really do try. But wrong place at the wrong time... And end up using. People in my life sounds good too. But I dont like people.... Have no hobbies as depression took the joy out of that years ago. Getting high is the only thing i like to do.
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I think that part of why you have anhedonia is just due to the fact that you're slamming so much crystal methamphetamine. Your poor dopamine receptors! If you have depression or just generally feel bad about yourself or life or whatever, meth (and regular usage in particular) ultimately makes it worse...but you know this...

Don't you ever just look at your life situation and think, man, there's gotta be a better way? Is simply existing to feed yourself chemicals all day the only thing you'd like to do? I used to have those thoughts when I used hard stimulants somewhat regularly, and ultimately I acted on them and stopped. I would suggest that you do the same if you're at all inclined to try something different :) You're never in so deep that you can't extricate yourself from the shit and make life a little better for yourself...
 
Burnt Offerings said:
I think that part of why you have anhedonia is just due to the fact that you're slamming so much crystal methamphetamine. Your poor dopamine receptors! If you have depression or just generally feel bad about yourself or life or whatever, meth (and regular usage in particular) ultimately makes it worse...but you know this...

Don't you ever just look at your life situation and think, man, there's gotta be a better way? Is simply existing to feed yourself chemicals all day the only thing you'd like to do? I used to have those thoughts when I used hard stimulants somewhat regularly, and ultimately I acted on them and stopped. I would suggest that you do the same if you're at all inclined to try something different :) You're never in so deep that you can't extricate yourself from the shit and make life a little better for yourself...
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I am dually diagnosed. Have had depressive problems since I was a young kid.. Maybe magnified by drug use... But not caused by them. I hear what your saying though for sure. My poor receptors were already basically damaged from depression and im sure meth makes them literally work til they burst.. But also trauma from abusive relationships with family and friends and the last 2 years have been literally Hell.... I know I can stop... But.... Thats my whole life man... Family and friends just arent ever enough... Loner... Honestly (Not suicidial just making a comparison) but... Just the extreme fatigue and emotional come downs... And the pain. And the amount of time it takes... Honestly mate. Nothing before in my life was worth it... What do I have to go back to you know?
 
Updates and revelations. Still using.... Getting worse. Did 10 shots yesterday...... Noticed no one really wants to be around me... But maybe I am distant.... Loving the euphoria. Worth all negative aspects. Veins are fine. Still floating. ? Have a small hope of recovery... You know ##### if i could go back id stop myself from selling my soul to this drug and basically my familys soul cause they just sit back front row seats and watch me losing my mind and they die faster than we do. Were there anxieties ?. But for me they are mine.... Discovered theres underlying abuse from both sides in out relationships... They are the ones here most but they just dont get it. Honestly. Not even scared... But old me ###### died years ago. There was never a me. Discovered I am rebellious and to proud. Humble enough to admit my addiction. I am powerless as heck. But my lifes not unmanageable yet.... YET. Sad. Noticed my cheeks are sunken. Wtf... i look horrible. But what can you do.... Quiting aint in the plan atm. Screwed myself. Just cant stop working atm. But cant function emotionally anymore sober. Thus useless at work. But at least you know..Meth lets the pain ease.. Depressions gone. Honestly.. Worth it all just for that. Therapy and such is useful. But I can talk and work with those people til I am blue in my face. But I HATE having to hold back on so much. Pretty sure they think om crazy already. Im not though ? just intense. Because my minds just an add twisted one. Them lows made me think in a new way. Learned to just keep inside and hope i dont break down. Tried something new one day and it stuck. Just tweak but realized now i run from the crash.. . If im sick or alone ima get high... If im bored to... If i an sad or happy. ?????????????????? ???????????????

But. Think as im looking up... I sunk past rock bottom in my book. Now just a dead soul. Faded out long ago. All thats decaying now is my vessel. All I am in a meth monster rawr. Crystal whipped me into shape and disciplined me. Insanity from what ive been taught is simply doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Yep couldnt say more true. Meths weird. For me little doses are just a tease.. I always come down hard and fiend. But can function. But.. my mind wants to maximize my results. Learned MORE heavy dosing is better for my desire and hopes... Makes me into a zombie. Can focus. Can forget everything that hurts me inside emotionally. It lets me stick up for myself to confidence goes up. I can sit still! No more anxiety. Weed takes care of my anxiety. And noticed if i have doses on hand anxiety is non existent. Can eat and sleep at will. Still stable. But emotionally turning cold.. Can laugh at the old friends. They didnt realize what they lost. Got a big heart... Will do anything for anyone without expecting anything back. I get my karma on the back swing. Am a semi productive member of society.. This is my justification hear me out. Yes its messed up and pathetic. But you know... I take care of myself to a degree. My iq is still up there . My problem is im to smart for my own good. But in America we learn to be selfish and just self seeking. Thats the sociological part. * the following following includes alcholism to. Same disease but... I have met pure alcholics. ? They dont wanna be grouped with the crack pots because were different they say. Im in the rural boonies of the country ?. Not anything to do. The mall here is walmart. Smh ?. Farms mostly around. Just a movie theater. Gas stations. Stores that close at 10:00pm. And open at 8 am sharp. Never heard of 11am is the start of the day or 9 am.... just 2 stores stay open from 24/7 Walmart and the gas station. And mcdonalds. So nights are quiet. And dark bc countys broke and has like one street like per 5 blocks or section of a neighborhood. Here its just drug crimes. Some high profile. Mostly hear about in news or from someone that was there about crimes like tresspassing, public intoxication, dui, drug bust, od galore, occasional murder usually over drugs, armed robbery, breaking and entering, petty theft galore, sinners hideaway is my nick name for this trashy town. Secluded and cut off from cities. And thats how we like it i guess. Or again counties soo poor from wasting money on suboxone amd methadone clinic just substitution in my book. The cities think its bad wont lie violent drug crimes are in cities. But in rural areas with smaller populations.. 60-70% of the population are in active addiction the whole life style. Then 30-40% have experienced addiction from the victim side or are in recovery. Cities stats are probably higher profile crimes and thefts and robberies are high but within that range for rural but difference is.. The ones in recovery and the victim percentage is maybe 40-60%. More resources. Richer counties.. more to do. Here counties so poor detox no ##### joke is basically the old county jails holding processing center. Id say maybe no bigger than the size of the average master bed room. Men and women all in one room. And they just put an ancient tv. Old movies. Give you 3 sandwitches a day and juice or water No otc. Only one 2 min phone call per day. They got you in jump suits and take all your stuff. You cant leave for 5 days if a junky. ? maximum time is 5 days. Not even enuff time. Alcholics leave once they blow clear. Even if voluntarily checked in... You get treated like nothing from staff and like a criminal.. No clinincal staff whatsoever. Basically adult day care. Was embarassing bc when i went to high school with 3 of the staff members.... and did dope with one of staffs little brothers ? which made that staff member treat me horribly. And if your to much to deal with they just call the authorities and you end up with charges and in jail..... Literally they only call ambulance if your dying already.... Wont let you go just bc your worried or not feeling good . They make you do it cold turkey to. Nasty place. Basically mens room just had 12 cots around the room. But basically dress you like in jail. They take your shoes to and give you sandles... 800$ a night for this crap... old men come in and they have pooped their pants or the room smells like piss... Damn drunks.. But made my allergies bad and made me sick. But staff member threated to call cops if i didnt just shut up and go to sleep . I guess though they are scared... I mean meth heads are random and mostly violeny... I understand now. . No medication is allowed at all. You dont get visitors...

Bet theres 2-3 drug dealers on every block. In a small town thats horrible ? means its literally around the corner of everyones neighborhood. And theres no help for addiction whatsoever just methadone or suboxone. ER turns junkies away or over to police... No wonder people aint gettimg help. Dont believe me but just what ive noticed. Towns so small literally could visit every neighborhood. And practically know everyone. Sad in my town 5th graders are slamming dope. WTF. Used. Work my #### off and support my own habit. Dont steal either... Not violent or destructive. Aint got no kids so no sweat there. Not a menace or a threat. I know drug addiction is a taboo. And there is only 3 sides. Im on the side that believes in free will... And taking risk. And the under ground. Will defend my drug use before my own life know many who would say the same. Then theres the anti drug supporters who just hate it because they dont understand it. They persecute this other side. Both are enemies and playing cat and mouse. Then there are the ones who are the victims who suffer from the after shock.. The ones who lose there loved ones to the evil of drugs... They hate the drugs and sad to say they hated their addict.... Addiction destroys all relationships.

?Shouldve listened to the old timers. But... When they gave me tough love or were blunt. Just spited me. And made me wanna prove everyone wrong. There just aint no quality of life when using drugs.. Just a slow suicide. And a gamble. I knew but was to stubborn to admit that... That first ones to many and a millions never gonna be enough ?. Feel stupid. I couldve had so much by now ?.. Nearly blew 95% of annual income on my addiction..... There is a solution....
 
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Meth addiction is the hardest to hide IMO

you probably look like shit and aren't fooling anyone at work, theyre just too respectful to call you out on it

Meth is absolutely horrible for your veins, please reconsider continuing this lifestyle. You say your life isn't unmanageable yet you can't stop shooting meth. You cannot manage your methamphetamine use. That's your life being unmanageable...

and meth doesnt have nearly the withdrawals that heroin or benzos or alcohol have. It really isnt that hard to just not use meth

you will feel lazy and sluggish but that comes with any withdrawal

good luck, and I've been there
 
It's funny that stopping methamphetamine, or any stimulant use, is really just as easy as stopping but for the user "just stopping" is an incredibly difficult thing to do at the time. I know, I've been there many times.

You say you feel powerless but I promise you aren't. You have all the power... You just have to get to a point where your willing to put your foot down and stop.
 
Ok I phrased that wrong

it is hard to not use meth

i meant physically speaking. It doesn't have the same nightmare as other drugs. You just feel incredibly off and spacey. There isn't a huge physical side to it besides the normal things that come with being unable to sleep
 
subotai said:
Ok I phrased that wrong

it is hard to not use meth


i meant physically speaking. It doesn't have the same nightmare as other drugs. You just feel incredibly off and spacey. There isn't a huge physical side to it besides the normal things that come with being unable to sleep
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? I am screwed.... Been addicted to heroin for me all it was is anger.... Could always take the pain.. Because the emotional pain hurts more... Krissy is ###### raping my mind ??. Think for me its also an emotional crutch... Part of reason why is because i will have an emotional break down.... Been addicted to crack, cocaine, Rx pills, spice... I wish I could say I was addicted to Crystal Meth. Not i am... Out of all the drugs meth was my favorite.... Like the insanity.... And life style... So damn depressed all the time.. Like depressed to the point of suicide. Meth is special to me because it makes me feel like a new person and all fear and hurt is gone as soon as I push the plunger down... Young i know... But you dont understand. Gave up every relationship i had for meth... Prostituted myself for meth last year.... Dont even care if it kills me... Thats how id wanna go... Doing what i love... For me detox and first 3 months of recovery... Are worst... Emotionally unstable... End up bed ridden for days.... Feel 100x worse emotionally sober.... Cant eat or sleep. Just cry all damn night.... And run from that crash....
 
ThatSpaceyKid said:
? I am screwed.... Been addicted to heroin for me all it was is anger.... Could always take the pain.. Because the emotional pain hurts more... Krissy is ###### raping my mind ??. Think for me its also an emotional crutch... Part of reason why is because i will have an emotional break down.... Been addicted to crack, cocaine, Rx pills, spice... I wish I could say I was addicted to Crystal Meth. Not i am... Out of all the drugs meth was my favorite.... Like the insanity.... And life style... So damn depressed all the time.. Like depressed to the point of suicide. Meth is special to me because it makes me feel like a new person and all fear and hurt is gone as soon as I push the plunger down... Young i know... But you dont understand. Gave up every relationship i had for meth... Prostituted myself for meth last year.... Dont even care if it kills me... Thats how id wanna go... Doing what i love... For me detox and first 3 months of recovery... Are worst... Emotionally unstable... End up bed ridden for days.... Feel 100x worse emotionally sober.... Cant eat or sleep. Just cry all damn night.... And run from that crash....
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Also love confidence... Have enough courage to flip the emotional abuse around on my abuser.... And become the abuser...
 
I have shot in the arms and neck. if you're going to do it you're going to do it. My recommendation though is to start small.
 
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