Positive Share Something Positive About Your Day vs This Does Not Suck (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)?

Erikmen, I am sorry about your Dad. People need to die however they need to die--in denial or acceptance, I'm not so sure it matters. What is important is what you did--reaching out, making amends, acknowledging the relationship and saying goodbye in a way that feels good to you. It was very healing for me to be with my Dad when he died. I felt like he really abandoned me when I was a messed up teenager but we were able, without even really speaking about that at all, to simply let all that go and acknowledge the love that did exist. Sure, he made mistakes as a parent, but I was by then a parent making my own unintentional mistakes. Forgiveness is freeing. There is no downside to it at all. <3
 
Thank you. <3 Forgiving was easier than I thought it would be. It was such a relief to say goodbye, to be able to hold his hand and comfort him while he was still conscious. He tried to kiss my hands but he was already too weak. My sister said that he passed away after I visited him. I still feel a bit weird as I keep remembering he’s not here anymore. It’s not that I forget but I still tend to think he’s at his house only to realize immediately he died. I am referring to him in the present sense, but I am sure this may happen to a lot of people.

Although I loved him a lot, I didn’t think I was going to feel his absence as much as I am right now. It doesn’t feel better yet. My relatives are living soon, they were a gret company these days. I didn’t work last week so I feel we grew pretty close to some of my most distant family members.
 
Much love, Erikman. :( Much admiration for your strength. ??

Same Joe ??

So greatful for the loved ones left, still learning to cherish what I have, the luck of having, of greatest value in this transitory lifetime.
 
That’s great, the more you know about yourself the best you’ll handle your issues.
 
happy to be here on new years eve, not worried about anything... feelin healthy i feel like the closer to 2020 shit is just going to get lit af great time to be alive,. anyone who i hope everyone has a safe 2018 and beyond fr... /muaaaaah
 
That's awesome you're feeling so good. Fuck yeah! <3

As for me, I got freezing-rained-in this New Year's Eve, but I have my girl with me and it was an awesome night snuggling in bed watching TV and reading and just hanging out. I guess my positive thing is, man, my last relationship was abusive, really crazy, it was a bad thing, and it hurt me deeply. But this girl... she's the real thing. I can't believe how lucky I am. In over 3 years we've literally never once gotten in a fight. I love her so much, everything about this is amazing. I'm so happy with her. I almost can't believe it, it's like relationship karma. God damn it, love is the best feeling. :)

Isn't it weird, how in English we invent so many ways to say something where we mean the opposite of the literal words we said? Because having god damn what I'm feeling is pretty much the exact opposite of my intention.

Oxytocin is a hell of a drug. <3
 
Yeah there's a reason English is one of the hardest languages. Alot of words have 9 meanings, we have 10 words for the same thing, and we use sarcasm heavily.

4th holiday sober, feels so surreal.
 
Congratulations! <3 It does feel surreal. Keep up bptubbs, you deserve that!
 
My girlfriend battles depression and anxiety from childhood PTSD, and she's been slowly getting worse since I've met her. A lot of her stress comes from an intense pressure from her family/society to make a lot of money and be "successful", coupled with her dad forcing her to study a degree that is useless to her since she hates academia and her only real options are to stay in academia with her degree if she wants to pursue it. So she feels worthless a lot of the time, and cut off from what she really wants to do, and like it's too late for her. Plus she hated school so much that she's generally indicated to me that she'll never go back to study something else. So she's been sort of stuck.

The positive thing is that last night after work I went to hang out with her and she was searching the Internet for what opportunities she has in the area to pursue another degree, and she had some ideas on what she might want to study. And she's looking for a therapist for herself to try to deal with the underlying issues. It's really nice to see her feeling a little more empowered, even though she was still adding things like "what if I don't like it", "what if I can't do it", "the therapist probably won't be able to do anything", etc, sort of self-defeating before the fact, but steps are steps.
 
^I have seen some of the worst damage done to kids by parents that think they are pushing them to succeed when in reality they are dividing them from their own self-generated goals in life, academic and beyond. One of my friends had the same thing done to her--she had to be a lawyer because that was what was expected. In reality she was a house painter (that sustained her business on a bike!), a beloved childcare worker that loves kids, a musician (for fun) and an intellectual and activist. She finally could not stand the pressure she had internalized from her Dad so she went to law school just to prove she could. She passed the bar and never practiced. Many house in our town have great paint jobs, she's been a positive part of many children's lives here and she plays a mean mandolin but none of that counted to her family. What a shame.
 
^I have seen some of the worst damage done to kids by parents that think they are pushing them to succeed when in reality they are dividing them from their own self-generated goals in life, academic and beyond. One of my friends had the same thing done to her--she had to be a lawyer because that was what was expected. In reality she was a house painter (that sustained her business on a bike!), a beloved childcare worker that loves kids, a musician (for fun) and an intellectual and activist. She finally could not stand the pressure she had internalized from her Dad so she went to law school just to prove she could. She passed the bar and never practiced. Many house in our town have great paint jobs, she's been a positive part of many children's lives here and she plays a mean mandolin but none of that counted to her family. What a shame.

That's a great story about your friend, and encouraging, thanks herby. :) Yeah, my girl's dad is a good guy, he's caring, he's just kinda crazy and pretty controlling and he thinks he knows best in everything. He does a lot for her now, and he realizes that he's caused this and feels terrible. But, hindsight, you know. She loves her dad and they get along but she also carries a lot of anger towards him. He lives nearby so we see him regularly but not extremely often.

Anyway in my girl's case, she is very disconnected from what she really wants. Most of the time if asked, she just says she doesn't know, that nothing seems that exciting. Yet she is in love with nature and she knows so much about plants, and she's an amazing gardener which is her most passionate hobby. I try to tell her she should try to pursue that and she self-defeats, with things like "I won't be able to make money doing that" or "if I try to do it as a career I'll grow to hate it". She told me once, long ago, that if she hadn't been forced into an area of study she would have studied biology and gone into conservation (this was the only time I've heard her say that but she was so excited when she was talking about it). But I don't think she lets herself even admit that, or admit that if she worked for it she could still do it, it's not too late, she's only 31.

At this point her dad will still make comments about how she needs to focus on something, but he's well past trying to get her to do a specific thing, but at this point every time he says anything it raises her walls more/makes her feel worse about herself. The main pressure on her is internal at this point.

But yeah, it makes me feel hopeful that she's looking. She's had a long series of part-time shit hourly jobs that she hates, supplemented by going to Cali to trim every year. She loves trimming (she's very, very good at it too), but she says it's changing a lot and soon the person she trims for won't be able to afford to hire trimmers, and the jobs make her feel pretty miserable after a while. It's also kinda harder for her because she has a really hard time sticking up for herself and is a quiet speaker, and doesn't project much confidence.
 
It is hard to watch sometimes. She's not that way with me or close friends, well she does talk really quietly all the time but the timid part. She's great, no fights ever (literally), we just get along awesomely and are really good to each other. I'm also really attracted to her and we have some really important similar interests and also our own lives apart from each other. To be honest it would be perfect if she could overcome this and be able to feel happy and fulfilled in her own life.
 
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